by Sparkle
“It's me.”
Crystal quickly opened the door. “Girl, I've been trying to reach you. Come on in.” Crystal greeted me with a sisterly hug.
Crystal's bedroom walls were filled with posters of Chris Brown, Usher, and Lil' Wayne. We had similar tastes so it wasn't a surprise that she was one of my best friends.
I plopped down in the chair near Crystal's bed and poured my heart out. I told her everything that just happened; including my trip to the clinic. “I can't stand either one of them. I thought my mom was finally coming around and believing me, but as soon as Calvin came back to the apartment, she was busy kissing his butt. I had to get away so I came straight here.”
“That's messed up. I can't believe Ms. Joyce would do that.”
“Believe it. No matter how much I insist that he's my baby's daddy, she won't believe me. She keeps saying I'm trying to break them up. At this point, I don't give a damn whether they stay together or not. I just want out of that house,” I admitted.
Crystal's eyes exuded sympathy. “I can't believe you never told anybody, Sade.”
“I was afraid to at first. He told me he would kill my mama.”
“Let's call the police. He shouldn't get away with this.”
As much as Calvin had put me through, I hadn't thought about calling the police. “Can you call for me? I don't know what to say.”
“Tell them what you told me. Your mom's boyfriend has been having sex with you. They'll send somebody out right away,” Crystal responded.
Crystal dialed the emergency number and then handed me the phone. The nine-one-one operator said, “Hello is anyone there?”
I cleared my throat. “Yesss. I wanted to report that my.” I hung up the phone before I could finish. I couldn't bring myself to do it.
“Why did you do that?” Crystal asked.
“I can't. If I called the police on Calvin and they found out, my mom would hate me.”
“But Sade. He should pay for what he's done to you.”
“I know, but there has to be another way.”
Crystal pulled my arm. “Look at me. Do it. He shouldn't get away with it.”
I thought about it. Crystal seemed so positive and I drew upon her strength. I picked up the phone and dialed the emergency number. This time, however, when the nine-one-one operator answered, I said, “My mother's boyfriend has been sleeping with me against my will. He's at...” I blurted out the house address.
“How old are you?” the operator asked.
“I'm fifteen. Will be sixteen soon.”
“Are you in the house now?” she asked.
“No. I'm at a friend's house.”
“Stay there. We'll send someone over.”
“No, I can't have you come here. I can meet them in front of my apartment building,” I blurted. I didn't want to bring this type of drama to Crystal's door.
“Okay, but we don't want the suspect to do anything to harm you.”
“Oh, he won't,” I said with confidence. Calvin would never expect me to call the police on him. For the first time, in a long time, I felt like I was in control of my life.
“Come on, let's go,” Crystal said.
“You can't go. I don't want to bring you into my mess.”
“I'm not going to let you go through this alone. Come on. We need to hurry,” she said.
“Please. We’re in South Dallas. You know the police response ain't that fast.”
Crystal agreed. Fifteen minutes later, we sat on a stump in front of my apartment complex. “Just in case some drama popped off. I got your back,” Crystal assured me, as we waited.
“Wonder what's taking them so long?” Crystal said as I got up and started pacing back and forth in front of her.
“I don't know. They should have been here by now.”
“Sade, get your behind upstairs, now!” my mom yelled from above our heads.
We both looked up and saw my mom's head outside of the hallway window. Crystal followed me upstairs. The front door was wide open.
Before Crystal could walk in, she was blocked by Calvin. He said, “This is a family matter, so Crystal, Sade will be talking to you later.”
I turned around and pled with my eyes for Crystal not to go; but Calvin wasn't having it. He eased Crystal out of the doorway and then slammed it.
My mom paced back and forth. Anger was written all over her face. “What do you think you're doing? Didn't I tell you not to tell anyone else that nonsense?” she yelled.
I faked ignorance. “What are you talking about? I haven't told anyone anything.”
“Stop lying,” Calvin said. He pushed me on the couch.
“Ouch,” I yelled as my leg hit the edge of the couch.
I listened to Calvin rant about the police and going to jail. Inside I was smiling, but I kept a straight face as I pretended not to know what he was talking about.
~17~
JOYCE
Do you know how close Calvin came to getting arrested because of the lies you told?” I spurted out. “If the officer who called hadn't believed me, I would be trying to come up with bail money because of you.”
“But, Mama. I didn't...”
Before I could think, I slapped Sade. Sade's hand flew up to her face. Tears flowed down Sade's face. “How could you?” Sade yelled.
“Baby, I'm sorry.” I reached for Sade, but Sade pushed my hand back.
“She's the one who should be sorry,” Calvin said as he hovered over the both of us.
“Calvin, I need to talk to Sade alone.”
“This is my house too and I’m not going anywhere,” he yelled as he stood firm in his position.
I tried to diffuse the situation by remaining calm. “Baby, I'm not asking you to leave the house. Just go to another room while Sade and I talk.”
“You better get a handle on her or I will. She's taking this mess too far, Joyce. I can't be living like this. Wondering if the cops are going to come arrest me over some lie your daughter wants to tell them.” Calvin continued to shout obscenities as he left the room and went back towards our bedroom.
“See what you've done. You've pissed Calvin off,” I said to Sade.
“I can't believe you. It's always about Calvin. Maybe, just maybe, if you paid attention to someone, like your daughter, you would see what was really going on.”
I was getting tired of Sade and her accusations. I grabbed her by both of her arms near her shoulder. “Look here, young lady. I've been trying to be lenient with you because I know not having your real dad around has to be hard. Shit, my dad was nowhere around either. So I know. But this attitude of yours is threatening to ruin my life. You need to change it and you better not ever…and I do mean ever…call the police trying to get them in our business again. You hear me?”
Sade didn't open her mouth.
I shook her. “I said, do you hear me?”
In a low voice, Sade responded, “Yes.”
Satisfied that I got through to her, I dropped my hands from around Sade's arms. “Good. Now, go clean your face. I'm going to cook us a nice dinner and then later on, we can all sit at the table like one big happy family.”
Sade obeyed and left the room. I loved my daughter, but Sade needed to stop with her antics before she broke up our happy home. I refused to let that happen so I planned to do whatever it took to hold on to my family.
Tonight, we're having a family dinner and that's just the way it's going to be. I spent the next two hours cooking. I decided to set the table with some of my best dishes. It had been awhile since we all sat down as a family. Maybe this would ease the tension in the household. We needed more family time.
Once dinner was ready, I had Calvin and Sade both come to the table. The tension around the table was thick. No one said anything. The family time wasn't going as I'd planned. I had to laugh at myself. Too much had been said. Would things ever be the same again? I sure hope so. Sade's baby could bring us closer together. Babies usually had a profound effect on people.
“Sade, we'll need to see about getting you into another school first thing next week, okay,” I said, in between bites.
“Whatever,” Sade responded.
“Don't talk to your mama like that,” Calvin said.
“Baby, it's alright,” I said in a calm voice. I was trying to make a conscious effort not to blow up at Sade, even when I didn't like her attitude.
“No, it isn't. She's not going to disrespect you. She might be pregnant, but she's still a child and no fifteen-year-old has a right talking to her mother like that.”
I gritted my teeth and plastered on a fake smile. “Baby, she's going through some things. We just have to be more understanding.”
“Calvin, what you need to do is kick rocks.” Sade spoke up loud and clear.
“Forget this. Handle your daughter or I will.” Calvin pushed back from the table and stormed out of the room.
“Baby, you can't be flying off at the mouth with Calvin like that. He is going to be your step daddy and he is the man of the house.”
“Screw him. Oh, I forgot. I have already.” Sade leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms.
“Young lady, you better watch your mouth. Let this be the last time you disrespect me. You hear me!” I forgot about taking the calm approach. I didn't hold back my anger.
Sade rolled her eyes. I raised my hand to slap Sade again, but caught myself. Instead, I dropped my hands and clenched my fists. “What's happened to us?”
“He happened to us.” Sade looked in the direction of the doorway.
“Sade, you need to deal with these feelings you have for Calvin. We can't keep living like this. The three of us need to work together and get past this.”
“We will never be one big happy family, so you can give up that dream, mama.” Sade stared at me without blinking.
I stared back at her. We stood in a staring match. Sade didn't back down. I was the first to look away. I threw my hands in the air in frustration. Nothing I’d done seemed to work. Sade refused to make peace and Calvin was just as stubborn.
~18~
SADE
I retrieved my diary from under my mattress. Dena called so I talked to her as I wrote in my diary. I stopped writing briefly and said to Dena, “I don't know what she thought a 'family' dinner was supposed to do. Draw us closer? Please. My mom has more issues than I do.”
Dena responded, “I wish there was something else we could do. Calvin needs his thing cut off.”
I laughed at the thought of that. “That would be poetic justice.”
There was a lot of background noise from Dena's end of the phone. “Look, Sade. That's my mom and one of her friends. Let me get off here. If you need me, call me back.”
I finished writing my diary entry and then called Crystal to give her the latest update. “I can't believe the cops never showed up.”
“Well, a social worker is supposed to stop by,” I responded.
“Are you going to tell the social worker what's been going on?” Crystal asked.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I don't know. Do you think they will do anything to Calvin if I do? If my own mom doesn’t believe me, do you really think anyone else will?”
Crystal stayed quiet for a few seconds and then responded, “It's worth a shot.”
“My mom's living in a fantasy world. I thought once I told her, our lives would be different. I had hoped they would be anyway.”
I tried to blink back the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. Lately, I'd been doing a lot of crying. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of dealing with my mom not trusting me. And I’m really tired of dealing with Calvin.
The sound of the call waiting beeping brought me out of my self-pity party. “Crystal, let me get this call. I'll talk to you later.” I clicked over.
“It's about time you answered your phone,” Rodrick's voice rang from the other end.
“Rodrick, we have nothing to talk about,” I snapped.
“What you saw at the dance is not what you think? I can explain everything,” he attempted to assure me.
“Whatever. I have much more important things to deal with. Lose my number please.”
“Why? What's going on?” he asked, sounding genuinely concerned.
“None of your business. Have a happy life.” I clicked the phone off, hanging up in Rodrick's face.
Rodrick called me again. Each time he called, I hit the ignore button until he finally stopped.
My phone seemed to ring off the hook over the weekend, but I didn't feel like talking to anyone, including my two BFFs, so I avoided talking on the phone and stayed holed up in my room during most of the weekend. I also tried to avoid my mom and Calvin as much as possible. My mom's attempts to hold a conversation with me were unsuccessful. She eventually stopped trying.
I thought about this may well be my last semester at Booker T Washington. It saddened me because it seemed like my dreams were dissolving quickly. I pumped myself up and was determined to enjoy however many days I had left at school. I got dressed in my school uniform and left my room to head to the bus stop.
“Where do you think you're going?” I heard my mom say from behind me as I reached for the front door knob.
“It's Monday and I have school,” I responded, without turning around.
“Well, you might as well park it on the couch. When I finish getting dressed, I'm going to sign you up at Fair Park. You know, you won't be able to stay at Booker T being pregnant.”
I turned around and faced her. “But mom, nobody has to know. It'll be a few more months before I start showing.”
She sighed. “Unfortunately, since we've signed up for the state medical program, your school will be notified, so it's best that we go ahead and get you transferred. I'm really just trying to save you the embarrassment.”
This couldn't be happening. My life is going downhill fast. I blurted, “I'd rather not go to school at all.”
“Oh, young lady, you're going. You wanted to be grown by gapping your legs open for some guy; it's just a price you have to pay.”
I opened my mouth to deny the accusation, but closed it before words could escape. What was the point? She didn't believe me anyway. My whole world was closing in on me. I thought I had at least until the end of the semester. I wasn't even showing so I don't know why I couldn't still go. The idea of having to drop out and go to another school put me in a foul mood.
“Sade, just because you're pregnant doesn't mean your life has to end. I'm going to do whatever I can to help you, but you have to want to help yourself, too.”
My mom talked, but her words bounced off my ears because I tuned her out as I thought about Booker T, my friends, and teachers. I would miss them all. This baby was messing up my life. Maybe, I should do like Calvin suggested and abort the baby and then my world could go back to being like it was. The thought of aborting my baby eased out of my mind just as quickly as it entered. It wasn't my innocent child’s fault on how it was conceived. I vowed to love my child more than my mother loved me. I would protect him or her by any means necessary, unlike my mother.
~19~
SADE
Two months later, and four months pregnant.
It took the last two months to get used to going to Fair Park High School. I practically kept to myself. I saw some of the neighborhood girls at the school, but none of them was close to me like my two BFFs. I missed Booker T. I missed my friends.
I stopped thinking about school and thought about why I was here at Crystal's house.
I sat on Crystal's bed as she, Dena, and I talked about our upcoming showcase. “Since you're pregnant and probably shouldn't be doing all those dance moves, we'll let you lead most of the songs,” Crystal said.
Feeling as if I was the better singer anyway, I humbly responded, “Okay. Cool.”
Finding joy lately was rare for me. The only time I felt happy was when we hung out and got a chance to rehearse for our showcase.
I stood up behind my pretend microphone. I wa
ited for Crystal to hit the record button on her computer to record their session and then I sang a verse of the mid-tempo song.
Crystal sang backup and Dena lip-synched since she couldn't hold a note. When the music went into a lull, Dena took the pretend microphone from me and belted out a few rap verses. Crystal stopped the recording and then played it back.
“We sound good,” Crystal said.
“We sure do,” I agreed.
“I think we have a good shot at winning this,” Dena said as she bounced her head to the beat as Crystal played the song again.
“I heard some record executives are going to be in the audience, so we got to come with our 'A' game,” Crystal said.
I was so excited about our showcase that I think I smiled the entire way home. The apartment was dark when I entered. That meant I was home alone and that kept the smile on my face.
I jumped when I heard someone clear their throat. I flipped the light on and saw Calvin. “Calvin, you scared me,” I said.
“Your mom's at work, so it's just me and you,” he slurred his words.
“Whatever. I'm tired, so can you please move out of the way so I can get to my room?” I asked.
I walked towards the hallway and had to pass Calvin since he was standing near the entryway. He reeked of alcohol. I could smell it on his breath. Calvin's hand reached towards my belly. I jumped back just in time.
“Why Sade? Why?”
“Calvin, you're drunk and you need to chill out man.” I tried to remain calm, although I was nervous.
“I told you to get rid of that baby, but now it's too late. Why are you trying to screw up my life?”
“You're a joke. I'll be glad when my mom finally sees you for what you are.”
Calvin laughed. “Joyce loves me. She'll never leave me. Haven't you figured that out already?”
I wished he were wrong. My mom's actions validated Calvin's words. Calvin was telling the truth. Sad, but true.
Calvin stepped forward towards me. I dodged him by moving to the right. He lost his step, stumbled, and fell on the floor.
With him being on the floor, it was the perfect opportunity for me to get past him. I rushed passed him to my room, slammed the door and locked it. A month ago, I snuck Crystal's cousin Brandon in the apartment because he knew how to install locks. There were two keys. I had one and Crystal had the other. Keeping my door locked made me feel more secure and stopped me from worrying as much about Calvin coming into my room uninvited.