Sade's Secret

by Sparkle

  Sade responded, “Mama, it hurts me to see you allow Calvin to get away with what he's done to you.”

  “I'm going to be okay. Couples go through some things. Calvin realizes he can't hit me every time I say or do something he doesn't like.”

  “When I turn sixteen, I'm going to sign up for some government programs and try to find housing for me and my baby. I refuse to bring my baby up in this environment.”

  “Sade, you will do no such things. Nobody is going to rent to a sixteen year old.”

  “I've been looking into it and when I turn sixteen, as long as I get some assistance, there are a few apartments that will rent to me.”

  I felt like I was having a panic attack. My chest tightened. I couldn't lose Sade. Besides Calvin, Sade was my life. I felt in my spirit if Sade left my house, Sade would never return. “What can I do to convince you to stay?” I asked.

  “Mama, you already know the answer to that.”

  I had to do something between now and next month. My baby would be turning sixteen in the middle of next month and I couldn't bare not having Sade here with me. I needed to figure out a way for Sade and Calvin to get along. Talking the other day didn't work, so I needed to come up with another plan. If I couldn't get them to get along, I was going to lose my baby and that's something I couldn't let happen.

  ~32~

  SADE

  How's my favorite new friend?” Brandon asked, as he walked up to me a few days later.

  Never thought it would be possible, but I actually blushed. “Hungry. I rushed out the house this morning before eating breakfast. I don't know if I'll be able to make it to lunch.”

  Brandon pulled out a bag of chips from his backpack. “You can have this if you want it.”

  I didn't hesitate to take it. My baby was begging for some food. It wasn't a full meal, but it was something. I opened the bag and devoured the chips as if it was my last meal.

  “Dang girl, slow down,” Brandon teased as we walked down the hallway.

  In between bites, I said, “I told you I was hungry.”

  Brandon laughed. We continued to walk. Brandon stopped where the hallway split. “I got to get to the gym, but saw you and had to come speak. Sorry, I didn't get a chance to call yet, but I will tonight. You can count on it.” Brandon winked his eye.

  I stood and watched him walk away.

  “He's mine,” a familiar high-pitched voice said from behind me.

  My smile turned upside down as I slowly turned around to face the sound of the voice. I came face to face with Chardonnay Hicks. Chardonnay and I was about the same height. She had naturally long black hair that hung to her shoulders. Her almond colored skin was flawless with slanted eyes; the boys loved her exotic look. There was no love lost between the both of us. We never liked each other. We've known each other since we were five years old. She used to tease me about not having a father. She acted like her having a father in the house was so much better. I couldn't see it because at the end of the day, we both stayed in the same shabby apartment complex. If my dad were alive, he would have moved my mom and me to a house a long time ago, so Chardonnay having a father didn't make her so special after all.

  Although we're both teenagers now, I never forgot the teasing so I chose to keep her at arm’s length. She was a frenemy.

  With a sly grin on my face, I responded, “Apparently, he doesn't know it.”

  Chardonnay stepped closer and into my personal space. She had the nerve to look me up and down. “If you weren't in your condition, I would lay you out right here for disrespecting me.”

  Oh no this bitch didn't. She wanted to throw down. I got many frustrated feelings bottled up in me so we can do this. I dropped my backpack down next to her. “Bitch, don't let that stop you.”

  By now, a few students who were passing by stopped to view the action.

  We stood eye to eye. I didn't blink and with the look in my eyes, dared Chardonnay to throw the first punch.

  Chardonnay backed up. “You not even worth my time. I'm out. Remember what I said. He's mine.”

  I watched as Chardonnay walked away and stood near a group of other girls. They turned away their backs from me and followed behind Chardonnay. Chardonnay may be Ms. Popular here at Fair Park, but she should remember how I throw down. We've gotten into enough fights around the apartment complex growing up. I whooped her ass every single time, so pregnant or not, I was prepared to whoop her ass again as a reminder.

  “I'm glad somebody stood up to Chardonnay,” a soft voice said nearby.

  I looked up into the face of another girl from the neighborhood, Kelly Jefferson. Kelly was petite, a little nerdy, but cool.

  “She doesn't scare me,” I responded.

  “So how you like Fair Park?” Kelly asked.

  “It's no Booker T,” I responded. I had been here for over two months, but still didn't like it better than my old school.

  “I hear you. I wanted to come up to you and say something before now, but you seemed to be in your own little world,” Kelly confessed.

  “I've had a lot on my mind,” I responded. Kelly was cool and I never had beef with her, but right now, I wasn't in a sociable mood.

  “I bet.” Kelly looked down at my stomach. “Does your baby daddy go to Booker T?”

  I brushed past the subject. I didn't have time for her twenty questions. Besides, since I don't know Kelly well, she could be asking questions so she could go blab to anyone who would listen. “Kelly, I'm late for class. I'll see you around.”

  “Sure, okay,” Kelly responded.

  I didn't lie to her. I only had a few minutes to get to my next class or I would be considered tardy. Lunchtime couldn't come quick enough for me. My stomach growled so loud during class that I'm sure others heard it. The potato chips I'd eaten earlier disappeared out of my system an hour after eating them.

  The lunch bell rang and I headed straight to the cafeteria. After grabbing my lunch tray, I found an empty seat in a corner of the cafeteria. A smile swept across my face when I noticed Brandon approaching the table. He placed his tray down and sat across from me.

  “I heard about what happened this morning,” he blurted out as soon as he sat down.

  “So, you and Chardonnay got something going on?” I asked, right before taking a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.

  “Negative. Chardonnay is too trashy for me.”

  I was relieved to hear he didn't think too highly of her either. “According to her, you two are a couple. Why is she going around saying that?”

  Brandon's eyes shifted away. “I hit it, once. Well, maybe twice. She thought because I sexed her that she was my girl.”

  “Did you lead her on to believe that she was your lady?”

  “No. Chardonnay, knew what time it was. She let my boy hit it too. Wasn't no love there at all.”

  “So in other words, she's a lying hoe.”

  Brandon seemed to feel more at ease. “If you want to say that.”

  I continued to eat my food. “Brandon, you seem like a nice guy, but I don't know if I want to talk to a guy who slept with Chardonnay.”

  “I didn't realize y'all were friends.”

  “We're not. But if you got some unresolved feelings for her. I don't need that kind of drama in my life right now.”

  Brandon took my hand and looked me in the eyes. “I can assure you that I have no, meaning zero feelings for her. I fucked her and that was it. She never got the best part of me.” He placed my hand over his heart.

  I smiled. “Brandon, you're something else.”

  “That's what my mom tells me all of the time,” Brandon grinned, showing his pearly white teeth. “So, will you give me a chance? Give me a chance to show you how much I like you.”

  Things were moving fast. I felt my heart beat faster. “Brandon, you don't know me.” I looked down at my stomach. “And I have a package.”

  “As long as it's not a problem with you, it's not a problem with me,” he assured me. “I
want to get to know everything about you Sade.”

  I looked at Brandon. “Out of all of the girls at this school, why are you interested in me? I know I'm cute, but I'm pregnant so why?”

  I'd never lacked confidence in my looks, but I wondered why Brandon wanted to talk to me knowing that I was pregnant and he wasn't the baby daddy.

  Brandon responded, “Sade, normally, I wouldn't be trying to holla but there's something about you that I can't put my finger on. You seem different than some of the other girls here.”

  “Different how?” I tilted my head.

  “Different in a good way. You don't have fake airs about yourself. You seem to be genuine. Although you do have a slight attitude.” Brandon held his two fingers together to indicate how much. “I can tell you just do that to keep people away. I bet under all of that, there's a heart of gold.” He smiled.

  I melted. Being around Brandon calmed me. I was a little confused because the feelings that Brandon evoked in me were foreign to me. I had read about love at first sight in books, but never thought I would experience it. He made my heart flutter and my insides feel all gooey whenever he was near. My overly confident exterior only masked how nervous he really made me feel whenever he was around. With all I had going on, thinking about love should have been the furthest thing from my mind, but like the heroine in the books I read, I felt like with Brandon, it was love at first sight.

  I decided to change the subject. “Do you play sports?” I asked.

  “I do, but I'm not on the team. Not good enough. I do play a mean keyboard. I'm in the band.”

  “Really?” I asked.

  “Yes. I love music.” Brandon's eyes lit up.

  “I do too. I love to sing.”

  We spent the rest of our lunch period discussing our love for music. For the first time since being here in four months, I felt good about being at Fair Park High School.

  ~33~

  JOYCE

  I tried to cover up the bruise under my eye with make-up. Some of my co-workers looked at me sideways when I walked in to work wearing my huge black shades. I kept them on all day because I would rather them look at me strange than to start asking me questions on why or how I got this black eye.

  My manager pulled me to the side and asked, “Joyce, I don't like getting into folks business, but don't you think you should wait until you get off to put your shades on?”

  “I got something in my eye and it’s swollen,” I lied.

  “Oh okay. Well, if you must,” she assured me before leaving me standing there by myself.

  Embarrassed that people probably knew why I wore the shades, I kept to myself as much as I could. I was so glad when my shift ended. I rushed to my car and high-tailed it out of the employee parking lot and headed home.

  After my twelve-hour shift of dodging folks, I couldn't wait to slide off my shoes from my aching feet. I placed them under the bed and massaged each one.

  Calvin was not here and instead of calling his cell phone like I normally would, I welcomed the fact he was gone. These moments alone made me realize I didn't know Calvin as well as I thought I did. I knew he was nothing like Sade's dad, but I thought Calvin loved me. His actions lately have me questioning his love for me. If he loved me, why did he hit me?

  We were all stressed. We're a house full of stressed people, but it didn't give him the right to put his hands on me. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I meant it, Calvin had better not ever raise his hand to hit me again. I refused to become another battered woman. What kind of example am I setting for Sade if I allowed the abuse to continue? This time, better be the last time.

  Someone knocked on the front door. I wasn't expecting company. “Sade, are you in there?”

  I got no response from Sade. I jiggled the door, but it was locked. Someone knocked on the front door again. I hoped whoever it was would go away but had no such luck as they beat yet another time.

  I walked in the living room.”Who is it?” I yelled.

  “It's me, Sade, I forgot my key.”

  “Chile', don't be knocking on my door like a crazy person,” I said as I opened the door.

  Sade rushed past me. “Got to use the bathroom.”

  “Might as well cook some dinner,” I said. I was tired, but hungry.

  Instead of going back to my room, I went straight to the kitchen. The least Calvin could have done was take something out of the freezer for me to cook. I checked the refrigerator to see if something was thawed, but no such luck. I retrieved a package of frozen ground beef and turned on a burner. I placed the frozen meat in a skillet over the open fire.

  “Where's Calvin?” Sade asked from across the kitchen.

  “Not here.”

  “Good.”

  Joyce stopped preparing dinner. “Sade, watch your attitude now.”

  “It's just good to have my mom to myself sometimes.”

  Sade walked up to me and I hugged her. I pulled back and looked at Sade's protruding stomach. “Looks like you've gotten bigger in just these past few days.” I rubbed her belly.

  “I have. Hardly any of my clothes are fitting anymore.” Sade picked up a slice of tomato.

  “Young lady, wait for dinner,” I said, playfully hitting her hand.

  “But mama, this little one wants something now.”

  “It'll be done soon. I'll make you a salad while you wait on me to finish cooking. We're eating Hamburger Helper.”

  Sade took a seat at the table while I fixed her a plate of salad. “Mama, how's your face doing?” Sade asked after taking a few bites.

  “I'm fine.”

  Sade didn't respond. Sade ate and I continued to cook. We were both in our own little world. The tranquil silence was broken at the sound of Calvin's voice. “Where's my favorite lady at?” he yelled.

  “Right here,” I responded.

  Sade pushed away from the table. “Let me know when the rest of the food is ready.”

  “Sade, you don't have to leave.” She and I had a peace between us until Calvin came and ruined it. I wished Calvin had stayed gone longer.

  “I'm out of here.” Sade brushed past Calvin when he entered the kitchen.

  Calvin walked up to me, bent down, and kissed me on the lips. “Hi, baby,” he said, afterwards.

  The frown on my face remained. “Where have you been, Calvin?”

  “Out looking for a job. Didn't you tell me I needed a REAL job?” Calvin emphasized the words real and job.

  “Any luck?” I asked, as I stirred in the noodles and other ingredients.

  “Baby, it's hard out there. Don't expect me to get something quick, but at least I'm trying.”

  My back was to Calvin so he couldn't see me roll my eyes as I listened to him go on and on about his day of looking for a job.

  Doing my best to sound supportive, I said, “You put in a lot of applications, so hopefully, someone will call.”

  “That's what I love about you, Joyce. You have confidence in your man.” Calvin placed his arm around my waist. “I love you, baby.”

  “Love you too,” I mumbled. It was hard staying mad at Calvin; especially when he was in close proximity.

  Calvin turned me around and kissed me passionately. When I opened my eyes, the little joy I felt disappeared. Staring at me from the doorway was Sade with a disappointing look on her face.

  ~34~

  SADE

  Just when I thought my mom was going to kick Calvin to the curb, he would say something smooth or clever and work his way back into her good graces. I originally came to the kitchen to get me something to drink, but after seeing them two kiss, I changed my mind. I broke eye contact with my mom and went back to my room.

  I watched television until my mom yelled from the other side of the door that dinner was ready. I washed up and fixed my plate. I sat at the table, but remained quiet. The sound of Calvin's fork scraping his plate irritated me. His loud smacking didn't help either. It was like he was purposely trying to get on my nerves.
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  “How's school baby?” my mom asked.

  “Fine,” I responded.

  “Maybe after you have the baby, you can re-apply to Booker T. It doesn't mean you have to give up on your dreams,” she said.

  I doubted I would be able to get back in. “Me and the girls are going into the studio next month,” I said.

  “Word. Well, don't forget about me and your mama,” Calvin said.

  “Mom, can we talk after dinner?” I looked at Calvin and then back at my mom. “Alone.”

  “Sure. Just let me wash these dishes afterwards and I'll come to your room.”

  After dinner, I went to my room and retrieved my diary from underneath the mattress. For the first time in a long time, I drew a smiley face in my diary entry. I wrote about Brandon and how sweet he was. My face frowned when I thought about the last part of my day though. The last few sentences weren't happy thoughts at all. I wrote about how everything Calvin did would irritate me.

  “Knock. Knock. Can I come in?” my mom asked before opening my unlocked door.

  I closed my diary and placed it under my pillow as she walked closer. I looked up at her. “Mom, I'm not trying to put any more pressure on you, but I need to say something, but I don't know how.”

  “Spill it. I don't have all day.” She folded her arms in defense.

  I'd been reading some magazines and they suggested if you had a problem with someone that you should confront the person. I loved my mom, but I also found myself getting upset with her about things. I glanced at the floor. “I feel like you haven't been there for me.”

  “You're fifteen years old and can take care of yourself.”

  I got the nerve up to now look at her in the eyes. “But you're still my mama and now I'm pregnant.”

  “Didn't nobody tell you to go out and get yourself pregnant.” She kept her arms folded, but started tapping her foot.

  “I don't know why I thought talking to you would do any good. If it's not about your precious Calvin, you don't care.”

  She unfolded her arms, walked, and sat down on the edge of my bed. “Baby, that's really not true. I do care about you.”