by Shannon West
“There are things about me you don’t know, Logan. Things I didn’t know myself until…until…” I looked up at him and swiped at my wet face. Damn it, since when did I cry like a damn little kid? I gazed out the windshield. Maybe it was a little over the top. I may have even pressed the back of my hand to my forehead a little.
“I’m not who you think I am.”
The confused look morphed into sheer bafflement. “Uh... Who do you think you are, Kade?” he asked softly, hesitantly, as if he had to keep me talking until the men in white coats showed up.
I whirled to face him. “No. You don’t understand! I-I got sick, and I kept getting sick every morning. I went to this doctor and he said…he said…oh, goddess!” I couldn’t get the words out.
His face turned white, like all the blood just drained from it. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly. “You're sick? Fuck! What is it, Kade? Not…some kind of terminal illness. Shit, are you dying? Please just tell me what’s wrong with you. Whatever it is, we’ll fix it. I swear to you. We'll go to the best doctors we can find, and we'll get you well.”
I took a deep, shuddering breath and blew it out, turning a tear-stained face toward him. “No. You can’t fix this. And I'm not sick. I-I...” I sighed and dropped my eyes and just blurted it out. “I'm pregnant.”
Silence. You could have heard a pin drop it was so quiet in that truck. Then I heard the sharp intake of breath and glanced at him to see his head tilt to one side and his eyes narrow with confusion.
“You're what?”
“I’m pregnant. I'm going to have a baby.”
He shook his head. “Fucking hell, you really did go crazy, didn't you?”
“No, listen to me. Look at me! I'm pregnant. See.” I unzipped my oversized, puffy jacket and let him see my huge stomach. “The doctor said that I wasn’t entirely a male after all! Well, not exactly. I mean, I am, but I’m more. I have female stuff too. I-I’m sort of an omega, and-and it was really rare for an omega to present so late in life, and that might be because of an extra Y, but he doesn't know really, unless he ran tests. Anyway, that’s what I am, and I never knew it! I swear.” I groaned aloud and sneaked another look up at his shocked face. I immediately wished I hadn’t, because he looked like somebody had hit him. His eyes were as wide as they could get, and his eyebrows were hovering close to his hairline.
“I swear to you, Logan, I never knew! Nobody did. I also have this thing called silent heat and my hypothalamus in my brain is messed up. It causes an imbalance of hormones, so I never went into heat when I was in my teens, like I was supposed to, or at least I didn’t show any symptoms, if I did, so my father just thought I must be a beta. That has to do with the Y thing too. That’s what the doc told me, anyway, and I didn't know any different and neither did anybody else.” I subsided, running out of breath for a second. I took in a lungful of air and looked back up at him, shaking my head.
“Wait a damn minute, I don't even understand what you're saying. And this isn't right. I could have scented an omega. If you went into heat, then we all should have been able to scent that.”
I shrugged. “Tell that to my body. I don't know, Logan. Maybe I'm some kind of weird mixture. That’s what the doctors said. A lot of people are not just one or the other. Maybe? I think that’s what they said. Anyway, people keep asking me why I 'present myself' like I do, but I'm not doing anything. But I must be an omega because I have a uterus. “I said the words like I was saying I had a disease, but it was so embarrassing. To think you were just a regular wolf all your life and then find out you weren't a regular anything.
I sighed and glanced over at him to gauge his reaction. He just sat there looking shocked. “But I guess I was enough of an omega—of a female on the inside—to get pregnant. The doctor I went to said I must have had sex during my heat and now—now I-I’m pregnant, and I don’t know what to do!” That last little bit at the end sounded a little like a howl my wolf might make, so I broke it off as quickly as I could, clapping my hand over my mouth, absolutely mortified. All I needed to do was shift in front of my alpha without permission. He might take it as a sign of aggression and tear my damn throat out. But here I was crying all over him. I mean, betas didn’t cry. What must he be thinking of me? I was just proving to him how weak I was, and all he probably wanted to do was just get me the fuck out of his SUV and forget he’d ever known me.
He still hadn't said a word, so I took a deep breath and tried again. “Look, I’m so sorry, Logan. So sorry for everything. I’ll-I’ll just get out of your way.” I pressed down the door handle, intending to slip out of the truck and be on my way, but he grabbed my arm and yanked me back in. Then he leaned across me and jerked the door closed again. I was shocked when he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me over to his side of the truck.
“I always thought you were too damn good looking to be just regular.” He shook his head slowly. “Sensitive too, and you always paid so much attention to the pack members' problems. Much more than me. But it was one of the things that made us such a good team. Okay, just-just give me a minute to adjust in my head here. You can’t just drop a bombshell like that on me and then try to run.”
“But I…”
“No. You sit right there, and you explain more.” His face was troubled, and he looked like he was about to explode. He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly before turning back to me. “Did I hear you right? You did just say you’re actually pregnant?”
“Yes.” I gestured down at myself. “Look at me.”
He nodded, and his expression, if I didn’t know better, looked like he was in pain.
He took a deep breath, like he was preparing himself for my answer. “Whose baby is it, Kade?”
Did I imagine it, or did he almost growl those words?
“I-I don't want to tell you.”
This time there was no mistaking the growl. “Why the hell not? Damn it, I want his name.”
“But why? What difference will it make who the father is? I'm not going to keep it.”
His eyes turned red and he leaned closer to me, menacingly. “What the fuck do you mean, you're not going to keep it? Give me his name. I'm not going to ask you again.”
Damn it! I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and opened my mouth to tell him it was his. Instead, I lost my nerve and another fat lie popped out.
“I don't know who the father is.”
“You don't know? How can you not know?”
I bit my lip so hard it was actually painful to me, but there was no damn way I was telling him it was his. He would try to do the “right thing” and take me back home to live with him, and I couldn't face the pack. I just couldn't. After being second in command for the past year, bossing people around and telling them what to do, I suddenly disappear and then come back as a fucking omega wolf? It wasn't happening. No fucking way.
Besides, I couldn't do that to Logan, the person I loved more than anybody in the world. It would be a trap for him, and I wouldn't do that. This was my own damn mess, and I wasn't dragging anybody in with me. I glanced over at him and he was still looking furious, waiting for an answer. I did the only thing I could think of to do. I looked him in the face and lied my ass off.
“I guess because I had sex with a lot of guys, and the father could be any of them. Some of them, the ones I met in the clubs, I never even knew their names, really. I wouldn't have a clue as to where to find them.” I glanced over at him and his mouth was hanging open slightly, though his eyes were still full of fury. “What can I say? I can't narrow it down, because I didn't know when I was even in heat. I may have felt a little off, and had a few drinks to make me feel better, and... I guess I really am a slut, just like you said I was.”
“What the hell are you talking about? I never said you were a slut.”
“Implied it then, when you talked about me being such a player. How it would never work out between us, because I could never settle for just one man.”
Silence.
Complete and utter silence as he stared at me. I wanted so much to tell him the truth. Logan was the only man I had slept with in over a year before that night I got pregnant. I'd had some blow jobs from other guys, but never full on sex with anyone other than Logan, on the night we went to star gaze and we both got so drunk.
It was his turn to stare dramatically out the front windshield, only he still looked stunned. “What do you want me to do, Logan? Don’t just sit there—yell at me or hit me or something. Tell me if you hate me now. Please!”
He blew out a long breath and glanced over at me. “Why would I hate you, Kade? This is why you left? This is why you up and disappeared on me without a word? Because of some condition you didn't even know you had? You left your pack and your home and went to fucking Virginia because you thought I’d be mad?” He shook his head like he couldn’t wrap his mind around it. “What you’re saying is that you and some guy had sex and you got pregnant. If you were a female omega in our pack, what do you think I would say to her? You think I'd turn my back on her and let her go off somewhere to wear rags and starve to death?”
“I'm not exactly starving to death. And what do you mean by rags? I paid four bucks for this jacket.”
“It looks it, too. And where were you going just now in this damn cold sleet?”
I looked down at my lap. “The church down the road. They give out free lunch.”
He looked at me like I was some kind of alien life form. “And you honestly think I'm just going to leave you here? Scrounging around for human charity?”
“I'm an omega, Logan.”
“So what? Do you think that matters to me? You're a part of my pack and what's more, you're my best friend, damn it.” He turned me so I had to look at him. “I admit I'm angry, but only because you didn't tell me, and you ran away. But I can’t get mad at you about something you didn’t even know you were. I hate the idea that you didn’t think I’d have your back on this. That you didn’t think you could come to me. I'm your alpha, Kade. And we’ll take care of this, just like we always do. I won’t let you face this all on your own.”
I put my hand protectively over my stomach. “I won't get rid of it.” The truth was, I was already fiercely protective over this baby, and I would have killed anyone who tried to hurt it. I still had to give it up, but I wanted it whole and healthy.
He looked horrified. “I'd never ask you to.”
“I can give it up for adoption though. That was what I'd planned to do.”
“Your baby will be pack. We don't turn our back on pack, and we don't give them away. You know this. You'll keep this baby.”
I gasped, feeling stunned. “How can I do that, Logan? I can't raise a child! I don't know anything about it!”
“Nobody's born knowing how, Kade. The pack will help you, and you'll be a good father. You love this baby, don't you?”
I put my hand on my stomach. Did I? I'd tried not to. I had never wanted anything like this, never wanted any kids of my own. This baby had turned my life upside down and it had ruined everything. It gave a little nudge under my hand, and I sighed.
“Yeah, I love it. Even though it's not even here yet.”
“Of course, you do. And I'll help you take care of it. I'll take you home and we'll raise it together.”
“What? But why would you do that? You wanted an omega and your own family.”
He shrugged. “Looks like that’s exactly what I got.”
“No,” I said firmly. “My baby and I won’t be some kind of millstone around your neck. Something you got saddled with against your will. I won’t do that. I left home for that very reason.”
He shook his head. “No, you didn't, Kade. You did it because you couldn’t face the idea of being an omega. And especially in front of the pack. Somehow you thought you could run away from all this. You were so fucking embarrassed—you're so embarrassed right now—that you think it would be better to just start over somewhere where nobody knows you. I think you've gone temporarily insane.”
I felt the blood drain from my face. What could I say? He was dead right, and my face burned with even more shame and embarrassment.
“And you’re not going to be a ‘millstone’ around my neck,” Logan said. “How could you think I wouldn’t stand by you on this? You're my friend and my brother. I thought you knew better than that.”
“I do. I mean, I thought I did, but you’re…you made it clear how you felt about starting a family, and I don't want you to think you have to…”
“Have to what?” He shook his head as he looked at me. “Help you find your way through all this? Do the right thing? Be loyal and take care of my best friend? You don’t think much of me, do you?”
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. We both stared at each other for a few seconds as the rain beat down on the roof. “I’m sorry, Logan. I didn't want to be a burden, but I guess I never really thought it through. And you're right. I am embarrassed. But you don't need to ruin your own life to help me out. I mean, why would you need somebody like me in your life? And my father... he was so proud that I was taking his place as your beta. He'll be embarrassed now to say I'm his son.”
“Your father loves you, so stop that shit right now. Of course he'll be in your corner, and as for me, I need you in my life. And now you'll be my omega. You’re carrying a child, Kade, and you need my help... I'll adopt the child and raise it as my own.”
“Why would you do that?”
“I already told you.”
“But you wanted a female.”
“No, I really didn't. I love females, but I prefer males. And any child of yours should be strong and powerful. I'll adopt him as my own. He'll make a good beta for his brothers.”
“What brothers would those be?”
“The ones you'll have with me later on.”
I felt like I was going to pass out. “W-what did you say?”
“It's what you wanted, isn't it? To be my mate? Now you will be. You can give me sons so we don't have to get a surrogate.”
“But you said I was a slu...I was a player and couldn't settle down enough for you.”
“That's when I thought you were a beta. Now that I know the truth, I realize that all you needed in the past was a strong hand. You'll be my mate, and I'll keep your belly full of babies, so you won't have time to so much as even look at another man. I’ll keep you happy enough that you won’t want to.”
I just gaped at him and he smiled. “Kade? Is that what you want too?”
“Y-yeah. It's what I want.”
Outrageous. Insupportable. But it was what I wanted. What I’d always wanted.
“Good. I'll be possessive. I'll love this child because it's yours.”
“The question is, again, are you okay with this? I would never force you to do anything you don't want to do. You know that. But I think this can work. We always made a good team.”
My brain was on fire and I thought smoke must be coming out of my ears, but I managed to nod. “I-I’m okay with it.” Okay was not a word I would have used. Ecstatic, petrified, elated, fucking terrified—all of the above, but nothing so mundane as okay. I put my hand down on my belly as I felt a little kick.
He nodded. “Then we’ll have to make the best of it, I think. Make it work. You’re my best friend and you were my trusted beta. And I do love you. I love you like a brother. A lot of people don’t have even that much going for them when they find a mate.”
“Mate?” I glanced over at him in alarm. “Who said anything about a mate?”
“What did you think I meant when I said I was taking you home and making you my omega? Damn, Kade, wake up. You're carrying a baby. The pack will think it's mine. They wouldn't accept any less than a mating and neither would I. You're both mine now, and you just have to get used to the idea.” He set his jaw stubbornly, and I knew that look well. It was hard to budge him when he made up his mind like this.
I nodded again, most of me feeling relieved and so happy to be with him again I wa
s about to burst. I knew that what he was saying made sense. But a part of me was sad. Sad that I was making him settle for being mated to someone he didn’t love. Or at least someone he wasn’t in love with. I never wanted to force him into sacrificing himself for me and the baby.
“Any questions?”
“Yeah, one. How did you find me?”
He snorted. “I saw your picture in the newspaper yesterday afternoon. The headline said, ‘Shooting at an Omega Center in Virginia,’ but it never occurred to me that you were there because you were an omega yourself. I thought you must have got a job there as some kind of security guard and just didn’t bother to tell anybody you were safe.” He gave a little laugh. “I was so hurt and angry at you that I guess I wasn’t thinking straight. I called your father and told him I’d found you, and I was driving to Virginia to bring you home. I drove all night. I got your address from the Virginia Beach PD first thing this morning, and as I was driving to your house, I looked up and there you were on the sidewalk.”
“Here I am,” I said softly.
He looked over at me and frowned. “Why are you dressed like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like some kind of homeless person?” He got a horrified look on his face. “Wait. Are you homeless?”
“No. Well, not quite. I probably will be in a few days if I don’t pay my rent. I'm broke. That's why I was going for a free meal at the church nearby. See, I don't have any money until my welfare check gets started from the state.”
“Your welfare check?”
“Yes, Logan, I had to apply for public assistance. I can’t work, because nobody will give me a job. The doctor at the clinic back home put my name and social security number on the National Register of Omegas. So, when I got up here, I could only find one job, and that was as a dishwasher in one of the big hotels near the beach. I worked that for a while until I started to get bigger. Then the manager said I couldn’t keep up with the work. It was a lie, because I was doing fine, but he didn’t want a pregnant omega in the hotel kitchen. Said I was a liability. Since then, I haven’t been able to find another job, and I’ve had a hard time making ends meet.”