“I wouldn’t know where,” he told her.
“It doesn’t matter. Just put them where you think they look best.”
Chuckling, he lifted up one of the reindeers and hung it on the pine branch nearest to him. “This is sorta silly, don’t you think? We’re grown-ups. We know there isn’t going to be a Santa come down through the chimney and leave us gifts under the tree.”
Emily suddenly thought of the baby growing inside her and these past three months she’d had with Cooper. Though he would soon be going, she knew the weeks he’d spent on the ranch was time with him she’d never expected to have. And she knew she’d already been given her gifts.
“Who knows, Cooper, maybe there is a Santa Claus, after all.”
Cooper was relieved when the holidays were finally over. It was a time for families and Cooper didn’t have a family. Oh, Emily’s relatives had included him in all the festivities and for her sake he’d went along to all of them. But throughout all the partying he’d felt as if he were standing on the outside of the fence looking in through the barbed wire.
At least now he could get on with his work on the ranch. And there were still plenty of things to be done. The Diamond D was a long way from being the ranch he wanted it to be. But he had to admit it was greatly improved from when he’d first arrived back in October. He’d done an enormous amount of carpentry work on the barn and connecting corrals. The outlying boundary fences were all standing straight and tall again and there were thirty more head of mama cows on the place than there had been before. Not that thirty was a great lot, but it was a start at improving the herd.
This past week Cooper had received several calls from his traveling buddies. Each of them asking the same questions. What was he doing and when was he coming back to rodeo? Several of the biggest performances of the year would be coming up in the next few weeks of February. If he missed them, he’d be running at the back of the pack.
There really hadn’t been any need for his friends to remind him. Cooper knew the road schedule and what he had to do to stay in the running. But he wasn’t at all sure he wanted to go back to that life. For ten years he’d traveled like a freight train out of control. His body had been whipped and jerked and trampled by hundreds of bucking horses. At night he’d gone to bed with pain and the next morning he’d risen with it. He was getting too old for the life, or maybe the life had grown old to him. Whatever the case, since he’d been here on the Diamond D with Emily, he’d come to realize just how sweet it was to call a spot of ground your own. Yet he couldn’t stay here. Even though he’d come to need the ranch and Emily, he couldn’t be what she needed him to be.
As best as the doctor could tell, she was only six weeks away from her due time. Cooper had started counting the days, marking them off in his mind as an inmate waiting for his execution. Now he could only look to the end as a blessed relief.
The rattle of a pickup crossing the cattle guard leading into the yard lifted Cooper out of his thoughts. Turning, he saw Emily’s father, Harlan, parking at the back of the house.
Tossing the feed sack onto the bed of the old work truck, he walked over to greet the man.
“Looks like you’ve brought some things for Emily’s nursery,” he said to the older man as he spotted the baby furniture in the bed of the truck.
Harlan grinned as though he were the proud papa rather than just the grandpa. “It’s getting about that time and Rose can’t wait to help Emily get the nursery fixed up. I don’t know who’s more excited about this baby coming, Emily or her mother. ’Course her aunts and cousins are right there in the running, too.”
Cooper gave the other man a polite smile. “Yes. I guess it will be a big occasion for your family.”
“That it will be,” Harlan agreed. He walked to the back of the truck and let down the tailgate. “But I figure it will be just as special for you, too, Cooper.”
Cooper tried not to look as blank as he felt. “Why do you say that? Kenneth is gone, he won’t be here to see his child.”
Harlan quickly shook his head. “I wasn’t thinking about Kenneth. I was thinking about you. As far as I know you’re the only Dunn left in these parts.”
Cooper jammed his hands deep into the pockets of his sheepskin coat. The day had been cold and cloudy and there appeared to be snow falling over toward the Capitan mountains. He figured it would reach the Diamond D within the hour.
“I believe I’m the only Dunn left in this part of New Mexico,” Cooper told him.
Harlan slapped him kindly on the shoulder. “Well, you won’t be the only Dunn around here for much longer. That ought to make you feel proud.”
Emily’s baby would be a Dunn. But it would never be his, Cooper thought. Surely Harlan could see how that made him feel. He’d wanted Emily to have his child. Not Kenneth’s. Not anybody’s but his.
His insides raw with regret, Cooper did his best to smile and nod. “Well, it looks like it’s going to snow. I better help you get these things in.”
The sound of the two men’s boots on the living-room tile woke Emily from her sleep. As soon as her eyes focused on Cooper and Harlan, she jerked upright as though she’d been caught stealing cookies.
“Emily, are you not feeling well?” Cooper asked with a worried frown, then before she could answer, he strode over and put his palm to her forehead.
With a wry little grin Emily glanced from Cooper over to her father. “He’s never caught me napping,” she explained.
Harlan stepped closer. “You are feeling okay, aren’t you, honey?”
Cooper finally dropped his hand away from her brow. Emily rose from the couch and went to kiss her father’s cheeks. “I’m fine,” she assured him. “Just a little tired. I get that way pretty often these days.”
Harlan patted her shoulder. “Then I picked a bad time to surprise you.”
“Surprise?” She glanced at Cooper, who had suddenly taken an unusually keen interest in the fire burning in the fireplace. Looking back to her father she asked, “What is it? Don’t tell me you’ve bought me another Appaloosa. Cooper doesn’t want me to ride the one I’ve got.”
Harlan laughed. “No. It isn’t another horse. Come on out to the back of the house and I’ll show you.”
Emily quickly grabbed her coat from the closet and followed the two men outside. The moment her eyes spotted the baby furniture, she squealed with delight.
“Daddy! What have you done? Aunt Chloe and Justine were planning on buying the baby’s furniture.”
Harlan laughed again. “Well, just wait till they find out their brother-in-law beat them to it.”
Emily hurried off the porch and out to the pickup. There was a white wooden crib, a matching chest and dressing table and a cradle that rocked at the slightest touch.
She was so overwhelmed by the gifts, tears brimmed over her lashes and fell onto her cheeks.
“It’s so...oh, Daddy, how did you know just what I wanted?”
Harlan seemed to understand and even expect his daughter’s display of emotion. Smiling gently, he hugged her to him and said, “That’s what daddies are for, honey.”
That’s what daddies are for. The words lingered in Cooper’s mind as he watched Harlan with his daughter. The man knew all about being a father. He knew how to love and laugh and scold and advise and do all the right things for his children at just the right time. Emily was very lucky to have him. And she would be even luckier if she could find a man so wise and strong to father her coming child. But it couldn’t be him. He didn’t know how to be like Harlan or even if he had that sort of love and understanding inside him.
In a matter of moments snow began to fall so Cooper and Harlan hurriedly carried the crib, chest and dresser into the house and set it up in the empty bedroom Emily planned to use as a nursery.
“What about this?” Harlan asked as they carried the cradle down the hallway.
“Oh, I want that in my bedroom,” Emily answered quickly. “Right by my bed. This little guy isn�
�t going to sleep in a room by himself until he’s a whole lot bigger.”
“Listen at her,” Harlan laughed as he and Cooper placed the cradle at the side of Emily’s bed. “He this and he that. What is she going to do if it turns out to be a timid little. girl?”
Emily laughed, even though she noticed there wasn’t so much as a smile on Cooper’s face. “If he turns out to be a she, I’ll teach her to ride and rope and shoot better than either one of you.”
Harlan chuckled. “I bet you will at that.”
Awkwardly clearing his throat, Cooper made his way toward the door. “If you two will excuse me, I’d better get on back to my feeding.”
Father and daughter turned to look at him.
“Thanks for your help, Cooper,” she told him.
“Do you need me to give you a hand? I don’t have to be back to the Flying H for a little while,” Harlan told him.
Cooper was touched by the older man’s offer. Harlan seemed to genuinely like him, or maybe he simply liked that Cooper was making the ranch a much better place for his daughter. Either way, Cooper was glad Emily’s father didn’t hold it against him for leaving Lincoln county all those years ago.
“Thanks, Harlan, but you stay and visit with Emily. I’ll be finished before dark.”
Cooper left the house and for several long minutes Harlan watched his daughter examine the baby cradle, but eventually the words on his mind were impossible to hold back.
“Honey, you know I’ve never been one to press into your private life. Even though there’s been some times down through the years I wanted to drive over here and take you away from this place, I stopped myself. I knew you were a grown woman and I couldn’t make choices for you. But I’m going to be frank with you now. Kenneth was a damn sorry husband.”
Slowly Emily turned away from the cradle to see her father standing on the other side of the bedroom, gazing out the window.
“My word, Daddy, why are you saying something like that now? Kenneth is gone.”
Harlan sighed, as though he half regretted saying anything. “I know. But I...felt like I should tell you what I thought. Especially now that his brother is here. I just...don’t want you making any more mistakes.”
“Mistakes?” Her brows arched. “Cooper isn’t—”
“I know how you feel about the man. I can see it all over your face.”
With an annoyed shake of her head, she said, “I wasn’t aware I looked like a lovesick puppy. I guess everyone is getting a good laugh out of me.”
Harlan left the window and walked over to his daughter. Placing a hand on her shoulder, he said, “There’s nothing funny about loving someone, darling. It’s a precious gift. I want to make sure you don’t waste it this time.”
Her eyes lifted to his gentle gaze and suddenly her heart was breaking with pain. “Waste it? Oh, Daddy, if you think—” She drew in a ragged breath and did her best to go on, “I’m not planning on marrying Cooper.”
“Why not?”
She gasped. “Why not? I thought...isn’t that what you’ve been trying to say, that you think I’d be making a mistake if I married Cooper?”
“Hell no! I think you’d be making a mistake if you didn’t.”
Her mouth fell open as she stared at him. “But I thought—Mother said you were pretty upset with Cooper all those years ago when he left and—”
“Damn right I was upset then,” Harlan interrupted. “I could see how hurt you were. But that’s in the past and being a man I can understand the choices Cooper was forced to make. He’d been excluded from this place by his own family—”
“Kenneth loved Cooper. He didn’t run him off the ranch,” Emily said pointedly.
Harlan let out a sarcastic laugh. “He might as well have. He didn’t share the running of this ranch with Cooper or encourage him to make the place his home, too.”
Emily opened her mouth to protest, but her father didn’t give her the chance.
“Think about it, Emily. The only thing Kenneth ever did was encourage his brother to hit the road.”
“But that was because...Kenneth knew how good Cooper was at riding broncs. He encouraged him to make a career of it.”
A twisted smile on his face, her father said, “And why do you think that was? Hell, Emily, Kenneth wasn’t thinking about Cooper. He was thinking about himself.”
Stunned by this new picture her father was painting, Emily turned and walked over to the bed she’d once shared with Kenneth Dunn. Staring at the quilted coverlet, she began to see so many things in the past she’d merely accepted without question. And the awful truth was so sickening, so painful she wanted to lie down and weep until there was nothing left inside her.
“Daddy, do you think—” Eager now to understand what she hadn’t known, Emily whirled around and hurried back to her father. “Do you really think Kenneth deliberately tried to get Cooper away from here?”
He nodded and she clutched his big arms as an unfamiliar weakness hit her knees.
“Emily, I first met the Dunns right after we moved out here to New Mexico when you were only a small child. I watched both sons grow up, so I knew them. Kenneth was a subtle manipulator. Both with his father and his brother. He knew you and Cooper were involved, but he wanted you for himself.”
Yes, Kenneth had known she and Cooper had been lovers. For a brief time he’d known she was carrying Cooper’s child. Yet he hadn’t tried to contact his brother about her condition or encourage him to come back home. Instead he’d pressed her to forget Cooper and marry him instead.
Now that Emily thought about it, down through the years Kenneth had always reacted in a jealous way whenever Cooper’s name had come up. At the time, she’d taken his behavior as a husband unable to deal with his wife’s past. But maybe that wasn’t all his reaction had been. More than likely he’d felt guilty about stealing his brother’s sweetheart, she thought sickly.
“Daddy...all this is so—” She broke off and pressed her fingers against her forehead. “Why didn’t you tell me this years ago? When Cooper left and I turned to Kenneth?”
Harlan shook his head. “Emily, I tried in many ways to tell you Kenneth wasn’t all that he appeared to be. But you were young and you only heard what you wanted to hear. Then later after you married Kenneth, I knew I had to respect your decision and not interfere in your marriage. The last thing I wanted to do was cause trouble between the two of you. But I guess there was always trouble between the two of you anyway.”
And the trouble had been Cooper, Emily thought. Standing between them like a ghost. She hadn’t been able to stop loving him and Kenneth had—“Oh God,” she whispered, then spearing her fingers through her hair she shoved the thick mass away from her face. “When I think of all the awful things I’ve said to Cooper... it crushes me. And all those years I felt guilty. Damn it all, I felt guilty!”
Her eyes widened with sudden dawning and she grabbed her father’s forearms a second time. “Daddy, I...all this time I felt I was responsible for Kenneth’s drinking. But now I believe the man was riddled with guilt. He not only pushed his brother out of his home, he also stole the woman he loved. The whole thing must have been eating him until the day he died.”
Harlan nodded grimly. “I’m sure it was,” Harlan agreed. “So now what? Cooper is here and you’ve got a chance to make things up to him.”
The revelation of the last few minutes had lifted a heavy dark cloak from Emily’s shoulders. Now she could clearly see why Kenneth had never turned out to be the husband she’d thought he would be. And Cooper, oh Lord how she’d wronged him. How she’d hurt him. But it hadn’t been intentional. When he’d left New Mexico she’d honestly believed he didn’t want to marry her or make a home with her. And now... it was too late.
“Oh, Dad, I’m afraid...too much has happened for that. Cooper doesn’t want anything from me.”
“Bull!” Harlan scoffed. “The man is here, isn’t he? I don’t figure he came back to Lincoln county for his health or
a run-down ranch.”
Groaning at the unfairness of it all, she turned away from her father and walked back over to the cradle. With a gentle finger she pushed the tiny bed into motion. God willing, her baby would soon sleep here beside her. She would love it fiercely. She already did. Why couldn’t Cooper love it, too? Because it was Kenneth’s child? Or because it was hers?
“Cooper tried to explain to me that a man has to have something of his own. I can understand a little better now what he meant by that and why...he says he has to leave after the baby is born.”
“Leave!” Harlan practically shouted, then added several choice curse words when Emily nodded. “What the hell is the man leaving for? Everything he ever wanted is here.”
Emily wasn’t at all sure about that. But she was certain he didn’t want what was here now. Especially her and the baby.
“He still thinks of me as Kenneth’s wife.” She placed her hands on her bulging middle. “And this is Kenneth’s child. He doesn’t want any part of us. And I guess...I can’t blame him.”
“Oh, Emily.” Seeing the misery on his daughter’s face, he went to her and pulled her close against his chest. “If that’s the way things are, why are you staying here? Why don’t you sell this damn place and come back home to the Flying H? Your mother and I would love having you and the baby in the house with us.”
Emily knew her father wasn’t just mouthing an invitation because he thought he ought to. He truly would enjoy having her at home. He was that kind of man. A man who would love. and nurture his family for the rest of his life.
She tilted her head back and looked up at him. “It’s comforting to know you and Mother feel that way. Especially with Ethan home now, too. But I...don’t want to sell my part of the Diamond D. It was built by a Dunn more than a hundred years ago and it’s been in the family ever since. The ranch is a legacy to my unborn child.”
Harlan quietly studied the determination on her face. “Your child might grow up to be a doctor or scientist, anything but a rancher. Then what? You’ve already put ten years of your life into this place, how much more are you going to invest?”
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