As she considered his question, a wan smile tilted her lips. With or without Cooper, she knew this was where she belonged and where she would stay.
“Whatever my child decides to do is entirely up to him. But I want to be able to give him a choice. I don’t want him, or her, to ever go through what Cooper has gone through.”
Harlan gently smoothed a hand over the crown of her hair. “You know, I think me and your mother raised a hell of a daughter.”
Emily blinked at the moisture stinging her eyes. “I’m not so sure about that. I’ve made some bad choices. But I’m determined to put those behind me, Daddy. I’m going to make a good life for my baby. We’re going to be happy.”
Sighing, he patted her cheek and smiled. “I know you will, honey. I just wish...well, I think you’d be a whole lot happier if Cooper made you three a family.”
Emily knew that and so did her father. But Cooper was yet to see it and she seriously doubted he ever would.
Forcing a bright smile on her face, Emily patted her father’s midsection. “Come on, let’s go to the kitchen and I’ll make a fresh pot of coffee. Cooper will be back from feeding soon and he’ll want a cup, too.”
Linking his arm through Emily’s, the two of them left the bedroom and started down the long hallway to the kitchen. As they walked, Harlan said, “Cooper doesn’t realize what he has in you.”
Emily suddenly stopped in her tracks and turned pleading eyes on her father. “Daddy, please promise me you won’t say anything to Cooper about...staying here with me and the baby. Promise?”
He frowned. “I promise. But it wouldn’t hurt—”
She shook her head. “Don’t you understand? If Cooper ever decides to become a part of our lives, I want him to do it on his own. It has to be that way.”
Harlan nodded and Emily sighed with relief. The thought of Cooper leaving tore at her heart. But the idea of forcing him to stay went against every hope, every dream she’d ever had for herself and her baby.
She wasn’t going to throw herself at him, nor would she beg him to love her. The only thing she could do now was cherish the short time she had left with him.
Chapter Nine
More than a week later Emily was cooking supper when Cooper entered the back door with blood oozing down the front of his shirt.
“Cooper!” Tossing the wooden spoon into the bubbling pot of chicken and dumplings, she raced across the room to him. “Oh my Lord, what happened? What have you done?”
He gingerly shrugged the sheepskin coat off his shoulders. Emily caught the garment before it hit the floor and tossed it on a nearby chair.
Turning back to him, she winced at the red stain, which began at his collarbone and ended at the waistband of his jeans.
“It’s nothing to get alarmed about,” he said calmly. “I jabbed a piece of wire in my shoulder. That’s all.”
“That’s all!” she exclaimed. “Oh, Coop, there’s so much blood! Come sit down. Let me see.” She grabbed his hand and tugged him over to the table. As soon as he took a seat, she unsnapped his shirt and eased it off his shoulders.
“I’ll have to pull my thermal undershirt over my head,” he told her.
“No. Don’t do that. I’ll cut it off.” She scurried over to the cabinets and pulled a pair of sewing shears from a drawer. In a matter of seconds she had sliced the thermal material all the way down the front and peeled it back from the wound.
As she bent her head to examine the cut more closely, Cooper’s eyes glided over the top of her blond head. This past week, he’d seen a change in Emily. She’d softened and warmed toward him. Every time he turned around she was going out of her way to do something for him. She talked to him constantly and asked his advice on anything and everything. But the change that had struck him the most was the absence of bitterness in her eyes and voice. She no longer looked at him as though she hated him, as though the heartache he caused her in the past was beyond forgiving.
He didn’t know why or how the change in her had happened. He had to confess to himself it filled him with joy to see the Emily he’d first fallen in love with. Yet on the other hand, her warmth and open tenderness toward him was making it harder and harder for Cooper to resist her.
“See, I told you it’s nothing to be carrying on about,” he muttered. His shoulder hurt like hell, but having her this close was even worse. It would be worth bleeding a little longer, he decided, if he could pull her onto his lap and kiss her soft warm mouth.
“It’s terrible,” she countered. “This needs a few stitches, at least. How did you do it?”
“Stretching barbed wire,” he answered. “It broke under pressure and flew back at me.”
Emily made a tsking noise as her fingers gently examined the gaping wound just below his collarbone. “I should have been out there helping you. It’s a miracle you weren’t hit in the face. I knew a man who lost an eye while building a fence.”
“You’re hardly in any shape to be working out in the cold now. Besides, I have good reflexes. I jumped back.”
“Apparently not quick enough.” Straightening to her full height, she made a visual inspection of his face. He might want to brush the injury off as nothing more than a deep scratch, but Emily could see he was pale and in a great deal of pain. Everything in her wanted to comfort him, to touch his face and kiss his lips and assure him she would always take care of him. But he didn’t want that from her. All he needed was a little bit of practical nursing.
“Before we eat supper I think we should drive to the hospital emergency room in Ruidoso. You need to be stitched up before you lose any more blood. And you’ll need a tetanus shot.”
“Tetanus hell! I’ve had so many tetanus shots down through the years I could go for the rest of my life and never need one.”
Seeing she had a stubborn patient on her hands, Emily placed her hands on her hips and scowled at him. “It’s incredible to me that you big tough men start running scared at the mention of a needle. And I hardly think you’re a medical authority on tetanus.”
He shot her a bored look of disbelief. “Look, Emily, if I get lockjaw from this, you can say I told you so and I won’t be able to open my mouth back at you. Besides, an old-timer I once knew gave me a cure for it.”
Emily couldn’t help but smile at that. “Really? Then maybe you should let me in on it just in case you do come down with the disease.”
“Simple. Just stick the end of a case knife between my teeth and give it a little whack. The vibration will pop my jaws wide open,” he said.
The twitch of his lips told Emily he was teasing. At least partially and she chuckled at his nonsense. “Okay, so we’ve got that problem taken care of. What about the gaping hole in your chest?”
“It’s not gaping. Get something to clean it out and we’ll pull it together with some tape.”
“Oh, well, I should have thought about that,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “A piece of tape should fix it right up.”
“Emily,” he began only to have her shake her head and start out of the kitchen.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to call 911. Just stay where you are. I’m going to go fetch a first-aid kit from the bathroom.”
When she returned a few moments later Cooper hadn’t moved except to pull off the bloody thermal undershirt. The sight of him sitting in the kitchen bare chested was a shock to her senses. For years, she’d carried the muscular beauty of his body in her memory. But that image couldn’t compare to the actual thing.
Stepping over to the table, she tried to draw in several calming breaths without him noticing. “If I had any sense at all,” she told him, “I would ignore you and call Aunt Justine over here. She could sew this up.”
“You’re making too much of a fuss about this.”
Steadying one hand on his shoulder, Emily dabbed a cotton ball soaked in peroxide against the wound. Cooper tried not to wince as pain shot through his shoulder and down his side.
“I’ve had all sor
ts of gouges and scrapes before,” he said through clenched teeth. “I’ll heal.”
His skin was smooth and warm beneath her fingers, enticing her thoughts and her eyes away from the cut. Turning her head ever so slightly, she discovered his face was only inches from hers. She could feel his soft breath on her cheeks, see the dark gray flecks in his eyes and beneath her breast, her heart felt as if it were surely going to stop.
“If you’re lucky, you’ll heal,” she murmured huskily.
“The only thing I’ve ever been lucky at was staying on the back of a bucking horse,” he said lowly, his eyes dropping to her lips.
Emily’s heart suddenly jolted back to life and she began to shake all the way down to her toes. “Cooper, I’d better—”
“Forget about the hole in my chest,” he said roughly. “Come here and kiss me.”
The invitation was the last thing she expected from him. A shudder of anticipation rippled through her as she inched her face near his. With a needy groan, Cooper pulled her onto his lap, then cupping her chin in the palm of his hand, he brought his lips down on hers.
Mindful of his wound, Emily curled her arms around his neck and drew herself closer. He tasted so male, so good, and oh so achingly familiar. She wanted to sink into him, bury her hands into his hair, hold him to her forever.
Her whole body was burning with need when Cooper finally lifted his head and gazed down at her face. Through the haze of her desire, Emily could see regret twisting his features.
“Dear Lord, what sort of man am I?” he asked, his voice rough with emotion.
“Cooper, why—”
His hand suddenly splayed across her swollen belly. “My brother’s child is growing inside you, but it doesn’t seem to make any difference. I still want you. I want to hold you, make love to you. I want it to be as it was before with us. But—”
Reaching up, she placed her hands on either side of his face. “It’s what I want, too, Cooper. Can’t you see that? Can’t you feel it when we kiss?”
His groan was full of anguish. “It’s crazy.”
“I think it’s perfectly normal for two people to want each other,” she reasoned.
He closed his eyes against the beauty of her face. “It isn’t right.”
“Why?”
His hand moved gently against her and the baby and Emily realized that Cooper honestly wanted to love her, he was simply too afraid to try. William and Kenneth had done that to him, she thought sadly. But then so had she by not trusting him, by not having the faith in him that he’d rightly deserved.
“Because...you belonged to Kenneth,” he answered.
She shook her head as her forefinger traced a gentle path down his whiskered jaw. “But he’s gone. My life with him is over and will never be again.”
He opened his eyes and she searched their gray depths.
“Cooper,” she went on, “if I could bring Kenneth back, I would. I never wanted him to die. But I can honestly say I wouldn’t go back to being his wife. It wouldn’t have been right for either of us.”
“Emily, don’t say such things to me.”
Love filled her eyes as she looked at him. “Why? Because you know they’re true? Cooper, your father or brother is no longer dictating your life. You can make your own choices now. Until you realize that you’re never going to be happy.”
He didn’t know what she meant by his life being dictated. He only knew he would never be happy without Emily. And as far as he could see he didn’t have any choice in the matter.
Gently he eased her off his lap. “You’d better tape me up so we can eat supper.”
“If that’s the way you want it.”
He glanced at her and the yearning on her face was almost more than he could take.
“It’s not the way I want it. But it’s the way it has to be.”
That night Cooper went to bed early. At supper Emily gave him two painkillers for the cut on his shoulder and the pills eased the ache somewhat. Cooper had been telling her the truth when he’d said he’d had plenty of cuts and gashes down through the years and, like her, he’d known the injury had needed stitches. But he’d purposely made little of the wound because he hadn’t wanted to alarm her. Nor had he wanted to jostle her for fifteen or twenty minutes over rough roads in order for him to go to the emergency room.
For the past couple of days she’d appeared more tired than usual and he knew the growing weight of the baby was making it difficult for her to remain on her feet for any length of time. A part of him wanted her pregnancy to be over with so her discomfort would end. But the other part knew that time would be here sooner than he wanted.
With a heavy sigh, he rolled onto his good shoulder and glanced at the red numbers illuminated on a nearby alarm clock. Twelve-thirty. He’d been tossing back and forth on the mattress for hours, unable to get Emily and the words she’d said to him, out of his mind.
Your father and brother aren’t here to dictate your life anymore. You can make your own choices now.
Cooper still couldn’t figure why she’d said such a thing to him or what she’d meant by it. He’d always thought he’d been his own man and chosen his own paths. But now she was forcing him to take another look at himself.
“Cooper?”
The sound of her voice shocked him out of his thoughts. He flipped onto his back and saw her shape silhouetted in the open door of his bedroom.
“I’m awake. What is it?” Dear God, if she’d come to his room to ask him to make love to her, he knew he wouldn’t be able to resist.
“I don’t know, exactly,” she said, her voice strained. “I think I’m having labor pains.”
Cooper shot straight up in the bed and switched on the bedside lamp. “You think? You don’t know?”
She pressed a hand against the tight drawing pain in her side. “Cooper, I’ve never had a baby before. I only know how it feels to have a miscarriage.”
Cooper didn’t want to think about her losing the first baby. His baby. Each time the thought passed through his mind, his heart felt as heavy as a stone.
“It isn’t time for you to go into labor,” he said pointedly. “Maybe it’s just a stomachache. You did eat a raw apple before you went to bed.”
She took a deep breath, hoping the pain would ease. After a moment it completely disappeared. “I eat apples all the time. They don’t give me a stomachache.”
As soon as she got the words out, she could feel the same drawing, burning pain building all over again only this time it was much worse.
Since Cooper was wearing a pair of colored boxer shorts, he didn’t hesitate to throw back the covers and rise to his feet. “Do you want me to call the doctor?”
“I know I still have six weeks to go. But something is definitely wrong. The pain is getting...” She bent over double as another hard cramp tore through her.
“Where is Dr. Bellamy’s number?”
“On the telephone stand in the living room. It’s pasted on the bottom of the phone,” she told him, once she’d managed to catch her breath. “But I’m not sure...maybe you shouldn’t take time to make the call. I think you’d better drive me into the hospital.”
His eyes widened on her. “Dear God, Emily, is it that bad?”
She nodded for an answer. He hurried over to her and took her by the elbow. “Let me help you lie down and then I’ll go start the truck and get your coat and bag.”
With his arm around the back of her waist, they took one step forward and then she let out a loud gasp. Cooper stared in horror as amniotic fluid soaked the tail of her long gown and puddled on the floor around their feet.
“Emily!”
“Get me to the bed. The baby is coming!”
Cooper reached to sweep her up in his arms, but she quickly shook her head. “Cooper, don’t pick me up. It will tear open the cut on your shoulder.”
He couldn’t believe she was thinking about him at a time like this.
“Forget the damn cut,” he growled and qui
ckly lifted her in his arms and carried her over to his bed. After he’d settled her head on the pillow and covered her with the sheet, he said, “I’m going to call for an ambulance.”
“Ambulance? Cooper, the ground is covered with snow. It’s like a blizzard out there. Your truck could probably make it—” Her words halted as another pain struck her. Afterward, she heaved out a heavy breath. “We’d do just as well to go in your truck.”
Cooper hadn’t looked outside since suppertime. He wasn’t aware it had started to snow. A damn blizzard is the last thing they needed to happen now!
“There’s not enough room for you to lie down in the truck,” he reasoned as his mind raced with the slim choices presented to them.
Emily gripped his forearm, fearful to let him leave her even for a minute. “Forget about the ambulance, they’ll never make it out here in time,” she pleaded through clenched jaws.
Seeing the sheer terror in her eyes, Cooper decided the best thing he could do at this moment was to calm her down and reassure her that everything was going to be all right. He couldn’t let her see he was probably more frightened than she was. Dear God, he’d helped cows calve and mares foal but he knew nothing about birthing a baby.
Easing down on the edge of the mattress, he unwrapped her fingers from around his forearm and pressed them between both his hands. “Emily, darling, don’t be frightened. You’re a healthy woman. You’re going to get through this fine. God knows, I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Most likely William Dunn had said the same thing to Cooper’s mother. But he couldn’t let himself think about Laura Dunn dying while he was being born. He had to put it out of his mind and be strong and steady for Emily and the baby.
“You’re right,” she said, her lips trembling with a weak smile. “Having a baby is a natural thing for a woman. I can do it.”
Returning her smile, he touched his fingertips against her cheek. “You can do anything.”
Her blue gaze clung to his. “As long as you help me.” Emotion swelled in his chest. He tried to push it away and remember his time with her would all be over soon.
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