I stared after him, open mouthed, anger simmering. He was right, I knew that. I’d been horribly snappy and rude to him all morning. The anniversary of Josie’s death was never a good day for me. Add in the Daphne fight and I was in a very foul mood. I debated over complaining, but finally decided Zander was right, and packed up.
He sat at the front desk, his dark hair shorter than the last time I saw him and sticking out in all directions. His tie was loose, his sleeves rolled up. He glanced up, raising a brow in my direction.
“Thanks, I’ll explain another time. You have your key?” I asked.
“Mmhmm, go now, beautiful. See you Monday,” he smiled back, waving me away with a brush of his hand.
I did as he instructed, dialing my therapist on the way to the car. I’d missed my last appointment and I prayed she could fit me in.
###
“Thank you so much, Dr. Cradit. I was afraid you would be booked,” I gushed, setting my bag down and slumping into the chair in front of her.
“When Clarice buzzed and told me you were on the phone, I told her to book you. I usually work on paperwork Friday afternoons, but I have a feeling this is important,” she smiled at me, setting her pad of paper and pen in front of her.
“Yeah…um…today is the anniversary of my sister’s wreck,” I whispered, the tears bubbling to the surface.
“The fatal accident?” she asked for clarification.
I nodded. “Six years. I’m fighting with my best friend and I haven’t said anything to Cade.”
Pensive, she asked, “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I don’t want to bother him. He’s going through a lot.”
She nodded, making a note. “I see. And you aren’t? Going through a lot?”
Dammit. “It’s not like that. I mean, he’s in rehab and living with his sponsor. He doesn’t need any added stress.”
Folding her hands in front of her, she spoke lightly. “Francesca, I know it’s hard for you to believe he cares for you, loves you, because we’ve spoken of it. Do you really think he would like you not sharing things with him? How would you feel if he didn’t share his fears, his pain, his bad days with you?”
“It would piss me off,” I answered, after thinking about it for a second.
“Exactly. Do you think he deserves the same respect?”
My shoulders fell, “Of course he does.”
She scribbled more, then peered up at me. “Do you want to talk about Josslyn?”
I wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes. “I miss her.”
She didn’t say anything, only handed me a tissue.
“I wish it hadn’t happened. I feel guilty for living, for loving Cade after I wished it was him for so many years.”
“Do you think you truly wished it was him?”
My voice broke, “No,” I sniffled. “I’ve always loved him, even when I thought he was to blame.” I’d been so stupid, blaming Cade for years based on nothing but a rumor and my own grief.
“Then why do you think you feel this way?” she questioned.
“My low self-esteem?” I asked back. I honestly wasn’t sure why I was so negative, though we’d talked about it multiple times.
“Did you read those books? Or try the exercises I suggested?”
She’d given me a book about loving myself and told me to start each day with saying I am beautiful and I am a great person in the mirror every day. I tried it twice, but quickly felt idiotic and stopped. I shook my head, answering her question.
She didn’t sigh, or look frustrated with me. That was the good thing about these therapy sessions, I wasn’t judged. I wasn’t a disappointment. I could be honest without fear of weighing someone down with my problems. It was her job.
“Have you said goodbye to Josie?” she asked, throwing me for a loop.
Confused, I furrowed my brows and cocked my head. “Yeah…at the funeral.”
She shook her head, “No, I mean have you personally had your goodbye. Not when everyone else did.”
I knew what she was saying and it churned my stomach. I hadn’t been out there. Cade told me he’d go with me but I’d chickened out. I didn’t know if I could handle the pain of seeing where my sister took her last breaths.
My voice cracked,” You don’t mean…”
“I mean going to the crash site.”
I blew out a shaky breath and scratched the edge of my hairline. The thought made me nervous.
She reached across, placing a hand on mine. “Francesca, I know the thought is scary, but I really think it would help you. And today is the perfect day to go. Take someone with you, maybe the friend you speak so highly of…or Cade.”
I nodded, not wanting to talk about Daphne today. I gathered my belongings, and stood. “Thank you, Dr. Cradit.”
“Will I see you again for regular sessions?”
Sighing, I said, “Yeah. I realize I need them. I need to think of me, too, as difficult as that may be.” I was supposed to go weekly, but I’d stopped the past two weeks.
“Good. Make an appointment with Clarice. And Francesca…I truly am sorry about Josslyn. I hope you find some peace today.”
My eyes burned and I nodded a thanks before dashing out. I hated crying in front of her but it seemed like I did it every time I came in.
I sat back in my car, thinking and deciding she was right. It was time, past time, and I needed to get it over with. I prayed I would be ok by myself, that I wouldn’t have a total meltdown, and began driving.
I drove for about fifteen minutes, mentally calming myself with a pep-talk. My sister wasn’t there, her spirit was happy somewhere, watching over me. This was just where her earthly body died. I could handle this on my own, I was Francesca Taymon and I could face anything life threw at me.
When I turned on the road, the winding curves began to make me nauseated. Or perhaps it was the dread of seeing the cross someone had placed for her. I slowed, not wanting my death to happen on the same road my little sister was taken on. For a few moments, I imagined my parents’ horror, but I quickly blocked the thoughts from my mind. When did I become such a negative thinker?
Two more turns and I would be there. Breathing became difficult. Tears threatened to blind my view. I wiped them away, with much of my make-up, and continued. I stopped in the middle of the road when I saw it, and the car parked a few feet from it. The tears came freely, washing down my face as my body shook with the sobs.
He came over, opening my door and put the gear in park. “Francesca, scoot over and let me pull the car over,” Cade’s caring voice drifted over me.
I obliged, still bawling, and stared at him as he maneuvered the vehicle out of the road. Hiccups overtook me and between them, I asked, “How…” hiccup, “did,” hiccup, “you…knowww,” hiccup. I sounded ridiculous, but this was Cade, and it didn’t really matter.
“Baby, you think I forgot? I knew you’d come here. Reid and I have been waiting since I called the office around lunch and Zander said you were leaving.”
He parked and shut off the engine. I threw my body at him, shaking wildly as he held me. My knight in shining armor showed up when I most needed him. When I finally calmed, he guided me out of the car and waved Reid goodbye. He took my hand, supporting my body with his other arm, and said, “Are you ready? I’m here for you no matter what.”
I nodded and we walked.
Chapter Seven-Cade
She leaned into me, her soft body jerking with each cry. She released her pain there on the side of the road where her sister last lived. She brought tears to my eyes, seeing how much she hurt, but I but I felt like nothing I did was enough. So I did what I could, I simply held her close, doing my best to comfort her, and cried with her. She was broken when it came to her sister, and I wished I could mend the tears. Her body heaved against me, and we fell to the ground, sitting inches from the cross stuck in the dirt. I smoothed her hair, brushing the wet streaks from her face. When she finally stilled, I asked how she
was.
“I just miss her. This was harder than I thought it would be,” she sniffled. She brought her arm up, used her sleeves to dry her face, and turned to me. Red, swollen eyes peered at me, and though I knew she was in unbelievable distress, she still managed to look undeniably beautiful.
“I wish I could make it better, baby,” I sighed, pressing my forehead to hers and nudging our noses together.
“Can we…” She started, pausing to catch her unsteady breath. “Can we just sit here for a while?”
I nodded, “Of course. Reid knows that I won’t get into any trouble with you, and he even said I could stay tonight, but I think that may be because he has a date and wants to get laid.”
She looked at me quizzically, her sad brown peepers confused by my statement. Glad I wasn’t the only one who thought Reid dating was weird.
“I’ll explain later,” I said, hugging her even closer to my body.
We sat there, staring at the space, and she somehow talked me into telling her what I remembered, which was everything. We laughed, we cried, we spoke of memories, though she had many more than I. It was growing dark by the time her small voice told me she was ready to go. Helping her to her feet, I stood to the side as she said her goodbye. She knelt back down, brushing her fingers lightly around the edges of the cross, her last silent tears falling. She pressed her lips to the very top and closed her eyes. I worried she stayed so long, but she finally stood again, wiped her hands on her thighs, and reached for me.
“Can you drive us home?” she whispered, smiling meekly.
I nodded, wrapping my arm around her leading her back to the car.
###
When I’d realized what today was, I talked with Reid and begged for some strings to be pulled. Desperation must have oozed out of me, because he had everything worked out within 10 minutes. The double date I knew would be a no go, so I gave him pointers, tips, and told him to get busy. Sometimes I wondered if Reid was a guy, because he didn’t share the crude sense of humor most of us shared.
I picked up dinner for us on the way, knowing Francesca was emotionally and physically drained. She was quiet the whole ride home, either watching me or staring out the window most of the time. We stopped by Reid’s to grab my things, and I was met with a nervous, sweaty person I was unfamiliar with. His hair was sticking out, his shirt was undone and untucked, and his eyes were wild like a rabid beast. “Reid?”
“I’m nervous, man,” he said, jittering on the couch.
It hit me and knew what was going on. I motioned for Francesca to follow me in and apologized with the look I gave her. I pulled her toward the stairs, leaning down to speak softly, so he wouldn’t overhear. “Reid has a date with a woman he met in rehab, and apparently, he has a thing for this chick. He’s jittering,” I explained. She was so upset that she didn’t understand what exactly I was telling her. “We have to stay here until he leaves.”
“Okay…”
I realized, maybe she truly didn’t understand. I kept my cravings secret from her. Perhaps it was time I let her in completely. “Francesca, I get jittery when I want to drink. It doesn’t happen as often now, but it happens more than it does to Reid. And I know that’s what he wants right now because I looked exactly like that just a couple nights ago.”
Her eyes widened, from shock or horror, I didn’t know. She nodded, leaned against me and said, “I wish you shared these things with me, but I understand because I did the same thing. You care if I go to your room and rest? All the crying gave me a headache.”
“Of course not, go rest. I’ll wake you up after he leaves.” I took her hand, leading up the stairs and basically tucked her in my bed. She fell asleep instantly. Her dark lashes were matted together, but they still gave her a childlike innocence as she laid there breathing evenly. I could have stayed there, watching her sleep for hours, maybe days, but had to tend to Reid.
After everything he had done for me, especially today, allowing me to be there for Francesca when she needed me the most, I couldn’t let him down. I didn’t know what exactly was about this girl that made him so crazy, but I understood it, because Francesca did the same thing to me. I softly clicked the door shut, then bound down the stairs to find him in the floor, hugging his knees rocking back and forth.
I crouched beside him and asked if he wanted to talk about it. He nodded, so I settled beside him and we talked. It was a good hour before he stopped being so nervous, before the craving passed. He ran to shower and get ready, the sweaty mess of this afternoon destroying what he’d already done. I flipped through a car magazine, missing my job more than I ever thought I would.
He finally came back down fresh and looking more relaxed. He sat beside me glanced at the clock and said, "Thank you, Cade.”
We sat there in silence, but it wasn’t awkward, more comfortable. Just before he left he thanked me one last time, and apologized.
“There’s no need to apologize. I think I understand this better than anyone.”
He smiled, shook his head. “You always do something I don’t expect. Cade, I think you have potential to become a sponsor. What you just did for me…just coming out of rehab yourself, hell, you’re still in rehab, was amazing.”
Me, a sponsor? It wasn’t something I thought about but now I wanted to. I bid him goodbye and snuck up the stairs to check on Francesca.
###
She lay on her side, her knees curled up beside her and one arm hugging a pillow. Her hair appeared dark in the low light, her face angelic. I clicked the door behind me and dropped my shoes off in front of the dresser. I crawled in beside her, brushing the strands from her face and pressed my lips to her cheek. I kissed every inch of her face, eliciting a soft moan to escape as she became conscious. Her eyes appeared black as she stared up at me sleepily.
She grinned softly and stretched out, arching her back and pointing her toes straight up. Something about watching her stretch drove me insane. She gave me a coy look and reached up, locking her lips to mine. The kiss started out slow, but quickly turned to passion. Soon I was dizzy with need, longing for her.
After the day she’d had, I didn’t want to push her, so I let her take the lead. Our kisses became more intense, each one driving me deeper into desire. Soon our hands clumsily worked to free our bodies all while keeping our lips connected. Flushed bodies grew hot with our fiery wants. Francesca became aggressive, knocking me on my back and taking over.
Our love making was different that night. We became one over and over in those hours, deepening our connection even further. Our bodies and souls were entangled as we whispered words of love as our bodies brought each other pleasure. She was different, not as insecure. She loved me with a wild abandon, making my heart burst with emotion. No one could do that to me but Francesca Taymon.
We lay in bed talking afterwards, hands interlocked as she giggled in my ear. She covered me like a blanket, soothing my torn and tattered being. I’d always be broken, I realized that now, but with Francesca to love me, how could I not at least try to be better?
“I have a confession,” she finally sighed, face falling and looking guilty.
“Tell me,” I urged, bringing her hand to my lips.
“I drank two alcoholic drinks last night. Daphne and I fought at the bar and I just…I don’t know. I lost my good sense, I guess,” she admitted.
“Did you like it?” I questioned. I prayed she didn’t. I couldn’t say no if she was the one offering.
“Hated it.”
I exhaled, relieved.
A loud banging downstairs startled us. We jumped up with her cowering behind me as we snuck to the door. I opened it slightly peered out the little hole with one eye.
“What is it?” she hissed. “Somebody break-in? Do we need to call the cops?”
I motioned for her to be quiet and replaced with my ear, listening and grinning when I realized what it was. I shut the door back, leaning against it. I couldn’t help but laugh quietly at how freaked out Francesca
was.
“Well?” She demanded, placing her hands on her hips. I didn’t think she realized she was still completely naked.
“It’s Reid,” I grinned. “You go get dressed. We’re sneaking out of here as soon as they’re in the bedroom.” I fumbled for my clothing as she watched me open mouthed.
“Who are they?”
At the same moment she asked, there was a loud shriek, and a body hitting the wall, followed by a loud moan. Francesca’s eyes grew wide as she clamped her mouth shut with her hands. I covered my own to suppress a laugh and point into her clothing.
“Reid and his date apparently had a good time,” I whispered as she dressed.
We stood by the door waiting to hear his shut so we could run out. Francesca kept covering her ears and her cheeks were flushed with embarrassment.
“We have to listen to them?” She groaned. “Didn’t he see your car? Why is he doing this?”
“Same reason we do it,” I shrugged. I cocked my head, pressing my ear all the way on the door. I turned the knob and motioned her forward. “Go, hurry, fast. I just heard his door shut.”
She ran awkwardly down the steps, not moving her head in any direction afraid of what she would see. I followed closely behind, locking up on the way out. She was already in the vehicle, taking deep breaths when I climbed in. I let out the hearty laugh that had been threatening to escape since we first figured out what was happening. She smacked at me, though she fought back her own laughter.
We stopped for burgers on the way back, the food we’d gotten earlier was no longer any good. We settled in on the couch with Hammy pacing back and forth, curling his tail around our feet. I was beginning to think he wanted something to eat. Seconds before Francesca took a bite, she jumped up, squealing, and rushed to her DVD case.
“What are you doing?” I asked, my mouth full of fries.
“We’re going to have movie night,” she giggled, setting it up.
“And you just get to pick what we watch? I don’t have a say in this?”
She shook her head, smiling her brilliant smile and plopped back down beside me. She pointed the remote, pressed play, and took a bite. She was going to make me watch something I wouldn’t enjoy. I could tell by the delighted glee that graced her face.
Entangled Souls: Cade and Francesca (Scarred Hearts #1.5) Page 6