An Unexpected Love (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour)

by Rachel Clark

  “It’s okay,” Jay said as if he could see into Ryan’s deepest fears. “We don’t have to do this right now. We can wai—”

  Ryan cut off Jay’s words with another fierce kiss, his hands dropping to caress Jay’s naked ass. “I need you,” he said between kisses. Jay nodded, his arms wrapping around Ryan’s waist as they stumbled and kissed their way into the bedroom. He grabbed the apron’s strings, undoing the knots and then discarding the garment. He helped Jay onto the bed, smiling as the man watched him peel away his own clothing.

  “Can I help you with that?” Jay asked as he half lay, half sat on the bed.

  “Hell, no,” Ryan said with a smile. “If you touch me right now I’m liable to explode like a New Year’s fireworks display.” Jay laughed quietly, obviously pleased to realize he was so deeply affected by his naked proximity. “You think that’s funny, do you?” He couldn’t help but laugh with the man who’d become so very important so quickly. “You’re not worried that your soon-to-be-first gay lover is liable to come before he even gets near your ass?”

  “Nope, not worried,” Jay said, suddenly very serious, “because I know you’ll make it up to me.”

  Ryan smiled as he reached for the condoms and lube, very pleased to see the younger man’s gaze glued to his cock. Jay might not have been attracted to any men before, but there was no doubting he liked what he saw. Ryan crawled onto the bed, leaning over his man as he kissed him hard.

  “You’ll be more comfortable on your stomach this first time,” Ryan said as he touched Jay’s cheek softly. “Just roll over and relax. I promise to take care of everything.”

  “Okay,” Jay said with an adorably shy grin. As soon as he rolled over onto his stomach, Ryan moved to straddle his legs, a knee on either side of Jay’s toned thighs. Jay was a big man, almost as tall as Ryan, but he also had a type of elegance about him. His muscles were long and lean, his physique that of a track athlete in peak condition. Ryan felt him shiver as he leaned over and pressed soft kisses to his man’s spine. He ran his hands over Jay’s shoulders and ribs, soothing him with loving caresses, making certain Jay was relaxed before he leaned over and grabbed the bottle of lube.

  He warmed the slippery gel in his hands and then slid a finger into the crease of Jay’s ass, using his other hand to caress his hip as he tensed slightly. Smoothing the lubricant between Jay’s cheeks, Ryan watched the man closely for signs of worry. When he touched the puckered skin of his anus, Jay tensed slightly, moving away just a little.

  “We don’t have to have anal sex,” Ryan said in a tone he hoped sounded reassuring. “We can both have fun without actual penetration.”

  “Really?” Jay asked lifting his head to look over his shoulder. He didn’t seem relieved—so Ryan was reasonably assured that he wasn’t frightened of anal penetration—but he did seem curious.

  “Of course,” Ryan said as he slicked up his hands and pushed his slippery fingers between Jay’s thighs. “I can rub my cock here.” He pushed down further, finding Jay’s balls and caressing them with his fingertips. “It’s called frottage. No actual penetration but plenty of friction for both of us.” He lifted his hand, caressing the crease of Jay’s ass once more. “Or I can rub between your cheeks, the full length of my cock caressing you intimately while I fist your dick and jack you until you explode.”

  Jay moaned at the whispered words, his understanding of gay sex apparently having been limited. “Or,” he said, squirming seductively, “you can shove your dick deep into my ass and fuck me into the mattress.”

  Ryan laughed. “Or I could do that, yes.”

  He pressed two fingers against Jay’s rosette, the tight muscle yielding to his caress as he pushed lube into Jay’s back passage.

  “Oh fuck,” Jay whispered in a breathless voice.

  “Oh fuck, good?” Ryan asked as he gently moved his fingers trying to loosen the tight muscle. “Or oh fuck, bad?”

  “Good,” Jay said nodding his head against the pillow. “Very, very good.”

  Ryan pushed a third finger in, watching Jay tremble with need as his muscles loosened and let Ryan’s fingers slide in easily. “That’s it, Jay. Just relax.”

  He reached over, fumbled a condom out of its package, and almost surprisingly, managed to slide it on without blowing his load. Hell, he couldn’t remember a time when he’d been this close to losing control. His hands shook as he slicked up the condom and caressed the soft flesh of Jay’s ass at the same time.

  “Open your legs for me, Jay.”

  Jay laughed softly, but spread his legs apart. “What’s so funny?” Ryan asked quietly, glad to see Jay was comfortable enough for a little bit of humor.

  “I was just wondering when I became the female in this relationship.”

  Ryan laughed with him, and then leaned over to press a kiss to Jay’s neck before nipping his earlobe with his teeth. “Trust me, babe. This is nothing like sex with a woman. The things I’m about to do to you are going to get really, really rough.”

  Jay seemed to swallow hard, and for a very brief moment Ryan feared he’d said the wrong thing. After everything that Jay had been through the past few weeks maybe he needed tenderness and loving, not a harsh fucking. But then Jay moaned, his hips moving against the mattress as he nodded awkwardly.

  Sensing a need in Jay that he hadn’t noticed before, Ryan placed his palm against the man’s shoulder, effectively pinning him to the mattress as he lined his cock up with the Jay’s anus. He shivered, moaning softly.

  Ryan pressed his cock hard against Jay’s back passage, slowly easing inside. He could feel his lover’s muscles tensing, the reaction likely involuntary, so he stilled, waiting.

  “Breathe out,” he whispered. Jay nodded, but he seemed to be grinding his teeth together. Ryan deepened his voice. “Relax, Jay.” He slid deeper into Jay’s ass as the man reacted to his order and did as he was told.

  “Fuck,” Jay whispered as Ryan sank all the way into his lover’s body.

  “If you insist,” Ryan said breathlessly as Jay’s anal muscles tightened around his cock, squeezing and caressing his hard erection as they both adjusted to the incredible sensations.

  He pulled out slowly, watching his lover for any discomfort, smiling as Jay groaned softly and lifted his ass up. Ryan slid back in, his eyes nearly crossing as Jay’s heat surrounded him. He did it again and again, sliding in slowly, pulling away carefully, watching Jay closely, determined not to hurt him.

  “Please,” Jay begged on a soft whimper.

  “Okay, babe,” Ryan said, gritting his teeth as every instinct to keep this man clambered through him. Hell, he’d wanted a solid relationship for a long time, a real connection, a lover he could love and be loved by. He felt like he’d found that with Jay. Fuck, he felt like he’d found heaven.

  He started moving harder, slamming to the hilt, pulling away slowly, and then slamming in again. Fuck, Jay was incredible. He was lifting his hips, pushing back against him, asking for more, moaning in delight when Ryan gave it to him.

  Ryan grabbed his hips, lifting his ass up, watching his cock sink into his man’s tight flesh. His man. His lover. His.

  He lifted Jay to his knees, wrapping an arm around him, fisting his erection as he pushed to the hilt and jacked his lover’s cock. He ground his hips against Jay’s tight ass, nearly growling as Jay shook in his arms. Ryan moaned instead as his lover’s cum spurted onto his hand, the spasm of Jay’s anal muscles forcing Ryan into orgasm as well.

  His cock throbbed inside his lover as he draped himself over Jay’s back and pressed a kiss to the man’s ear. “You okay?” His voice came out breathless, and sounded maybe even a tad vulnerable, but Jay’s reaction made his own feelings seem completely natural.

  “Perfect,” Jay whispered as together they rolled onto their sides. Ryan still held him close, but knew the condom wouldn’t let them stay connected for long. He held Jay in his arms, soothing him with soft strokes as they both caught their breath.

  Too
soon, Ryan needed to move, but as he eased his softening cock from Jay’s ass the man jolted as if to hold him inside. “Please don’t go,” he whispered.

  “I’m not going anywhere but the bathroom,” he said in between soft kisses against Jay’s neck. “I’ll be right back.”

  Jay nodded, and Ryan moved quickly, swallowing the urge to hold his lover until the condom spilled. There was no need to create such a mess. He’d be right back. He hurried into the bathroom, disposed of the condom, and was back into the bedroom in record time.

  * * * *

  Jay shivered as Ryan moved away and the cooler air of the room hit his warmed body. Somehow he’d underestimated how much giving his virginity to Ryan would affect him. Shit, he really was the fucking female in this relationship.

  He rolled onto his back, groaning softly as the muscles in his ass pulsed, reminding him of his lover’s skilled possession.

  “Jay?” Ryan asked as he came back into the room far quicker than Jay expected. Ryan slid onto the bed and lay down beside him. “You all right?”

  Jay swallowed hard, determined to brazen out the unexpected emotions. Just because he felt a deep connection to the man beside him, it didn’t mean Ryan felt the same way. Hell, Ryan had been with other men. Probably many other men. Jay tried to remind himself of that as he forced a smile onto his lips and nodded his head.

  Ryan wasn’t fooled.

  He lifted onto his elbow, ran a finger over Jay’s lips, and watched him closely as he asked, “More intense than you were expecting?”

  Jay wanted to deny it, but nodded his head instead. “Is it always like this?”

  Ryan gathered him into his strong embrace. “Never,” he said in a husky voice. “We have an emotional connection, Jay. This wasn’t soulless fucking. What we shared here tonight was something far more.”

  Jay nodded as Ryan moved so that they were once again laying together, Jay’s back to Ryan’s chest.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Anything,” Ryan said as he caressed a loving hand up and down Jay’s thigh.

  He had a million questions, but his emotions were all over the place and he didn’t want to frighten Ryan away by being even needier than he’d been over all the stuff that had happened to Kat. Fuck, he was usually a confident, in-charge kind of guy. It felt very unsettling to appear so damn needy.

  “Will you still move in with me?”

  Ryan laughed, the deep rumble oddly comforting as it reverberated against Jay’s back.

  “Just try and stop me.”

  Chapter Seven

  Kat’s hands shook. She clasped them together and pressed them against her middle, trying to hide her agitation. Somehow, in her head, the hospital had become a safe haven, and walking out the front door seemed akin to stepping into a deep pit full of live vipers.

  The world was a dangerous place—she’d known that all along—but now she knew that she couldn’t trust her own judgment. How was she supposed to go through life if she didn’t have a clue who to trust?

  “Kat?” Ryan asked calmly as her feet stopped moving all by themselves. She felt like her shoes were glued to the floor.

  “I…” I can’t. I won’t. Please, God, don’t make me. “I…need to sit down f–for a moment.”

  “It’s okay, baby girl,” Ryan said as he touched her lower back very lightly and guided her over to the chairs in the corner. “Take all the time you need.” She tried not to flinch at his soft touch, but it was obvious that he noticed her reaction. He stepped back and lowered himself to the floor, squatting down so that he could see her face, but staying far enough away that she didn’t feel trapped or crowded.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. Ryan was a police officer. He was the reason Kent had been caught and charged. She’d trusted him wholeheartedly as he’d sat by her bed. Hell, she’d been obsessed with the fact that he owned a gun. In the hospital he’d seemed like her own personal hero. But the moment she was supposed to walk out the door everything changed.

  She clasped her hands together tightly, her eyes blurring with tears as she realized how much her reaction would hurt Ryan if he knew. Fuck, Ryan was her best friend’s lover for heaven’s sake. If Jay chose to trust him, then she should, too. She might not be able to believe her own judgment, but she had faith in Jay.

  Yet none of that calm and reasonable thinking did anything to stop her hands from shaking, or her heart from pounding, or helped get her feet unglued from the floor.

  “Hey,” Ryan said shuffling back a few inches. “Kat, I know this is hard, and I’m really sorry you have to go through it, but if you give in to it now it’s just going to get harder.”

  “I know,” she said as a single tear escaped her control. She’d discussed trust issues with her counselor. Unfortunately, it hadn’t helped that she’d not trusted her counselor either. Men, women, gay, straight…it didn’t seem to matter. The only person she trusted in the entire world was the man who’d been her best friend all her life.

  And she’d been lying to him for years now.

  Ryan lifted himself off his knees and into the chair next to her, careful not to touch her. Unfortunately, his understanding behavior was just making her feel more miserable. He deserved far better from her.

  “Would you like me to call Jay?” he asked, showing once more how wonderful a man he really was. She shook her head quickly. Kat was sure that Jay had lost a lot of money in recent weeks as he’d cared for her. Not only would he have had to pay others to cover his shifts at the restaurant, but he’d risked damaging his hard-won reputation by not cooking the meals himself. Many of his regulars ate at his restaurant because of his skilled cooking, not someone else’s.

  “I just need a minute,” she said, hoping that by saying the words out loud that she could somehow make them come true.

  “Kat,” Ryan said as he reached for her hand. He pulled back before he actually touched her, gave her an understanding smile, and then leaned back in his seat. He was a big guy, but somehow he gave the impression that he was completely nonthreatening. “Baby girl, this is a completely natural reaction to what happened to you.” He didn’t even look at her, giving her the privacy she needed to be able to pull herself together. “Jay and I will help you get through this any way we can, but you know that the only person who can beat this is you.”

  “I know.”

  She’d been completely confident of her ability to walk out that door, all the way up to the point where her feet had grown a mind of their own and refused to go any further. Even now, sitting away from the exit she struggled to catch her breath. Unfortunately, she’d experienced more than one panic attack in the past couple weeks, so she knew very well what the signs were.

  And suddenly being alone and having a panic attack seemed far more frightening than holding on to a man who cared for her and loved Jay. She reached over and touched his hand, curling her fingers around his warmth as he smiled softly.

  “I think I can go now,” she said, determined this time to follow through.

  “That’s my girl,” he said, rubbing her fingers softly with his thumb. “Let’s go see what Jay’s cooking up for lunch.”

  She shook more violently as she got closer to the electronic doors, her panic almost strangling her as she forced herself to step out into the world. But Ryan was there, staying with her, quietly supporting her, lending her his strength as her own fled.

  Yet that first step into the sunshine was easier than she expected. The first deep breath of clean, crisp air cleared her head and the soft, cool breeze caressed her skin like a forgotten friend. She glanced at Ryan, giving him a tremulous smile as the outside world seemed just a little less scary, a little less dark, a little less filled with terrible memories.

  “Thank you.”

  “Anytime, baby girl. Anytime.”

  * * * *

  Jay tried really hard to concentrate, but his eyes kept straying to the front door waiting for Kat and Ryan to get home.

  He’d b
een concerned when she’d insisted that he work rather than pick her up from the hospital, but Ryan had quietly and confidently offered to take his place. He’d also suggested that it was important to Kat that she not feel like she was interfering in Jay’s dream of a successful restaurant. Jay had understood the reasoning but it wasn’t making the wait any easier.

  The moment he saw Ryan’s car pull into the parking lot he yelled instructions to his assistant chefs and left the kitchen. It wasn’t until he reached the front door that he wondered if he was doing the right thing. Maybe he should have waited until Ryan had her settled upstairs. He was so busy arguing with himself on the best way to handle the situation that he almost missed the fact that she held Ryan’s hand with her uninjured one as they made their way slowly to the front door. Her stitches had come out nearly a week ago, but she was still moving stiffly.

  Kat smiled when she saw him, but it was obvious that she was trying hard to stay in control. She was shivering despite the pleasant warmth of the day.

  “Go back to work, Jay,” she said quietly. “Ryan will stay with me while you finish up the lunch shift. I’ll see you when you get home.”

  “You sure?” he asked, glancing at Ryan for a signal on how he should react. Ryan gave him a tight smile and a small nod.

  “Of course, I’m sure,” Kat said, almost sounding like her old self. It was pure bravado. Jay knew her well enough to see that, but he wasn’t going to call her on it. Maybe the first step to recovering from the emotional trauma was pretending that everything was all right.

  “Okay,” he said, suddenly unsure what to do with his hands. Any other day he would have pressed a kiss to her cheek, but since the attack she’d pulled away from almost all physical contact. At least she was holding onto Ryan’s hand. “I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”