One-Click Buy: July 2009 Harlequin Blaze

by Julie Kenner

  His expression softened. “Winnie, I—”

  She sucked in another breath. “But I can see that you want something else. So I’m done throwing myself at you. You know how I feel. You know what I want. You know where I am.”

  Weary, but oddly relieved that she’d finally confessed her feelings, she turned again and walked away. “The ball’s in your court. Do with it what you will.”

  Because she was done playing.

  7

  THE BALL’S IN YOUR COURT…

  And that’s exactly where it had sat for the past twenty-four hours.

  Adam had never been more certain or more confused of anything in his life. Every word she’d said had haunted him to the point of insanity, particularly her broken but emphatic ‘I want you’ comment.

  Was she trying to kill him? Did she have any idea how much he wanted her? How much letting her walk away cost him?

  He’d had to lock down every muscle in his body to keep from going after her, God help him, to keep from showing her exactly how much strength he didn’t have. Adam had been in situations behind enemy lines which hadn’t required so much restraint, so much willpower.

  But at what point did willpower actually become stupidity?

  Adam was fighting a losing battle here—he knew that. So why was he still resisting so damned hard? Why couldn’t he give in and allow them to have what they both wanted? He only had a few days left before his meeting with Colonel Marks. If things went the way he was relatively certain they would go, he would probably be leaving early Saturday morning. No doubt there was still lots of red tape to cut through before he actually shipped out to Iraq, but all of that would be done on base. And with expediency, he imagined.

  Camped out in his usual spot on the porch swing—the place he’d spent most of his time since he’d gotten home—Adam stared out over the bay and watched boats and wave-runners kick up surf. Gulls squawked and dove in and out of the water. His brother’s boat, Second Helping, bobbed lazily against the dock and the sight inspired a smile and, if he were honest, a bit of loneliness and envy. He missed Levi and he missed Natalie, his best friend who his brother had married. An unlikely pairing, both of them committed to their careers, and yet they had made it work.

  You and Winnie could make it work, too, a little voice whispered. You could have what they have, as well.

  Adam shook his head and beat back the idea. He didn’t want that…did he? Was he still so sure? Adam pondered the thought and that bronze-haired blue-eyed child he’d envisioned earlier made an encore appearance in his mind. Longing shafted through him, acute and sharp. Up until the past few days, he would have sworn that he’d never regret not having a home and family, that his career was all he’d ever really need.

  But now…he didn’t know.

  All he knew was that he wanted Winnie, that he’d wither away and die if he couldn’t kiss her again. Desire slithered through his loins and remembered heat pooled in his groin when he thought about how it had felt to have her beneath him.

  Right. Perfect. Grounded. Home.

  Like Levi and Natalie, a relationship between him and Winnie would have to be less than conventional. He was committed to his career and she had built a home and business in Bethel Bay that she adored. While she was not as tied to the community with responsibilities as Natalie had been, Winnie was nevertheless anchored here, as well.

  She was his anchor, too.

  Natalie might have kept him sane in the beginning, but nobody made him feel quite so grounded, so secure as Winnie. Simply being in the same room with her made him feel…whole. Complete. And that, admittedly, was a welcome sensation, considering that he wasn’t technically whole anymore.

  Strange how he didn’t even think about that when he was kissing her. He would have imagined that he would have felt a little self-conscious and clumsy, yet he hadn’t given his prosthesis a second thought.

  Probably because he’d been too busy thinking about how fabulous she felt in his arms.

  Lean and womanly, warm and sleek. His dick stirred, remembering. His palms literally itched to feel her skin, the silken softness of her jaw. She was perfectly proportioned, as though she’d been handcrafted by a higher power expressly for him. They fit together like corresponding puzzle pieces, snug and seamless.

  And God how he wanted her.

  Frankly, up until this point he was proud of how well he’d managed to keep himself in check. He’d dreamt about her—both during sleep and awake—and when the waking dreams became unbearable, he’d launch into some sort of physical activity, pushing himself until he was too tired to think anymore. And in the beginning, he’d avoided her—which made him miserable and her unhappy.

  Clearly that way didn’t work, either.

  But did it really matter? He was still going to hurt her. Regardless of what she said, Winnie wanted—and deserved—her happily-ever-after. And though he wasn’t altogether certain he didn’t want that himself, he knew it was still impossible. He was leaving. He’d sacrificed too much of himself for this career.

  He’d earned it, dammit. He needed it.

  His cell phone vibrated at his waist, thankfully distracting him. Adam checked the display and smiled. Perfect timing, he thought.

  Levi.

  “I’m tired of getting all of my information secondhand,” his brother complained. “Why didn’t you call and tell me that your appointment had been moved up?”

  Adam chuckled. “Nice to hear from you, too, bro. As usual, the sound of your voice brings a tear to my eye.” He sniffed dramatically.

  Levi’s reluctant laugh sounded over the line. “Asshole.”

  “I’m assuming you’ve talked to the General?”

  “No, I talked to Mom,” Levi said.

  Adam blinked, a bit taken aback. Though he was certain his mother knew that there had been a change in plans, she hadn’t said a word to him. She was either in denial or had finally come to accept his choice. And evidently Levi knew which option she’d taken.

  Adam cleared his throat, stood up, pushed out the screen door and walked down the sloping lawn toward the bay. “Yeah? What she have to say? She’s been strangely silent about it.”

  Levi winced. “Her feelings haven’t changed, but she knows that you’ve made up your mind. She doesn’t want to waste what little bit of time she has left with you by arguing about it.”

  Good, Adam thought, relieved. He didn’t want to argue with her, either. It was pointless and he always walked away feeling like he’d let her down. He didn’t want to disappoint her, but he couldn’t be the son she wanted him to be.

  “Speaking of wasting time, how are things with Winnie?”

  The subject change brought him up short and made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. “What?”

  “Don’t play dumb,” Levi said, laughing softly. “My wife is privy to all your secrets. She talked to Winnie for an hour and a half last night.” He chuckled darkly. “That phone bill will be coming to you.”

  Winnie had talked to Natalie? About him? About everything that had happened between them? He wasn’t surprised. Nat was Winnie’s best friend, as well. Truthfully, had he not been so certain that he was doing the right thing, he would have called her, as well.

  But he was.

  It was a dead-end relationship. And no detour—as satisfying as it might be—was going to change that.

  Adam swallowed. “There’s nothing to tell,” he said, though the lie burned his tongue.

  “Bullshit,” his brother replied. “From the sounds of things you finally came to your senses and then blew it again. Don’t, Adam,” Levi said. His voice rang with an unusual intensity. “Winnie’s crazy about you. She always has been. You’re good together.”

  Adam didn’t want to have this conversation, particularly with Levi, who was disgustingly happy at the moment. He watched a sailboat slide across the bay. “Look, I appreciate the advice, but—”

  “Let me talk to him,” he heard Natalie say. Muffled thu
mps sounded in Adam’s ear as the phone was wrenched away from Levi. “Adam?”

  Adam sighed and dropped his head. Oh, hell. “Hi, Nat. You keeping that big oaf of a brother of mine in line?”

  “It’s not easy, but yes.” She drew in a deep breath, evidently preparing to let him have it. “Listen, Adam. I’m not going to pretend to know what’s going on in your head. It’s too complicated and I don’t have time. But if you leave Winnie the way things are—with the ball in your court—so help me God I will track you down to the ends of the earth and I will hurt you. Seriously.”

  Though he knew she meant every word and he probably ought to feel a little worried, Adam laughed. “Nat, I—”

  “Don’t you Nat me, you giant ass. I am seriously annoyed with you, Adam. I mean it.” She made a frustrated growl. “She’s laid it all on the line for you! Do you have any idea the amount of courage that takes? Do you?” she demanded. “It’s time you live up to that charm I gave you and stop being a friggin’ coward.”

  That was the second time in the past week that someone had accused him of being a coward. Was it true? Adam knew the answer, but refused to examine the truth behind it. It was too hard. Too painful. Doubt wasn’t part of his makeup. He couldn’t deal with it. Not right now.

  Unthinkingly, Adam reached up and fingered the charm Natalie had carved for him. The Chinese symbol for courage.

  Funny, at the time she’d given it to him, he’d thought he’d need the reminder to help him get through losing part of his leg.

  But there was something more, something deeper. Something he didn’t want to see.

  And Nat was right. Winnie had bared her soul, hadn’t she? She’d made her feelings and her desires perfectly clear.

  Courage, indeed, he thought, humbled.

  Adam swallowed, ashamed of himself for not telling her how much he wanted her yesterday, disgusted and revolted that he’d let her walk away.

  He was an utter fool. A stubborn, miserable fool.

  He couldn’t promise her anything—wouldn’t because he didn’t have anything to offer—but he would make sure that she knew she hadn’t offered herself for nothing. That she hadn’t been brave in vain.

  He had three days left of freedom…and they were hers.

  To hell with the ball, the court and the game, Adam thought as he determinedly walked back toward the house.

  He just wanted her.

  WINNIE EYED THE last white cupcake with chocolate frosting she’d hidden behind an éclair—she’d been saving it for Adam—and, felt her eyes inexplicably fill with tears.

  How pathetic was she? Crying over a damned cupcake. Because it was his favorite. Because she’d hoped against hope that he’d want her too and come by today.

  But he hadn’t.

  It had been a little over a day since she’d thrown the ball back into his court, and evidently he was just going to keep it and go home.

  That had been a risk, she knew. But she’d be lying if she didn’t admit that she’d secretly hoped that he’d want her as much as she wanted him.

  That was the part that was so unbearable. That made her literally ache from the inside out. Until recently, this so-called relationship between them had always been a bit lopsided—she’d loved him and he’d considered her a pal.

  But given his inability to stay away from her, as well as the veiled comments, the innuendo—the flirting—not to mention his scorching response to their kiss yesterday, she’d hoped that things were finally beginning to even up just a bit.

  Clearly, that wasn’t the case.

  She’d all but asked him to make love to her—and he hadn’t so much as strolled by her shop.

  Unfortunately, until he left on Friday, she knew she’d keep hoping he would change his mind. Once he was gone and all semblance of that hope gone with him, then she would allow herself to grieve.

  Jana Mulrooney poked her head into the bakery. “You still open, Winnie?”

  With effort, Winnie pasted a professional smile on her face and nodded. “You just caught me. What can I get for you?”

  “Petit fours,” Jana said, eying the case with the maniacal sort of hunger only seen in women who were expecting.

  Pregnancy hormones, Winnie thought. Once again the vision of her would-be child broadsided her—bronze curls and blue-green eyes, sooty lashes and a toothless, slobbery grin.

  She let go a shaky breath and quickly filled a box. “Here you go,” she said. “How are you, by the way?”

  “Morning sickness sucks,” Jana said. She grimaced. “Me and orange juice are no longer friends.”

  Winnie smiled. “Ah. And Eddie?” she asked gently.

  Jana looked away and her eyes dulled a bit. “Well, he’s ecstatic over the baby, of course. And he’s fired his secretary.”

  Winnie waited. “I’m sensing a but…”

  She shrugged helplessly. “I can’t get past it, Winnie. Not yet. I resent that he cheated on me and I’m furious that he’s ruined what should have been one of the happiest times in our marriage with this affair. He’s the one who should be here, buying my petit fours for me. He should be helping me plan a nursery. I will never forget what happened. I just can’t block out the memory of the day I went to tell him our happy news and caught him screwing his secretary on our old couch in his office.” She shook her head. “It’s just not going to happen.”

  No, that would definitely be hard to forget. There was no way in hell Winnie could get past something like that. But the true question, of course, was not could she forget, but could she forgive?

  After a moment, Winnie decided to ask. “Do you think you will ever be able to forgive him?”

  Jana shook her head and indecision was written all over her pretty face. “I don’t know. I would like to think that I could. But I’m just not sure at this point. It’s still too fresh, you know?”

  Winnie nodded. She certainly understood that. “So where is Eddie?”

  “He’s moved into the apartment over his parents’ garage.” She laughed. “And he’s lucky they let him do that. His folks are furious at him. His mother has been reciting our wedding vows to him, repeatedly. ‘What part of and keep thee only unto her did you not understand, son?’” She shook her head. “If I wasn’t so angry, I would feel sorry for him.”

  “And the cake?” Winnie asked.

  Another ghost of a smile appeared on her lips. “Ah. You’ll be happy to know that I didn’t give it to him at their anniversary party. I waited and gave it to him at the office the next day. In the face. In front of his cheating whore of a secretary, who also got a little bite of it, as well.”

  Winnie chuckled, impressed. “Excellent. I like that delivery better, too.”

  Jana leaned against the counter. “What about you, Winnie? Anything interesting happening with you?”

  Winnie started to shake her head, but a movement outside the front of the store caught her attention. Bronze hair, broad shoulders.

  Adam.

  Her heart raced and her mouth went inexplicably dry.

  He opened the door and sidled in. “Good. You’re still here. I was afraid I’d miss you.” He nodded a greeting at Jana.

  “Hey, Adam,” Jana said, her gaze darting significantly back and forth between the two of them. “So…thanks for the petit fours, Winnie.” She gasped. “Oh, I have to pay for them.”

  “You can catch up next time,” Winnie said. “I’ve already closed the register anyway.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Sure,” Winnie confirmed.

  “Okay, thanks.” She looked at Adam, then at Winnie and quirked a brow. “I’ll see you later.”

  Winnie followed Jana to the door, then turned and looked at Adam. He wore khaki shorts, an off-white T-shirt and the most purposeful, determined expression she’d ever seen.

  It made her heart sing.

  Winnie swallowed. “If you’re going to be here a few minutes, then I’m going to lock the door. I technically closed five minutes ago.”
>
  “I’m going to be here for a few minutes,” Adam said. He shoved his hands into his pockets and strolled to the display case. A comical frown crossed his face when he spied the empty spot where his cupcakes were usually stored.

  Despite the tension in the room, Winnie felt her lips twitch with affection. She went back behind the counter and retrieved his snack. “I always save you one,” she admitted. “Just in case you come by.”

  He smiled and gave his head a small shake. “You’re too good to me, Winnie.”

  She nodded primly, anticipation making her blood sing. “I know.”

  He chuckled softly. “So modest. It’s one of your best character traits.”

  She smiled. “Well, since you’re not particularly familiar with modesty yourself, I’m actually quite proud that you knew how to recognize it.”

  He licked a bit of icing from his thumb and feigned being hurt. “Ouch.”

  “Ha,” Winnie told him. “Ouch my ass. It would take a helluva lot more than that to wound your considerable pride, you great fraud.”

  They’d settled right back into their familiar pattern. It was so easy to be with Adam. She felt oddly safe in his presence. Stripped bare and laid raw, but curiously protected all the same.

  His gaze tangled with hers and a strange undercurrent passed between them, one she didn’t quite know how to name. An expectant silence settled in the gap and Winnie found herself unaccountably nervous.

  She swallowed tightly and felt her smile slip. “Was there something you wanted, Adam?”

  He took a short breath through his teeth. “There was.”

  She waited. “Well?”

  He looked away, blew out a breath and lifted his shoulders in a fatalistic shrug. When he turned back to her, his eyes were clear and thrillingly focused. He took a step forward, purposely moving into her personal space, showing her his intentions. Another electrifying jolt of happiness whipped through her.

  “You,” he said simply. “I want you, Winnie. I, uh… I don’t have the strength to stay away from you anymore.”

  Joy in its purest form rushed through her. A shaky breath left her lungs. “You don’t have to, Adam. I’m yours for the taking. I always have been.”