Rancher's Refuge (Whisper Falls)

by Goodnight, Linda

  He plucked one of the flowers and handed it to his wife, whose ever-rosy cheeks deepened in color. “A flower for a fair maiden.”

  “Silly man,” she blustered, but Annalisa could tell she was pleased. “I think I’ll take a walk in the woods. Work off some of this dinner and take a few photos. Anyone care to join me?”

  Uncle Digger moved with more than his usual turtle speed. “Let me get my varmit gun.”

  Annalisa exchanged amused glances with Austin. Uncle Digger insisted on carrying a vintage rifle of some sort on the train in case of snakes, bears, cougars or other “varmits” as he called them. According to Miss Evelyn, he’d never fired a shot.

  “You two go ahead,” Austin said. “We’ll clean up the leftovers.”

  As the older couple moved off into the woods, Annalisa replaced lids and rewrapped aluminum foil. Austin jammed paper plates and napkins into a plastic bag.

  “I think they wanted to be alone.”

  “Yeah,” Austin said. “Lovebirds at their ages. Who knew?”

  “I think it’s sweet and…kind of affirming.”

  He cocked his head. “What do you mean?”

  “That love can ripen and grow with the years instead of dying out.”

  “Hmm” was all he said as he stared down at a bag of cookies, thoughtful.

  A quiet broken only by birdsong and soft wind through the leaves stretched across the meadow. Annalisa thought of the way the older couple held hands as they’d sauntered into the trees.

  Last night’s kiss and now the romantic atmosphere of a picnic in the woods had her thinking things she probably shouldn’t.

  “Church was good,” she ventured, opting for safer ground. “I’m glad you were there.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Will you go again?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe.” He crushed a pop can in one hand. “Too many questions never get answered.”

  “I felt the same way until coming here. Your sister and Uncle Digger have changed my mind. God loves us, Austin, no matter what.” Even if she struggled with guilt, she was learning the truth of God’s grace and mercy. “I think God allowed me to go through some difficult times to bring me to this point.”

  “Are you saying God caused James to break your arm and hit you? To threaten you?” His face was a thundercloud. “What kind of God does that?”

  If Austin knew the things she’d done out of loneliness and a heart devoid of direction, would he despise her? The question ate a hole in her wounded conscience. So many regrets.

  “God didn’t do those things, Austin. I stayed with James even though I knew he wasn’t good for me. I can’t blame God for my choices.”

  Austin’s arms stiffened at his sides. His hands clenched into fists. She’d made him angry.

  A memory flashed in her head, of fists and a livid face. Of James’s temper.

  Heart rattling, she pushed up from the quilt and walked quickly away and down the train tracks. She shouldn’t be afraid, not of Austin. But James had programmed her to fear, had controlled her with his icy anger until she would do anything to avoid setting him off.

  She hated living like this. Even though she’d moved far away, James still gripped her life.

  Something gleamed in the gravel next to the iron railroad tracks. She stooped to discover an angled piece of flint sharp on one end and notched on the other.

  “An arrowhead.” Austin’s voice came from over her shoulder. She turned to find him there, watching her with a solemn expression. “Natives hunted here, on this very spot, a long time ago. Long before there was a town or a railroad.”

  She rotated the stone in her fingers, a gray shiny remnant of the past.

  “Are you okay?” The question he always asked, the one that melted her anxiety.

  “I’m fine. Why?” But she knew, of course.

  “I upset you.”

  She glanced around the glade, a pristine wilderness broken only by the train tracks.

  “Only for a moment.”

  He eased an arm around her shoulders, let it lie there lightly as if gauging her acceptance. “You’re safe with me.”

  “I know.” And she did. In her head, she knew. In her heart, she knew. But bad experiences died hard.

  When she didn’t pull away, Austin drew her close to his side and she rested there, letting tension drain away. Gently, he opened her fingers and touched the arrowhead, a gray gleam on her palm. “Quite a find. Rare and special. There aren’t many left.”

  Like him. A rare and special find. A man to trust.

  She was terrified of loving again, of taking a chance. If Austin knew everything about her past, would he reject her, as broken as she was?

  “You’re a beautiful woman, Annalisa,” he said softly, his warm breath against her hair. “Inside and out.”

  If only he knew the truth….

  It was then she decided to tell him, to put her past out in the open for him to reject or accept. Before her heart was too far gone.

  “Remember that day at the falls?” she said, squeezing the arrowhead until the sharp edge cut into her skin. “You told me to trust you.”

  “As I recall you didn’t have much choice.”

  “Maybe not, but you didn’t let me down. You said I could trust you, and you told the truth.” She drew a ragged breath. A squirrel scampered down a cottonwood tree, rustling leaves. “I, on the other hand, haven’t always been honest with you.”

  She felt him tense and steeled herself for his rejection.

  “Is this about your relationship with James?”

  “Yes, in a way. But in another way, James was the culmination of a lot of mistakes I made.”

  “We all make mistakes.”

  “Not like mine.” She twisted the arrowhead, clenching and unclenching. Grief of her own making rose in her throat and tingled behind her eyelids. “Remember when I said I had no family left? That isn’t true. I have a sister.”

  “Olivia. But I thought…” He stepped away to look at her, head tilted in bewilderment.

  “You thought she died—and I let you believe it.”

  “Why?” His brow furrowed. “Why would you do that?”

  She parked her fists on her hips and gazed upward. Cotton-white clouds gazed back, benevolent. “In a way, she’s lost to me. We don’t talk. I haven’t seen her in…a long time.”

  “Want to tell me why?”

  No, but she must. “When Grandpa died, Olivia and I disagreed over the distribution of his farm and property. That’s about the time James came along. I was so stupid. I know that now, but then I was blinded by James’s take-charge charm. He said he wanted to take care of me, for me not to worry. He’d handle everything.”

  “What kind of things?”

  “Everything, Austin, everything, although I didn’t understand at the time that he wanted absolute possession of my life. I thought his possessiveness was a sign of love.” She brushed her hair behind an ear, wishing she hadn’t been so needy and unwise. “Olivia wanted to keep the farm. James considered it an albatross. Cash was better, he claimed, to start fresh with him in California. Olivia was trying to tie me down, break us up.”

  And to her shame, she’d agreed, choosing James and his false attention over her family and the little farm that had molded her childhood.

  “So you sold out?”

  She dropped her head, stared at a twig stuck beneath her shoelace. “I wanted to please James.”

  “Didn’t Olivia have a say?”

  “Not legally.” Tears gathered in her eyes. To cover the emotion, she crouched and plucked away the twig. “Grandpa trusted me to do the right thing. He trusted me, and I let him down. I let Olivia down. She said she’d never forgive me, and I haven’t spoken to her since.”

  “Have you tried?”

  She tilted her head to look up at him, standing tall and calm in front of her. “A couple of times. She hung up on me.”

  He crouched with her and touched her hands. “I’m sorry.”r />
  “I keep praying, asking the Lord to forgive me and show me a way to make amends.”

  “How’s that working for you?” He offered a crooked, cynical smile.

  “Not so well.” She lifted her shoulders, sighed. “But why should He? When I sold out Olivia, I sold Him out, too. I traded everything for a charming man who told me pretty lies, who insisted he was all I needed to be happy. I didn’t need my sister. I didn’t need God. All I needed was James.”

  “Annalisa,” Austin said softly.

  She pushed to a stand, not deserving the acceptance in his expression. He didn’t know the worst.

  “Did you know I turned my back on God for him? James claimed my church took up too much time, that he couldn’t bear to be away from me that much.”

  At the time, she’d viewed James’s desire to be with her as a sign of his love. And she’d been so needy and broken that she’d traded the true love of the Father for a man who saw her as a possession.

  The ugly truth that was her life festered to breaking point. She spun away as angry tears burst free. In a broken voice, she said, “I gave him everything, Austin. Everything. How can God forgive me for that? And in return, I got exactly what I deserved—a man who humiliated me, controlled me, used me.”

  “And tried to kill you.”

  She heard the disgust in his voice. Now that Austin knew the whole story, he would walk away and never look back. He’d see her for the damaged, broken human being she was.

  She moved away from him, deeper into the woods. The sharp scents of fertile earth and decaying leaves rose, stirred by her feet. The train had stopped on a forested ridge and now she broke through the oaks and sweet gums to the incline leading down into a vast valley of colorful timber. The sights were glorious, but her shame was too deep to focus. She’d thought she was healing, that her time with good, decent, salt-of-the-earth people like Cassie and the Parsonses and Austin had brought her back to a point of peace and grace.

  How long would regret hold her captive?

  “Annalisa.”

  She turned to find him standing there, a cowboy in a white hat, with a stricken face. She raised her chin. “I thought you should know what kind of woman’s been living under your roof.”

  “I do know.” She heard the swish of denim as his long legs crossed the space that separated them in three strides. “Grief causes people to do things they wouldn’t ordinarily do.”

  She blinked, not comprehending. “What?”

  “You loved your grandfather.”

  “More than anyone other than my sister.”

  “You grieved his loss.”

  “I felt as if my anchor was gone.”

  “And that’s when James stepped right in.”

  She stared at him, stunned. “Are you saying that James took advantage of the situation?”

  “What do you think?”

  She thought he might be right. She prayed he was right.

  “I don’t want to be a terrible person.” She averted her face. He reached out, took her chin and turned her back to face him.

  “Don’t do this to yourself. I’ve known terrible people and you’re not one of them.”

  When her lips trembled, his chest rose and fell in a deep sigh. Then, he pulled her into his arms. Head resting against the steady beat of his heart, Annalisa slipped her arms around his waist and held on tight.

  “Listen to me, Annalisa. Any man worth his salt would know how special and good and decent you are.”

  She shook her head, struggling to deny his words. “No—”

  “Shh. Yes. Yes, he would. A decent man wouldn’t take advantage. He wouldn’t expect you to give up your family and your faith. He would care about what you care about.” He stroked the hair from her damp cheek, tilted her face and kissed her forehead. “James was a fool for not knowing how blessed he was to have you.”

  And Annalisa knew then why his opinion mattered so very, very much. She was completely, totally, wondrously in love with Austin Blackwell.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Austin held Annalisa close, grateful that she’d trusted him enough to share her pain. And in the same breath, he cursed himself a fool for not sharing his.

  She didn’t get it, didn’t understand that he was far more tainted than anything she had ever done. And he dared not tell her. Not now, not after he’d given his fancy speech about worthy men. Annalisa had been lied to and abused by a man who professed to love her. If she knew the circumstances of Blair’s death, she would look at him with revulsion and fear, and she would run. She’d assume him guilty as others had, even though he’d never hurt anyone other than himself.

  He felt a tug deep inside, in the place where his spirit once had reached up to God. The spot ached to lean on Someone stronger than himself. But God had let him down in his darkest hour and like Annalisa, he struggled to trust again. But he wanted to. Oh, how he wanted to.

  He stroked a ranch-roughened hand over Annalisa’s hair, down her slender back, enchanted by her softness. She cuddled into him, and he felt strong and manly and full of emotions he couldn’t voice. Every primal instinct to protect and defend flooded him like the gush of Whisper Falls.

  He thought about the things she’d told him, about her sister and grandfather, about her ex. The idea that James had taken advantage of a sad, grieving, lonely woman boiled up red-hot inside him. Not just any woman, Annalisa. His sweet, beautiful Annalisa.

  He wanted to make all kinds of promises, promises he’d die trying to keep. But he’d made promises before and come away empty and beaten. The truth was he didn’t have all the answers. He only knew he’d fallen in love with Annalisa, a foolish thing to do, and yet, he was happy. For years, he’d awakened each morning to go through the motions of a lonely, empty life. Now, he awoke with anticipation, eager for the day because of her.

  With the smell of autumn and Annalisa’s sweet perfume swirling in his senses, Austin squeezed his eyes shut as a half-formed plan drifted through his head. No one in Whisper Falls knew about Blair. No one but Cassie.

  Annalisa lifted her head and kissed his chin. A thrill ran through him. He sighed, stroked her cheek, her jaw, her lips and then he kissed her, full on the mouth, and she kissed him back, raising on tiptoes to twine her slender arms around his neck and tug him closer.

  He had no armor against this woman.

  He wanted to be with her, to go on feeling this happiness. And the only way to make that happen was to be sure she never learned the truth about his wife.

  *

  Annalisa rubbed the pale skin of her left arm, intrigued by how the muscle had shrunken in only six weeks. With a happy smile, she spritzed window cleaner on the windshield of her latest addition—a dandy little used car.

  Accessing her checking account had been easier than she’d expected. With the help of an understanding Whisper Falls banker, all her assets had been electronically transferred to a new account. Her greatest worry had been James, but as Austin reminded her, James already knew where she was. Accessing her account wouldn’t alert him to anything except that she was now standing on her own two feet.

  “What do you think, boys?” she said to the two big dogs sniffing the tires and checking out the strange vehicle. Hoss wagged his tail and nudged her arm.

  “You don’t care about cars. You want a head rub.”

  She gave him one, thinking of how satisfied and happy she felt today.

  Thank goodness she’d had sense enough not to share her accounts jointly with James, although following one of his recent manipulative outbursts, she’d told him she would. She could almost hear his voice. “I don’t want you to worry about money. Leave that to me. Math isn’t your strong suit.” And the worst, “Sometimes I think you don’t love me at all.”

  He’d made her feel as though he couldn’t live without her, as though his need for control was actually deep and passionate love. He had made her believe she was lacking because she desired a life apart from him.

  And sh
e’d fallen for his twisted manipulation every time except for the bank account. Thank goodness. Even when she’d turned away from her Heavenly Father, He was still looking out for her.

  “What a mighty God we serve,” she muttered. God had led her here to this loving place where she could heal and find her bearings.

  The idea of finally being her own woman again sent a burst of energy through her system. The Lord had forgiven her, this town had embraced her and she was as safe here as she’d ever be. She was almost convinced James would never bother her again.

  Only the break with her sister remained to plague her conscience. She’d tried again to make contact. Tried and failed. Olivia had changed her phone number.

  Annalisa figured she was the reason for the change. Little sister never wanted to hear from her again.

  “Slick ride,” Austin said, coming out the back door to where she was parked. Hoss immediately abandoned Annalisa, rushing to Austin’s side with an eager doggy smile. She understood. She’d rather be with Austin, too.

  “I bought her this morning. Isn’t she great? A little dusty and in need of a tune up, but Tommy down at the Busted Knuckle Garage said she had a lot of good miles left in her.”

  “Tommy knows cars. Where did you find it?” He walked around the back, leaned down, looked underneath.

  Annalisa released an inner breath. Austin hadn’t criticized. He’d not chastised her for buying the car without his approval. Satisfaction glowed through her. She rubbed the windshield a little harder.

  “It belonged to Mayor Fairchild’s grandma. She hasn’t driven since she went into the nursing home.” Annalisa gave the side mirror a spritz and shine. “You and Cassie and the Parsonses won’t have to be at my beck and call anymore.”

  Austin ran a palm along the front fender. “We didn’t mind.”

  “I know and I’m grateful, but it’s time for me to take care of myself again, to remember that I can.”

  Steady green eyes rested on her face. Her pulse fluttered.

  “How does it feel?”

  She grinned up at him. “Really good, thanks to you.” His support had given her much-needed confidence. “Want to go for a spin?”