Applejack and the Honest-to-Goodness Switcheroo

by G. M. Berrow

  “That all depends on how we did.” Applejack looked down at the clipboard. They had taken an inventory of only half the trees she’d scheduled for today. As she looked over the results, Applejack started to get a little bit annoyed. Why, she could have done twice as much on her own! Pinkie Pie had slowed her way down with her constant jabbering and tangents. The whole farm was now very behind schedule. This was bad. Very bad. So much for “sprinkle power.”

  “Hey, Applejack!” Pinkie said, interrupting Applejack’s train of thought again.

  “Hold on.” Applejack frowned. Were these numbers really correct? How had the haul been so small? According to her Equestrian Farmers’ Almanac, this season’s weather had been spot-on. Applejack was sure that Best of Equestria wouldn’t be impressed with this.

  All of a sudden, Pinkie Pie started skipping around the barn singing: “Oh, I’ve been workin’ on the aaapple faaarm, all the livelong daaaaay! I’ve been workin’ on the apple farm; it’s just as fun as plaaay! Can’t you hear Winona barking, sneaking up in the rows of corn? Can’t you hear A.J. shouting, ‘Pinkie, blow your flügelhoooooooorn’?” Pinkie Pie whipped out her crystal flügelhorn and began blowing a series of loud honks.

  “PINKIE!” Applejack was at the end of her rope. She gritted her teeth. “Why don’t you run on home now? I think I can take the rest from here.”

  “Are you sure?” Pinkie Pie stopped in her tracks. “If you want, I can come back tomorrow, too. Even though it’s frosting day at Sugarcube Corner, I wouldn’t mind helping you finish getting ready for the big day!” She took out a small tub of purple frosting, smeared some on an apple, and then chomped down on it.

  “No!” Applejack answered quickly. “What I mean is… I wouldn’t want you to miss any more of the fun stuff at Sugarcube Corner. I think Rainbow Dash will help me plenty.”

  “Yes, Applejack, sir!” Pinkie Pie saluted Applejack and skipped off toward Ponyville. As she bounced off into the distance, Applejack could still hear the distinctive toots of the flügelhorn and Pinkie’s high-pitched singing voice. At the wrong moment, it could sound less like a songbird and more like a pony was dragging a horseshoe across a blackboard. Right now was one of those moments.

  Applejack was stressed out. She had more work to do than time to do it! She looked around the barn at all the bushels of apples. She’d done this job a million times before. Of course she’d pull it off! It wasn’t about how fast they could buck all the apples and catalog them; it was about doing a thorough, good job of it.

  Remember—the trees that are slow to grow bear the best apples, she thought. Pace yerself, A.J. It was like the time she and Rainbow Dash had competed against each other in an Ironpony competition. During the Running of the Leaves race, she and Rainbow had both used up all their energy trying to get ahead in the beginning. Twilight Sparkle, on the other hoof, had saved hers for the final leg, allowing her to sprint to the finish line and beat them. So what if Applejack had had a slow start today? That just meant that by the end of the week, she’d still have some energy to work with. She just needed to relax.

  CHAPTER 7

  Howdy, Journal

  Applejack washed off her hooves under the barn water spigot and headed upstairs to her bedroom. She hung her hat on the peg and looked around the room. What now? How did a pony go about relaxing? Her eyes scanned the room and landed on a basket in the corner brimming with different-colored yarn.

  “I know! I’ll work on that blanket I was knittin’ for Apple Bloom,” Applejack announced to nopony. It was going to be the perfect relaxin’ activity to take her mind off all this award hullabaloo. She chose some green yarn and found the little piece from the last time she’d worked on it. Apparently, that was a long time ago, because she could barely remember how to knit!

  The more Applejack tried to loop and purl, the more the yarn became a big tangled mess. “Jumpin’ jackrabbits!” Applejack exclaimed. This was the exact opposite of calming. What was she doing wrong? Was it loop, cast, stitch or loop, stitch, cast…? Or neither? She scratched her head, examining the jumbled ball of yarn in front of her. Suddenly, she remembered the knitting guidebook Twilight had given her last spring. Why, it had all the instructions she needed to make the blanket and more. With that thing by her side, she’d even have time to knit a few Sweet Apple Acres cider cozies to impress the judges.

  Applejack riffled under the bed, where she kept all her odds and ends that didn’t belong anywhere else. She didn’t see the knitting book, but another book caught her attention instead. It was her mother’s drawing book. She hesitated for a moment, then decided to pull out the big leather tome. Applejack grabbed a quill from her nightstand drawer and plopped down on her bed. She flipped through the pages until she found a blank page. Applejack began to write.

  Howdy, Journal,

  Today started like any other, I guess. Me and the other Apples got up bright and early and such. I was ready for a productive day on the farm. I had a lot of trees to buck and was excited to do it. See, I had a bee in my bonnet about how I was gonna get everything done because it’s a special week. Sweet Apple Acres is up for an award—Best Orchard in Equestria! Pretty neat, huh?

  Applejack stopped scribbling for a moment. She was starting to feel more relaxed already. Granny Smith was right. Applejack turned her attention back to the page and continued on:

  So of course I want to win, need to win. When I told my friends about it, they kindly offered to help me get things ready around the farm. Now, I’m not one to turn down a pony who wants to work (except that one time I tried to buck all of Sweet Apple Acres on my own—but we all remember how well that turned out.…), so I accepted.

  Today was Pinkie Pie’s turn. Don’t get me wrong. I love Pinkie as much as a grub slinger loves a new spatula. But the trouble is, she’s an awful farmworker! Maybe the worst I’ve seen. All day long, she was runnin’ to and fro, jabberin’ on, and just slowin’ me down. If she wasn’t around, I might have gotten all my work done. But now I’m real behind! Pinkie Pie’s “help” was just the opposite. What a pickle. Oh well, I guess tomorrow’s a new day!

  The tired pony let out a deep sigh. Writing sure felt good. It was like all the frustrations of the day had just left her. Poof! Granny was right—she was gettin’ her lasso in a twist over a whole lotta nothin’.

  It hit her like a crate of apples, but all of a sudden, the pony was plum knackered. Applejack gingerly closed the book and put it on the nightstand on top of the journal she shared with her friends. She flicked off the lamp and soon fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

  CHAPTER 8

  Leaf It to Rainbow Dash

  Applejack unfurled the large scroll and laid it on the grass so everypony could see it. “All right now, Apples—and Rainbow Dash—here’s the plan.” The map of the apple farm wasn’t the most attractive, but it was perfectly to scale. Applejack knew Sweet Apple Acres better than anypony, and today she meant business. She pointed her hoof at two dotted lines that snaked their way through a maze of hastily scribbled trees. She placed four tiny pony figurines that looked like game pieces on the scroll.

  “I’ve divided the remaining sections of farm between me”—she pointed to the yellow dotted line and put the Applejack figurine on it—“and Big Mac.” She pointed her hoof at the red line and put down a red pony figurine. “We’re the team captains. Apple Bloom and Rainbow Dash—you two will be our farm-hooves. Anything we need, y’all help us with. Got it?” She smiled wide. This plan was going to work so much better than the approach they’d taken yesterday.

  “Got it!” shouted Apple Bloom. The filly grinned at Rainbow Dash, enchanted by the idea that the two of them had the same assignment, probably imagining how her friend Scootaloo would be so jealous. “Farm-hooves, hoof-bump!” Apple Bloom put her hoof out to Rainbow, who didn’t return the greeting.

  “Uh, Rainbow Dash?” Applejack asked, eyebrows raised. “You in?”

  “Ehhhh…” Rainbow Dash shrugged. She crossed her arms and le
aned against a tree nonchalantly. “I don’t know, A.J.”

  “Gotta problem?” Applejack asked with a hint of sass in her voice. “Then spit it out.”

  “The plan is okay and all,” Rainbow Dash explained. “It’s just that… I see myself as more of a lead pony than a wingpony.” She shrugged.

  “A lead pony?” Apple Bloom asked. “What’s that?”

  “At Wonderbolt Academy”—Rainbow Dash stuck her nose in the air—“where I studied, the ponies are split into teams, and then the best pony gets to be in charge.” Rainbow trotted over and looked at the map. “I just think we could get all this done faster if I were the lead pony.”

  Here in Ponyville, she considered herself the top of the heap, but Rainbow Dash was failing to mention that she had actually been named as a wingpony to another Pegasus named Lightning Dust at Wonderbolt Academy. Apparently, she was still a little sore about the whole situation.

  “Hate to break it to ya, sugarcube,” Applejack said with a chuckle. “But I’m pretty sure that Sweet Apple Acres is the one place in Equestria where I am most definitely, undeniably more skilled than you.”

  “Eeyup,” said Big Mac, nodding.

  “Besides,” said Applejack, leaning closer to her Pegasus friend, “you offered to help me so we could win the award, remember?”

  “You do bring up a good point,” Rainbow Dash conceded. She did want to help her friend, so her pride could be pushed aside for the day. “Can we at least get started, then? Standing around looking at this piece of paper is boooor-ing.”

  “Couldn’t agree more!” Applejack shouted. “Everypony ready for day two? Let’s make this orchard the Best in Equestria! Yeehaw!”

  Hours later, Applejack was starting to feel the burn. She and Rainbow had been working their muscles all day, bucking, pulling carts, and continuing to record each tree’s output. The data was essential if they wanted to prove they had the best yield of any orchard.

  Applejack shaded her face and looked to the sky. She spotted a pale blue dot in the distance and followed it with her eyes. It was headed for a landing on the treetop right above her. “Apple power activaaaaaate!” Rainbow Dash shouted as she touched her hooves to the top, shaking the whole tree with all her might. The branches bowed and swayed. Three apples fell to the ground, shortly followed by a shower of leaves. Rainbow Dash flew to the ground, satisfied with the result. Applejack looked up at the naked tree. It had only a few leaves left!

  “Rainbow!” Applejack reprimanded. “That’s not what I had in mind when I asked you to fly to the treetops and make sure there weren’t any straggler apples still hangin’ on.” Applejack picked up a hoof-ful of leaves and threw them up in the air for emphasis. “Just look at this!” A leaf landed on Rainbow Dash’s head, and she batted it away.

  “It wasn’t?” Rainbow Dash said, feigning innocence. Applejack narrowed her eyes. She suspected the pony had known exactly what she was doing. If there was a flourish to add or an extra mile to go, she’d do it. Normally, Applejack could respect that, but right now it was mighty frustratin’. This was not a time to mess around. Rainbow smiled. “At least it looked awesome!”

  “I want this place in tip-top shape for the Best in Equestria judges on Friday,” Applejack said. “And that includes keepin’ the leaves on the trees!”

  “Oops.” Rainbow Dash gave a nervous laugh. Her eyes darted over Applejack’s shoulder. “Too late.” Applejack spun around to see that the trees behind them were almost entirely missing their leaves, too! It looked like the dead of winter, not early fall.

  “Think of it this way, Applejack”—Rainbow put her arm around her buddy—“I did you a major favor. Now only the strongest leaves are left. Survival of the leafiest!” Rainbow scratched under her chin and narrowed her eyes. “I think that famous Pegasus Darwing said that—”

  “I don’t care if Princess Celestia said it! Just stop ruinin’ the trees and help me, please?” Applejack trotted over to her map of the orchard. She moved the tiny figurines of herself and Rainbow around. “All right, I think the West Field needs some attention. Big Mac and Apple Bloom should be finishin’ up their assigned route by now.” She looked off into the distance but couldn’t see anything. She thought she saw a beige pony trot between the trees and hide. Who was that? She blinked a few times and looked again. Her tired eyes must have been playin’ tricks on her.

  “How about I go check on them?” Rainbow Dash grabbed the action figure of herself and held it up high. She made a series of sound effects as she brought the blue pony action figure back down to the map by twisting it into a barrel roll of death. “I’ll be faaaast!”

  “All right, then.” Applejack nodded. Maybe it would be better to work alone for a spell of time, anyway. Free of distractions—just the open fields, the fresh air, and her apples for companions. “Just be careful of the—!”

  Rainbow shot off into the sky, a rainbow trail extending behind her. A tidal wave of leaves detached from their branches and billowed up in her wake. Applejack sighed and finished her sentence, “trees.” Applejack was starting to remember why she had tried to buck all of Sweet Apple Acres on her own during one Applebuck season. Sometimes help was more trouble than it was worth.

  CHAPTER 9

  Critter Comforts

  That night, Applejack curled up in bed with her mom’s book.

  Howdy, Journal,

  I know I shouldn’t care so much about winning the award and such, but I do. It would mean so much for the Apple family. I just want to do ’em proud. And I want that plot of land somethin’ fierce.

  Too bad today didn’t go much better than yesterday. Rainbow Dash always has to make such a big show of everything! Even when she’s on my turf (and supposed to be helping me), she acts like she’s the biggest toad in the puddle. She was flying all over the place, shaking the leaves off the trees. Then when I asked her to stop and help me buck—she did the job so fast she missed half the apples! It just really chaps my leathers.

  First, Pinkie was too slow, and now Rainbow Dash was too fast! Can’t any of my friends get it right? Honestly…

  P.S. Don’t even get me started on Big Mac. I found out he chose yesterday of all days to give Apple Bloom a bucking lesson. They bucked a total of ten trees—the whole day! Why am I the only pony around here who knows what hard work is?

  Outside her bedroom window, the morning sun was just beginning to peep over the horizon. A rooster began to crow, and Applejack knew it was time to get up and get going. There were only a few days left to make sure things were perfect before Blue Ribbon arrived. Applejack yawned and closed the leather journal that still lay open on her bed.

  “Up and at ’em, Winona,” she said as she roused the sleepy pup from her wicker basket in the corner. Winona stood up and stretched her front legs by leaning back on her hind ones. “Let’s see if we can make today any better than the last two.” Winona barked and wagged her tail in response. At least the dog listened to Applejack.

  After a quick breakfast of warm oats and zap apple jam, Applejack was ready to go. She trotted outside and saw that Fluttershy and Rarity were already waiting for her. Whoo-ee! She had a good feeling about these two ponies. “Howdy, girls!”

  “Hello, darling,” Rarity said. “How’s the farm overhaul going? Well? You’ve already done most of the hard labor, I presume?” She looked hopeful.

  Applejack didn’t want to tell them how awful it had been going. It would just start the day off on a bad hoof. “We made a good start, but we still got a ways to go.”

  “Oh, pooey.” Rarity jutted her bottom lip out. “I didn’t dress for hard labor.” She smoothed down the fabric on the fancy getup she was wearing. Applejack thought it was impractical that Rarity had put on her best bib and tucker for a day of farmwork.

  “Good morning, Applejack,” Fluttershy said. “Winona, you’re looking well.” The dog barked happily. Winona, like all animals, loved Fluttershy. She ran over and nuzzled against the yellow pony’s legs. Fluttershy petted
her and cooed, “You’re a good little puppy-wuppy, yes, you are! Who’s the best farm dog in Ponyville? It’s you!”

  “All right, you two,” Applejack said, unceremoniously interrupting Fluttershy’s puppy time. “Listen up! Now, I won’t be able to keep as close of an eye on ya as Pinkie and Rainbow because I’ve got to finish buckin’ and takin’ inventory of the North Field. There was a bit of a… hitch in the schedule.” Applejack considered her words carefully. She didn’t want to say anything too bad about her friends and how much of a disappointment they’d been. Those thoughts could go safely in the diary, and nopony ever had to hear them. No point in ruffling any wing feathers over it.

  “Please, Mr. Squirrel,” begged Fluttershy in her tiny voice. “Please come on out of that tree for Applejack! Just for a little bit. She said that she’d be delighted to have you back home in a few days. But—” The squirrel chirped defiantly and hugged the tree branch even tighter. Fluttershy frowned. “Oh well, all right, then. I guess if you don’t really want to go, you don’t have to.”

  Fluttershy trotted over to the next tree. “Um, hello, critters. If there are any of you in there, would you please consider maybe coming with me for a little while? See, my friend Applejack needs the orchard to look just perfect and—”

  “How’s the critter cleanin’ comin’?” said Applejack, trotting up to Fluttershy. Applejack’s hooves were caked with mud, and her yellow mane was stuck to her forehead, which was slick with sweat.

  “Um, okay,” said Fluttershy. She looked down at the dirt. Applejack could tell Fluttershy was lying when she avoided eye contact. “It’s going great… ish.”