So I’m a Spider, So What?, Vol. 1

by Okina Baba

  On that note, I still need to look for food. Hopefully I’ll find a way out of this cave, too.

  With that decided, time to head out!

  This triumphant departure on the next leg of my journey is going great, except that I immediately get lost.

  Hoo, boy. Can I say it again? This cave is way too big! Seriously, what’s with this huge labyrinth?

  Why are there so many freaking paths branching off everywhere?

  How many, you ask? I gave up counting after it went past ten.

  I’m encountering more than my fair share of monsters, too. And since I immediately run away each time, I’ve completely lost track of where I came from.

  Ugh…unreal.

  If I want to get anywhere in this labyrinth, I’ll seriously need a map. No way am I going to find an exit at this rate.

  And then I discover something totally crazy.

  There’s footprints on the ground. Human footprints.

  I can distinctly make out a couple sets of footprints. Which means people have passed through this place. In fact, this is proof that humans exist in this world at all. The big revelation is making me a little emotional.

  But now I’m noticing something a little bit…no, more like reeeally alarming.

  My body is so much larger than these footprints.

  Judging by the size of whoever made these tracks, my own body must be at least three feet tall…

  Nah, I’m sure it’s just dwarf footprints.

  That’s got to be it! Ah-ha-ha!

  …Can’t believe this. Nope, nope.

  Well…then again.

  I started to suspect when I saw that giant spider before, to be honest. No matter how I look at it, I’m unquestionably a monster. Thanks a lot!

  Ugh, I’ve been trying to avoid it, but I finally have to face all the facts.

  Being reborn as a spider is shocking enough in itself, but I’m a monster spider, too.

  This is messed up. So messed up that some people might despair and even end it all. I’m definitely not considering death myself, but this is still kind of a bummer. Well, no use sitting around and sulking, though.

  Since this world is clearly different from my own, I don’t know what kinds of dangers to expect. For one thing, there’s no guarantee that there won’t be more gigantic monsters like that spider. And going by my own size, that thing must’ve been a hundred feet long…

  Are humans even able to take down a creature like that? Probably not, right? If there are any boss monsters here, the giant spider is definitely one of them.

  So that makes me the offspring of a boss monster, then.

  Sounds pretty bad, doesn’t it?

  Actually, doesn’t that mean that if I run into people, they’ll try to kill me?

  It’s to-o-o-tally possible. Actually, chances are good that’s exactly what’ll happen.

  Suddenly, I see something lying on the ground near the footprints.

  What’s that?

  After a closer look, I recognize it as the dismembered remains of a spider.

  Yep, the same species as me.

  Wow, what skillful dissection. This was probably the work of humans, huh?

  I do not like where this is going!

  If any humans find me, they’re definitely gonna murder me!

  THE END OF NORMAL LIFE

  It happened on a completely ordinary day. The kind where you go to school, chat with your friends, take classes, go home and play video games, eat dinner, take a bath, and go to bed. At least, that’s how it was supposed to go.

  That day, I rubbed my eyes sleepily while I walked to school.

  I’d stayed up late playing online games the night before, and now I was paying for it.

  Once I got to school, I stifled a yawn as I entered the classroom.

  “Morning.”

  “Good morning.”

  “Mornin’… What’s up? You look hella tired, dude.”

  I greeted my friends in class, Kyouya Sasajima and Kanata Ooshima.

  These two played the same video games as me, so they were basically my gaming buddies.

  “Yeah, you’re not gonna believe it. I formed a pick-up party with Baldie himself yesterday.”

  “For real?!”

  “Yeah, for real. So I pretty much pulled an all-nighter.”

  “No way, dude. You serious? When was this? After I crashed?”

  Kanata had played with me for part of the evening. He logged out before me, though, saying he was going to bed.

  “Dammit. If I knew that was gonna happen, I would’ve stuck with it a little longer!”

  He seemed genuinely disappointed. But I’d only been looking for a pick-up party in the first place because he’d signed off. If he’d stayed, I probably wouldn’t have wound up with Baldie at all.

  “So? What was it like seeing Baldie up close?” Kyouya’s question brought back memories of Baldie’s heroic deeds.

  “That guy can’t be human, yo,” I said. “Would you believe he dodged a Besbel Witch’s magic and just charged right at it?”

  “Damn, leave it to Baldie. They don’t call him Skanda for nothing.”

  “Nah, no matter how good a speedster you are, you need a good arm to pull off a trick like that. It always comes down to this in the end!” Kanata smacked his own arm as he spoke.

  True enough. Even if I had the same stats and equipment as Baldie, I doubt I could manage the same feat.

  “Ahh… I wanna get reborn into a game world!”

  “You wish, pal. Wanna do some level grinding after school?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “I’m in, too. Let’s train somewhere really tough!”

  Just as our conversation was wrapping up, the school bell rang, and we all scattered to our desks.

  We had no idea that we’d never get to make good on that promise.

  “Huh?”

  When I got to my seat and began preparing for class, I realized my pencil case wasn’t in my bag.

  After a moment’s thought, I recalled taking it out to scribble down some game info in my notebook. I probably forgot to put it back.

  “Ah, crap.”

  “What’s wrong?” Yuika Hasebe, the girl with the desk next to mine, responded to my grumbling.

  “I forgot my pencil case.”

  “Oh, did you? Well, I suppose you can borrow these, then.” Hasebe handed me a pencil and eraser.

  “Thanks.”

  “Mm-hmm. You owe me a piece of candy.”

  “C’mon, you’re charging me?” I groaned, but I smiled wryly and waved a hand in acknowledgment nonetheless. Of course, now I know that this was just another promise I wouldn’t be able to keep.

  Then, during our Classical Japanese lesson, it happened.

  So tired… I was fighting a losing battle against my overwhelming drowsiness.

  “All righty, then. Pay attention, pleeease! Next is page thirty-seven of the textbook, starting on line one. Let’s see… Let’s have Ms. Shinohara translate it, shall we, since she’s peeking at her cell phone in the middle of class?”

  “Huh?!”

  Hearing her name, Mirei Shinohara squeaked and scrambled frantically to conceal her smartphone.

  In the seat next to her, Kengo Natsume was suppressing a smirk, but he was clearly fiddling with his phone, too.

  “I wouldn’t be quite so smug, Mr. Natsume. If Shinohara can’t answer, then you’re up next, okaaay?”

  Our teacher—Ms. Kanami Okazaki, though we all called her Ms. Oka—had noticed Natsume’s hands, too, which triggered some chuckling around the classroom.

  Natsume’s face turned red, and he scowled as the class laughed at him.

  The person laughing the hardest was Natsume’s closest friend, Issei Sakurazaki, who had turned all the way around in his front-row seat just to point and laugh.

  “Now, nowww. Quiet down, please, claaass. Your answer, Ms. Shinohara?”

  In the end, neither Shinohara nor Natsume was able to answer, and
another wave of giggles rippled through us.

  The mood of the class stayed relaxed as Ms. Oka began to read aloud.

  To me, her voice might as well have been a lullaby.

  I knew that if I didn’t do anything, I’d doze off in no time, so I looked up from my textbook.

  Almost all the other students had their eyes on their books.

  Most likely, they figured that if they slacked off they’d end up like Shinohara and Natsume.

  Ms. Oka was usually very kind and friendly, but if she caught you skipping class or goofing off, she could be merciless.

  Meanwhile, my eyes stopped on a particular student.

  What caught my attention was the girl sitting in the seat to the front-left of mine. We called her Rihoko, but that wasn’t her real name.

  It was short for “Real Horror,” with “ko” on the end to make it a girl’s name.

  She was super-creepy, all skin and bones, with a pale and permanently dour face.

  I don’t like to trash-talk people, but even so, something about her didn’t sit well with me.

  As if to spite my valiant battle with sleepiness, she was blatantly napping on her desk.

  Uncomfortably, I pulled my gaze away from Rihoko.

  And then I saw it. The crack.

  I don’t think anyone else noticed it.

  In the middle of the classroom, above our heads in what would normally be empty space, there was a rift in the air. I don’t know what else to call it. Not only that, but it was expanding by the second. The tear looked like it would burst open at any moment.

  Although I was staring right at it, I was so dumbfounded that there was nothing I could do.

  Even if I had been able to take action, it probably wouldn’t have changed what happened…

  The crack split wide open. At the same moment, I felt intense, terrible pain.

  And then I—no, we—died.

  A RENT-FREE HOME

  I know—I’ll make a house. A totally break-in-proof house.

  I’ve given up on escaping from this dungeon. If I keep wandering around randomly, the only future I can imagine is some unexpected encounter leading to a dead end. Monster or human, everything is my enemy now. And I don’t mean a frenemy or a rival or anything like that. I’m talking the kind that puts your life in danger.

  Besides, this place is frequented by humans. It’ll be risky to use the exit even if I do manage to find it.

  I mean, if anyone discovers me, they’ll kill me. And there could be a human settlement right outside.

  Which is why I made up my mind to live in this dungeon.

  So anyway. If this is my new home, what do I need? Food, shelter, and clothing.

  Well, I don’t think that last one is necessary for a spider. The temperature here is comfortable enough either way.

  The problem is food and shelter.

  Q. What is a spider’s main diet? A. Other insects.

  Oof… That’s true, isn’t it? That’s what I’m gonna have to do to fill my belly.

  Although, given my absurd size, I don’t think my potential prey is limited to insects. For instance, I could probably eat other monsters, or… I don’t want to think about this, but…human beings…

  Really, my siblings back there started cannibalizing one another as soon as they were born, right? The giant parent spider was eating her children like it was no big deal, too, so as far as I can tell, my particular species seems to regard all living beings as potential food.

  In fact, in a cave like this, it’s probably the only option. Which means if I want to eat, I’ll have to take on some other monsters and chow down.

  You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, after all, and I’m gonna starve to death if I don’t eat something, no matter how gross.

  At present, I do have one thing that could potentially serve as a food source.

  The butchered carcass of the spider I found earlier.

  The legs and fangs and stuff had been taken, but most of the main body was still there.

  Well, if I eat that, I probably won’t have to worry about food for the rest of the day. If I can bring myself to eat it, that is.

  Honestly, suddenly having to eat a spider is pretty extreme, and that thing was probably one of my siblings…

  Both ethically and visually, I’d really rather not.

  So I’m going to hold off on eating the guy for now.

  Besides, even if I do take the plunge, that’ll only be a temporary solution.

  Considering that I’ll be living in this dungeon from now on, I’ll have to be able to procure food on a regular basis anyway.

  But if I want to eat other monsters, that means I’ll have to beat them first.

  How am I supposed to just jump into combat?

  A frail girl like me, who’s only ever been good at games, won’t stand a chance in a real fight.

  And so I conclude that I should start by making a house.

  What’s a spider without a spiderweb, right?

  Spiders create webs with special viscous thread and use them to catch prey, after all.

  So if this goes well, my food problem and my shelter problem will be solved all at once.

  I think this cave makes for a nice location, actually.

  If nothing else, it should be easy to make webs all over the place.

  Without further ado, then, time to create my new home!

  Carrying the corpse of my sibling on my back, I seek out a good spot where people are unlikely to bother me.

  What? Why would I take it with me, you ask?

  Insurance. Hopefully it won’t come to that, but beggars can’t be choosers.

  Eventually, I come to a T-junction with no human footprints in sight, so I decide to set up there.

  First, I’ll have to produce the thread. From my butt, I guess? I’m pretty sure that’s the general area the thread should come out of, so let’s give it a shot.

  But by the time I finish the thought, I realize I’ve already produced a thread somehow. Huh? I don’t remember this stuff coming out of me…

  On top of that, it’s a really long one. Oh man, does this mean I’ve been walking around with a string sticking out of my butt this whole time?

  Wow, that’s so embarrassing!

  Maybe it’s like when you (redacted), so you (redacted)?

  Okay, forget about the fact that I made thread unconsciously for now.

  Now to make a home, for real this time!

  Finished! I look over my work with satisfaction. A magnificent spiderweb is strung up across the cave passage, blocking the area off.

  Man, did my natural instincts kick in or something? As soon as I started working, my body just moved on its own and constructed the web in the blink of an eye.

  However, instead of totally completing the net, I left a little hole just big enough for me to squeeze through.

  Why? For an escape route, obviously.

  I’m settling in at a three-way intersection, which is now hemmed in by my webs over each passage.

  But if I blocked it up completely, I wouldn’t be able to get out.

  It’s possible, although I doubt it’ll happen, that some fierce opponent might slash through my net.

  So I left a hole on purpose, so I can get away in case of an emergency.

  Now I’m protected by webs in all three directions, plus, an emergency exit is in place.

  The ideal den for a shut-in is complete! Ahhh, there’s no place like home.

  All I need now is for prey to get caught in my net on a regular basis.

  If I can pull that off, there’s no reason I won’t be able to hide out in this place for the rest of my life.

  Awesome!

  I did go to school, but other than that, I mostly lived my life on Earth as a recluse. I never talked to anyone at school, and once I got home, I always just played games or surfed the net. Most of my dinners involved adding hot water and waiting three minutes or heating something up on the stove. Occasionally
I’d mix things up with a box lunch from the convenience store.

  My parents both worked all day and usually got home late. And even when they came home, we never saw each other face-to-face. We only did the bare minimum of chores. To be perfectly honest, it was like living with two total strangers. It’s kind of impressive in a way, that I can’t even remember what my real parents looked like.

  Still, I wonder if they were a little bit sad about my death, at least?

  Nah, probably not. Although they might be sad about losing what little income I contributed to the household.

  I used to earn a small amount of rent money through stocks. If there’s anything they’d miss, it’s probably that.

  That was how cold our family relationship was.

  My lifestyle probably contributed to my extreme awkwardness when it came to communicating with others.

  Or it might’ve just been the personality I was born with, not how I was raised.

  As a result, I didn’t have anyone I could call a friend, and even in game chats I usually didn’t say much.

  Likewise, my character in my favorite MMO had a reputation for being silent.

  My avatar was a somber old bald dude, too. He was a real strong-and-silent type, the kind of good guy who let his actions do all the talking.

  And his stats were pretty out there—I maxed out my attack power and speed and left everything else untouched.

  But that didn’t matter as long as I didn’t get hit! I just avoided enemy attacks and plowed through everything with a hit-and-run strategy. The perfect plan, aside from the part that a single hit would probably kill me!

  Hmm.

  I don’t really care about not being able to see my parents or classmates anymore, but it makes me a little sad to think that I’ll never see that old bald guy again. I made him a legend for being one of the few free-to-players who could stand up against the pay-to-players, so it’s a shame to have abandoned his file like that.

  …In short, I’m more attached to a game character than I am to my parents. I’ve got a knack for this being-inhuman thing, if I do say so myself.