So I’m a Spider, So What?, Vol. 1

by Okina Baba

  Status Appraisal Failed

  >

  In front of me is a monster that looks like a huge pillbug.

  Well, its body is like a pillbug’s, but its head seems more like a rat’s. Is it an insect or a mammal? Just pick one, will ya?

  I guess it’s vaguely armadillo-ish, too, but it gives me the creeps, so let’s just call it a pillbug.

  In any case, it can probably increase its defense by rolling into a ball. There was that one time a turtle monster gave me a hard time by retreating into its shell, after all.

  But all I have to do is wrap it up in my thread before it even gets the chance.

  And so, I ready my casting net.

  Take this! Direct hit!

  Then I simply use Thread Control to give it the ol’ one-two.

 

 

 

 

  Oh? Ooh? Hooray, a new title!

  Thread User, huh? Now I would’ve been crazy about that in middle school.

  Okay, Mr. Pillbug, something more interesting just came up, so can we wrap things up here?

  You don’t mind, do you? Oh, you do? Well, too bad!

  Mr. Pillbug, meet Mr. Poison Fang. Now, why don’t you come under these rocks with me?

  Okay, now it’s time to take a look at the title I just got.

  Since the name is Thread User, I probably got it for working with thread all the time, right?

  Hmm? Wouldn’t I have gotten it a lot sooner if that was the case? Yeah, good point.

  Well, maybe there’s another condition. Although I guess there’s no point in wondering about that, since I already have the title.

  What really matters now is whether I can use it. And this time, I’m reasonably confident. This title is going to come in handy.

  Well, since getting it bumped up my Thread Control level, it’s already provided some benefits.

  Thread Control is becoming more important to me every day, so raising its skill level is fantastic. That alone makes the title worth it.

  But right now, my interest is firmly focused on the other skill.

  Cutting Thread.

  Like, does that sound like a super-cool anime weapon or what?

  It’s gotta be that thing, right? Where you can cut enemies in half with a super-sharp thread and stuff?

  “I-impossible! An invisible attack?! But how?!”

  “Something’s cutting me! Tch… Is this…razor wire?!”

  Does this mean I can do that now?!

  Whoa. Awesome. Yes waaay.

  But even if it isn’t in line with my dorky fantasies, it still sounds like a power upgrade to me.

  After all, so far my Poison Fangs have been my only means of attack. Now I finally have another one!

  My spider thread is already the main element of my arsenal, but now it’ll be a literal weapon, too.

  Oh, wait, I haven’t Appraised it yet. Better not get carried away before I know what it actually does.

  All right, Appraisal time.

 

  Okay. So it pretty much does what it says on the tin. I was worried for a second there that it might be something ridiculous.

  So that’s one less cause for concern.

  The next problems are finding out whether it’ll actually work on my Spider Thread, whether I can invoke it properly, and how much of an effect it actually has at level 1.

  Oh, hey, good thing I have that pillbug I just defeated! C’mere, I need a lab rat for this.

  First, I produce some spider thread.

  To start out, I make it as strong as possible and with zero stickiness.

  Then, swinging it toward the corpse of the pillbug, I think [Cutting Thread].

  Oh! That seems like it did something.

  But the thread bounces off the body of the pillbug.

  Hmph. I guess it’s too much to hope for it to be very strong at level 1.

  Oh, but it did leave a bit of a scratch. That’s good enough for starting out, right?

  So far, most of the skills I’ve tried at level 1 have been virtually useless, so scratching the hard-looking hide of a pillbug seems pretty good to me.

  Oh yeah, how is it consumption-wise? Does it use MP or something? Checking my status, I see that my MP hasn’t gone down.

  And my SP isn’t reducing at all right now because of my Overeating skill’s effects, so I have no way of telling whether it affects that reserve. Still, based on my experience with Poison Synthesis and such, it probably isn’t cost-free. So although my red stamina bar hasn’t gone down at all, my guess would be that it decreased a little in a way I can’t tell.

  I don’t know how much it normally consumes, but its cost effectiveness doesn’t seem too poor.

  Plus, I’ll probably keep my stamina gauge overstocked with Overeating in the future, too, so I bet it’ll be fine.

  Next, I try making the thread sticky and attack the pillbug corpse again.

  Hmm? Hmm. It did seem to activate properly, but it didn’t leave a scratch this time.

  Well, that’s about what I expected.

  Experimenting with my spider thread a little more, I discover that there are limits to how it can be customized.

  For example, maximizing the stickiness makes it difficult to keep it elastic. It isn’t impossible, but the effect is definitely lessened. So combining stickiness and sharpness isn’t impossible, either, but it also isn’t very pragmatic.

  Still, Cutting Thread seems like a helpful skill. It’s very compatible with my usual strategies.

  I’ll have to raise its skill level as soon as possible.

  So, Mr. Pillbug.

  I hate to beat a dead monster, since I already killed you, but I’m gonna need your help with raising my skill level here.

  I produce more Cutting Thread and strike the pillbug with it over and over.

  After beating the crap out of the corpse for a while, I manage to raise my Cutting Thread skill level to 3.

  Really, I want to raise it a little more, but by now the remains of the pillbug have reached a state that would be unsuitable for TV—uncensored, anyway—so there isn’t much else I can do.

  Even at level 3, it doesn’t do much in the way of damage, but you know what they say about a journey of a thousand miles or whatever.

  Oh, Mr. Pillbug. I think I’ll probably never forget you, maybe.

  I eat him, of course. As usual, it’s repulsive.

  In retrospect, I probably didn’t need to use him as a target at all, did I?

  I could’ve just hit some rocks or something instead.

  Oh no! So the pillbug suffered for nothing?

  No, no. He was able to prove useful to me in death, so I’m sure he’s probably crying tears of gratitude in the afterlife.

  Huh? What do you mean, I’m brutal? I don’t know what you’re talking about.

  Suddenly, I sense another presence behind me and turn around.

 

  This is a monster I’ve never seen before. It sorta looks like a six- or seven-foot-tall monkey.

  Since I failed to Appraise its status, I’d like to just ignore it, but it’s too late for that—since it seems to have spotted me already. And judging by its eyes, it’s not planning on letting me get away.

  The monkey charges at me, and at a good clip, too.

  In a panic, I hurl some spider thread at it. The monkey dodges it by leaping to one side.

  Seriously?

  While I stare in shock, the monkey keeps closing the gap between us.

  I toss more webbing toward it, but it dodges as easily as before.

  Bearing down on me, the monkey swings i
ts arm.

  I quickly detach the thread attached to my butt and avoid the monkey’s attack.

  BWOOM! The arm whips past me with a force I never would’ve expected from something so skinny.

  Hoo boy. If I take a direct hit from that, I’ll be six feet under before I know it.

  Stats-wise, it isn’t necessarily anything I can’t handle, but on further reflection, even small-fry, Upper Stratum–class monsters pose a threat to me in a straightforward fight.

  Undaunted that its first attack missed, the monkey boldly swings its other arm at me.

  The movement is clumsy and imprecise, but the fact is that each one of these successive blows can probably kill me, so I’m still completely terrified.

  I’m not exactly a professional boxer, so even an amateur’s punches still scare the crap out of me!

  Gyaaah! I shriek deep in my heart as I desperately dodge them.

 

  This half-baked strategy proves worthwhile, since I get a new skill in the process.

  At the same time, the monkey seems fed up with missing, and it swipes at me in an even wider arc.

  Now’s my chance!

  I sidestep the monkey’s punch and stick some spider thread to its arm as it flails in the air.

  Bwa-ha-ha-ha! It’s all over for you now, pal! How’s it feel to lo-o-o-ose?!

  Hmm?

  Just like that, my body goes flying into the air.

  Geh?!

  The monkey flings the connected spider thread upward, taking me with it.

  Oh crap!

  I quickly detach the thread from my body. As expected, the monkey slams it onto the ground.

  If I hadn’t cut it off, my body would’ve smashed into the floor, too.

  I avoided that in the nick of time.

  Better yet, now that the thread on its arm is glued to the ground, the monkey’s trapped in place.

  I quickly shift my position in the air and stick the landing perfectly. Ten points!

  Luckily, I wasn’t actually too high in the air, so I take very little damage when I land.

  Victory is mine! Even if half of it is the monkey’s own fault.

  I tie more thread around my opponent until it can’t move anymore, then finish it off with the usual poison fangs.

  The monkey shoots me a wrathful glare and lets out a roar, but it offers no further resistance. Soon it breathes its last.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  I level up with my victory over the monkey, and three of my skills increase in rank as well.

  They’re all good ones, too, so I’m happy.

  As usual, despite my growth, all my stats remain low except for speed. But if I didn’t have the Skanda skill, that would be low, too, and all I would have going for me is my thread.

  All hail Skanda.

  I’m psyched to have a bunch of things improve and all, but I still can’t relax.

  For all I know, my fight with the monkey might’ve attracted other monsters.

  First things first, it’s time to eat my fill.

  Hmm. This guy isn’t poisonous. For once, there’s no bitterness. Still, it tastes and smells kind of funky, so I can’t exactly say it’s delicious.

  I miss the meat from my old life, like beef and pork.

  My stamina is already filled to the brim, but thanks to my Overeating skill, this energy won’t go to waste. The name “Overeating” initially had me worried that it would have a negative effect, but it turned out to be quite valuable.

  Like I said before, stamina is crucial to my survival. I need it for making thread and running and all that jazz, so a skill that can stock up extra stamina is almost essential for me.

  If I could use magic, that might reduce my dependence on stamina a little, but there’s no point crying over something I can’t have.

  Anyway, that monkey was a force to be reckoned with.

  I’ve been able to rely on surprise and such for a while now, so it’s been a long time since I’ve had a real head-to-head battle like that.

  Lower Stratum monsters really are scary. The monkey is probably one of the weaker species status-wise, but it was still a narrow win.

  Now then, I’m finished eating the monkey, so it’s time to keep moving.

  THE ELF MAIDEN

  My father summoned me.

  Both me and Katia, no less.

  For some reason, I even had to bring Fei along.

  All three of us were puzzled as to what it might be about.

  “You don’t think it’s about an engagement, do you?”

  “What? Whose?”

  “You know, uh…you…and me…?” Katia’s insane suggestion left me at a total loss.

  “No, it couldn’t be.”

  “What’s this? Have you developed a taste for BL or something?”

  “Well, it wouldn’t be BL in this case. Look at us, would you? A boy and girl, around the same age, from a similar pedigree. Not to mention, it’s clear that we get along. Would it be that surprising if our parents decided that we should get engaged?”

  When she put it that way, it didn’t seem so far-fetched at all.

  I was a member of the royal family, after all, and Katia was the daughter of a venerable duke.

  From that perspective, we were a perfect match.

  “Uh, and you’re okay with that?”

  “Man, of course not. I can’t even imagine marrying a dude. But it’s bound to happen eventually, so I figure I better prepare myself.”

  “I’m surprised you’ve thought this stuff out that far ahead.”

  “Well, excuse me. But honestly, in practical terms, it’s better to marry you than get stuck with some rando I’ve never even met. You know what my deal is and everything… Besides, it’d be kinda bad manners, but we could always mutually break off the engagement if we really had to.”

  Was that something you could do?

  I’d never even considered the prospect of getting engaged before, but since I was a member of the royal family, that was probably going to come up sooner or later.

  In which case it might actually be more convenient to get engaged to Katia, since we’d both be able to just carry on normally.

  Except for one small problem.

  “What would you do about Sue, though?”

  “Ah.”

  Yeah.

  My sister, Sue, wouldn’t let anyone else near me.

  I’d even seen her murderous stare directed at Fei, who from Sue’s perspective was just a pet.

  How can you get jealous of even an animal just because it’s female? I wanted to ask her.

  But I was afraid her response would be something along the lines of “Why wouldn’t I?”

  She seemed to have gotten slightly more tolerant of Katia by now, but if she ever suspected we might get engaged, there was no telling what she’d do.

  “Right. She’d probably kill me.”

  “Come on, I think you’re exaggerating a little.”

  “…Am I, though?”

  “I have to admit, I could see it.”

  I knew Sue was a little bit out there, but I still thought they were being ridiculous.

  As we chatted, two more people—a man and a small girl—entered the room.

  Katia, Fei, and I all gaped in shock at the newcomers.

  Their ears were far too long to belong to humans.

  “Greetings, friends. I am called Potimas Harrifena
s, and I have been sent to this fine kingdom as a goodwill ambassador of the elves. It is I who requested your presence here. It is a great pleasure to meet you.”

  The man, Potimas, introduced himself in a disinterested tone.

  This was my first time meeting an elf.

  I knew that they existed, but seeing one up close and in person for the first time drove home that I was in a fantasy world.

  “Hmm. So you do have it.”

  Potimas narrowed his eyes, and I got an uncomfortable feeling in my gut.

  “Oka, these two humans and the creature here have what we’re looking for. I’ll leave the rest to you.”

  “All righty, then. Understood!”

  “I’ll be on my way, then.”

  “Thaaanks for your help!”

  Potimas left the room, just like that.

  All Katia and I could do was stare, dumbfounded. We didn’t even get to introduce ourselves before he took off.

  With no idea what to do next, I turned my attention to the little girl who’d stayed behind.

  “Now, now, let me see. I suppose we’ll start with introductions, shall we? My current name is Filimøs Harrifenas. So lovely to meet you!”

  Katia and I looked at each other.

  How were we supposed to respond to such an introduction from this small girl?

  “You know, if your teacher introduces herself, it’s only proper to respond in kind, I’d saaay! And who might you beeee?”

  “My apologies. I am the fourth prince of this kingdom, Schlain Zagan Analeit.”

  “I am the eldest daughter of Duke Anabald, Karnatia Seri Anabald.”

  At the girl’s prompting, we scrambled to introduce ourselves.

  “I see, I see. A prince and a duchess-to-be, is it? Verrry nice. Sooo cute.”

  Something about those words jogged my memory.

  Her odd manner of speaking had seemed familiar all along, and now I knew who she reminded me of.

  Katia’s eyes widened as he realized it at the same time.

  “No way… Ms. Oka?!”

  “You really oughtn’t to give nicknames to your teacher, you knooow? But that’s corrrrect.”

  Before our eyes was our homeroom teacher in our former lives: Ms. Kanami Okazaki, or Ms. Oka for short.

  This teacher, who we all called by her nickname, was a bit of an unfortunate person.

  Apparently, she’d adopted the speech tic of one of her favorite manga characters in middle school and ended up talking like that all the time.