Amanda's Touch [D.A.R.E.ing Women] (Siren Publishing Allure)

by LeeAnn Masters

  “Shit!” he muttered in frustration. He heard Amanda chuckle at his confusion and this time he placed his left hand on her right arm while extending his right as David reappeared in a more watery version.

  “It’s nice to finally meet you, Zack. Or rather, it’s nice to meet you again,” David told him.

  As their hands met Zack could actually feel the firm grip of David’s unexpectedly hot handshake, but the feel of the flesh was strange. It was like holding a mass of energy in the form of a solid rather than holding a solid itself, and he stared in wonder at their hands. He wanted to try to wrap his other hand around David’s as well, to see how substantial it really was, but knew if he took it off of Amanda, David would disappear again.

  David pumped his hand a couple of times and then released it, leaning around Zack, who was still attached to Amanda, to give her a hug, wrapping both arms around her.

  Zack felt a deep ache in his chest as he watched Amanda and her husband. She closed her eyes and laid her head against David’s shoulder in a gesture that told Zack more than words ever could how close they’d both been, then she returned his hug one-armed since Zack was awkwardly hanging onto her other hand to maintain his visual with David. Zack vaguely noticed that she didn’t seem upset or disturbed in any way at having both of them there together.

  While David held Amanda close against him he asked her very seriously “How’re you doing, Mandy? How’s the wrist and leg?” Zack could see the concern in the man’s eyes for his young widow.

  “I’m fine, honey, don’t worry about it. Zack took care of my leg again this morning. Before long I’ll be back to my normal klutzy self.” She smiled self-deprecatingly.

  “That’s what I’m worried about,” both men quipped at the same time, and briefly grinned at each other.

  Amanda sighed in exasperation. “Cut it out!”

  David lifted her chin with his hand, gazing down at her with a depth of pain in his eyes that Zack hoped he himself would never suffer.

  “How’s everything else? Feeling any better? Are you ready yet, sweets?” he asked so quietly, it was almost like they were alone in an intimate conversation.

  Zack wasn’t sure what the final questions were in regard to but saw Amanda shrug as if to say, “I’m doing all right, could be better,” and give him a definitive “no” with a shake of her head, and felt very much like the third wheel.

  “I’m getting there though. I promise it won’t be much longer, okay? I’m sorry.” She looked away as she teared up.

  “Whatever you need, sweet girl. Don’t ever feel bad about it.” His ghostly lips pressed a kiss to her forehead and David closed his eyes tight, as if in extreme pain.

  Zack suddenly realized he couldn’t read David’s emotions, that might be because he was dead, huh? He’d have to think about that later.

  “Thank you for doing such a great job on her leg by the way,” he said, turning to Zack.

  “My pleasure,” Zack replied before thinking, and then felt himself turn beet red as he remembered what had begun to transpire after Amanda woke up, and once again he realized he was standing before her husband in nothing but his underwear. Reality check, his mind supplied, and Zack choked back a nearly hysterical laugh. Was anything about this real?

  He watched as Amanda and David shared a look, a look only a husband and wife could share after years of intimate experience. He could tell they knew what the other was thinking, even without Amanda’s telepathic abilities. David raised his eyebrows at Amanda suggestively, winked at her, and then they both laughed at him.

  “I’m sure it was,” David murmured, his voice once again loaded with innuendo.

  Amanda reached out and lightly smacked her husband upside the head “Behave, David. You’re making Zack uncomfortable.”

  David turned to Zack. “Watch yourself around her. She likes to smack people when she’s mad at ’em.”

  Zack did laugh this time as he ruefully rubbed his right cheek, “Tell me about it.”

  David gave him a look of faux shock. “Uh oh, what’d you do, man? It’s pretty early in your relationship with Mandy for her to be showing you her true colors. You must have really pissed her off. Let me warn you, she’s got one hell of a temper. It’s true what they say about redheads in that regard.”

  Amanda watched as the men bonded over her character flaws and tendency toward mild abuse when angry. “Hey! I only do that when you guys stop hearing me. Something needs to be done to gain your attention, you dimwits.”

  She looked back at David. “As I’m sure you already know, he’s an empath and he was trying to control my emotions for his own purposes. He offended me and then didn’t want me to feel upset at him for doing it!” Zack expected David to get mad at him and wondered what angry ghosts were capable of. If the photo had been a demonstration, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

  He was amazed when her husband took his side, hearing him say “Mandy, now you know, you have a tendency to overreact. I’ve been watching him for months now and all he wants is to help you. I know how much you hate people running your life for you, but you owe Zack. If he hadn’t interceded last month you’d have joined me by now, that’s how close you were. I know how much you miss me, and I know that you love me. But, sweets…” David reached out and tenderly caressed her face. “You have so much more in store for you, so much more to live and experience.”

  He turned to Zack. “And you, my man, are part of that experience, so get dressed and meet me and Amanda in the living room. I know I’m dead and all, but it’s bothering me just a little to see you guys together, in the nearly all-together, if you get my meaning. Even if it is meant to be.”

  He took Amanda by the hand and began leading her into the other room telling her, “Sweets, you need to tie your robe a little tighter. You’re flashing the both of us, not that I mind necessarily.” He gave her a rascally smile. “But you’re giving Zack an eyeful, and considering the fact that you hesitated when he offered you a morning of fun you might not want to tease the poor man that way. That’s just plain cruel.”

  Then his contact with Amanda’s hand was broken as her fingertips slid through his and that was all he heard and saw of David. But he heard Amanda giggle in embarrassment and tell her husband that death had evidently not improved his already tactless personality and that he still needed to work on subtlety, especially where it concerned her lovers.

  Did he really hear her say that to her husband? Granted, he was her dead husband, but still. Their marriage must have been very interesting. For a woman, Mandy sure had a set of balls on her. He choked back a half-hysterical laugh then briefly wondered if he should seek psychiatric evaluation for himself. Shaking it off he quickly grabbed the jeans he’d worn the day before, pulling a clean white T-shirt over his head as he left the bedroom. He didn’t want to miss one minute of this and had no idea how long David would be able to hang around. Though he admitted he hoped it wouldn’t be for long.

  He found Amanda seated on the sofa, casually leaning into what appeared to be an indentation of the cushions. As he took her hand he saw she was actually leaning into her husband’s shoulder, David’s arm curled around her, and felt his stomach clench in nausea. He really couldn’t fight a ghost, but at the moment he wanted to lay David out on the ground, or put him back in it. Amanda was his now. At least he hoped she was. Now, he didn’t know what to believe. Could his day get any more strange?

  He clamped his hand more firmly around hers, palm to palm, his fingers and thumb wrapped around her wrist, and sat beside her on the other side, determinedly drawing her toward him and hoping she wouldn’t deny him. He felt an initial tug in the opposite direction, toward her husband, and his stomach dropped, but she’d only just leaned over to kiss David’s cheek before leaving his side to nestle against Zack’s own. Reclining her back against his chest, she kicked her feet up onto her husband’s lap and told him to “spill.”

  David chuckled at Zack’s show of ownership. “Territorial, are
we, Zack? I was only enjoying a quick cuddle with my wife,” he ribbed him, and Zack had to stop himself from trying to strangle the guy, reminding himself it wouldn’t do any good since he was already dead. He gritted his teeth and tried to swallow his frustration.

  Amanda kicked David with her foot, “Knock it off, David. He’s doing very well, all things considered. Stop pushing his buttons.” She finished with a huge yawn. “Sorry, guys. I can’t believe I’m still so tired.”

  “So, why the grand entrance, Dave?” Zack thought it best if he got down to business. The soonest begun, soonest done. And, he wanted David gone.

  “Seeing is believing,” David replied, while rubbing Amanda’s feet. “I wanted you to know for sure that Amanda wasn’t off her rocker.”

  Zack’s mind began to wander as he watched David. If he could manifest this solid, could he and Amanda actually be together? He just couldn’t get himself to say “make love.” He actually shuddered at the thought and saw David watching him. David held his eyes and he shook his head minutely, he didn’t want to clue Mandy in, but he was answering Zack’s unspoken question.

  Stunned, Zack took that in for a minute and then asked David mentally, Can you hear my thoughts? David nodded slightly. Can you hear everyone’s thoughts? Zack sent again. David shook his head again and looked from Zack’s arms around Amanda to Zack himself.

  You can only read mine, when I’m touching Amanda? David grimaced. Yes, and he didn’t like it, at all. Zack knew exactly why, too.

  I’m so sorry, David. He sent him, and he really was. This must be damned near unbearable to witness.

  David shrugged. It hurt, but there was nothing he could do about it.

  Why are you still here?

  David’s eyes focused on Amanda’s face and he inclined his head in her direction.

  Mandy keeps you here? Zack couldn’t figure out how she could make him stay if he wanted to go. He heard a soft snore come from her and realized she’d fallen asleep in his arms. He breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Since she’s out now, can we talk?” Zack asked David.

  “I was hoping she’d conk out on us. A foot rub always did her in before.” David winked at him and Zack chuckled, David was diabolical!

  “You guys must have made a good match,” he said aloud before thinking.

  “Yes, we certainly did,” David replied, staring at Mandy with a tender but glumly resigned expression on his face.

  “You treat my sweet girl right, you hear me?” He looked at Zack and jokingly added, “Don’t make me come back to haunt you now.”

  Then, in a sober tone, David continued. “I know you have reservations about Mandy’s abilities, and I know you hurt her yesterday when you got cold feet. But, I want you to know it’s not like that. In all the years we dated and were married she never once did anything to hurt me with it.”

  He sat back and reflected, “I’m sure I hurt her worse a few times. When we’d fight, I’d leave the house for a while for fear she’d read something from me that would make her hate me. Hell, I’m sure a few times she probably did. But she knows human nature, and she understands that people get ugly once in a while, and that arguments and fights don’t make them bad people, just imperfect ones. Which we all are.

  “Thank you for saving her, Zachary. I know she doesn’t appreciate your interference, but I sure as hell do. Though I long to have her with me, I don’t like to see her hurting herself as she has been.”

  Gazing at her again he told Zack, “She needs someone who is as strong-willed as she is. Someone to rein her in when she goes too far, does too much. She doesn’t understand she has limitations, and she damn near drives herself to death sometimes. There were many days I’d have to remind her to stop and eat something for Christ’s sake! Who the hell forgets to eat, I ask you?” He shook his head in disbelief, causing Zach to grin. Yeah, that sounded like Mandy, all right.

  “Why are you still here, David? Will you tell me, now she’s asleep?” Zack pressed again.

  David’s sorrowful look settled on Amanda. “She still needs me. She’s never had much, Zack. I’m not talking material things. I’m talking love and family. Our relationship was unusually close, at least according to my friends who are married. If you’ve ever heard the term soul mates, that’s what we are. Were,” he corrected himself. “We completed each other.”

  “I could go if I wanted to, and I do want to. You wouldn’t believe the other side, Zack. It’s beautiful and it’s pain free. There, literally, is a Heaven waiting, and I want to be there. But I can’t make myself go until I know she’ll be okay, relatively speaking that is.”

  David paused and released a deep-seated sigh. “She’s an extremely independent and complicated woman, and you’ve only seen the tip of that particular iceberg. This unwillingness to let me go has nothing to do with her being unable to function on her own, and has everything to do with the total love, trust, and commitment she made to our marriage. She gives perfectly, entirely, when she gives her heart, and that isn’t easy for her to do, let me warn you.”

  “Her mother, Lana, had scars of her own that she passed on to Amanda. Her litany of, ‘Give of yourself, but don’t give up your independence. Give of your love, but don’t give up control. Give everything you can to building your relationship with your husband, but don’t count on him to always be there. Always have a backup plan for when other people fail you.’ All of that left indelible marks on Amanda’s psyche.”

  David shook his head. “Christ, it’s no wonder Amanda is screwed up. Lana coached her. Her entire life she was told that the only one she could truly rely on was herself. So she reaches out and then shies away, afraid she’ll be let down.”

  Zack nodded and cringed, thinking of what he’d done yesterday to cause Amanda’s continuing distrust.

  “She’ll try to cut you loose, Zack, even as you try to hold on tighter. She’ll justify her reasons in whatever way she can to keep from being hurt. I won’t lie and say it’s not going to be hard work getting Amanda to trust in you. It took me more than a year just to get her to open up enough to tell me she was clairvoyant and could see past occurrences, and another year before she’d believe that I wasn’t bothered or threatened by her abilities. Of course, she was much younger then and much less sure of herself than she is now. But still, believe me when I say she has serious trust issues with the men in her life, except for her grandfather, that is. Her mother built those into her as a defense mechanism.”

  Zack closed his eyes and briefly cursed Lana for creating so much emotional harm, even if it had been in done in what Lana had thought was Amanda’s best interest.

  David reached out and lightly caressed Amanda’s leg. “Lana drove her, you know. She gave her everything a parent could: a nice home, great schooling, support, love, acceptance. But she drove Amanda, and drove her hard. She had no problem with Amanda following her own heart’s desires, but she damned well better have that backup plan just in case. “Ultimately though, how was Amanda supposed to prepare for my death? Who expects or plans for that at our age? Even though we had our wills drawn up early on, how was she supposed to plan emotionally for what happened to us? So I guess, in a way, I proved Lana right, didn’t I? I left Amanda alone, though it was through no fault of my own. I failed her. How is she supposed to trust in anyone now? I don’t believe she thinks of it that way consciously, but still…”

  Zack listened, disturbed by what he learned of Amanda’s mother. “Can you tell me why Lana is so bitter about men? What happened to her? Amanda rarely mentions her.” Of course, Zack had never thought to ask her either. He knew so little about Amanda and yet, recently, had tried to determine so much of her life for her. It was no wonder that much of what he did backfired on him.

  “You’ll have to ask Amanda for the full story, but let’s just say she was taken for a ride. Lana got conned. She fell in love, gave everything of herself that she could and the guy only wanted her for her money. He took off with a great deal of it, leaving h
er nearly broke. It took her many years to get back on her feet and she never did trust any man ever again,” David replied briefly.

  David’s gaze switched to Zack. “Regardless of Lana’s influence on her life, Amanda is a much warmer and loving individual than her mother ever appeared to be. It won’t be long now. Amanda’s finally admitting her feelings for you. She’s letting go of me. She has been since you scolded her like a little girl when she got sick. You opened her eyes and prodded her along. I see it a little more each time I come to visit. She needed a kick in the ass. Always will from time to time.” He smiled fondly at her.

  “You’d think being on the other side I’d have figured it out sooner, but it took me a while to see that the problem had been a lack of closure for her. Did you know she died and was with me for a short while after the accident?” Zack nodded. He knew part of it anyway. Knew she’d been clinically dead for several minutes. He hugged Mandy closer to him, full of pity for the two of them.

  David’s voice dropped to an agonized whisper. “She doesn’t remember it, but she fought like hell to stay with me in that afterlife. She fought them kicking and, literally, screaming as they tore her away from me.”

  He stopped to gather himself and Zack found that ghosts could cry. He felt a knot form in his own chest. Oh God, the things she’d been through. It was all coming together for him and he knew, regardless of his empathic skills, he still had only the very faintest idea of the pain that she and David had suffered.

  “I think that’s why she’s held on so tight. When they brought her back she didn’t want to be here. Somewhere deep inside, she knows and remembers. It didn’t help that she didn’t get her earthly good-byes either, didn’t get to bury me. She visits my grave but can’t visualize me in it.”

  Zack nodded, he’d thought the same.

  “Of course she lost the baby, too, that little girl would have helped hold Mandy together, would have given her something to live for, you know?”