Zack’s eyes widened in surprise “Oh, she was that far along that you knew the gender?”
David shook his head. “No, but it’s my little girl’s soul that is waiting for me on the other side. That’s the other unbearable part. Mandy doesn’t know about her. I mean she knows but not that it was a girl, not that she’s waiting for me. We’d only just found out, that day, we were pregnant. We’d gone out to celebrate the news and were on our way home, full of plans for the future, when everything went to hell.”
“Did you ever think that if you told her, Amanda would let you go, so you could be with your child?” Zack asked quietly.
“Sweets needs me more than our baby girl does,” he replied. “Our little Hannah is in Heaven being looked after. Mandy has no one.”
Zack thought he might break down and sob for the both of them and took a deep shaky breath.
“She does now. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere,” he informed David. Gathering her more tightly in his arms, he kissed her head. “And I promise not to let her down again, hurt her like I did yesterday. I’ve learned a lot about myself because of that.”
“I know that, and you know that. But Mandy hasn’t gotten that far. She does love you too. But she’s not ready yet. She told me. But, she also said she’s getting there. That’s better than a month ago when she wouldn’t even let me talk to her about it, talk to her about you,” David told him.
Ah, that cleared up the half-spoken conversation he’d felt excluded from earlier.
“And Zack, I know you’re worried about my being here and what that’s doing to her. But you don’t know her as well as I do, not yet. You feel her emotions, but don’t understand her motivations, so I’m here for you as well as for her. My job, strange as it sounds, considering I’m her husband, is to help prepare her for you. This little lady has more than one soul mate and while you may not believe it right now, you are it. You are going to have to decide if you want to cut and run now, or if you’re going to be in this for the long run. That’s a lot to place on your shoulders. But don’t wait till it’s too late to decide you can’t do this, that you can’t be with her. She’s doing better now, and if you were to decide tomorrow that this isn’t what you want, it would hurt her but she’d be okay in a little while. She hasn’t completely given her heart over to you yet. Make that decision before she does.”
Zack sat there slack-jawed for more than a few seconds, running the man’s words through his head over and over, unsure how to respond. Soul mate? Long run? Him? He felt fear rise up in him. Was he up to this? Would he ever be good enough? Good as David was, to not only watch his own widow grieve, but help her heal and hand her over to another man, another lover? David must be in agony.
He continued. “So, I’ll hang around a while, and try not to interfere between you two. I’ve been telling her that you’re good for her and that I approve. I’m hoping she’ll come to believe me, but I’m sure you’ve already found out how stubborn sweets can be. After my death it took me six months for her to hear me, and eighteen months for her to see me due to that stubbornness. She vacillated between thinking she was losing her mind, or the alternative we all now know, that she was gaining another psychic talent, which she didn’t want to admit. By the way, that ability is evolving rapidly. Has she told you she’s seen other spirits upon touching their belongings?”
Zack grimaced and shook his head. No, she certainly had not told him any of that yesterday! “Christ, David! How the hell is she supposed to be able to handle all of this without losing her mind? God knows I’m having trouble adjusting to just hearing about it. Amanda must feel overwhelmed.”
“Remember, Zack, that’s where you come in. She’s going to need someone to help her through all of this, whether she wants to admit it or not.”
Zack wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that so he let his mind drift and voiced a lesser question out of curiosity. “Why do you call her ‘sweets’? May I ask? I’ve heard you say it so many times it must have been your special nicknames for her, ‘sweets’ and ‘sweet girl.’ And while I understand she’s as good as gold, sweet just somehow doesn’t seem to apply to her. No offense or anything!”
David roared in laughter and Amanda startled slightly before she settled back to sleep. “Oh hell! No, it has nothing to do with her personality at all. She’s definitely a fiery little pixie! It’s her sweet tooth,” he told Zack, still chuckling. “I guess you haven’t figured it out, so let me tell you. If you want to get on her good side, bring chocolate!” Zack chuckled too. He had a lot to learn about her.
“I’ve got to go, Zack, been here too long, and I’m wearing down. It takes a lot of energy to visit like this.” Zack nodded. He’d wondered how long David could hold on.
“Before I go though, please remind her to tell you about the Tabotts. She’s been keeping it from you, not knowing how to tell you. But, now that you know about her particular skills you’ll understand, and it will take a load off of her mind.” Zack was puzzled, but agreed he would.
“Do you mind?” David asked him, gesturing toward Amanda. He wanted to kiss her good-bye.
“Not at all,” Zack answered, and was surprised to find he meant it.
David bent over her and lightly stroked her hair, running his fingers through it just as Zack liked to do. Then he softly kissed her lips. “Love you, sweets, be seeing you. Take care of yourself,” and was gone.
Zack leaned back into the corner and arm of the couch, resting his head on one of the throw pillows, pressing Amanda against the length of his body, allowing her to sleep. She needed it to heal. And he needed to think. He had so much to process he didn’t know where to begin. The day…he looked at his watch and was stunned. No, it was still morning. It was only half past eight. The morning had been a revelation.
He whispered in her ear, “David was a wonderful man, but he is your past. I am your present and your future. You belong with me.”
Chapter 10:
Grief Past its Prime
“Come on, Mandy, we need to get going!” Zack called to her impatiently from the front porch.
They’d both dozed off until nearly 10:30 a.m. and now it was almost noon. His sister’s party started at five and his mom was going to pitch a fit if he wasn’t there to help his dad set up tables, move furniture, and start the barbeque. Like Amanda, his mother was not one you wanted to anger. She’d pop him one, too, if he pushed her too far. He smiled. Every guy marries his mother, he thought.
Marries? Moving way too fast, Zack.
Checking his watch again, he hollered, “Mandy!” This time a little more irritation leaked in.
He startled as she quietly snuck up behind him and yelled into his ear, “What!” and laughed at him, her beautiful green eyes sparkling.
“I’m ready, let’s go.” she took him by the hand and started toward his truck.
Zack was amazed at her lighthearted attitude, amazed because he couldn’t keep up with her. Her emotions had run the gamut from sad, content, anxious, and happy with no apparent link between them. For a few moments he’d wished he was the telepathic one.
When they’d woken up from their nap he thought she’d be upset that David was gone, that she’d missed out on the time she could have spent with him and the conversation she’d slept through. He’d sensed a little sadness, but it had drifted off soon after. She’d shrugged and said, “He’ll be back,” and snuggled down against him for a few more minutes, lazing, and stretching. But he’d sensed a growing tenseness to her after a short while.
Neither of them had wanted to get up but, finally, he’d said he had to get going, telling her she was welcome to come with him but also asking if, after the morning’s visitation, she might want some alone time. She’d replied she’d spent enough time alone and abruptly left his side, anxiety washing through her. He’d asked if she was all right but she hadn’t answered him, only saying she’d get dressed, clean up the broken glass, and make breakfast while he showered. That had been the end
of that conversation. By the time he’d emerged from the shower she had been, relatively, back to normal.
After they’d been on the road for a few miles he remembered what David had asked him to do. He looked over at Amanda, who had been very quiet and staring out the window.
“Amanda?”
“Hmm?” she answered absently, she rolled her head back against the headrest in his direction and he could tell she’d been in her own little world.
“May I ask you about the Tabotts?” He saw her eyes widen in surprise.
“What about them?” she asked guardedly.
“You tell me,” he replied worriedly. “David told me to ask you. I’m asking.”
“Oh! That man never could keep a secret.” She laughed softly. “Well, you should know anyway and I’ve been worried about how it might impact the company.” She watched as Zack’s expression change from curious to concerned.
She shrugged. “I couldn’t tell you before, without you wondering how I knew. I couldn’t explain it to you. I thought you’d never believe me.”
Zack began to get a little impatient, gruffly asking, “Knew what?” She was piddling around the issue. “Out with it, Amanda, the suspense is driving me crazy!” His hands tightened on the wheel. Anything that might bring his company crashing down wasn’t something for her to be keeping from him.
Amanda looked at him in surprise and drew away toward the door, leaning against it. “Sorry!” She took a deep breath.
“You know how I can read people and objects?”
He nodded impatiently, and asked her to move it along via an impatient roll of his hand in the air.
“That day, I came to ask you to reassign their project to another architect?” She glanced at him to see if he was still with her. He was, and once again gave a roll of his hand. “I found out that Mr. Tabott was embezzling from his father-in-law’s investment company. Substantial sums are being directed to a hidden overseas account.”
She watched as Zack’s face went from pale with shock to nearly purple in his rage. She leaned farther into the door, as far away from him as she could get.
He pulled off the road, threw the truck into park, and stared at her, his dark blue eyes drilling into hers. “Are you certain? Are you absolutely certain? No way you could be wrong?”
Amanda thought he was trying to will her to be wrong.
“I’m sorry, Zack, I know you probably have a hard time believing me, but it is true,” she confirmed quietly, looking away from his nearly murderous gaze. She was uncertain if he was more upset with her for taking so long to tell him, or with Jonathan Tabott for possibly not being able to pay up if he were found out.
He began, somewhat long-sufferingly, as though speaking to a child taxing his patience. “Amanda, this isn’t just about the Tabotts.” Then his heart began to race as he thought of the horrible impact Tabott might have on him and his family and he went off the deep end.
“I have all of my personal holdings with that company! So do my parents and sisters! I wish you’d told me this up front instead of waiting for so long. God only knows when Tabott could bring that firm down around everyone’s ears. We’d lose everything we have!”
In his worry his voice had continued to escalate. When he worried, he yelled. He told himself, again, that he needed to work on that flaw in his character as Mandy nearly melded herself with the door in fear of him. Then he felt her fear quickly morph into anger at his taking this out on her.
She leaned toward him, spitting mad. Her emerald eyes sparked in anger. Throwing her hands up in front of her, she queried him with a “what” gesture.
“And, would you have believed me, Zack? There’s absolutely no effing way you would have accepted what I told you, at face value, not until you knew and understood what I can really do! So don’t take this out on me! How was I supposed to know where you invest your money? Unlike you, I don’t snoop through people’s personal investment portfolios, and I told you I don’t seek out private information from people’s psyche either,” she shot back. “I understand your concern, and that you’re angry that your trust in your financial advisor was violated, but I didn’t do it, so why are you taking it out on me?”
She watched in astonishment as Zack glared at her and swore under his breath. He then threw open the driver’s side door and climbed out, slamming the door behind him so viciously the entire vehicle rocked hard on its shocks. He began stomping up the road, muttering and cursing to himself.
Amanda knew he wasn’t really mad at her. He was simply venting on the only person he could at the moment, but, damn it, for him to jump on her that way was too much! He knew as well as she did that if she’d told him this, six or seven weeks ago, he’d have never believed a word of it. Screw him! She’d let him stomp around like a three year old and get it out of his system, while she hung out in the truck.
She briefly cursed David for making her day more difficult. She agreed that Zack needed to know, and she had planned to talk to him about it on the way home tonight, after the party. She’d been taken unawares because she’d been replaying the morning’s visit from her dead husband when Zack had questioned her about Tabott.
It hadn’t bothered her at all, having both men there together, and she was trying to figure out why that was. Of course, she’d become accustomed to David’s drop-ins over the past month. And, it had seemed so natural for Zack to be with her. She hadn’t even felt ashamed at having been found nearly in flagrante, by David, who had been encouraging her to develop a relationship with Zack anyway.
She shook her head, how twisted was this? Where was Dr. Phil, or maybe Dr. Ruth, when you needed them? How do you handle when your dead husband becomes your matchmaker?
She was also grieved by the knowledge she’d unwittingly picked up from Zack as she lay cuddled against him after they woke on the couch. She hadn’t sought anything out from him but he’d been thinking about it so intensely that it had bled through to her automatically. The baby had been a girl, a daughter, who would have been beginning to walk by now, who would have been learning to say Momma. She wondered if she took after David or herself. She pictured her with curly blonde hair and big brown eyes. She felt tears prick her eyes and pressed her fingers to her eyelids, attempting to force the tears back.
Why hadn’t David told her? Because you’re in enough pain as it is, and he knows it, she admitted silently. He’d named the baby Hannah, as they’d discussed at dinner that night. Their little Hannah was in Heaven, and David longed to be with their daughter, but was unable to leave Amanda until he was sure she was all right.
She was being selfish. She was hurting both David and Hannah by keeping them apart. Amanda began to shake as she realized she’d have to cut the strings to her past. Hannah needed her daddy, and Amanda wouldn’t, couldn’t, keep them apart any longer. It didn’t matter what she needed or wanted. As a parent her responsibility was to her child. She moaned in grief, thinking of the pain she’d unwittingly caused them.
Zack still hadn’t returned, and she’d lost sight of him. She blew out a long restless sound of exasperation. Damn it, she needed some air too. Reaching over to the ignition she turned off the engine and pocketed his keys. She wasn’t mad at him anymore. She was feeling too morose to be mad.
She got out and headed over to a grouping of boulders at the edge of the road near the forest. They hadn’t gotten far from the cottage. They were still deep in the mountains, maybe ten or fifteen minutes from the project site. She wasn’t sure because she’d been daydreaming. Regardless, they were sure to be late to his sister’s party now.
She pulled out her cell phone to see if she could get a signal. If they were high enough she might luck out. Luck was with her. Diane had texted her. “Plz call me! 911.” Hastily she pressed her friend’s number on her speed dial. Praying it would connect.
“Mandy!” Di’s voice exclaimed in relief. “Oh gosh, I needed to talk to you so bad. I’m so glad you called!” She began weeping.
“W
hat’s wrong, Di? Are you all right? Is Eric okay?” Amanda’s stomach dropped. Oh please don’t let her friend lose those babies! “Is it the babies?”
“No, no. The babies are fine, and I’m fine, physically anyway. Eric’s good, too, he’s in Saratoga right now. He’ll be back tonight.” Diane’s voice shook so much that Amanda had to concentrate to make out what she’d said.
“Calm down, Di. I’m sure whatever it is, we can figure it out. Talk to me, I’m here.”
Amanda shifted her weight so she was leaning against the largest boulder and kicked both feet up on the rock in front of her, resting her elbows on her knees and holding her cell phone to her ear. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
She listened as Diane filled her in on her most recent visit to her parents’ home. How she’d been asking questions for over a month about the family’s medical history to share with her OB/GYN in regard to her pregnancy. How her parents had been ducking the questions and putting her off. And finally, how they’d come clean with information that she didn’t know how to take.
“I’m adopted, Mandy. I’m adopted, and they never told me!” Diane’s heartbroken voice rang through the line. “How can you raise a child to adulthood and never tell them! How can you lie to your child their entire life?” She sobbed into the phone line and Mandy wished she could reach out and hug her.
“Oh, Di! I’m so sorry. That had to have been so shocking and hurtful.” Amanda couldn’t imagine what it would have been like to find out the way Diane had. At least she had known her whole life, had her entire life to come to grips with it, with the support of her adoptive parent and grandparents.
“I feel so betrayed. I don’t even know who I am anymore!” Diane wailed. “I’ll never be able to trust my parents again. My parents…ha! Just who the hell are my parents?!”
Amanda let her ramble on and get it all out.
“You know, I never thought that, at age twenty-eight, I’d be suffering from an identity crisis!” she laughed shakily “I thought that was reserved for middle-age.”
Amanda's Touch [D.A.R.E.ing Women] (Siren Publishing Allure) Page 27