Amanda startled as she felt a hand touch her head and fingers run gently through the length of her hair. She had pulled the front back in a clip but left the remainder hanging down her back. Zack had returned.
He mouthed, “I’m sorry,” not wanting to interrupt her conversation. His face was lined with worry and consternation and she read clearly from him that he knew he’d overreacted and was sorry he’d taken it out on her.
She smiled at him to let him know he was forgiven and he leaned down to kiss her forehead. She gestured to him to have a seat by patting an empty space on the boulder next to her and shifted her bottom over to make more room. He sat down and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her over against his chest. He raised his brows in inquiry and nodded to her phone, asking who she was talking to. Covering the speaker, she whispered “Diane.”
As Diane wound down a little, Amanda informed her that she was with Zack and asked if she minded if he listened in. She didn’t want to share anything that Diane was unwilling to, but she knew her friend needed her right then. She wouldn’t want her to have to call back. Diane assured her she didn’t care and that Amanda could speak openly, telling her she was “tired of secrets.” Fortunately, Diane was too overwrought to really think about the fact Zack was with her, or she’d have had to endure an interrogation the likes of which the Spanish Inquisition had never seen.
Amanda put her on speakerphone so Zack could listen in to both sides and jumped back into the conversation.
“Di, I know you’re upset with them right now, and I don’t blame you. I’d be mad as hell, too, if that had been kept from me. But they love you. And as far as knowing who your parents are, you already do. Being adopted doesn’t change who your family is. Your parents are the ones who loved you, raised you, and took care of you. Your parents are the ones who grew you into the wonderful, beautiful, and headstrong woman you are today. I ought to know.” She tried to inject a little humor to lighten her friend’s mood.
Zack gave her a confused look. He was lost and opened his mouth to ask what the heck was going on. Amanda shook her head at him and placed a fingertip over his lips.
“Oh, Mandy!” Diane wailed again. “I’m ashamed of myself! Did you know I forget that you were adopted! You seem so normal, it just doesn’t occur to me often.”
Amanda’s lips twisted in a grimace that seemed to be partly amused and partly aggrieved, and then she began to laugh, despite herself. “Thanks, I think,” she told her friend dryly. “I’ve always wanted to be normal!” she kidded her. She knew what Di meant. She was just giving her a hard time.
She looked up at Zack, wanting to share with him the humor in her friend’s ridiculous observation, and found him staring down at her quizzically. He pointed a finger at her and whispered in her ear, “You were adopted?” She grinned at him, still amused by Diane’s proclamation that she seemed normal, then rolled her eyes, and nodded.
“Di, I know you’re very hurt. But, you’re hurt because they kept something from you, most likely to save you from feeling just as you are right now. You know your parents would move mountains for you. And, a lot of times, adoptive parents also worry that they’ll lose their adopted children if they tell them. I’m not saying what they did was right. Just that they love and care about you, don’t want you hurt, and don’t want to lose you as a daughter.” Amanda stopped and let her words sink in, waiting for Diane to process.
“I know,” she finally answered tiredly. “You’re right. They do love me, and they’ve been great parents. I’m just angry they didn’t tell me years ago. Now, I’m having children and have no background, no history for them. You just don’t understand what that’s like, Amanda, you’ve never had children to worry about.”
Zack felt Amanda’s body tense at Diane’s unthinking words and hugged her closer to him, wishing he could reach through the phone and smack her friend.
Amanda squirmed to free herself from his tightened embrace and looked at him askance. “What the hell, Zack? I don’t need you to protect me!” she whispered angrily and pushed slightly away from him.
Gosh! She’d read that loud and clear, huh?
Taking a steadying breath she redirected her thoughts. “You’re right, Di. I haven’t had to be concerned about that yet, and I’m sure you are very worried about the medical background for their sakes. I’m assuming it was a closed adoption, like mine? Do your parents have any of the records?”
“They have just a very general medical outline, nothing with specifics. There could be all sorts of genetic problems we know nothing about. What in the world am I going to do?”
“Do you want to find them?” Amanda asked “You know, once you do that, then it opens other doors. You contact them once, and they’ll know who you are. You need to decide if you want that. You could go through a third party anonymously to find them but many times they won’t give up the information without meeting you first.”
“What about you, Amanda? What would you do, if you were me?”
Amanda tried to gather her thoughts. She hadn’t gotten to that point in her pregnancy where it had occurred to her. But, she’d never felt the urge to find them for any reason before that, so she wasn’t entirely sure she would have contacted them due to her pregnancy either.
“I’m not you. You need to decide what is best for you. Frankly, I’ve never wanted to meet the people, or person, who gave me away. They had their reasons, and I had a great parent in Lana. She was a fantastic mom to me, and I was fortunate to have her as long as I did.”
As Zack listened in he realized she was speaking of her mother in the past tense and hugged her closer again, making her look at him with annoyance once more. Unaware of his own actions he had automatically tried to comfort her with his influence, although she hadn’t asked for, or required, his assistance.
“Have you lost your mind?” she whispered to him again with a lifted brow. Did the guy seriously think she needed his support in every area of her life? Had she proven herself that incapable of dealing with her own issues?
He shrugged, since he couldn’t actually explain what he was responding to, causing her to shake her head in frustration.
He fell back into his wandering thoughts. Her mom was dead. He had no idea when she passed away, and got the feeling it had been at least several years. Amanda had not welcomed his misguided and unintentional attempt at comfort.
David was right, Amanda had no one. Well, she did have Diane, but right now Zack wasn’t exactly feeling warm and fuzzy toward her, since she hadn’t considered her words before she’d hurt Mandy with them. What about Amanda’s dad? He had so much to learn about her it was scary. From what he’d learned from David that morning, and from Amanda’s conversation, it was no wonder she was as fiercely independent as she was. She’d had to be.
The pieces of her puzzle were coming together little by little, and he had a greater understanding, too, of why she’d been holding onto to David, and her memories of him, so tightly. Also, he’d found there’d been so much loss in her life it was hardly surprising she’d been drifting along like flotsam following David’s death. There’d been no one to anchor her. He was dragged back into the conversation upon Diane’s next words.
“Mandy! How can you not want to know? I feel so alone right now that I can’t stand it! I feel like I have nothing to hold on to. My parents have lied to me. My biological parents gave me away. And, Eric is always traveling on business, so he’s no help either!” Diane’s voice began to climb again in distress.
Zack felt more and more resentment gathering under the surface in Amanda at every word her friend uttered. Uh oh, he thought, she’s gonna let Diane have it. He actually lifted his hands from Amanda because he knew his next impulse would be to interfere yet again, to bolster her courage this time. God! This was so freaking hard!
“Di, I want you to listen to me,” she began gently but he could tell the control that required from her was immense. “I’m your best friend, practically your sister,
despite our different DNA, and I love you, but you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have parents, regardless of how you came by them. You have a husband who worships the ground you walk on and who busts his ass to financially support you. You will be having children to complete that family. And you have friends who are there to look out for you, and listen, when you call to whine about being alone and having nothing.”
Diane didn’t respond and Zack thought she’d been shocked into silence. He looked at Amanda with approval. Way to go, he thought.
She waved his expression of sanction away and made a face at him. “I don’t need your personal endorsement. I’m just trying to make a point,” she hissed angrily at him, again.
Jeez! Couldn’t he do anything right, he wondered.
Amanda reined herself in and more quietly said to Di, “Now, I’m very sorry that you are feeling the way you are, and I’m very sorry you found out the way you did. But, sweetie, it’s only the shock of the news. You need to realize you haven’t lost anything. You still have it all. I want you to think about that and calm down. I’ll call you back later and we’ll talk some more. If you want to try to find your biological parents I have some web sites and contact information I can give you to get you started. I’ll come over tomorrow and help you, if you want me to, okay?”
Diane had calmed down and sounded a little ashamed. “Thanks, Mandy. I’ll call you tomorrow morning. You’re right. I’m overreacting, just a little, aren’t I?”
“No, Di. You’re not overreacting. You’re just reacting and that’s natural. I just wanted to remind you that you still have all of the same people around you who have always loved you. That hasn’t changed just because you found out you have a different genetic make-up than your mom and dad. It just makes you more special because they wanted you. They sought you out to make you theirs. Remember that. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. If you need me before then call my cell or my home number. I’ll be there tonight.”
She ended the call and, absently tapping the phone on the palm of her other hand, she sat there for a minute deep in her thoughts before she shook them off.
“Come on, Zack, we’ve got to get going. We’re definitely going to be late now.” Amanda got up, dug his keys out of her pocket, and she slipped them into his hand, avoiding the arm he attempted to place around her shoulders on the walk back to the truck.
Zack observed her in concern as, for the remainder of their drive, she kept to herself, saying next to nothing, with the exception of asking him to leave her to her own thoughts for a while. She also avoided his touch, sidling close to her door with her hands clasped in her lap. What the hell?
Checking out her warring emotions he decided he’d better listen to her and leave well enough alone. She was like a ticking time bomb and he hadn’t a clue exactly what might set her off. She was holding onto her control with both hands and her fingers were slipping. He shook his head and firmly resolved both to keep his mouth shut and keep his influence to himself. He decided that Shakespeare had been correct. “The better part of valor is discretion.”
* * * *
“Claire, where would you like me to put these?” Amanda was holding a precariously balanced armload of desserts. Both arms cradled 9x13 glass trays, one was a strawberry pretzel dessert, the other a lemon crème, placed on top was another eight by eight pan of brownies. Rebecca had laughingly laden her down with the third as she’d headed out the door. There was also a birthday cake still inside that wouldn’t be brought out until later. Zack’s family had created a massive amount of food. She’d been running nonstop, with Zack’s mom and sister, cooking since they’d hit the door, an hour late.
“Oh dear! Amanda, stop!” Claire tsked at her. “You’ve got a broken wrist and you’ve been working since you got here. Take a break.”
Amanda laughed as Claire lifted the load from her arms and she was, literally, shoved into a lawn chair in the backyard.
Zack’s mom was great, easygoing and friendly, but with an underlying sadness that she worked hard to conceal. Claire was also an exceptionally warmhearted and sensitive individual with touchy-feely tendencies. She was constantly touching everyone: hugs, kisses, a caress, a ruffle of your hair, a pat on the back, or a touch to your hand. Amanda now knew where Zack got his need for contact. In her mid-sixties she had graying hair that had once been the same color as Zack’s, very dark, nearly black. She was tall for a woman. Amanda guessed five ten or five eleven.
She was nothing like Amanda’s own mother in personality. Lana had been a mover and a shaker and had had a layer of steel and resolve underneath her rather surface friendliness. She had not been an open or trusting person, though she played it off very well in social situations. With her family Lana was affectionate, but never much of a hugger, as a result neither was Amanda, so she tended to be uncomfortable with a lot of close contact. She’d been very supportive of Amanda but always pushing her to do more, do better. Amanda had truly never minded that her mother rode her, she was pretty single-minded in her pursuits and very self-motivated on her own. They’d been like peas in a pod in that respect.
Zack’s dad was tall too, around six two, but was as fair as his wife was dark. He had blond hair that was graying at his temples. He was friendly but slightly quieter and reserved, though extremely inquisitive. Amanda knew he was just waiting for the opportunity to interrogate her. He watched his wife, daughter, and son with fond eyes filled with good humor.
Rebecca took after her dad and had a beautiful head of sunshine blonde hair that fell just past her shoulders. She had her mom’s demeanor and her father’s humor. Amanda had a hard time believing she was a prosecutor. She should have been a model. With a tall willowy build and innately sensual bodily movement she most likely drove men wild.
Amanda hadn’t met Cara yet. She was working today, and then had to pick up the kids from her ex-husband who kept them on Saturdays when Cara had to work. She’d be arriving later, just in time for the party.
“Thanks, Mom. You’ve got to watch out for her, she doesn’t know when to say stop, let alone do it.” Amanda looked up and stuck her tongue out at him. He laughed and winked at her, relieved to see her in better spirits. “And I know she probably didn’t tell you but, under those incredible hip-hugging jeans of hers, she also has sixteen stitches in her left leg running down her calf. I had to redo them this morning because yesterday she tore out the other ones she’d just gotten on Thursday.” Zack’s mom stared at her in astonishment.
“I’m not an invalid, for goodness sake!” she retorted, trying to rise from the chair. Zack placed both hands on her shoulders, firmly pressing her back into it. Bending over, he kissed her lips upside down and Amanda got lost as her world spun for a moment. She returned the kiss wholeheartedly, blushing crimson when Zack’s dad cleared his throat, interrupting them.
“Sorry to break this up, you two. Zack, I need you to start the barbeque, if you wouldn’t mind?”
Zack got his beautiful blue eyes from his dad. Amanda found it disconcerting when his dad focused on her, evaluating her reaction to his son. Oh! She reminded herself that Zack had gotten his empathic talent from his father. He could feel her emotions almost as well as Zack could. She flushed even darker, and looked away as his father struggled to contain his amusement.
“I’ll keep her company, son, and make sure she takes a break, while you get that started. Then, I’ll grab the steaks, ribs, and chicken when you’re ready for ’em.”
Zack took in Amanda’s embarrassed countenance, winked at her again, told his father to “behave,” and left the two alone. He couldn’t say he was too sorry about Mandy’s reaction to him. He grinned, striding off toward the huge stainless steel barbeque located just off the patio of his parents’ home.
He’d been concerned about her fitting in with his family, feeling overwhelmed by them, as he sometimes did. But she’d jumped right in, asking what she could do to help, not shy at all. She’d looked around, taken stock of where his mother and s
ister were in their level of party preparation and begun filling in the gaps. He’d watched her carefully at first, well…not watched her, but kept tabs on her feelings checking for anxiety, stress, etc. When he hadn’t read any, he’d gone about the business of helping his dad set up.
“So, tell me about yourself, my dear.”
Zack’s dad caught her attention and she unwillingly pulled her gaze from Zack’s tight rear end making its way across the lawn. His jeans fit very nicely, emphasizing every asset the man had. She sighed, focusing her attention on John and found him watching her with a small smile playing around his mouth. She laughed with him at herself, amazed to find it was an easy laugh, not a forced one. The man understood and appreciated her desire of his son. That was another strange thought, in a day chalk full of them.
“What would you like to know? Where would you like me to begin?” she asked. She smiled wistfully, remembering her mother’s interrogation of all her boyfriends, and then the man who had become her husband. No one would do that for her now. She was shaken out of her reflection by realizing David had taken that upon himself. Strange upon strange!
“You’re an architect?” he began.
That was the easiest way to begin and Amanda appreciated his easing in “Yes, I have a bachelor’s degree in architecture and specialize in historical renovations. I have a particular fondness for eighteenth and nineteenth century work, but can and do handle a variety of projects from all periods. I also have a bachelor’s degree in finance and a master’s in business. I earned both undergraduate degrees at Penn State University, and earned my Executive MBA at the University of Pittsburgh.”
She appreciated his ill-concealed look of surprise and covered a tiny smile. She knew he was thinking she was just looking to sink her claws into Zack for his money. John went on to ask how long she’d been working, and for whom, etc. And she filled him on how she’d worked for Reynolds Renovations for the five years prior to Zack’s purchase of the company.
Amanda's Touch [D.A.R.E.ing Women] (Siren Publishing Allure) Page 28