“Hangover, huh?” David asked in seeming glee. “That’s what you get. I warned you after the first beer that you’d pay the piper.”
“Shut the hell up, David. I don’t need you to state the obvious,” she grumbled gratingly.
“Stay here, babe. I’ll be right back.” Zack loosened his arms from her and got out of bed.
Apparently he’d earned a respectful look from David as he took in Zack’s size because once he was in the bathroom Amanda whispered in admonishment, “David! I agree he’s well-hung, but that’s highly inappropriate! Yes, he’s good to me! Please stop. This is embarrassing and it’s none of your damned business! NO! For fuck’s sake! You don’t need to give him any pointers!” Her voice took on a high squeaky tone.
Zack quickly came back with a cup of water and some aspirin. He set them on the nightstand and crawled back under the sheet, telling David to knock off his shit and leave Amanda alone even before he placed a hand on her arm to bring him into focus.
He helped Amanda sit up against him tucking the sheet firmly under her arms and over her breasts for modesty’s sake. David smiled at him. “Not like I haven’t seen it before, man,” he reminded him with a painful jibe.
“I hope you’ve got a good memory,” Zack shot back. “You won’t be seeing it again!”
“Do you guys both want to pee on me now, or are we saving that delightful event until later?” Amanda asked them sourly. She was tired of being considered someone’s property, and these boys continued to feel the need to mark their territory. Just what she needed, a damned pissing contest between the two!
“Here, babe.” Zack handed her the pills and cup. “Aspirin,” he told her “Wash ‘em down. They’ll help with the headache, though they won’t do much for your stomach, sorry. I looked for some antacids but didn’t see any in your cabinet.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s my own damn fault. I knew better, but was too busy feeling sorry for myself. Now, I’m really sorry. Ugh!” She hung her head in her hands and rubbed her temples. When that did nothing she gave up, closed her eyes, and settled back against Zack, resting her head on his shoulder as he wrapped her in his arms.
“Here, let me help you, sweetcheeks.” Zack placed one hand on her belly and one on her forehead and gently pushed his influence to calm her upset stomach and help ease the headache. A minute later Amanda sighed in relief and relaxed against him as it took effect.
“So, I hear you have some good news, huh? Starting a family and all that,” David sarcastically offered.
“David, I swear to God, if you weren’t already dead. I’d kill you.” This, issued from Amanda’s lips, stunned both men who after a moment broke out into gales of laughter. The irony was not lost on Amanda. The only reason she was in this predicament was because David was dead. The irony quickly turned sour and she felt a sharp stab of pain lance through her chest.
“David, you need to ease the hell up,” Zack ordered firmly, getting his hysteria under control as Amanda’s heartache swamped him. “That’s enough! Either cut her a break or get the hell out!” He automatically calmed her. Having her upset was one thing, having her pregnant and upset was something else altogether. He’d sworn he’d protect her and help her through this and he wouldn’t allow David to humiliate her.
“No, Zack, he’s right. What the hell was I thinking?” She looked so miserable Zack wanted to punch the other man out, fat lot of good it would do him though! Zack sighed in disgust.
Shooting David a baleful glare he told her, “Mandy, I want you to listen to me. I won’t have David make you feel ashamed of what we’ve shared. I love you and I love our babies. I want all three of you in my life. Don’t let his attitude ruin this or make you feel worse. You’re only feeling the shock of everything right now. That’s a normal response. I promise you’ll see it differently in a day or two. I don’t want you so stressed out by all this that you lose our children.”
He should have chosen his words more carefully because Amanda blanched at his last ones. “No, I don’t want that either,” she whispered painfully.
She turned to her husband and said, “Please, David. You have to understand, this obviously wasn’t something we planned, but Zack and I are going to welcome these children regardless. And you have to tell Hannah that I’m not replacing her. Will you do that for me?” She reached out to the other man’s ghost, entreating him to listen to her. David took her in his arms, naked as the day she was born as she unthinkingly dropped the sheet. She belatedly grabbed Zack’s hand in one of hers so he could stay “tuned-in.”
“I’m sorry, sweets. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m being a jackass because I’m jealous that’s all. I never imagined how hard this would be, for both of us. But I promise, Zack and I will get you through the quagmire and help you move forward,” he murmured comfortingly while rubbing his hands over her bare back. “And don’t you worry about Hannah, she’s fine and she knows you wanted her and loved her.”
David looked morosely at Zack. “I didn’t think about the fact she’d pick up, from your thoughts, all the stuff I told you about Hannah. I was just trying to help you understand what Amanda had gone through,” he said referring to the previous weekend’s conversation.
“Christ, Mandy. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to tell you. You’d already been through so much,” David said miserably, resting his chin on the top of her head and still stroking her back as he groaned in anguish.
“Is this why you wouldn’t talk to me all week and kept shutting me out?” he asked her. David hadn’t pulled it from her mind during the course of the week but wondered if he’d missed the thoughts somehow and felt compelled to ask her.
“No, I understand why you did it and I’m not angry with you about Hannah. You’re right. It would have been too much for me to take in, even a little over a month ago. I wasn’t ready then,” she replied into his shoulder, hiding her face from Zack. Knowing he was going to be upset with her for being in David’s arms. But this conversation was about her and David’s child and it was his arms she belonged in for that.
“And as far as not talking to you, well, that’s Zack’s and my business, and I was hurting too much to talk to you about it. I’m sorry I was pissy with you. It wasn’t your fault,” she informed him.
“That’s all right. I’ve told Zack I’ll try not to butt in where I’m not welcome.” He kissed her forehead and gave her a sardonic look. “Apparently I’m having trouble with that promise.”
“I’ve got to go, sweets. I’ll see you tomorrow? I’ve been talking to Joshua and I think we can help his whole crew. But I want you to use Zack to help you through this, do you understand me? No going this alone, not anymore, got it? I want him bolstering your emotions, keeping you calm, keeping you sane as we work on this. Promise me? No repeats of last weekend? I don’t want you hurting those little ones or yourself.” He waited until Amanda answered him.
Moving from David’s side she looked at Zack, fearing his anger, but only found open arms and a mostly understanding expression. Maybe there was hope for her and Zack.
“Babe? Did you hear him?” Zack pressed her. He wanted her to agree to his help and knew if she promised David she’d follow through on it.
“I promise,” she finally answered and watched as David faded from view.
“Come on, Mandy girl. I know you still feel pretty awful and you need some sleep. Lay down with me and close your eyes.” He pulled her down on the bed and she curled up against his side throwing one of her legs over his, tucking her heel under his knee, and laying her hand on his chest and curling her fingers through the thick thatch of hair there, as if holding on.
He humorously pondered if she was aware she was staking a claim of her own with her actions. She might as well have said, “he’s mine,” and he delighted in it. That was twice tonight she’d taken over his body and he was happy to allow her to be in charge because that told him she felt she had rights to him. And, well, if she had rights then that meant she intended to k
eep him around. Not that he’d tell her he was aware of any of that.
“I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep. I still have a horrible headache and I’m anxious beyond belief,” she admitted. “But this is nice. Being in your arms, being with you.” She lifted her head and kissed his neck and then burrowed down and rubbed her cheek against the wiry hair on his chest, sighing in contentment.
Zack smiled as she snuggled against him and hugged her tighter for a moment in appreciation of her kiss. “Try,” he encouraged. “Close your eyes and relax.” He rubbed one hand slowly and gently up and down her back “Go to sleep, baby doll.”
“Do you want some help? I can relax you,” he offered.
“No. I’m too worked up right now and need to think through some things.”
After a couple of minutes he began to doze off but Amanda remained awake. Waiting until he was out cold, she quietly slipped from the bed. Visiting the bathroom had become a necessity. Her stomach was still slightly queasy but not too bad. The problem was that she was going to be up all night urinating. Damned alcohol, she thought.
Very quietly she shut the bathroom door before turning on the light. After relieving her aching bladder she stood before the full-length mirror in the bathroom, running her hands over her taut abdomen and wondering if Zack would still feel the same about her when she was as big as a house.
Tears came to her eyes as she tried to imagine them as a family: husband, wife, children, things that had been torn from her. Though it wasn’t as if Zack had proposed to her either, so that made imagining it that much more difficult. This relationship had blossomed incredibly fast. It had taken both of them off-guard, but there was no denying they had powerful feelings for each other despite it. Would they be able to be happy considering the stressful start they’d gotten? Her visions of the future seemed happy, complete, but she didn’t know if she could trust them.
Why was it she could innately trust the visions she saw of others but not those including herself? Because you don’t want to be set up for another fall, Amanda. Like Becca said. You are causing your own problems. If you don’t trust in the future you see. It won’t happen for you. It was a cruel catch-22.
She grabbed her robe from the hook behind the bathroom door and belted it around her. Turning off the light and easing the door open she padded quietly across the bedroom to the hall. She’d keep Zack up all night if she didn’t leave him alone to get some rest.
She quickly padded her way down the dark stairs to the living room. After turning on the lamp next to her reading chair she perused the shelves for few minutes choosing the leather-bound novel Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. She was hoping the romantic comedy of a gentler bygone era would ease her mind. She loved the quick wit and lively dialogue between Elizabeth and Darcy.
Curling up in the wing chair she paged through the book, re-reading her favorite passages and quotes. One in particular caught her attention and she paused, putting it into the context of her own life. In chapter fifty-eight she came upon a near-perfect summation of where she should have been in her grieving process: letting go of David. As Darcy told Elizabeth, “Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure.”
She bookmarked the page and laid it face down across her lap, resting her eyes. She still had a hell of a headache. Of course it was nearly four a.m., and she had a hangover. It was no frigging wonder her eyes stung and her head hurt.
Would she ever be able to do that? Let David go? Remember the good times they’d experienced together, the fun things they’d done, without the hellish pain of his loss? She told herself she was getting there.
Already she had put David on the back burner this past week, not answering him, asking him to leave her alone. What the hell was wrong with her? The man was stuck here because of her and she’d left him cooling his heels all week. Then she’d told him if he wasn’t already dead she’d kill him for irritating her about getting pregnant unintentionally. He was correct, it was both foolish and stupid. One of the things that had drawn her to David, initially, had been his honesty. His lack of tact on the other hand was what irritated the hell out of her and tonight he’d hit all her buttons.
Zack woke, around four-thirty, to find he was alone in Amanda’s bed. He gazed around the room and rolled over to see if she was in the bathroom. Nope.
“Mandy?” he called softly. Getting no answer he got up and pulled on his briefs. Where the hell was she? When he entered the hall he could see a light was on downstairs.
He found her sound asleep in the living room. Lifting a book from her lap he looked to see what she’d been reading. Ah, a true classic. He’d have to ask her what women’s universal draw was to the story of Elizabeth and Darcy. He had to admit, though, that he did enjoy their repartee.
He skimmed the page she’d bookmarked to see where she’d left off and wasn’t surprised to see one line in particular that might have jumped out at her. He hoped that soon she would be able to remember with pleasure certain parts of her past and let go of the detritus that tended to drag her into melancholy. He placed the book on the end table and turned off the light.
When he bent to pick her up she wound her arms around his neck mumbling sleepily at him. “Shh, baby girl. Go back to sleep. Its way past your bedtime,” he murmured as he carried her up the stairs.
“‘Kay,” she sighed, and was out. He laughed at her amiability. He was going to knock her out if she didn’t stay asleep. She needed her rest, for herself and those babies. For now, though, he was satisfied and he tucked her under the covers and got in next to her. Within minutes he, too, was fast asleep, with Mandy in his arms, where she belonged.
* * * *
“Where the hell did I put that?” Zack heard a muffled Amanda muttering and cursing to herself as she looked for whatever it was that had her agitated. It wasn’t taking much to perturb her this morning though. She was definitely suffering a “morning after.”
She’d woken gritty eyed and recalcitrant to Zack’s breakfast offering of dry toast, tea, and more aspirin. She’d imperiously waved him away and demanded melodramatically that he “leave her alone, to die in peace.” When he laughed at her she swore like a sailor and threw a pillow at him.
He had learned another aspect that was likely to bring on Amanda’s potty mouth, hangovers. Hangovers, anger at being managed, and feelings of helplessness, all brought on the woman’s ire faster than light could travel.
God bless any fool who was in her way once her temper was lost. There was no reigning Amanda in once she’d gotten on a roll. He’d waited patiently until she had run her course and then set the tray down on the bed telling her she had to eat something if she wanted to feel better and that the choice was hers. Then he’d left her to stew in her own juices while he hightailed it downstairs to clear his lungs of the blue air he’d just inhaled.
Once he’d walked away and stopped trying to force the issue Amanda had done just as he’d suggested. He’d swear she argued with him just to be contrary or just to assert her independence, not because she believed herself to be correct. When he heard the shower begin to run he’d come back up to find the tea drunk, half of a piece of toast eaten, and the aspirins apparently swallowed. When she’d emerged from the shower she was slightly more human and apologized for swearing at him.
Still flushed pink from the heat of the water and naked under her towel she’d offered a vivid mental image Zack couldn’t ignore. He’d grinned and grabbed her up, tugging the towel loose and caressing her body while she protested, kind of. The protests had turned into other noises and in a short time she was clinging to him asking for more.
Looking at his watch he’d set her down, giving a light slap to her bare ass and telling her to get it in gear. They were going to be late. She pretended to be affronted by his smack to her derriere, but the half-closed eyes burning with anything but anger and her high level of arousal said something else. He gave her a sensual smile wishing they had time to play. There were a lot of
unplumbed depths to Amanda’s sexuality that he had yet to learn about. He looked forward to it and was sorry they had to get going. He turned her around and gave her a gentle shove toward her closet, telling her to get dressed and that he’d make sure they picked up where they left off later on.
That had been twenty minutes ago. Now seeking the source of her muffled words he ducked as a heeled shoe came whizzing past his head. Amanda, facing away from him, was precariously balanced on her tiptoes on a stool in the far corner of her walk-in closet. Boxes of shoes had come unbalanced and were raining down on top of her, prompting new mini-tantrums, hence the shoe throwing.
Because he was caught up in trying to figure out what she was looking for he missed seeing her fire the next missile and grunted as he was conked on the top of his head with a winter boot. Rubbing his head, he decided it was time to intervene before she staked him with a stiletto or fell off the stool and impaled herself on one.
“Do you want some help?” Zack was learning not to say the word “need.” Asking if she “wanted” help let her decide. If she was asked if she “needed” help she’d generally not admit it. He was proud of figuring that out and gave himself a mental pat on the back. Then he retracted it as he saw his words startle her so badly that she lost purchase on the shelf she was clinging to for balance and the toes of one foot slid off the stool. He leapt across the length of the closet to catch her before she landed flat on her back.
“Ohhh!” she exclaimed in fear as she fell backward. It was cut short as she felt Zack grab her before she hit the floor. Her heart was flying and she laughed breathlessly. “My White knight,” she humorously dubbed him, yet again.
“Amanda Grace, huh? I wish I could ask your mother why she tacked on Grace as your middle name. Was she in denial, or was it that she hoped you would actually be imbued with the characteristic if she added it to your name?” He smiled down at the clumsiest woman in the world, who seemed to be slightly affronted at his words. “Will I need to do a lot of rescuing then?” he asked, lightly kissing her lips.
Amanda's Touch [D.A.R.E.ing Women] (Siren Publishing Allure) Page 47