“I’m hanging.” She did actually feel like she’d been wrung and hung out to dry so the analogy was a good one she thought abstractly. She’d tallied up the number that had accompanied Joshua and the grand total came to twenty-four.
This last person gained her utmost attention as he began his tale. This was the terrorist who had committed suicide. He was here to make reparation, in whatever way was required of him, though he had not killed anyone on that particular day. He had been forced into joining the terrorist group who held his family. During that last expedition he could no longer stand the guilt he’d felt overtaking so many innocent lives and had taken his own instead. He was asking for everyone’s forgiveness before presenting himself for divine judgment, which he would humbly accept, considering the atrocities he had committed. He wanted his family notified of his actions, and his reasons, and he wanted them told that he had deeply loved them all.
Amanda was rendered mute by the man’s tale and Zack had a very difficult time relating it for the recorder because he kept getting choked up. Joshua and David looked on compassionately as the man asked for forgiveness one final time, bowed to them, and faded from view. He had cleared the room leaving only Zack’s live family, along with Josh and David, still in attendance. As each person or family took their leave Amanda had felt the tiniest amount of pressure released as that spirit’s draw on her energy dissipated.
Amanda scraped together her last ounces of strength and asked Zack’s family to step forward and join hands, telling Joshua to stand in the middle of the circle. She informed them they could all say good-bye to him for the day and that she’d bring him back to visit another time.
“Please, everyone, keep this very brief. I can’t hold it for long.”
“Amanda, no! You are already completely spent!” Zack was very unhappy with this. But his family, of course, eagerly stepped forward and grasped hands all around. Zack tried to bolster Amanda one last time but there was nothing there for him to bolster and he knew she was going to crash.
“Would you please introduce us to your husband?” Claire asked her. Amanda looked at her confusedly before remembering that she’d told the Grayson’s she had called for David’s assistance but thereafter had not pointed him out. Nice! She thought sarcastically.
David appeared in the center next to Joshua. “David, I would like to introduce you to Zack’s family.” She went through all their names, though she knew David had picked up on them already. To the Grayson’s she said, “This is David Hall, my husband.” Again, she felt Zack cringe at the term she used but, for God’s sake, she couldn’t think of another way to say it.
“David, on behalf of my family, I’d like to thank you for helping Joshua today.” John solemnly offered.
“You’re very welcome, Dr. Grayson, anything that I can ever do to help. I’ll be happy too, until it’s permanently time for me to go, anyway.”
He looked at Amanda inquiringly with one blond brow lifted and she shook her head dispiritedly in response. She knew it was coming very, very, soon. Some internal timer had been set and she could feel an imminent farewell. But not yet, please God, not yet! Then she swallowed as a knot formed in her throat. She was so selfish! She looked at him and saw all of her pain was reflected in his eyes. He offered a crooked smile in response and shrugged as if to say, again, “No big. I can wait.” But she knew what it was costing him now. “Soon,” she mouthed just for him.
Zack’s family observed as David went to Amanda and pulled her into an unreturned hug because her hands were trapped by Zack on one side and Claire on the other. They also watched as David bent to place a single kiss on her lips before painfully whispering, “Take care, sweets. See you later,” and then vanished.
As Amanda glanced around there was only one set of dry eyes and those belonged to Zack, who had looked on in pain of his own. She was hurting him, too. Again she hung her head, disgusted with herself. She was hurting both the men she loved. How long would Zack put up with this? She needed to let go of David, once and for all, but right then she just didn’t have the reserves to think about it.
The Grayson’s took a few minutes to say their good-byes to Joshua and as the seconds ticked by Amanda grew more exhausted and she felt a flare of stabbing pain behind her right eye. Another migraine, lovely! Her heart rate accelerated alarmingly and she broke out into a clammy sweat, once more beginning to shiver uncontrollably.
The voices around her began to dim and her vision to blur. She felt a throbbing pressure build over a minute’s time and then suddenly alleviate itself in a rush. Something warm ran from her nostrils. Still holding Zack’s hand in hers, she reached up to swipe at it with the back of her hand. When she brought her hand back down she discovered it was blood, rather a lot of it. She had just enough time to acknowledge the nosebleed and see a steady drip, drip, drip. That drip built into a solid trickle and flowed onto the carpet before Zack noticed it too and gave her a look of utter horror.
“Drop her hand! Let go of her, damn it!” She heard Zack shout to his mother, and then she collapsed.
Zack grabbed Amanda as she went down and finished lowering her to the floor. His family gathered around in concern as blood continued to run from her nose. Unconscious, she began to choke when the blood ran down the back of her throat from being laid flat on the floor. Zack quickly elevated her head. For a minute he was so panic-stricken all he could do was watch as she continued to bleed out.
His father quickly took over, ordering Cara to grab some towels to lay under her, and for Becca to find several pillows to elevate her head. He sent Claire to fetch some things to clean Amanda with.
“Does she have a blood disorder?” John asked his son. Zack looked at him blankly. Clearly, he was so worried that he didn’t register his father’s question.
“Zack! Does she have hemophilia or another clotting disorder that would cause this? Come on son, think!”
“I doubt it. I would have noticed when she cut her leg last week.” Zack applied firm pressure to Amanda’s nostrils to stop the nosebleed. Thinking this was bad, really bad, but that they could deal with it. He was completely unprepared when her body went rigid and then she began to seize.
“Oh Christ! Dad, help me!” Zack and his father quickly rolled Amanda to her side so she wouldn’t aspirate on anything. He continued to hold her on her side as her muscles contracted and relaxed over and over again for what seemed to be forever but was at most only a minute or two. Feeling helpless he tried to calm her nervous system to no avail. She wouldn’t respond to his influence.
When Amanda’s body relaxed out of the seizure Zack looked up to see everyone watching the episode in shock. His mom and sisters stood there holding the various items his father had asked them to collect.
“Oh my God! Zack, what have we done to her?” Cara asked brokenly.
Becca’s complexion was ashen. “What about the babies?” she whispered in angst.
“Epileptic?” she asked Zack, who shook his head firmly.
“I really think it was everything she took on today. It was way too much for her to handle, mentally or physically, and her brain and body broke down from the pressure” he informed them. Then he groaned, “I should have made her stop! Fuck it! I knew she was going to crash. All of this is my fault.”
He reached down to stroke back her hair and grimaced as he encountered sticky blood coating it from when they’d rolled her on her side. His mom handed him another soapy washcloth and he ran it over the coagulated strands.
“It’s not your fault,” came a ragged voice. “I should have stopped while I was behind,” Amanda groaned. “Why do I hurt so badly?”
“You had a seizure, babe. Just lay still for a while. You’ll be okay.” Zack breathed a sigh of relief that she’d regained consciousness.
“A seizure? I’ve never had one before,” she murmured drowsily before falling asleep.
“Well, I guess that answered the epilepsy question,” John said.
“Mom, do yo
u have some clothes you could loan Mandy? I’m going to take her upstairs and let her sleep for a while, but she’ll need something to change into later.”
“I’ll gather together a few things for her. It’s the least I can do for the poor girl,” she answered.
“Zack? Will the babies be all right?” Becca asked again urgently.
Zack looked down at Amanda and studied her very closely for a minute. Her color was returning to normal and the blue tinge around her lips was almost gone. He checked her mental status to determine that she was sleeping and not unconscious. She was sleeping. Good!
“I don’t know, Becca, not for sure, but I think they’ll be fine. She’ll have to keep an eye out for any bleeding over the next few days but she’s not far enough along that I’d worry about them being harmed by this.”
He stood up and his knees protested their prolonged contact with the floor. He flexed them a couple of times and then bent to lift Amanda into his arms.
* * * *
Amanda woke to find herself in bed, with Zack pressed up against her. She blinked and gazed around the room, her thinking fuzzy. Where the hell was she? It was dusk outside, where had the day gone to? And whose pink cotton sleep shirt was she wearing? When had she put that on?
“Zack? Where are we?” she asked groggily “And, where are my clothes?” Zack startled awake at Amanda’s questions.
“Oh, jeez. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“How’re you feeling, babe?” his voice was husky with sleep. She didn’t answer him, only repeated her questions, this time in frustration.
“We’re still at my folks’ place, just a different bedroom,” he responded. “Calm down, Mandy girl.” He could feel her heart rate pick up and her anxiety build and he immediately lightly sedated her.
“Clothes?” she demanded he finish answering her.
“What do you remember?” he asked her. It was not uncommon for seizures to cause a loss of memory surrounding that event. He wanted to see how far back she could remember.
“Zack! Please just answer me?” she responded angrily. She couldn’t, for the life of her, remember anything since David had faded from her sight and that scared her. She just didn’t want to admit how scared she was.
“Shh…it’s okay. You’re all right.” His arms tightened around her and he ran his hands slowly down her body willing her to relax. “I’ll tell you, but I want you to try to stay calm. Will you do that?” He’d continue to keep her calm himself if she couldn’t do it. Her defenses were so weakened she couldn’t block him out if she wanted to.
When she nodded he continued, “You had a grand mal seizure.”
“I had a what?!” she exclaimed. “Like…” Her mind was sluggishly searching for the right term. “Like epilepsy?!”
Frowning, he turned her toward him. “No, you don’t have epilepsy. But you did have a nasty seizure and that is why I had to remove your clothes. Since you didn’t answer me, I’m assuming you don’t remember what happened. That’s normal, so I don’t want you to worry about that. Got it?” He waited for her nod.
“Okay, so when people have seizures its common for them to vomit and to have bouts of bladder and bowel incontinence.” She groaned and covered her face with her hands and he felt a strong surge of embarrassment wash over her. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Like I said, it’s normal. It’s not something you can control, babe.” He gently tried to pry her hands from her face. He gave up after a few seconds, feeling her need to hide and recoup some dignity.
“Anyway, I carried you up here and stripped you down so I could clean you off and get your clothes washed. I only put the night shirt on you just in case you had another seizure. It didn’t really make any sense to fully dress you again. My mom was going to give you some of her clothes but you slept long enough that she was able to wash and dry them. She was even able to get the blood out of them.”
“The what?!” Amanda exclaimed again.
“You don’t remember that either?” he quizzed. She shook her head vehemently.
“You had a horrendous nose bleed. You scared the crap out of me,” he told her honestly. “While I was applying pressure to stop the nose bleed you began to seize.”
“Wow!” was all she could think to say. Then another thought came to her and she gasped, “The babies? Are they going to be okay?” Oh sweet Jesus, they better be okay!”
“I think they’re gonna be fine. When I cleaned you up, I did an exam and checked to see if there was any vaginal bleeding. There wasn’t. I just want you to take it easy for the next few days. You’re going to feel pretty weak for a day or two. Promise me you won’t overdo it?”
“Why do you think I had the seizure? Do you think it’s likely I’ll have any more?” she asked instead of answering him.
“I’m sorry, but it was probably my fault. I should have stopped you much earlier on. I got distracted and didn’t sense the danger you were in, not until it was much too late to do anything about it and you were already overloaded. You’ve never had to deal with anything of this magnitude and we all demanded too much from you, mentally and physically. The mental pressure alone was sufficient to cause all of your trouble.”
“As far as having any more seizures, the verdict is still out on that one. I think it was only a singular event due to the extreme psychic pressure you were placed under. Just don’t take on massive ghostly counseling sessions and I believe you’ll be fine.”
He hugged her tightly to him remembering his fear for her. “Why didn’t you call a stop to it, Mandy? We all would have understood!”
“I just wanted to get it over with. I agree that I pushed it way too far, though I do not agree that any of this was your fault. Josh is your brother. Of course you have an emotional investment in him and would feel drawn to concentrate on him.” She reached up to stroke his cheek. “I’m sorry I scared you.”
He kissed her palm. “Just don’t ever do that again. I’m never bringing you to my parents’ ever again if you’re going to insist on scaring the shit out of me each and every time. I don’t know if my heart can handle much more of this.”
“Believe me. I don’t want to go through this ever again. I feel like I ran a marathon without any warm-up or training. Why do I hurt so much?” She grimaced as she tried to sit up and her abs vehemently protested the action.
“It’s because of the strenuous muscle contractions. Don’t be surprised if you hurt for a few days and if you cramp up unexpectedly.”
“Fabulous,” she muttered sarcastically.
“How about we head back to my place and I’ll fill up the hot tub? You could use a nice long soak I think,” he ventured. “Then I want you to go to bed and get a good night’s rest.”
She raised her eyebrows at him. “Uh huh, sure! In your bed, I doubt that’ll happen.” She was referring to her own inability to lie beside him without pursuing more but he took it the wrong way.
Zack looked offended. “Mandy, believe me. I have no designs on your scrumptious little booty tonight. Your body has been through too much today, I understand that. Actually I’d be afraid to allow you to do more than sleep anyway.”
She smiled at him. “You misunderstood the intent behind what I was saying.” She waggled her brows at him suggestively and he laughed. “I wasn’t worried about your ability to keep your hands off of me. I was thinking about my inability to keep mine off of you!”
“Oh, like that is it?” he grinned at her.
She moaned in pain as a sudden cramp in her upper leg caught her unaware and she gasped, “Charley horse,” to Zack who immediately began rubbing out the tightened muscles in her leg.
“Maybe not,” she finally admitted to him after the muscle contraction eased up. “But I will take you up on the hot tub offer and I might not mind some company at least,” she hinted.
* * * *
Sunday morning found them on his patio sipping coffee and munching on sliced strawberries, pears, and mini-quiches that Zack had picked
up frozen and cooked in the oven that morning. During the previous week he’d been determined to have something he could cook for her when she visited. He’d gamely hoped she’d be back, despite the previous weekend’s awful ending. He was glad he’d been hopeful.
Amanda had finally begun to stir around ten o’clock that morning. She’d slept for a solid twelve hours, on top of the two hours she’d crashed for at his parents’ the previous day. She was unaware that Zack had kept her under, and he had no intention of clueing her in.
She’d tried to rouse numerous times and once even came to briefly, following a nightmare that would have had Zack shaking in his shoes, had he had any on. It was the accident nightmare that she seemed determined to punish herself with. The intensity of her emotions had woken him before her screams had and he’d gathered her thrashing form close to him and laid into her with everything he had in him, knocking her back out. He should have known that everything she’d been through earlier that day would trigger it. Fortunately, she didn’t seem to remember the rough night she’d had, for which he was profoundly grateful.
He was glad to see her eating a good breakfast. She’d declined the lasagna his mother had sent home with them the previous night, telling him she had no interest in food. Her stomach was still upset. He hadn’t pressed the issue, though he’d been concerned. All she’d had yesterday was a half piece of toast and then she’d only picked at the dinner at his family’s home.
He’d have to remind her that she was eating for three and that she needed to keep herself healthy, for their children’s sake as well as her own. Before breakfast he’d tried to, again, open a dialogue about the pregnancy but she’d shut him down saying she was still “processing.” He’d gotten waves of shame, fear, and anger from her. He knew she wanted the babies, but he couldn’t help but be aware of her uncertainty of where they were headed. If she’d only talk to him about it maybe they could decide together.
“Amanda,” he began tentatively. “I know you’re still coming to terms with everything, but I’d like you to hear me out. Even if you’re not ready to talk to me, I want you to know what I’m thinking and feeling about it all.” Like a kick to the gut he felt her shut down on him as she looked away, further distancing herself. Then she seemed to pull herself together and he sensed her resolution. Finally! he thought. Maybe she’ll tell me why she feels the way she does.
Amanda's Touch [D.A.R.E.ing Women] (Siren Publishing Allure) Page 50