Amanda's Touch [D.A.R.E.ing Women] (Siren Publishing Allure)

by LeeAnn Masters

  “I know how you feel about it, how you feel about me,” she responded grudgingly. “You’re happier than any man has a right to be about an unplanned pregnancy.” She forced a laugh. “For which I should be grateful.”

  “You don’t need you to keep reassuring me that you plan to be there for me and our kids. I know you will. I trust what you’re saying because I’ve seen it. You’re going to be a marvelous father.” Taking a deep breath she continued. “It’s just that my feelings about this are an utter disaster, and I’m trying to sort through them all without dragging you through the muck and mire with me.”

  “Remember what I told you? We’re in this together, right? You’re not dragging me through anything. I’m accompanying you voluntarily. So please come clean with me. Tell me what’s going on in your head. I can read your feelings but don’t know what’s driving them, and I can’t help you if you won’t let me in.”

  Her cell phone rang, interrupting the moment, and she glanced at it to see who was calling. He thought, Here she goes, saved by the bell. To his surprise she let it go to voice mail. He raised his brow in gentle inquiry. She waved her hand dismissively, telling him it wasn’t important.

  “This won’t make any sense to you I’m sure…” her voice faded and he watched her brow furrow. He leaned across the space between them and ran a fingertip down her forehead and between her eyes, smoothing the worry crease.

  “Together,” he reminded her.

  She sighed heavily. “Would you understand if I told you that I feel as if just when I’m becoming myself again, that I’m afraid of losing myself?” she gave him a confused and somewhat self-deprecating smile, telling him she didn’t really get it either but that was the best way she could explain herself.

  He sat back and studied her for a minute, both her body language and her emotions. “What I think I’m hearing is that, just when you are beginning to rejoin your life, you feel like you’re caught up in current so strong it might carry you away?”

  She nodded gratefully. “You do get it then? You don’t think I’m crazy? ’Cause let me tell you…I feel like I’m going insane. I’m being pulled in so many directions.”

  He grabbed her tiny hands and pulled her into his lap, wincing when she wriggled her bottom over his crotch as she settled in and his cock quickly sprang to life beneath her. Bad cock!

  “Babe, you’ve been grieving for over a year and a half. Just when you’re ready to come out of that I come along to make your life more complicated, stirring up emotions you’ve had locked away and aren’t quite ready to deal with yet.”

  He placed a finger over her lips as she tried to negate what he’d just said. “You know it’s true, and so do I. I know you love me, in a way, but you haven’t given me all of you yet, because you’re still holding onto David. That’s the biggest part of what’s tearing you apart inside.” She shook her head in denial but he could see the sad acknowledgement in her eyes. Beautiful moss green eyes that swam with tears that she tried to blink back.

  “I also know you’re feeling overwhelmed by your stronger clairvoyant and telepathic talents and your new mediumistic abilities. You are spreading yourself a little too thin, trying to be all things to all people, especially to my family.”

  He reached down and placed one hand on her flat belly. “And, now this,” he said softly, rubbing gentle circles over her abdomen. “I’m sorry about the timing, for your sake. But I’ll never be sorry about our children. I’m hoping that, very soon, you’ll cease to be sorry, too. No child should come into the world in the midst of sorrow or regret.”

  “Zack, I’m not sorry about the babies. I don’t want you to think that.” He gave her a disbelieving look. “Seriously, it’s all the other stuff that goes with it that’s freaking me out. Becca was right when she said I’m afraid of creating another family with you because I’m afraid of suffering more loss. I need to let go of that worry, there are no promises in life. I know that. And I need to let David go, too, so I’ll stop hurting both of you.”

  She stood up, needing to distance herself, and looked down at him. Tenderly she combed her fingers through his thick, unruly hair, the nearly black strands glistening with blue highlights in the rays of the morning sun.

  “Just so you know. I’m not in denial or anything. I just don’t feel strong enough, or maybe courageous enough, to do it and I know that’s not fair to you or him. I need to cut the strings and be done with it. It’s time. I know that.”

  She felt a very physical pain in her middle as she admitted it to Zack, almost like someone had stabbed her. Would it have been better not to have seen David’s spirit, or would it have been worse? She missed Zack’s mirrored expression of pain as hers registered on him.

  His head jerked toward her cell phone as it rang yet again and he glared at the interruption. Again she glanced at it and, again, she let it go to voice mail.

  Abruptly, she changed the subject. “I need to get home and change. Can we go?”

  He figured she’d given him as much honesty as she could stand, and he had no idea how to respond to her anyway. There was no easy answer, for her. He did have an easy answer, for him, but doubted Amanda would appreciate it. For now, she just wanted to run away. He knew the moment they hit her door she’d leave for the Laurel Highlands again.

  He still hadn’t had the chance to talk to her about his concerns about Tabott. They’d essentially lost a whole day because of his family and her resultant seizure.

  “Amanda, I don’t want you driving for a few days.” When she looked at him in astonishment he was glad he was able to fall back on the seizure as an excuse.

  “I’ll take you back to the site. After you’ve gone the next seven days without another seizure then I’ll be more comfortable allowing you behind the wheel. First though, I want you to have a check-up, either with your primary care physician or allow me to examine you. I don’t care which, just so long as you are seen by someone.”

  “Zack! Five days! I’ll be stuck out at the site all week!” she exclaimed in outrage. “I’m perfectly capable of driving. You said the seizure was an aberration and that I wouldn’t have any more as long as I don’t overdo it with the spooks!”

  Zack rolled his eyes and stood up so he could look down on her more intimidatingly. He’d use every advantage he could.

  “My precise words were…‘I think it was only a singular event due to the extreme pressure.’ But I don’t know that for sure. Do you want to kill yourself, or someone else, hedging your bets, Amanda? Don’t make me report the seizure to the DMV. State law allows them to pull your license for six months. All I’m asking for is one week. Surely you can see the sense in that.”

  Her eyes narrowed and to his amusement she spluttered and cursed at him for a full minute getting more inventive by adding swear words in other languages, specifically French, Spanish, and what he thought might have been Japanese. Then she turned her back and went inside, slamming the door behind her. Oh yeah, she was pissed all right. She fed that directly back to him in waves of rage. He’d let her cool down for a little bit. She’d see reason. He was only asking for seven days for goodness sake! Also, that would give him an excuse to pick her up next Friday. He was regretting, more and more, assigning her that damned project in the middle of fucking nowhere.

  Her cell phone rang again. She’d left it on the table. Who the hell kept calling her? Knowing he shouldn’t, but unable to stop himself, he hit the touch screen of her phone, hoping she hadn’t locked the screen. He was in luck.

  He checked her call log and saw four missed calls from Diane, one from her grandparents, one from Lombardi, and three from Jared McGinty. His was the most recent, over the past twenty-four hours. Her outbound log, not to his surprise, showed only one returned call to her grandparents. Why the hell was McGinty calling her on the weekend? Hmm…maybe there’d been more to that luncheon than he’d thought? He felt ill at the thought. And why hadn’t she answered Diane’s calls?

  It took him only a
few seconds to realize why she hadn’t called Diane. Di was too close, and read her too easily. If Amanda talked to her she’d have to tell her about the pregnancy. She truly didn’t want to talk to anyone, including him, about this. He’d guarantee she’d said nothing to her grandparents. She needed to talk to someone, damn it. Who would she open up to, if not Diane?

  He placed her phone back on the table and strolled past the pool and into the trees surrounding his property. Pulling his cell from his pocket he called Dr. Lombardi. The man had given him his cell number for a reason and he’d told Zack to use it. What better time than now?

  Chapter 17:

  Nothing’s Absolute

  They’d been on the road for an hour and a half, most of it spent in sullen silence. If Zack was especially lucky, Amanda would occasionally grant him a monosyllabic response now and then. Currently, they were on a long winding mountain pass and Amanda’s responses had withered to pouting or basically ignoring him. She’ll get over it, he kept reminding himself.

  Her cell phone had rung over and over during the trip from his home to hers. When they’d gone in to gather her belongings she’d gotten tired of hearing it ring and placed it on vibrate. Then during the trip back to the project site she’d sworn at it and powered it off when it had continued to buzz. He noticed that she didn’t even glance at it to see who was calling. She was shutting herself away from everyone. That couldn’t be good.

  An hour into the ride Zack’s cell had rung. Diane had given up trying to call Amanda and called him, in search of her. Zack showed Amanda his caller ID so she could see who it was and she’d shaken her head. She didn’t want to talk to her. He answered and held a quarter-hour conversation with Di, informing her of Amanda’s seizure the day before and what had led up to it.

  “Don’t you dare tell her that I’m pregnant!” Amanda whispered angrily in her only full sentence since they’d left.

  Zack’s brows rose in obvious sarcasm and he whispered back caustically, “Why in the world would you want to tell your best friend the good news?” Her attitude was hurting him. This drew an enraged glare from Amanda who turned her face from him when he’d glared back. Diane had a right to know, and she could help him keep Amanda from overextending herself.

  That had been a half hour ago and Amanda had maintained a stony silence since then so when she urgently yelled at him to “Stop! Pull off the road!” he almost jumped out of his skin and quickly looked at her in confusion. “Pull over!” she almost screamed at him while grabbing for the steering wheel. Not wanting her to run them off the road, he checked his rear view mirror and violently swerved onto the graveled side.

  A timer began to tick in her head. They had less than a minute. Tick, tick, tick!

  “Back it up! You went too far!” He stared at her in concern, what the hell was wrong with her? “Back it up!” she screamed at him again, leaning over and putting the automatic in reverse. “Hit the gas!” He did because now her panic was feeding his, and backed up the truck until Amanda gave him an all clear.

  Fifty seconds.

  “What the hell! Are you trying to get us both killed?” he demanded angrily. His heart was pounding in his chest, she’d scared him so badly.

  “Amanda! Answer me, Goddamn it!” He reached out and shook her arm to gain her attention. He took a closer look at her face and saw she wasn’t with him. Her eyes were glazed and unfocused and her body began to shake. Oh dear Lord, not another seizure, he thought. When she just continued to tremble and stare at the road he realized she must have seen something.

  Forty seconds.

  “Zack, I–I’m–I’m not sure,” she stuttered and kept her eyes glued on the turn. Where was the logging truck? She’d seen it in a flash that had come to her. She had seen it take the turn and flip…she began to shake harder, her whole frame vibrating now. Oh God, oh God, oh God!

  Thirty seconds.

  Keeping her eyes on the rise above them she insisted “We need to get out of the truck.” She unlatched her seat belt, and his, throwing open her door. “Just to be safe. We need to get out.” Zack sat there still staring at her in disbelief. She jumped to the ground and ran around to the driver’s side, opening his door and pulling frantically on his arm. “Please, Zack! Get out! Right now!” she screamed at him, her voice rising in pitch with her panic.

  Twenty seconds.

  “Move it man!” David suddenly popped up behind Amanda. “Do it! Do it now!” he urged him.

  “What the hell is going on?!” Zack roared again. He jumped down from the driver’s seat and allowed Amanda to frantically tug him off the road. She clawed her way up the hillside, dragging him behind her until they were on a rise, approximately fifteen feet above the roadway. She was exuding waves of pure panic and stark terror.

  Five, four, three, two, one…

  No one answered him. He was just about to jump on both Amanda and David for their apparent craziness when he saw Amanda’s head whip around to watch the same spot about two hundred yards uphill. Following her intent gaze Zack saw a logging truck on the rise moving at a rate that was way too fast for the vehicle’s weight on a downhill slope. Zack first noticed the truck had come over the rise in the middle of the road and thought, Jesus Christ, he would have hit us! He was about to find out how much worse it would have been.

  As the driver completed the hairpin turn over the rise they watched the load in the back shift. In horror Zack saw the driver’s side wheels leave the ground and the trailer tip with the weight, tip, and take the tractor with it, as it slid down the narrow mountain road grating, grinding, and squealing in protest.

  As if fired from cannons, the logs flew through the air and then pounded down anything in their path, crushing the windows and hood of the tractor and wiping out other trees along the roadway with their velocity. The thunderous noise reverberated and shook the forest around them. The ground conducted the impact tremors from the rolling logs and made the earth under their feet vibrate.

  He heard Amanda gasp, “Oh my God!” in sheer disbelief and heard David swear. Some tiny part of him noted that he wasn’t touching Amanda anymore, but that he could still see David and he filed that away for later consideration. The three of them stood there mesmerized for the long seconds it took the vehicle to complete its downward descent before it came to a shuddering, screeching halt.

  It took Zack just a few seconds more to grimly acknowledge the fact that if Amanda had not made him stop, the truck possibly would have crushed them both. Actually, there was no possibly about it. His stomach churned and bile rose to the back of his throat. Amanda, the babies… He swallowed convulsively.

  “It’s not absolute. It’s not absolute, then,” he heard Amanda whisper to herself. He had no idea what she meant but knew he had to help the truck driver.

  “I’ve got to go help him. You call 911!” A few giant leaps took Zack down the hillside and he sprinted the fifty yards to the logging truck, jumping and climbing over the logs that lay scattered across the road so dexterously that Olympic hurdlers would have felt envy. A portion of his brain noted absently that much of the timber was broken, like kindling, with long razor-sharp splinters protruding from the remnants.

  Amanda scrambled down the hill, a lot less nimbly than Zack had, and grabbed his cell phone from the visor in his truck. Her cell was off and would take a few minutes to power back on. Damn phone, she thought, knowing she didn’t have time for it to boot up.

  Looking at his display she prayed the signal would be strong enough to go through from where they were. There was only one bar. Dialing 911 she reached into the backseat of the truck to grab Zack’s medical kit and then high-tailed it over to him and the driver while mentally noting the road marker number. She knew Zack would need her to pass information to the emergency responder about the injuries the driver had, as well as their location.

  Zack was sitting on the door of the overturned tractor, and she tossed his medical bag up to him. He was already questioning and assessing the driver who
looked a lot worse for wear. Blood was steadily running down the man’s face from a severe head injury. He had several facial lacerations, deep ones. Amanda could see with her own eyes one arm was broken. The bone had broken through the flesh and was protruding jaggedly through his lower arm. Ick! She swallowed hard as she tasted vomit in the back of her throat. She heard the driver gasp to Zack that he was sure several ribs and an ankle were broken too.

  It took forever for the signal to go through but finally she heard, “911, what’s your emergency?” as a female voice came over the line. As Amanda opened her mouth to respond she realized the call was already lost.

  “Oh you’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” she muttered and dialed again, praying that she wouldn’t lose the signal again. The second time was the charm.

  As another responder came on the line Amanda explained the circumstances and told them their location. Zack calmly and authoritatively listed out a multitude of injuries as he assessed the man’s condition and told her what the paramedics would need. Amanda was amazed to hear her own voice sound so composed and distantly realized she was in shock. This was eerily similar to her previous accident and, while she didn’t react to them, a flood of memories began to surface in her mind. Hold it together, Amanda. You can do this. You just need to keep it together, she repeatedly told herself.

  Amanda informed them that a doctor was on the scene and offered Zachary’s name when she was questioned as to her medical knowledge. She was assured that help would be there in twenty minutes and thought to herself it was a damned good thing the guy wasn’t dying! Of course they were out in the middle of nowhere for God’s sake, what should she expect? Then she lost the call again.