Invasion of the Boy Snatchers

by Lisi Harrison

  The four of them strolled over to the buffet table, but Dylan was the only one who grabbed a red, heart-shaped plastic plate. She tapped her finger against her chin while she scanned the selection, then she reached for a pink cupcake and six chocolate-covered strawberries. Massie, Alicia, and Chris waited patiently while she searched for something salty to complement her sweets.

  Josh Hotz was at the table, filling a plate with sprinkle cookies. When Alicia saw him, she applied a fresh coat of lip gloss and fluffed up her hair. Then she went back to acting like he didn’t exist.

  “Forget about the food.” Chris’s squinty eyes were fixed on Dylan. “Let’s just go now.”

  Dylan twirled a lock of red hair around her finger and bit her bottom lip. She looked worried.

  Alicia turned her back to Chris so he couldn’t hear what she was saying. “Maybe you should go,” she told Dylan. “Kristen has been gone for a while. You may want to pick up the pace.” She gave her hair another quick fluff because Josh was now inches away.

  “’Kay.” Dylan pushed Alicia aside and spoke directly to Chris. She looked behind her and saw that Mrs. Gregory was busy talking to another one of the chaperones. “But we have to make a run for it so we can escape Kristen’s bomb.”

  “I can’t run.” Chris knocked on his cast.

  “Well, you better try,” Dylan said. “Because Kristen’s bomb is going to go off if she—”

  Chris sighed and ran his fingers though his crunchy, overgelled hair.

  Massie waved a pink cocktail napkin in front of Dylan’s face. “Blow your nose,” she instructed. “It looks moist.”

  Dylan handed her plate of food to Alicia, then blew into the napkin. She tossed it back to Massie.

  “Ew.” Massie jumped back and watched it land on the polished wood floor of the gym. She couldn’t help laughing as she watched Dylan run in heels as Chris limped beside her.

  “Where did Josh go?” Alicia’s eyes searched the gym. “He was just here with a plateful of cookies.”

  “Dunno,” Massie said. Derrington was chasing Nina around the dance floor, trying to lasso her with his red-and-blue-striped tie. He finally stopped when Todd and Tiny Nathan approached them. Derrington gave Todd a dirty look and then stumbled off the dance floor. Massie wished she had been standing closer so she could hear what Todd was saying, but whatever it was, it worked. Within seconds he had his hand on the small of Nina’s back and was leading her toward an empty table. Tiny Nathan grabbed a red cloth napkin off a cookie-covered plate and wiped the chair before Nina sat down. Nina smiled with delight and patted the top of Todd’s head. He giggled and then got down on his knees and pulled off her gold shoes, slowly, like a real Prince Charming would. Massie couldn’t help smiling to herself: for a dork, Todd could be really smooth when he wanted to be.

  “Come on, Nathan,” Massie muttered to herself. “Grab the shoes and bring them to me. Come on… . Come on, little guy… . You can do it… . Yes!”

  Nathan crept behind Nina’s chair, pinched the heels of her shoes, and stuffed them down the back of his black tights. Then he crawled across the gym floor on his hands and knees. He stopped at Massie’s heels.

  “Gawd, you really took that whole Be-a-tiny-mouse thing seriously, didn’t you?” Massie said. He crinkled his nose and squeaked twice.

  Massie reached into her handbag and pulled out a mini-saw.

  “Ehmagod, where did you get that?” Alicia gasped.

  “I kinda borrowed it from Claire’s father. He’s like, the only dad in Westchester who has his own toolbox.” Massie crouched down so she could make eye contact with Tiny Nathan, who was still in mouse mode.

  “Now crawl under a table and saw the heel halfway off of one of her shoes, but just halfway. When you’re done, ditch the weapon and get the shoes back to Todd ASAP. Have him slip them back on Nina’s feet, but try not to let her stand until she’s called to the stage. Okay?”

  Nathan squeaked and nodded. Then he quickly disappeared under a red tablecloth.

  “Done,” Massie sighed.

  “Done,” Alicia said.

  “And done,” Massie said.

  Suddenly, the DJ lowered the volume on Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone,” and Principal Burns began speaking from the small round stage they had built for the event.

  “Is everyone having fun?” She was trying to sound enthusiastic, but it came out sounding more like she was making a statement than asking a question.

  “I better go,” Alicia said. “It’s showtime.”

  “Are you all set?” Massie asked.

  “I’m ready,” Alicia replied. “But where’s Claire?”

  “Here.” Claire ran up and stopped beside them. “Sorry ’bout that.” She was out of breath.

  “Did you kiss Cam?” Massie was hoping the answer was no. The idea of Claire having more experience than her in anything other than Keds and candy was unbearable.

  Claire shook her head.

  “Sorry to hear that,” Massie lied.

  “He ran away as soon as he saw me.” Claire turned her head and wiped her eyes. “I’m sure he’s laughing about all of this with Nina right now.”

  “Cheer up.” Alicia patted Claire’s shoulder. “Revenge is on its way. Wish me luck. It’s time.” She waved goodbye and for the first time in their friendship, Massie saw Alicia run. Her feet shuffled along the ground like she was doing a forward moonwalk, but to her credit, she was picking up speed.

  “Good luck!” Massie and Claire shouted after her. Once Alicia was out of sight, they began pushing their way to the front of the stage. A lot was riding on the next five minutes and they didn’t want to miss a thing. Massie’s palms were starting to sweat. This was the first time she wasn’t in complete control of a revenge plot, and she couldn’t help wondering if Alicia had the chops to pull it off. If she didn’t, they would probably face expulsion.

  “It’s time to present this year’s Cupid Award,” Principal Burns announced. The crowd started whooping and cheering. “Are we in position?” she asked one of her pudgy assistants by the gym door. The person must have told her they weren’t, because Principal Burns closed her eyes and shook her head in frustration. Then she started rambling on about the rich history of the Cupid Award, probably to kill time.

  Finally, Principal Burns got her long-awaited signal and stopped talking about the first couple to receive the Cupid Award back in 1958. A spotlight drew everyone’s attention to the side doors of the gym. Harp music started playing and the doors burst open, giving way to a white horse-drawn carriage. Alicia was the only passenger. She looked like Cinderella as she smiled and waved to the envious crowd.

  The driver pulled the reins and stopped the carriage a few feet from the stage.

  “That jockey sucks,” Massie whispered in Claire’s ear. “I could have gotten that thing much closer.”

  Claire chuckled through her nose but didn’t smile.

  “You still thinking about Cam?” Massie said.

  Claire shrugged.

  “You need to flirt with someone new. It will totally take your mind off of him.”

  “Maybe.”

  The driver stepped off the horse and offered his white-gloved hand to Alicia. But she turned him down because her arms were filled with a chunky object covered in a white satin sheet. Everyone gasped when they saw it. They assumed it was the coveted Cupid Award.

  “And here to announce this year’s winning couple is Alicia Rivera.” Principal Burns waved her arm. “OCD’s fabulous newscaster.”

  “You’re hot!” someone shouted. Everyone laughed and applauded. Alicia blew an air kiss and they cheered louder.

  Principal Burns handed Alicia a gold envelope and was clearly expecting to relieve her of the cumbersome award. Her scrawny arms reached for it, and Massie felt like she was watching the whole thing in slow motion.

  “Don’t give it to her, Alicia. Don’t give it to her.” Massie hoped Alicia would pick up on her telepathy. “Don’t give it to
her… . Yes!” she said when Alicia ignored the gesture and managed to open the envelope with her teeth. A flurry of glitter fell out and almost choked Alicia. She spit a few times, but still had gold sparkles all over her lips.

  The DJ played a drumroll off a sound effects CD while the lights dimmed. The white spotlight made it very hard for anyone to see anything other than the stage.

  “The lucky couple that will be riding off into the parking lot in this beautiful carriage, holding each other and this year’s Cupid Award is … ”

  Massie squeezed her eyes shut. She knew there was no way she could win, because she didn’t even have a date, but she imagined her name being called anyway. Maybe they’d decided to change the rules this year, just for her. Or maybe this whole thing was a big practical joke for some kind of new MTV show and she’d really won. Maybe that was why Derrington had been acting like such a freak.

  “For his amazing season on the soccer field and his ahdorable kneecaps, Derrick Harrington,” Alicia shouted into the mic.

  Derrington jumped onto the stage and turned his back on his fans. Then he took off his red blazer, whipped it into the cheering crowd, and pulled down his khaki shorts so he could show off his famous butt-wiggle. Principal Burns stood in front of him until he pulled up his pants and turned around.

  “You okay?” Claire asked Massie.

  “Totally,” Massie lied. “I’m over him. He’s a child.” She could still feel Claire looking at her. “I am, I swear.”

  Alicia reached under the satin cloth and pulled out the gold statue of Cupid shooting an arrow. She handed it to Derrington, who held it above his head like he had just won the World Cup.

  “And now, for the girl you, the students of OCD and Briarwood Academy, chose to be his date,” Alicia said.

  Nina jumped out of her chair and pushed past Todd and Tiny Nathan. She started inching her way toward the stage.

  “In the short time that she’s been at OCD, she’s managed to steal your hearts… .”

  Nina smiled brightly.

  “In fact, she’s managed to steal everything that wasn’t nailed down,” Alicia said.

  Then she whipped the satin cloth away and let it float to the ground. She was holding a long silver serving dish that was shaped like a giant boat. She had borrowed it from her mother’s pantry.

  Nina obviously hadn’t picked up on Alicia’s jab, because she was still waving and jumping up and down. Her boobs were fighting their way out of her satin halter top, and just as the left one was about to escape, her heel snapped and she fell flat on her perky little bubble butt. Her legs were splayed out in front of her, and the bright lights shone directly on her black harem pants.

  Claire grabbed Massie’s wrist and squeezed it tight. “Ew, her pants are totally see-though.” She scanned the room to see if anyone else had noticed. “Look, everyone is pointing at her!”

  “Ehmagod,” Massie said.

  Claire laughed for the first time all night. “If that doesn’t turn the guys off, nothing will.”

  Nina waved her arm in the air, waiting for Derrington to help her up. But he showed no interest in Nina or what was happening to her. He was too busy shaking his butt and dancing around the stage, much to the delight of his soccer buddies.

  Finally, Nina rolled over on her side and pushed herself up. The second she was standing, she fell again.

  “That Tiny Nathan is no joke with a saw,” Massie said.

  The audience looked on with pity in their eyes. They covered their mouths and shook their heads, trying their hardest not to crack up at Nina’s mortifying wipeout. But within seconds they lost all control, and suddenly the entire gym was filled with the sound of hysterical laughter.

  Alicia was the only one who was oblivious to the audience’s reaction. She was too focused on proceeding with her presentation ceremony. “So Nina,” she continued, “we would like to honor you and the time you’ve spent at OCD by presenting you with the boatload of stuff you stole from everyone.” Alicia dumped the contents of the silver boat onto Nina’s head. Kristen’s bike lock, Natalie’s Chococat pencil case, Mrs. Beeline’s red Montblanc, and Jessi Rowan’s Kipling key chain all toppled down on Nina like the contents of an exploding piñata.

  Nina looked up at her cousin; her thick dark eyebrows were scrunched as she searched Alicia’s face for an explanation.

  “Yes!” Massie threw her fist in the air. “We got her!” Massie searched Derrington’s face for a reaction. “How do you like your sexy Spanish girlfriend now?”

  “Hey, that’s my key chain!” Jessi pushed her round glasses against her nose and made a mad dash for the stage. “Give me that!”

  A mob of angry girls followed her, threatening to send Nina back to Spain with their fists.

  Principal Burns opened her arms like a bird in flight and threw herself on top of Jessi. “Let’s not use violence,” she shouted as she wrapped her wiry arms around Jessi’s shoulders and tried to pry her off of Nina. But Jessi refused to let go of Nina’s ponytail. “Nina,” Principal Burns yelled as she rode Jessi’s back like a bucking bronco, “are these accusations true?”

  Before Nina could respond, Principal Burns collapsed on top of Jessi and the rest of the angry girls dog-piled them, trying to get closer to Nina. Mrs. Gregory and the other chaperones hurried toward the fray.

  Finally, Jessi bit Principal Burns on the arm, which must have been a lot like biting into an undercooked chicken wing. Principal Burns squawked and Jessi broke free.

  “Someone call Mr. Rivera!” Nina shouted as she kicked off her shoes and jumped to her feet. Strawberry and Kori rushed toward the deserted shoes and fought one another to claim them. “I need my lawyer.” Nina jumped off the stage and ran as quickly as she could toward the exit. Jessi and the rest of the mob were only a few paces behind her.

  “Puh-lease, like my dad would ever represent you!” Alicia shouted into the microphone. Then she looked up at the ceiling and shouted, “Release the photos!”

  She snapped her fingers and hundreds of photographs fell from the sky like confetti. They were color copies of hideous Nina pictures from Alicia’s scrapbook. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked up in awe, like they were reveling in the first snowfall of the season.

  “There are ten different hideous Nina photos,” Alicia announced. “There’s ‘Braces and Zits’; ‘Frizzy Afro’; ‘Oops, My Pants Are Too Short’; ‘Are Those Boobs or Blisters?’; ‘Yes, My Sweatshirt Has Smiley Faces on It’; ‘Help! These Boys Are Throwing Mud in My Face’; ‘Even Dogs Think I’m Lame’; ‘Granny Panties’; and my personal favorite, ‘FlipFlops and Sweat Socks.’”

  Everyone raced around the room trying to catch as many photos as they could.

  Massie could feel herself smiling. Everything was going perfectly. She stole a quick peek at Derrington, who just happened to be peeking at her. Massie felt her spine stiffen when their eyes met, and she quickly looked away.

  “Uh, where’s Nina?” Massie asked Claire. The sound of her own voice seemed unfamiliar and distant, like some mysterious thing inside of her had taken over and asked the question on her behalf. As if it knew Massie was still analyzing her exchange with Derrington and would remain frozen in time for a few seconds longer.

  “There.” Claire pointed to the gym doors.

  Nina’s arm was resting on the silver door handle like it was the only thing keeping her from collapsing. She extended her free hand and caught a falling photo, examined it closely, then buried her face in her shoulder.

  “I wonder which one she’s looking at,” Massie asked Claire.

  “I hope it’s ‘Frizzy Afro,’” Claire said. “It’s the worst.”

  Nina’s entire body started shaking.

  “Yup, it’s gotta be ‘Frizzy Afro.’” Claire smiled. “That one would make me cry too.”

  “I’d lose it over ‘Braces and Zits,’” Massie said.

  “Collect all ten photos!” Alicia shouted like a carnival barker. “Trade with your f
riends. You can even—” But the girls’ soccer coach grabbed the mic away from Alicia before she could finish her thought and yanked her off the stage. Massie lifted her hands above her head and clapped for Alicia as she made her way toward them. Alicia bowed, then giggled.

  Suddenly, Nina lifted her head in horror, as if she had just been told about a pop quiz. Jessi and her angry mob were standing right in front of her, cracking their knuckles. Nina shredded the picture she was holding and threw the scraps in Jessi’s face. Just as Jessi was about to throw a punch, the fire alarm went off.

  Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked around to find the fire. Instead they saw Josh Hotz running around in circles shouting, “Bomb! Bomb! Get out! She has a bomb.” He was pointing at Kristen, who was standing at the back of the room with Kemp Hurley.

  Nina pushed the gym doors open. She hurried through, then forced them to close in Jessi’s face. Instead of following her, Jessi turned back toward the gym to check out Kristen’s alleged bomb.

  The guys on the soccer team jumped up on the stage so they could get a bird’s-eye view of the action. It was obvious from their laughter and high fives that they thought Josh was just pulling another one of his fire alarm pranks. But the teachers and chaperones insisted that they evacuate anyway, just to be on the safe side.

  The DJ started playing “The Roof Is on Fire” until Principal Burns ordered him to stop and everyone to leave at once. But no one did. The girls ambled over to their tables to get their handbags, while the guys raided the buffet table and stuffed as many cookies into their pockets as they possibly could.

  “Let’s go, people!” Principal Burns shouted over the microphone.

  Fifteen minutes later, everyone was standing on the Great Lawn trying to figure out what was happening to Kristen Gregory in the back of the police car and why she would want to blow up the school.

  “It still kinda feels like we’re at the dance,” Massie said as the blue and red lights of the police cars flashed across the crowd. Massie, Alicia, and Claire were on the cold grass under Massie’s favorite oak tree.