Faded Encounters

by Elsy Green

  “Excuse me?” I dig my nails deep into my palms as I try to keep myself composed.

  “Look. I’m just trying to help you. I can give you your life back. I can help you live as Allie again and only Allie. You are in the right place, now let me help you, before it gets worse and you lose yourself forever.”

  I swallow down the ginormous lump in my throat. The one that’s filled with all my vulnerable emotions. Fear, anger, rage, desperation. This can’t be happening; these aren’t the answers I was supposed to find. I’m just stressed, I’m just sleep deprived, I’m not even supposed to be here. I just wanted one normal night, one night with Ethan. And now…I’m here.

  “What would you like to do Allie? Get started or wait until your mind is lost to your episodes forever? Stuck in an endless void of Riella and Jaxon, never to return as Allie again.”

  I wipe away a stray tear that escapes down my cheek. Every emotion that’s ever filled my body as Riella comes rushing back. The excitement, the thrill, the happiness, the love, the rage, anger, resentment, guilt. I met her stare, my jaw ticking with each memory of that horrifying day. The where Riella stood over Nadia and Theo’s bodies knowing without a doubt that it was all her fault. She’s a murderer and I won’t let her take over. I won’t let her win.

  “Let’s get started.”

  “Good. Garret will take you to your room. We’ll get started in the morning.” She opens the door to reveal baldy standing right outside the door waiting for me. I stand on shaky feet, balling my fist tightly at my side, each step more difficult than the next as I make my way to Garret.

  Nora gives me a tight smile following me to the door, anxious for me to leave her office. She doesn’t care about the gravity of this situation to me. She’s got a schedule to keep and I’m simply hampering her from moving on.

  “No more appointments until tomorrow. Do you understand?” She asks Garret coldly. He nods and turns away from her, leading me down the hall and back to my room.

  C.16

  It’s quiet in my little room, even quieter than the halls. If Garret hadn’t walked me passed a plethora of doors with the tiny little windows that let you see inside the rooms, I probably would have assumed I was all alone in here. I’m not. Each time we passed a room, I looked inside and each time I saw a somber looking face staring absently at the wall. Their demeanors as depressing as the ugly carpeted halls.

  I know there are other people here, but I haven’t met anyone. I’ve been coherent all day and still I’m all alone. We go to meals alone. We go to group therapy alone. We get ready for bed alone. We take our pills alone and we go to bed alone. Garret says it’s so we can decompress. The less stimulus, the less our brain has to think and work. I’m not convinced that’s the truth though. Something feels off. Something feels wrong. I can’t pinpoint what it is, but I have this sudden urge to get out. And I’m doing everything I can to fight against it. I need to be here. I need to get better. At least that’s what I tell myself as I count the bricks on the wall for the eightieth time tonight before I finally fall asleep.

  I push open the door that’s been left ajar and step inside. It still smells like them and it makes me sick to my stomach. It’s been four years and it still smells like them. How is that even possible? My legs tremble with each step I take inside, my stomach a pit of uneasiness ready to release itself at any moment.

  Each decoration, each picture, even the floorboards remind of them. Why did I come here? I don’t even know how I ended up here. I was out on a walk and then all the sudden I was standing in front of the door as it sat ajar like it was begging for me to enter.

  It was probably something Jaxon said, something my subconscious clung onto. He thinks I need to face my demons, make peace with the ghosts that haunt me. I can’t do that today; I can’t do that any day. I can’t come to terms with what’s happened here.

  Feeling like I’m going to vomit, I turn and head for the door, racing for the exit. I’m about to step over the threshold and leave this world behind when I hear something shatter upstairs. I look up at the ceiling confused, no one should be here. No one should be in their lab.

  I sneak up the stairs one at a time, all the while wondering if fate has finally caught up with me. If the other shoe is finally dropping. I reach the secured lab door and find it too left ajar. It looks like it might be intentional, there is some sort of decorative object wedging the door open. It was probably the same downstairs; I just didn’t take the time to notice it. None of these doors should be unlocked.

  Slipping inside the lab I move to where the noise came from. The room is split in two parts, a partial wall separating the two halves. The noise came from behind the wall, the place I haven’t stepped foot in since that horrific day four years ago. Swallowing down the bile that rises in my throat I push away my guilt and step out from behind the wall.

  “Ryss?” I’m sure my mind is playing tricks on me at the sight of the beautiful and matured Ryss. Blunt straight, long silvery-blonde hair, legs that go on forever, those always perfectly painted on red lips, and icy cold blue eyes staring me down.

  “Riella?” She seems just as surprised to see me. “What are you doing here?”

  “I…I was out on a walk and…” I shake my head not sure why I’m explaining myself, she should be explaining herself. “When did you get out?”

  “This morning, not like that matters to you.”

  “How can you say that? Of course it does. I tried for years to get you out, to get them to see the truth. I didn’t let a day go by that I wasn’t fighting on your behalf, appealing the courts, using everything I had—”

  “Save your girl wonder act for someone who cares. They aren’t here anymore, you can finally be yourself. A heartless, cold-blooded murderer.”

  I stumble back at her words. “I’m not…I didn’t—” I clear my throat and let out a strangling breath. I can’t even get the words out. I have no idea what happened that day, but I’ve felt the guilt for years. The guilt of knowing that I noticed their mistake and I didn’t say anything. Me, Riella, the Genesis. I didn’t catch it until it was too late and now, they are dead.

  Ryss raises an eyebrow impressed by her spot-on accusation. She straightens her posture crossing her arms over her chest. “So, the truth comes out.”

  “No. It was all an accident.”

  “One that I paid for with my life! While you and your stupid friends were praised by the people for all your self-righteous accomplishments!”

  “Ryss, we—I’m…I’m sorry.” I take a step towards her my voice hoarse and scratchy as I realize what I’ve done. As I realize what she’s had to endure all because of me and my dumb mistake.

  She scoffs and moves away from me, putting Nadia’s desk in between us. “Don’t patronize me, I know you don’t really care. I’m sure you enjoyed a world without me for four years. A world with less…what did Theo call it? Temperamental impulses?”

  “He never said that.”

  “Yeah and I can’t hear through these very thin walls.”

  “They only wanted what was best for you, they loved you.”

  “NO! THEY LOVED YOU!” Her sudden outburst has me taking a step back. The red rage growing in her eyes. She closes her eyes and takes in a slow, drawn out breath. “My bad.” Her lips purse into a tight line. “I’m just a little emotional being in this room after all this time.”

  “I understand.”

  “Do you? Do you understand what it was like to lose them?”

  “Yes, I loved them too.”

  “And yet you murdered them.” I swallow down averting my eyes to the ground as I accept her accusation. She’s not wrong, it’s my fault they are dead.

  She moves around the desk coming to stand in front of me with a smug posture. She lifts my chin with her long, boney finger and tilts her head to the side like she’s contemplating something.

  “Who else knows?”

  “No one.”

  “
Not even the court.”

  “I couldn’t—” I shake my head not able to tell her I couldn’t admit it to the court, I couldn’t even admit it to myself until recently.

  “So, I’m the only one who knows the truth?”

  “Yes.”

  Her lips curve into a disgusting smile that makes my insides churn. “As it turns out, there’s a way you can make it up to me. Help me find peace after spending so many years behind bars for a crime you committed.”

  I look up at her with hopeful eyes willing to anything at this point to redeem myself. “What is it?”

  She drops her finger from my chin and walks towards the ceiling to floor window that sits in front of us. The view of the beautiful ocean in the background, the waves lapping tranquilly at the clean, white sand. Her hands are behind her back as she talks, never taking her eyes off the ocean.

  “While I was in confinement, I had a lot of time to think. A lot of time to ponder this world and all its imperfections. I guess in a way I should thank you, if it wasn’t for all my down time, I would have never figured out how to save the world.”

  “Save the world?”

  “What you think you and your friends are the only one capable of greatness?” she looks over her shoulder with disgust.

  “No. I didn’t say that.”

  “You don’t have to. It’s what everyone here thinks, but luckily, I’ve found a solution.”

  “A solution?”

  “Yes.” She turns to me with a wicked grin. “I’m going to give the world what they most desire. I’m going offer everyone the chance to be a Genesis. And you’re going to help me.”

  I spring up in my bed, completely used to this reaction by now, but not quite acclimated to the loss of air from my lungs. I breath in deep, long breaths as I look around at my surroundings trying to ground myself. I’m still in the behavioral center, still alone, and still in the dark. It must still be night. I must have finally fallen asleep.

  I swallow down the stickiness that coats my mouth and throat. I need water, it’s not going away. It’s like I’ve fallen asleep with my mouth open and a fan blasting directly into it. I tip toe out of bed and into my private bathroom. At least I get that luxury inside this isolated sanitorium. I place my mouth under the faucet and take in huge gulps of water, but it seems to do nothing to soothe my burning, dry throat. Frustrated I come up for air and stare at my dreary reflection.

  I don’t even recognize myself anymore. Frizzy, manic hair sticking up in every which direction or plastered to my sweaty face. Deep, dark bags under my eyes, pale ashy skin. I’m a mess, a complete and utter mess. I don’t know how I’ve gone so long without getting help. How long have I looked ill? How long have I been walking around this town like a brain starved zombie?

  Shaking my head with disgust I tear my eyes from my reflection and make my way back to my bed. Tomorrow everything will change. Tomorrow I’ll get better. I step passed my door and head for my makeshift bed, which is really just a cot with itchy linens, but I don’t care at this point it’s not like I have a preference. I just want to sleep. I’m inches from the bed when suddenly something clicks in my brain, like somehow the information has just fallen into the right place.

  “The Farmers market, Ethan’s never been to the farmers market.” Chills run down my spine as I realize Nora was lying to me. The doctor that looks like Ryss from my dreams lied to me.

  I stare down at my hands to make sure I’m awake, flipping them over and over again, counting all the lines I’ve memorized, noticing each flaw, scar and ridge. I’m awake, which means I’ve made a horrible mistake.

  Horrified, I race for the door completely surprised when it swings open at the first tug. I poke my head into the dark hallway looking cautiously down each side. Maybe it’s a trap. Maybe this is all some sort of game. Not so sure of myself I step back inside and shut the door. Closing my eyes, I lean my head against it and take in deep calming breaths. I need to think this through. I need to be smart about this.

  I’m sure if I level with Nora, tell her I made it all up, tell her I want to deny treatment that she’ll do the reasonable thing and let me go home. There isn’t anything she can do. She’ll have to let me leave. Unless she doesn’t. She has all the power here, she could come up with any diagnosis she wants to keep you here. Not to mention her subtle remarks on getting a court order.

  My stomach churns with an uneasiness. How could I be so stupid? How did I get myself in this mess? I’ve gotten myself locked in this looney bin with no way out and a doctor who I’m pretty sure isn’t who she says she is.

  “No. Stop it.” I pinch the bridge of my nose and breath in and out slowly. “This isn’t you. This is the paranoia. You are fine, everything is fine. And everything will continue to be fine. Just get in bed and go to sleep.”

  “But she lied to you, about Ethan and his father.”

  “It’s a small town. She probably did see them. Maybe he went this weekend after I told him about it. I really have no way of confirming it. I’ve been stuck in here having a mental breakdown. Now stop interfering. I’m getting better so I can home, and there is nothing you can say to stop that.”

  Cutting Riella off, I push off the door and turn to go to bed. Just as I’m about to take my first step towards my bed I swear I hear what sounds like whispering outside my door. I haven’t seen anyone outside my door all day. I was sure I was in an isolated wing completely alone after my day of deafening silence. Curious, I tip toe back to the door, hunching down as I peek out through the tiny window.

  I hear them again before I see them. Distant muffled sounds of straining, or maybe grunting.

  “How did you do it?” I recognize Garret’s voice.

  “Simple mind trick,” Nora huffs. “Can you maybe help a little more, he’s heavy.”

  “That’s because you are thinking about it too hard. Remember where we are.” Nora and Garret come to a stop inches from my door. She looks over at Garret like she’s just remembered something, scoffing before straightening her posture and pulling on an arm that belongs to an unconscious body they are dragging haphazardly.

  Horrified, I cover my mouth with my hand stifling the gasp that wants to escape. Afraid they might see me; I flatten myself against the door sliding down beneath the window and pressing my ear against it so I can still listen. Garret told me the lab is at the end of this hall. The lab where they perform all their medical procedures and tests, but it’s late at night. Why would they be performing procedures this late?

  “Come on, we don’t have all night,” Nora mutters as they continue down the hall, the sound of the boy’s legs dragging against the floor trailing behind them. Unable to contain my curiosity I crack the door open and watch as they drag the lifeless body into the lab, heaving him up on the examination table.

  I can’t see boy’s face from where I’m hiding but he couldn’t have been much older than me. There was almost something familiar about him. Like maybe somehow, I knew him. The lab doors swing shut and I’m closed off from their procedure. The lights above me flickering off and once again I’m left alone in the dark.

  I linger in my doorway, hidden behind my door as I watch the doors at the end of the hall. I can see their feet moving under the door, they are shuffling around, hurrying to do whatever it is they are doing. I’m not sure what overtakes me, but one minute I’m cowering behind the door and the next I’m tip toeing out into the hallway my body leveled against the walls as I make my way to the lab.

  I don’t know exactly what I expect to find. This is a medical facility after all, maybe the boy fainted and they are trying to help him. Regardless, I’m not in charge anymore. It’s like someone else is leading me, pulling me towards the lab and I’m involuntarily moving. Well maybe not completely involuntary, I’m a little curious as to what I’ll find.

  Balancing on the tips of my toes I stealthily creep down the hall being led by a strong urge to know who that boy is and what they doing are
to him. The doors to the lab come into view and I find myself stuck in place. I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be here. But I can’t help it, I’m drawn to this boy, whoever he is, I need to see what’s happening.

  Swallowing down the gigantic lump of fear forming in my throat I take the last steps towards the lab peeking through the perfectly placed window in the middle of the door. Nora is hovered over the boy, his face completely obscured from my view. Garret is strapping down his hands and feet, pulling the straps as tight as they can go as he secures him to the table.

  “What do you intend to do to them?” he asks.

  “Round them up, torture them until she tells me what I need to know.”

  “Are you sure that will work? Won’t that make her suspicious of the program?”

  “No. She’ll never even know what I’m doing.” Nora waves him off.

  “Wouldn’t it just be easier to wake them up?”

  “I can’t,” she heaves out an irritated breath. “Only he can.”

  “So, wake him up.”

  “I can’t do that either. She’s put procedures and protocols in place that I can’t override. They are finnicky and confusing, meant to throw anyone off who doesn’t know exactly what they are doing. If I’m not perfect the whole system goes down and locks them in.”

  “Locks them in?” Garret stops tightening the straps and looks over at her with astonishment. “That’s a pretty big gamble for someone to put on their lives.”

  “Yeah well don’t make her out to be the martyr. She has a backup plan. She thought of everything. She always thinks of everything,” she sneers.

  “Why don’t you just leave them in?”

  “She has the access codes to my Next Gen program. Like I said, she always thinks of everything. When the little twit built my program, she built in permissions that require an access code to even turn on the freaking pods. I can’t do anything without them. And trust me I’ve tried. For months I’ve tried to override it, rewrite it, hack it. I even created an algorithm to decrypt her code.” Nora shakes her head. “None of it’s worked, hence why I’m in this crap town trying to pry the information out of her pretty little brain. I’ve got one more shot before the whole thing self-destructs and my entire building blows up. Years of work flushed down the drain, all because of that self-righteous narcissist.”