Losing Her (Lost and Found Book 1)

by K. S. Marshall

  I chuckled, “I just got back this morning after spending the last few days at her place. We spent most of it in bed.”

  “Does anyone else know? The family?”

  “No. Possibly her neighbor, but she’s not a threat.”

  “Everyone is a threat. Remember that.” His gruff tone sent me back into my rookie days. “Listen, if it’s just you two, maybe three, that know, you’ll be ok. But if the family finds out or that asshole PR guy you mentioned, you’re screwed. Not just you, but your entire reputation.”

  I groaned again, hating that he was right.

  “Derrick, you already know what to do. You just want me to say it for you.”

  I paused, eyes focused on the photo of Alina on my screen.

  Perfect, serene, and unbothered. Before I interrupted her life. Before I broke all of my rules and dived headfirst into what I knew couldn't last.

  Blowing out the breath that had pulled my chest tight, I minimized the photo, watching Alina disappear from the screen.

  “I have to stop.”

  THIRTEEN | Derrick

  I needed a break from her.

  Not just a physical one, but a professional one as well. I logged off my computer, determined to find something else to do to occupy the Alina-sized hole in my brain. Rod was right. I was being a coward by calling him and asking for advice on what I already knew I had to do.

  I had to quit Alina Prescott.

  I couldn’t very well quit this job assignment. Not when this would help me conquer so many of my own personal and professional roadblocks. I had to quit jeopardizing my career — and my sanity—. The rules were established for a reason. It was time to stop blurring those lines.

  I sipped a beer from the fridge, pulling up SportsCenter in an attempt to lose myself in some form of athleticism. But after twenty minutes of staring blankly at the screen, she was still at the forefront of my mind. And it didn’t help when her number illuminated my cell phone screen minutes later.

  I watched the phone vibrate against the couch. Just that sound alone made me want to snatch it up and press the green answer button.

  But I resisted. I suppose I was torturing myself by allowing it to ring until it went to voicemail, rather than silencing it.

  Torture, I deserved.

  I did this to myself. Like most things in my life, I made a decision, saying ‘to hell with the consequences’, only to whine and cry when those consequences came to fruition. I was almost thirty and I still hadn’t learned to grow up.

  Downing the bottle, I flipped to one of the movie channels, desperate to forget about her.

  And I did.

  For exactly seventy two minutes.

  On minute seventy three, my phone illuminated again. It was her name signaling she was calling. This time, I silenced the vibration, only noting the call had ended when the screen dimmed back down. My gaze hardened on the tv screen and I felt my jaw pulsating angrily.

  I was mad at myself for missing her. Mad that someone I had just met, someone I shouldn’t have even met in the first place, was having this type of affect on me. The last time I was this distracted from work it had almost cost me everything and here I was, a year later, doing the same thing. Fucking shit up was my specialty.

  I left my phone on the seat, leaving the living room and headed to my closet. I had some steam to blow off and since sports and movies weren’t going to get the job done, I had to take it outside.

  a

  My feet hit rhythmically on the rubber road as I crossed over into my ninth lap around the track. I heard nothing but the sound of my steps and the combination of breaths and grunts that heaved out of my chest.

  Running had never really been my thing. I was a big guy. Tall with dense muscle made me a better football player than track star growing up. But Cold Spring wasn’t the kind of town that had errant groups of pick up football games like they did in my home town, so I hit the local high school stadium and burned energy that way.

  The plan was to run until I stopped obsessing over Alina. Until I stopped craving her silky soft skin under my touch, her full lips against mine, and my dick buried deep in her tight, warm pussy. It was clear that going a year without sex and then breaking that streak with her had obviously screwed me up. But deep in the back of my head, I knew that was a lie.

  It was more than just the mind-blowing sex. I liked her.

  Genuinely enjoyed being around her. I was addicted to the way she looked at me and who I became in her presence. All of my inner demons quieted down when she was around. She was a better remedy than any of the thousands of dollars I’d shelled out in anger management.

  But Rod’s advice rang loud and clear in my ears. For the sake of my job. For the sake of my life. I had to quit. Those boundaries needed to stay firmly in place so I didn’t end up worse off than before. Two miles in and I still craved all of those things, so I kept running.

  After five grueling miles of running in circles, I slowed to a stop.

  Doubling over to catch my breath, I took stock of my mental state and was pleasantly surprised to find my toughened resolve back in place. I reached for my water bottle, feeling a stitch in my side. I was gulping down water when my phone buzzed on the metal bench.

  It was her.

  For whatever reason, torture maybe, I answered.

  “Hello?”

  “Derrick?” she asked, her voice hesitant and smaller than usual.

  “Yeah, what’s up?” I forced myself to keep my tone measured, not giving anything away. Not that there was anything to give away. I was refocused now.

  “Where have you been?” she asked, “I’ve been trying to reach you.”

  “I’ve got work. Important deadlines…” I sucked in a deep breath, bringing my heart rate back to resting.

  “Oh. Well…I miss you.”

  Her voice lilted up at the end of the phrase. Teetering somewhere between a statement and a question, like she wasn’t sure if she should say it or not.

  I swallowed, not saying anything for a beat, then settling for a light chuckle, “I just left your house yesterday.”

  She laughed. The sound of it rocked against my hardened resolve, threatening to crumble in entirely, but I pulled the phone away from my ear just in time.

  Fuck. This was harder than before.

  I brought it back to my ear, opening my mouth to end the conversation, but she’d started speaking again.

  “So, do you have any plans for the rest of the night? I know I’m greedy,” she joked playfully, “but I can keep my hands to myself.

  Promise.”

  I sighed, rubbing the sweat off my forehead, “Uh..not tonight Alina. I’m busy.”

  “Oh.”

  She sounded dejected. And rightfully so. No wasn’t something she was accustomed to hearing from me, nor had I ever not had time for

  her. And even though I knew it was the right thing to do, I hated how wounded she sounded.

  “Yeah, I just have a lot of work to do and I need to focus on it.”

  “Deadlines, right?” she repeated.

  “Yep. Deadlines.”

  “Alright. Well, sorry for interrupting you. I guess I’ll let you go…”

  she trailed off, hope riding on the end of her words.

  “That’s probably best,” I replied, as curt as possible. My resolve was cracking.

  “Alright,” she repeated, “…Derrick?”

  “Hmm?”

  “I know it’s only Wednesday, but are you still going this weekend? With me, I mean?”

  The way her voice wavered through the phone line made me want to drive right over to her house and pull her into my arms. Gone was the confident, beautiful girl I’d made love to yesterday. And it was one hundred percent my fault that she’d disappeared. I swallowed the lump of guilt that formed in my throat before answering.

  “Yes, I’ll be there on Friday to pick you up.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered before the line went dead.

  Fuck
me.

  In a matter of a few weeks, she’d destroyed my rules. In less than a day, she’d managed to make me reconsider my stance on staying away from her. I needed these two days to build up my safety wall, brick by brick. Otherwise Alina would likely be the reason I crashed and burned again. And recovering might not be an option the second time around.

  FOURTEEN | Alina

  Slow, measured steps. That’s what I forced myself to take to answer the door.

  I knew Derrick was out there, waiting for me to let him in. I watched him park his truck and walk up to the house. It had been three days since I last saw him and we’d only exchanged a handful of text messages and one phone call in that time. And God how I missed him.

  I didn’t want him to know that though. I had to appear nonchalant, like I wasn’t affected by his presence. Like I didn’t care either way if he went with me back home or not. But the truth was, I cared. A whole lot.

  This trip was going to be a whirlwind at best. I knew I’d get an earful from Jason and my mother and potentially my brothers, but I hoped having Derrick there would quell their need to chastise me.

  Having him there would also make the party much more bearable. At every party, I was always alone. Anytime I wanted to bring a date, Jason would convince my parents that it was a bad idea and they would go

  right along with it. Which didn’t seem fair, considering my brothers had plenty of girls on their arms growing up. Being the only girl meant the rules were different for me.

  My hand hesitated briefly as my fingers closed around the doorknob, taking one steadying breath to prepare myself for the overwhelming man just on the other side. But that breath was for naught.

  My belly tightened at the sight of him. Charcoal gray shorts and a plain white v-neck t-shirt stretched across his expansive chest. His biceps bulged at the seams of the arms and I licked my lips absently, wanting desperately to run my tongue over the tight muscles. But that feeling of sexual desire was nearly extinguished when my eyes met his.

  For the first time, they lacked the spark and intensity that was usually there. He looked exhausted. Like he hadn’t slept or had been working too hard. My first instinct was to rush to him, to throw my arms around him and kiss the look off his face. But I didn't. Instead, I tilted my head to the side, looking up at him quizzically.

  “You okay?”

  His jaw tightened and I caught a glimpse of something in his eyes flash before he blinked it away, “I’m good.”

  His tone sounded the exact opposite of good, and I felt my face fall into a frown. I didn’t like him this way. Cold, closed off and unreachable. Anxiety racketed through me as I raced through possibilities of why he was upset. All of them having to do with something I must’ve done.

  “You sure?” I asked again, desperate for the truth.

  He breathed, took a step forward and smiled. But it didn’t reach his eyes like it used to.

  “Yes, I’m sure. Are you ready to go?”

  “Mhmm,” I murmured, stepping back and letting him into the house. “I just need to grab my bags.” I tried to keep my tone upbeat,

  but I couldn’t quell the growing worry over what exactly was festering in his mind that was keeping him from me.

  I hadn’t known him long, but we’d grown so close over the last few weeks. While certain details between us had remained a mystery, I felt like we knew each other in an intimate way. It was inevitable when you spent so much time being naked together, but not just in the physical sense. I let down my guard whenever Derrick was around. It was easy enough to do. He’d more than proven that he was trustworthy and had my best interest at heart.

  The more I thought about it, the more I wanted him to become a permanent fixture in my life. In twenty five years, he was the most refreshing person I’d ever met. The one person I felt truly comfortable being my authentic self around and I wanted that to last. But something had shifted in the last few days. He was cold now. I knew him well enough to know that something was bothering him. But I wondered if he trusted me enough to let me in to figure it out.

  He grabbed my bags and wordlessly left to put them in his truck. We had a three hour train ride back to my parent’s house. Him not talking to me was going to be torture. I tried not to look as dejected as I felt after locking up the house and climbing into the passenger seat of his truck, where he held the door open for me. At least one thing hadn’t changed. He was still a gentleman.

  For the first time ever, the silence that settled between us wasn't comfortable. It was awkward and unnerving. I had so much to say, but he didn’t seem like he wanted to hear it or participate in a conversation at all, so I kept my mouth firmly shut. Instead, I focused on the beautiful quaint town passing by us as we drove the short distance to the train station.

  The silence continued even as we meandered through the station, onto the train and finding our seats. Embarrassment flamed my

  cheeks when Derrick stepped forward into the rather spacious area marked as ours by our ticket stubs. It was wholly unnecessary, since our trip was only a few hours, but I had booked us a bedroom suite. It was designated for four to six passengers, but here it was only for the two of us. When I booked the reservation, he and I had been on different terms. We could barely keep our hands off each other, so it seemed fitting that we would spend the majority of the hours long voyage tangled up together.

  But now? Now the idea seemed foolish.

  I kept my head down as I pushed past him and set my large purse in one of the seats and then disappeared into the private bathroom. I flopped down on the toilet, locking the door shut behind me, and buried my face in my hands. This was a huge mistake. I was such an idiot to ask him to come with me. I should have taken the hint when he was ignoring my calls.

  Hot tears stung my eyes. I blinked rapidly to try and stop myself from crying, but it was useless. The realization that I would have to deal with my entire family and Derrick’s cold demeanor while pretending to be the quintessential Prescott daughter was overwhelming. I covered my mouth and cried silently. This was the reason I left in the first place. I hated that I had been coerced into going back into the fire.

  A soft knock on the door startled me.

  “Alina?”

  Scrubbing at my tear-stained cheeks, I swallowed before answering, “Hmm?”

  “Open the door.”

  I looked up to the ceiling tiles, exhaling and praying for strength to deal with Derrick and his mercurial mood. The lock clicked loudly in the confined space and I pushed the door open.

  At some point, the train had started moving. We were going at such an even speed that I hadn’t registered leaving the station. Derrick’s large frame overwhelmed the tiny doorway. Concern knit his eyebrows together as he stared down at me.

  “What’s going on?”

  I sniffed, wiping errantly at my cheek, “Nothing, excuse me.”

  He side-stepped and allowed me to pass by him, but my body still brushed against his. And the electricity that buzzed through me was infuriating. Why did this man make me feel all of these things if he was just going to pull back and treat me like I never mattered? I moved my carry-on to the floor and climbed onto the seat. Across from me, Derrick had already made himself comfortable. His iPad and phone were resting on the table between our seats.

  He took the two steps back to the table and sat across from me, but my eyes were trained on the window.

  “Alina, what’s going on?”

  I blinked, but kept my eyes on the glass, “Nothing. I’m fine.”

  “You’re not fine. I’m looking right at you and it’s as clear as day that you’re not fine.”

  “Kind of like how nothing has changed between us, right?” I retorted back, dryly. Sarcasm would save me from crumbling in front of him. I needed to not crumble in front of him.

  From my peripheral, I could see him frown at me. Just as he was about to open his mouth to speak again, I turned to face him, “You know, I don’t know what I did or what happened
with you in the last week, but I wouldn’t have asked you to come with me if I knew this was what I was getting. It’s bad enough that I’m walking into the lion’s den. I shouldn’t feel like I have more enemies coming back than I had leaving.”

  His face softened as he studied me for a second, “You think I’m your enemy?”

  “You certainly aren’t my friend right now.” I crossed my arms over my chest. I knew I looked like a sullen, spoiled brat at the moment, but I couldn’t help myself. None of this was fair to me.

  His hand reached across the table, “Alina, I’ll always be your friend.”

  I eyed his open palm. It was meant to be an olive branch, but it only pissed me off more. Correction— it hurt me.