Practicing What You Preach

by Vanessa Davis Griggs

  I sat there thinking about how I could actually listen to this man forever. The passion he had for teaching the Word of God, even when it was one-on-one like right now with me, was something to behold. He had a gift, that’s for sure. I thought about the Jezebels in my life that I hadn’t recognized as Jezebels because I would have been looking for a woman poised to take somebody else’s man. I now see that Jezebel was more than that, and people were being taken down and taken out without ever knowing what hit them. Hey! Cass was a Jezebel!

  “I know you’re a minister. Are you the pastor of a church?” I asked.

  “I’m not a pastor, but I preach at my church. There are quite a few pastors there, and Reverend Walker—that’s my pastor—gives us an opportunity to preach once every three months or so during our Wednesday night services,” Marcus said, smiling.

  “Do you teach a Bible class?” I asked.

  “When my pastor asks me to teach. But it’s usually on a subject he requests be taught.”

  “So you have all of this talent and all of this knowledge and you don’t get to use it that often?” I stood up. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m just all up in your Kool-Aid.”

  He frowned and looked puzzled. “Excuse me,” he said, laughing.

  I flopped back down on the couch. “Oh, don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. You know you used to drink Kool-Aid.”

  “I know what you’re talking about. I was the Kool-Aid king. Straight up. I could make some Kool-Aid now. I just hadn’t heard that in a while, that’s all.” He snickered.

  I turned more toward him. He really was a great guy. “All right. Let’s see. How would someone like Sasha say it, because it doesn’t sound like she knows anything about Kool-Aid.” As soon as I said that, I thought of how petty I just sounded. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I had no right.”

  “It’s okay,” Marcus said. He reached over and took my hand and held it. “I know where you’re coming from.”

  “Let’s start again, minus the Kool-Aid reference. Here I was again getting all in your business.”

  He continued to hold my hand. “And honestly, I like that about you. I like that you care about what I do. Sasha hated it when I became a minister about two and a half years into our marriage, six months after Aaliyah was born. Don’t get me wrong, she liked the attention it brought from people who admire what your husband does—a ‘Man of God.’ But having to be at church so much or going back to a church when I was asked to preach”—he shook his head—“that was not her cup of tea.”

  I pulled my hand out of his. “Well, I love listening to you teach things about the Bible. You have a way of making it come alive. That’s why I love Pastor Landris. I don’t mean love in that way,” I said, becoming a little flustered as I spoke. “I love his teaching and preaching and his spirit in general. He and his wife are both pretty special people.”

  “Yeah, I loved when I visited with you that time.” He licked his lips. I didn’t know whether he was trying to make me nervous or whether he was just nervous himself. “Now, you want to talk about something funny?” he said. “You taking me to church as a first date. Now that was funny.”

  I smirked and rocked my head from side to side. “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

  “And it was the best date I’d ever been on. I said right then and there, this woman is the woman for me.”

  I stopped smiling. “But you’re divorced.”

  “Yes, I know. And you have a problem with dating men who are divorced. And I was supposed to be showing you what the Bible really says about that, but instead, I’m talking about my brother, my mother, my ex-wife, my mother-in-law, and my pastor. Meanwhile, I’m no closer to getting you to go out on another date with me than when I first walked in here,” Marcus said. He looked at me as though he were waiting for words to scroll across my forehead.

  I scratched my head. He was a lot closer than he knew. “Why did you and Sasha divorce?” I asked again. All he had to say was that she cheated on him; that would be the escape clause acceptable to me. More important, in the case of divorce, it seemed acceptable to God.

  “She wanted out of the marriage,” was what Marcus said to answer my question.

  My whole body just slumped. No deal.

  Chapter 19

  Who is as the wise man? and who knoweth the interpretation of a thing? a man’s wisdom maketh his face to shine, and the boldness of his face shall be changed.

  —Ecclesiastes 8:1

  Marcus looked at his watch. “What say you and I go get something to eat? My treat.”

  I checked the time. Two hours had passed since he first walked in the door. At this point, I had two choices. I could go out with him and prolong the inevitable, or I could decline and end this now. If I prolonged things it was only going to make it harder to walk away from someone I was clearly falling hard for. My grandmother would tell me it was time I bought a clue and figured out there was a pattern in my life I was apparently missing.

  I did it with Cass. I find a guy I’m attracted to, see there’s a major problem should I choose to proceed, then lunge headfirst, knowing my heart is going to get smashed in the end. I knew Cass was a narcissist. He would always be first in his world, and that world would always revolve around him. Lawrence, the guy I dated before Cass, was dating a woman when I met him. He said they were over and he was looking to move on with his life. He and I got hot and heavy into a relationship and the next thing I know, the two of them are getting married in three weeks. And he had the nerve to send me an invitation. Then there was Dwight, who was a straight-up dog.

  Yes, a straight-up dog. He was dating three of us at the same time. And he would have gotten away with it had he not taken us to the same places on some of our dates. Valentine’s Day he said he had to work overtime. My friend Nae-nae wanted to go out, since her boyfriend had conveniently broken up with her right before Valentine’s Day. We both knew that was the oldest trick in the book. Break up with your girlfriend a little before some major holiday so you don’t have to buy her anything, then conveniently make up after it’s over.

  So Nae-nae decided she wasn’t going to sit around while everybody else had a date for that night. She had asked me about going with her and I had originally declined. At that time, Dwight and I had Valentine’s Day plans. Then he called at the last minute apologizing and upset. His boss had told him he needed him to work essentially half a shift of overtime because some guy didn’t show up and they were shorthanded. Dwight promised he would make it up to me on the weekend. He sounded really disappointed.

  “I’m in no way trying to get out of celebrating Valentine’s Day,” he had said. “Every day you’re my valentine. We’re not limited to man-made days.” It sounded good.

  I thought it was cute and endearing when he said that. I called Nae-nae and told her I’d go with her. Nae-nae, Denise (Nae-nae’s other friend), and I were sitting at the table having just ordered our food when Nae-nae started drumming her fingers on the table to get my attention.

  “Isn’t that your new beau?” Nae-nae asked. “Over there.” She used her head to point in the direction she wanted me to look.

  I followed where she was leading me and sure enough, it was Dwight sitting over there all goo-goo-eyed, caressing some other girl’s hand.

  “Girl-l-l,” Nae-nae said, “I would not sit here and take that. You need to go over there and let him know he just got busted. Overtime my foot. Oh, he’s working overtime all right. Overtime to two-time you.”

  Even though it really wasn’t my style, I was about to get up and go over to confront him just to let him know he hadn’t gotten away with cheating on me. Lo and behold, somebody else even more ghetto than Nae-nae ever could be (when she chooses to) goes over and curses him out. Now, I don’t condone fighting, but that girl slapped him upside his head like nobody’s business. Then that girl Dwight was with had the nerve to want to get up and fight her. Now, that’s where I’m totally different. Had that been me sitt
ing there with Dwight when she slapped him for cheating on her, I think I would have shaken her hand as I congratulated her while telling her he was all hers.

  Now here I sit with Marcus Peeples, who seems to be a really great guy. He’s smart and funny, from all I’ve seen of him, loving and caring. But he’s divorced. He could have given me a clean go-ahead by saying she had said she was a virgin but when they married he’d found out that wasn’t true, or he could have said she cheated on him, thus committing adultery, during their marriage—end of my dilemma. But instead, all he had said was she wanted out of the marriage.

  Well, according to the Bible, that’s not an acceptable reason to get a divorce. And if this was only about him that would be fine. But that scripture I read said that whoever marries that person who is divorced, that person is committing adultery. Now that would affect me and my standing with the Lord. And I don’t care to be saddled with committing adultery when all I would have done was marry a guy who happened to be divorced.

  I suddenly found myself silently praying as I sat there. Praying because I really liked Marcus and it didn’t seem fair. Why should I have to pay for something he and his wife did? They married, it didn’t work out, they divorced, he meets me, we hit it off, he and I date, let’s say we get married, then I get saddled with committing adultery? No.

  “What’s wrong?” Marcus asked. “Melissa, what’s wrong?”

  I don’t know what happened, but there I was crying and Marcus was holding me.

  I pulled away from him. Having him hold me wasn’t helping. I mean it was, but it wasn’t. “I can’t be with you. I just can’t. And the more we’re together, the more I find myself falling for you. Marcus, I love God with all my heart. I try to do right. I’m not saying that I succeed all the time, but I’m trying my best. I don’t want to be charged with committing adultery just because we get together and decide to get married. I know God forgives us for our sins when we confess them. But I know if you and I go forward, I’m attracted to you. It’s hard enough not to fornicate. Now, if I do the right thing—don’t fornicate but say marry you—I’m still in sin.” I looked at him and started to laugh.

  “I’m just being honest with you here,” I said. “Cass, my last boyfriend, started out pretending like he was saved and celibate. We weren’t together two weeks before he started pressuring me for sex. Acting like he was so in love with me, he just couldn’t help wanting to be with me. Saying we were going to get married someday anyway so in God’s sight we were already like husband and wife. Saying we didn’t need a piece of paper to join us together as man and wife in God’s sight.”

  Marcus sat back as I spoke. I continued. It was like a purging for me to keep talking.

  “I tried to live right, but I fell more than a few times with Cass. Then Pastor Landris taught on Strongholds earlier this year. And I sat there hearing not Pastor Landris’s voice, but the voice of God speaking to my heart. I knew I had to die to my flesh, and I had to die daily. Fornication was wrong. No matter how I tried to justify what I was doing, it was wrong. Yes, God knows our heart. Yes, I knew I could ask for forgiveness. But God deserved better from me than I was giving. I didn’t go up to the altar that day when Pastor Landris called for those who wanted to be released from their strongholds. I prayed right there in my seat. And you know what?”

  “God heard you right where you were,” Marcus said.

  “Yes. He heard me. I asked Him for strength to walk in His Word. And I set my mind and my thoughts on Jesus, the author and the finisher of my faith. When Cass wanted to make love and I was tempted, I thought about Jesus being right there with us. I pictured Jesus with us. The thought of Jesus having to be there while I was about to do something I knew was against what He desired for my life—that’s powerful.”

  I grabbed Marcus by the hand as I spoke. It was mostly a reflex. “I pictured Jesus’ wrist, the holes left from Him being nailed to the cross. And I reminded myself how He’d done all of that for me. Little old me. What He was asking of me was for my good. To sin is to hurt myself. God being an awesome Father is just like any parent who cares for his children. Parents tell their children things, not to take away all of their fun but to keep them safe. They tell them not to do things they believe will hurt them in the end. I realized that day, sitting there in church, that strongholds come to keep us from achieving God’s best and all the good things God desires for us to have.”

  I took a breath as I realized I was still holding his hand. I laid his hand down gently, almost embarrassed. Here I was going on and on about fornication and sin, and I was holding this man’s hand.

  I continued. “I was up front with Cass about how I felt. I loved him, but I loved God more. He said he understood and that he agreed with me. Then two days later, there he was trying to get me in bed. But I stood firm. It only took him a week to start talking about how self-centered I was. How I let everybody run over me. He was just looking for ways to tear me down. That’s when God showed me how he was protecting me because I was seeing what I would have ended up with had I stayed on the path with Cass. Cass broke up with me a month later so he could be with ‘a real woman,’ as he put it.”

  “Melissa, I appreciate you and your honesty just now. I respect you and I want you to know I would never do anything to be a stumbling block to you or to hurt you. This divorce thing is a problem for you. I see just how much. I told you I would come over and show you some things about the scriptures regarding divorce.”

  “Why couldn’t you have just said your wife cheated on you? Then I wouldn’t be so conflicted. I don’t know if we move forward whether anything will come out of it or not. But I know me, and I know that when I fall for someone, I fall hard. After a person’s heart gets involved, it can be a lot more difficult to listen to your head.”

  “I know. So tell me. What do I need to do to fix this? Because I’m really attracted to you, and I would like to see where God is leading us in this.” He leaned forward. “I just thought you might have been hungry, that’s why I suggested we get something to eat. I’m not trying to run a scam on you. There’s a lot in this book”—he picked up his Bible, then put it back down—“I want to show you in regards to your concern. It will just take a little time to do it. I got a little sidetracked with other things earlier. But I do want to show it to you and let you judge for yourself.”

  “I have some chicken salad in the refrigerator. Why don’t I make us some sandwiches? Then you can show me what you wanted to show me on divorce.” I looked at him; he nodded.

  I had a decision to make. Door number one was to cut my losses and get out now. Door number two was to hear him out.

  I got up, made us sandwiches with potato chips on the side, and came back for round two of our Bible session.

  I chose door number two. Yes, I had fallen for Marcus. And now I could only pray that what he had to say about divorce would be enough for me to be justified in not having chosen door number one.

  Chapter 20

  Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness.

  —Romans 6:18

  “Okay, if there’s anything you have a question on as I go through this, feel free to ask,” Marcus said after we finished eating.

  “Absolutely. I’m not just looking for what I want to hear. This is nothing to play with. We’re talking about something that could come between me and my relationship with God. I’ve had enough hard times in life. I don’t need to purposely bring things upon myself and become guilty by association,” I said.

  Marcus opened his Bible and began. “First off, I need you to know you must keep and apply scriptures in their context and setting, as well as recognize the history that goes along with them.”

  “Pastor Landris tells us that all the time,” I said, suddenly realizing how often I was comparing him to Pastor Landris. “Well, not that exactly, but he talks about context.”

  “This scripture you read in Matthew five, it used to bother me as well. I didn’t believe in d
ivorce even though my parents had divorced. I had every intention when I married to be married until death us did part. I saw how divorce affected our family. It’s always best, especially when children are involved, to have both parents working as one. But sometimes, that’s not possible. My mother never remarried, and not that she and I ever discussed it, but I believe it was because she felt as you do about divorce and remarriage.”

  He picked up a piece of paper as he spoke. “When Sasha and I started having problems, I really buckled down to do all I could to make things work. But every time we had an argument, she would say she wanted a divorce. Here I was, this young minister, on fire for the Lord, and I was having problems in my marriage that God didn’t seem able to fix. Sasha knew people were watching us, and I do believe there were times when she purposely did things to make me look bad. Don’t get me wrong, Sasha’s not a bad person, but when she wanted to hurt me, she knew what to do to accomplish that.”

  “I know people like that. They’re hurting and they want you to hurt so they try to hurt you,” I said.

  “Precisely. That’s how Sasha can be. Part of why she acts that way is because she was used to getting her way. I tried to tell her it doesn’t work like that in a marriage. Marriage should be give and take.”

  “Not just marriage, relationships in general,” I said, adding my two dollars and ninety-eight cents. “Although some people act like that means you give and I take.”

  Marcus laughed. “That was pretty good. I may use that,” he said. “I’m not trying to put anyone down in telling you these things. I just need you to have some background on what caused me to go deeper into learning more about divorce and the Bible. It wasn’t because I needed something to get me off the hook. God spoke to me and said there were too many of His people in bondage over this divorce thing. He wanted me to help them to see what was really going on. In fact, when God started me on this quest to go deeper, I told him I didn’t want to do this. I was not the right person for this job.”