Practicing What You Preach

by Vanessa Davis Griggs

  “Oh, it’s that stupid job. I hate it. Actually, it’s not the job I hate as much as it is those stupid people who work there.” She took another bite of the banana and shrugged.

  “Well, Sasha, we all have things in our lives we have to endure, whether we like them or not. You’re strong; you’ll be all right.” Marcus reached over, pulled off a banana, and started to peel it.

  “But I shouldn’t have to put up with constant stupidity. Why do companies hire these types of people anyway? And why can’t you say something helpful?”

  “I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know what you want from me.”

  “Fancy that. When we were married, you always seemed to have the answers. You always had an opinion or some advice for me,” Sasha said.

  Marcus replied, “And when we were married, you didn’t have to work if you didn’t want to, let alone work at a place you didn’t like. Then you decided you had to have a divorce, because you weren’t happy being married to me.”

  Sasha got up, stepped on the pedal of the steel trash can, and threw the banana peel away. The top made a thud when it came back down. “We shouldn’t have gotten married when we did. And we shouldn’t have compounded things by having a baby so soon after we got married.”

  “And we should have worked harder on staying together, but it wasn’t what you wanted,” Marcus said.

  “Well, you worked hard enough at it for the both of us. And like your mother told you, you knew I was a spoiled brat when you came after me, so you knew it was going to be work keeping me after you got me,” Sasha said. She walked over to the den and flopped down like a ragdoll on the couch.

  Marcus followed her into the den. “My mother never said that.”

  “Oh, that’s right. Your mother, unlike mine, was more polite about the things she had to say about me. Let’s see, how did she put it?” Sasha put her feet up on the couch and crossed her legs at the ankles as she lay back a little. “‘Marcus, now you know that girl is high maintenance,’” Sasha said, mocking Marcus’s mother. “‘You need to find someone more in your league. Somebody with a good heart.’ That was it. And you know what, Marcus? It looks like Mommy knew best. She was so right about us. So I have moved on, and now everybody should be happy.”

  Marcus caught himself. He didn’t know why he let Sasha get to him every time. “My mother liked you fine, Sasha. My mother did nothing except show you kindness and try to help us.”

  “Yeah, until I took you through all I took you through. Mommy dearest wasn’t too pleased about that. And part of the way your mother feels about me is your fault.”

  “My fault?”

  “Yes, your fault. If you had just signed the divorce papers and given me everything I wanted, we could have had a quick, civil, and quiet divorce.” She crossed her arms.

  “You were trying to cut me out of Aaliyah’s life. You wanted me to pay you alimony, give you money to pay for a car you bought after you left me, pay child support, and sign over my rights to my daughter,” Marcus said.

  “Yeah, well, I guess I miscalculated your love for your daughter and overplayed my hand,” Sasha said, leaning her head back and staring up at the ceiling.

  “How could you ever think I would consent to not being in my daughter’s life?”

  Sasha pressed the palms of her hands into the sides of her head. “I knew that was a mistake, but I was so mad at you. I knew that was the one thing that would hurt you the most. Again, I overplayed my hand, and I was wrong.” She put her hands down, sat up, and looked at Marcus as he sat in the chair across from her.

  “And Aaliyah is where right now?”

  “You mean right now?”

  Marcus pressed his lips together tightly, then relaxed them. “Yes, now.”

  Sasha leaned forward. “Over at my cousin’s house. I asked her to pick her up from after-school day care for me.”

  “Which cousin?” Marcus asked, letting his head tilt slightly.

  “My cousin Thelma.”

  “I know you’re not talking about scatterbrained Thelmalina. I just know you aren’t.” Marcus’s jaw visibly tightened.

  Sasha waved off Marcus’s comments about her cousin. “I wish you would quit insulting her like that. And you call yourself a preacher.”

  “Have you checked to be sure Thelma didn’t forget to go pick Aaliyah up? Goodness, Sasha. You know how she is.”

  “Chill out, Marcus. I’m sure Thelma went and got her.” Sasha got up and headed back to the kitchen.

  “We’re talking about your cousin who is so busy sleeping with fathers and sons she forgot to pick up her own child from day care. Not once, not twice, but three times—that we know of anyway. Who knows what else the ever-so-brilliant Thelmalina has done that no one knows about.” Marcus said. “Thelma is an airhead, and you know it.”

  “Wow, what a great example of a Christian you are. Talking about folks. Not forgiving at all.” Sasha took her cell phone out of her Gucci purse and pressed a button.

  “What are you doing now?” Marcus asked.

  “Shhh!” she said to Marcus who was standing next to her in the kitchen. “Hi, Thelma. It’s Sasha. I was just checking to see how Aaliyah’s doing. What? You didn’t remember to go get her? You’re leaving now?”

  Marcus was about to say something when Sasha put her hand on his chest to quiet him. “Girl, don’t be playing with me like that,” Sasha said. “Oh, I knew you were just kidding.” Sasha widened her eyes at Marcus, who wasn’t laughing. “I’ll be by to pick her up in about an hour. All right, Thelma, thirty minutes.” She paused. “What? Where am I?” she said, repeating the question.

  Marcus shook his head to show his disgust as well as to let Sasha know he didn’t want her speaking his name to her cousin.

  “On my way to your place,” Sasha said. “I’ll see you in a little bit.” She clicked the phone off.

  Sasha bit down on her bottom lip. “Marcus, I just wanted to stop by and thank you again for keeping Aaliyah for me like you did. You really are a great father. I just wanted to tell you that in person.”

  “No problem, Sasha. She’s both of ours. But I will say that I really don’t like her being around Thelma. I really don’t. Thelma smokes and who knows what else, and I don’t want our daughter in that environment.”

  Sasha picked up her purse and put her cell phone back in it. “Well, I appreciate your thoughts on the matter, but Aaliyah is my child just as much as she’s yours. And Thelma is my cousin. Even though I know she’s not the greatest example around children, at least she’ll help me out when my own mother won’t.”

  “Oh, you mean the same mother who was encouraging you to leave me when she knew the real deal going on with you?” Marcus said. “The mother who told you that you didn’t need me because you had her and your father to back you up? That they would step in and take care of anything that I was doing in your life. You mean that mother?”

  Sasha looked at him stunned at first. Marcus was normally sensitive to her feelings when it came to this, especially not bringing up her father. “Marcus, let’s not go there, okay. You know how much I miss my father.” She let her head drop and began to visibly shed a few tears.

  Chapter 22

  Neither give place to the devil.

  —Ephesians 4:27

  Marcus felt a little bad about having mentioned her father. He was only trying to point out that it was her mother who had come into their relationship and egged Sasha on. Sasha knew how her mother was. Yes, her mother loved her. But for some reason that even Sasha couldn’t explain, her mother didn’t seem to want her own daughter to be happy—ever.

  Marcus suspected it was because of the adoration Sasha’s father showered on his daughter. Sasha knew how her mother was. Still, she allowed her mother to meddle in their marriage. And Sasha was elated when her mother seemed to give her stamp of approval for Sasha to act like she wasn’t married even before she officially wasn’t.

  “You don’t need him,” Stella Bradford had
said as she sat at her daughter’s kitchen table, drinking a glass of her favorite red wine. “You were doing fine before he came into your life. You’ll do fine without him. I know money-wise Marcus does right by you and Aaliyah. And yes, he’s a great father when it comes to that child, although I think he’s a bit too fussy and protective. He’s strict but he spoils her, just like your father with you.” She took a sip and threw back her head before continuing.

  “Yes, Marcus helps you out by getting her ready in the morning time and taking her to day care so you don’t have to. Then he picks her up in the afternoon, again so you don’t have to. That’s all great. But if you need us, me and your father are here for you. We’ll help you.”

  “Mom, you’re making a mountain out of a molehill,” Sasha said as she sat down across from her mother, having paced the floor for the past few minutes while her mother talked.

  Sasha had been upset with Marcus when she’d found a letter sent to him by one of his college classmates, a girl named LaTrice. When she’d asked Marcus about it, he’d gotten a little upset because she had searched through his things to find it. It wasn’t that the letter was that big a deal. His classmate had sent the letter to his mother’s house, since that’s where he was living back when she knew him.

  In the letter, LaTrice told him how horrible her life was, being married to a man who was constantly fighting with her and had resorted to physically beating her. This was happening at least once a week now and she just couldn’t take it anymore. She needed to talk to somebody.

  She wrote that she wanted to divorce her husband but she was a religious person who believed divorce was wrong. She didn’t have anyone else to turn to about this. LaTrice said Marcus had always given her sound advice in the past. In fact, it was Marcus who had warned her against pursuing a relationship with this guy in the first place. In the letter, she acknowledged he had been right and that she wished she had listened to him.

  She couldn’t tell her family what was going on because she was ashamed and didn’t want to make things worse. She quoted the scripture: “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife. And they twain shall be one flesh.” She took the leaving of father and mother to apply to both her and her husband, and that meant neither party should go running back home every time a problem popped up.

  Her pastor had also advised her that she didn’t need to let others know what was going on in their house. One reason was that people often tell others the horrible things that are happening, sometimes with exaggeration because they really don’t want people to judge them badly, and then they end up working things out. But everybody who knew what they were being told is still upset and holding a grudge when the couple has moved past it. Then that becomes yet another problem in their relationship.

  Her pastor was also the one who had insisted she needed to stay in the marriage and work things out. He felt too many Christians were turning to divorce and violating the Word of God as demonstrated in Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. It was a lengthy letter, but she just needed someone to talk to about this. LaTrice had put her phone number in the letter for him to call her if it was at all possible.

  Marcus did call her, not thinking there was anything wrong with doing so.

  “I can’t divorce him, Marcus,” LaTrice had said. “I don’t want God mad at me. I made a vow, a covenant with this man. And part of what we said during that covenant ceremony was ‘until death do us part.’ I’ve searched the scriptures. I’ve talked extensively with my pastor. Nowhere is there anything that says it’s okay to get a divorce if your spouse is beating on you. It says ‘saving for the cause of fornication,’ which I take to mean there has to be some sexual immorality to qualify for a divorce. It’s possible he could be cheating on me, but that’s not what I’m dealing with.”

  Marcus could hear her crying between her words.

  “My pastor tells me I need to find a way to work things out. That this is what marriage is about. Finding ways to make things work, not running away when something doesn’t feel good,” LaTrice said. “I’ve tried so hard, but it’s just getting worse.”

  “What? He thinks it’s okay for a man to beat his wife and that she should stay there and just take it while she’s working things out?” Marcus shook his head. “No. It’s like he’s trying to say it’s your fault and your responsibility to make him do right even though the person who is wrong is not being called on it. LaTrice, that’s not of God.”

  “But as my pastor pointed out, I did make a vow—for better or worse. I suppose this counts as for worse. He and I entered into a covenant, an agreement before God. I don’t want to break that covenant.”

  It was right then and there that Marcus saw something he had never realized before. People recognized marriage as a covenant but didn’t understand what that entailed.

  “A covenant,” he began, “is an agreement between two or more people. God made several covenants Himself. But in all covenants, there is something one party agrees he or she will do as long as you do what you say you will do. When one person violates the terms of that agreement, it nullifies the agreement. A covenant was not meant to bind one person to it while the other person is allowed to do whatever they want without keeping their end of the agreement. Even God said if you do this, I’ll do this. But when man didn’t keep his end of the agreement, God was not bound to just do it anyway. He could, but He was no longer obligated to do it.”

  “I hear you, Marcus, but we did promise to stay together until death do us part.”

  “And I hate to say this, but if things continue with your husband as they are, if he doesn’t seek help or stop his destructive behavior, it very well may lead to your death.”

  “I know, Marcus. That’s why I don’t know what to do. I want to honor my vow. I don’t want God turning away from me because I’m in sin just because I divorced.”

  “You and your husband both made vows to each other. Your marriage is contingent on each of you keeping your part of that agreement. Correct?”

  “Yes,” she said rather timidly.

  “He promised to love, honor, and cherish you, right?” Marcus said.

  “Yes,” she said, stronger than before.

  “How is beating you a form of loving you? How is degrading you verbally and physically honoring you? How is hurting you cherishing you? How is what your husband doing right now loving you the way Christ loves his bride, the church?”

  She sighed loud enough for Marcus to hear her. But it was more a sigh of release. “I see what you’re saying, Marcus. We made a vow in the context of a covenant, a contract of sorts, an agreement between the two of us. When one of us breaks the terms of that agreement, it affects the whole contract.”

  “Exactly. If you sign a contract to buy a house and you take out a loan, you make an agreement with the mortgage company. As long as you abide by the terms of that agreement, making your mortgage payments on time, you get to stay in that house. But if you miss a few payments, you are then in violation of the contract. The mortgage company is no longer bound to its agreement to let you stay in the house.”

  “Great analogy,” she said. “A problem we’re having with our mortgage now.”

  Marcus looked at his watch. He needed to start dinner, since this was his night to cook. Sasha would be home shortly. “Listen, LaTrice. I’m not saying you should get a divorce. I really think people walk away too easily from marriages when times get tough or they get bored. I think we really do need to fight for our marriages.”

  “But I guess we should be smarter and more prayerful about it before we even get into them,” LaTrice said.

  “Yeah, well, most of us learn that piece of advice a little too late,” Marcus said.

  “I was actually thinking about getting a divorce and just never remarrying. I mean, it looked to me that when it came to God and divorce in the scriptures, you were all right as long as you didn’t marry again. At least not while the first person you married was still alive.”r />
  “I don’t think God intends for you to do that, either,” Marcus said. “We are subject to the sins of the heart in today’s time. It’s like when the Bible says in Matthew five, twenty-seven and twenty-eight, ‘Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery. But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.’ Sins of the heart. In my observation of that scripture, I would say that if you feel something in your heart, it’s just like you’ve actually committed it.”

  That was when Marcus knew he needed to learn more about God’s Word on divorce and remarrying. He went on to tell LaTrice, “If a person is married and feeling like their only way out under God’s terms is if that person dies, then it’s almost like in your heart you’re killing them. If you’re divorced and wanting not to be alone, just as God said when He made Adam, that it was not good for man to be alone, then why have to sit around essentially waiting on that person to die to feel free to marry another? It’s what could be labeled spiritual murder.”

  “You know, I never thought about it the way you’ve just put it. Thank you, Marcus. You have certainly given me some things to think on and pray about. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I do know God loves me. That I do know.”

  “When the Bible speaks on divorce, it’s mostly addressing the person who is causing the hurt and harm. It’s like God is telling them He hates divorce and they need to get their act together. It wasn’t to keep people being hurt in the hurt. God is love, and He wants us to treat one another with love. I absolutely believe that,” Marcus said. “But if that person remains the same, God is not trying to punish the person who is innocent by making them pay the price while the guilty one has the benefit of getting off scot-free. I just don’t believe that, I don’t.”

  “I hear you, Marcus. Again, I thank you. And will you please thank your wife for me for allowing you to minister to my life.”