Tall, Dark and Hairy (The Necro-Files Book 3)

by C. L. Bledsoe

  She shook her head. “You’re sure they’re not just some guys in costumes?”

  “Listen, I’ll explain everything in a little while.” Nathan glanced at me. I shrugged. “But right now, there’s something more important. I need you to go back to the tent and, you know, chill.”

  “I’m just going to process quietly,” she said. “I’ll scream on the inside.” She walked away.

  I turned to Caroline. “You knew I was here when you were fighting the bigfoots, before.”

  She gave me a sickly-sweet smile that leaked into her tone. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, dear, but I urge you to consider your actions. You’ve become involved in something much larger than you realize. Attacking Council members is a severe offense. I don’t think you want to be in the position you’re in.”

  “You’re right. I don’t. But you put me here. And unless you’ve forgotten, I’m on the side of the Hero of Baltimore.”

  She scoffed. “We’ll see how long he maintains that title once word gets out of what he’s done, here.”

  Nathan smirked but didn’t rise to the bait.

  “What he’s done is save lives.”

  She closed her mouth on her own smirk.

  “But you didn’t answer my question,” I said. “You knew I was here.”

  “So what if we did?”

  “You were after me?” I said. “That doesn’t make any sense.” She kept the smirk. I turned to the bigfoots. “Why did you come here, two nights ago?” Had it only been two nights?

  Slips in Shit pointed at me. I shook my head. He poked me in the chest.

  “You were coming to me for help?”

  He nodded.

  “But how did you know I was here?”

  He tapped the side of his nose. I shook my head again.

  “You could smell me?” I asked.

  He nodded, but then moved his head to the side like that wasn’t quite it. It was the most human action I’d ever seen him make.

  “Bigfoots’ noses are a hundred times more sensitive than dogs,” Nathan said.

  “That’s still crazy. Why me?” Slips in Shit smiled but didn’t answer, so I turned back to Caroline, who was making a show of staring away in disinterest.

  “Here’s what’s going to happen,” Nathan said before I could ask her if she knew what Slips in Shit meant. “We’re going back to your hideout. We’re going to free the bigfoots. And then we’re going to Baltimore. You will be tried. And you will be punished.”

  Caroline laughed. “Who’s going to try us? We’re the Council.”

  “That’s a good point.” He drew his gun and put it to her face. “Maybe I should just put you out of my misery.”

  Caroline shrugged. “Go ahead. What do you think will happen? You’ll be a rogue hero, just like your father.”

  Nathan didn’t hit her. I kind of wished he had. His only reaction was a slight twitch. “Before I haul you back to Baltimore in chains,” he said, “we’re going to have a conversation. It won’t be pleasant for you, but I will learn some things.”

  Caroline pushed against the gun. “Bring it on, little boy.”

  For a moment, Nathan’s face didn’t move. Then he broke into a smile. “I’ll have to forgive myself for enjoying it.”

  I cleared my throat. “If you guys are done comparing dick sizes, what I want to know is the purpose. Why are you experimenting on bigfoots?” I asked Caroline.

  She sighed in exasperation. “Why do men in white coats inject perfume into bunnies’ eyeballs?”

  That stumped me. “Because they’re fucked up?”

  Her look was the visual equivalent of someone saying bless her heart. “Science, Daisy. Science.”

  “No, I think I had it right the first time.” I turned to Nathan. “We—”

  But I was cut off by a bright flash of color. While we’d been baiting, or really, being baited by, Caroline, the other three Council members had apparently been escaping. Their hands glowed. Their bonds burned off at that instant, and then a flash of light took away all chance of me seeing.

  I fell to my knees from the pain of it. I didn’t realize what had happened until a few seconds later when my vision recovered. We were several feet away and the clearing was empty except for Nathan, Slips in Shit, Deer Humper, and me.

  “Where’d they go?” I asked, blinking the afterimages away.

  Nathan held his head in his hands and groaned. “Back to the cave, I’m sure.”

  He shoved his gun in the holster. Slips in Shit and Deer Humper stared at us, mouths open, panting like dogs waiting to go for a walk.

  “Let’s go after them,” I said.

  “We don’t know how many of them there are,” he said.

  “We can take the bigfoots for backup.”

  “They’re pacifists.” He rubbed his eyes. “Maybe I can get some backup here, but it will probably be too late.” He punched his own leg. “Damn it. They’re going to get away.”

  “Well…I saw three guys and Caroline.”

  “Maybe you just didn’t see the others.”

  “Yeah, well, maybe, but do you think this is a Council sanctioned operation? You would know better than me.”

  He shook his head. “No. Whatever Caroline’s end-goal is, it’s hers alone. The bulk of the Council is too cautious to get involved in something like this.”

  “There we go. So maybe it’s just a few of them.”

  “She might’ve brought in mercenaries. Caroline has resources at her disposal.”

  I thought about this. “So what we need is immediate backup. Preferably enough to make sure we’re ready for any eventuality.”

  “I mean, that would be nice,” Nathan said.

  “I have a thought,” I said.

  * * *

  “I don’t like it,” Nathan said, after I explained my plan. “There are too many variables.”

  “What choice do we have? You said it yourself. They’re on the way to the cave. They’re going to pack up the bigfoots or kill them or something else horrible. We’ve got to rescue them now.”

  He shook his head. “Yeah, but…”

  “But what? It will work. Trust me.”

  “The more people we bring in on this, the more danger we put the bigfoots in.”

  “But we can trust Emily.”

  “Can we? Why? Because she’s your roommate? And Quasi? What, he’s just a good person?”

  I paused. “Well, yeah.”

  He laughed. “Because he’s a musician? Hitler was a painter.”

  I held up a finger. “Failed painter.”

  “The point is, it isn’t about whether people are good or not. It’s about containment. Period.”

  I tried to sound reasonable. “I understand what you’re saying, but you’re wrong.” Well, sort of tried. “Right now, it’s about saving the bigfoots from becoming lab rats. And this is the only way we have to do that.”

  He shook his head but he wasn’t arguing anymore. “And what about when it’s over? We save the bigfoots today but what about tomorrow?”

  I shrugged. “Make them sign confidentiality agreements. It’s what you guys did with me.”

  * * *

  I called Quasi, woke him, and explained my plan, and he agreed to help, which made me like him that little bit more.

  “Though we’re supposed to play a show tonight,” he added.

  I’d completely lost track of time. It had seemed like days—weeks—had passed while I’d been trapped in that cave and everything, but it had only been hours.

  “All I can say is I’ll try to make sure you’re back.”

  “I guess it’s bigger than us,” he said. “I’ll get everybody I can there.”

  Emily was a hard sell also.

  “The thing is,” I said. “These are some bad guys, and if you’re not with us, then you’re vulnerable.”

  “You don’t make a very convincing case.”

  “We could use your help,” I said. “And C Note will be there.�
�

  She gave me a look but she agreed to come.

  An hour later, Emily, Nathan, and I pulled up to the parking lot at the lake and parked beside Shizknit’s tour bus.

  “This is a terrible idea,” Nathan said.

  “Tell me a better one.”

  He narrowed his eyes, opened the door, and got out.

  There was a big group beside the bus in the parking lot: Quasi, C Note, and Bevan, along with several roadies from the various bands and a handful of other musicians Quasi knew and trusted. They looked like they were ready to storm the gates of hell. Other than us, the parking lot was deserted. Emily ran over to C Note and Quasi came over and took my hand. Nathan gave me a look. I shrugged.

  “Focus,” I said.

  He hopped up onto the hood of his car and whistled loudly to get everyone’s attention.

  “There is some information I have to tell you, but you need to understand some stuff first. You are going to see some things you didn’t know were possible in a little while. Crazy things. Things you’ve been taught your whole life don’t exist.

  But before you see them, you need to understand that there’s a reason you’ve been taught they don’t exist. And that’s to protect them. I don’t work for the government. I don’t work for a secret global corporation. I’m here to tell you that magic is real, and lots of other things are real too.”

  There was a bunch of murmuring. Nathan held up his hand.

  “But if people found out about it, they’d kill it. Do you understand? It’s a secret because that’s the only way to protect it. And now, you’re part of that secret and you have to help protect it too.”

  Most of the roadies wore bemused expressions. It was hard to tell if Nathan was getting through to them.

  Quasi stepped up to the car. He and Nathan stared at each other, I assume about to butt heads, but Nathan reached down and pulled him up.

  “Some of you guys have been with us from day one, back when we were playing anywhere and everywhere we could, passing around a bucket for gas money,” Quasi said.

  This was greeted by a couple of hell yeah’s.

  “We were broke as shit, but we were happier in a lot of ways. Just making music, you know? But then folks found out about us and everything blew up.”

  There was vigorous nodding in response to this.

  “And things are better in some ways. The money’s better. But there’s no way we could just go set up and play on the street like we used to. Hell, we can’t even walk down the sidewalk without some asshole trying to take a picture. That’s the kind of stuff we’re talking about here. We’ve got to keep this underground so it doesn’t blow up. Cause you know, when it blows up, it’s ruined.”

  The roadies talked among themselves, some nodding, some shrugging as if to urge giving us a chance. This approach was working way better. Even Nathan approved, judging by how he was nodding along.

  “I’ve seen some shit in the last couple days, man. I’ve seen bigfoots. No shit. For real bigfoots. And they can teleport and fucking talk with their minds. Fucking telepathy. Seriously. And on the one hand, I want to go sell that shit to the Weekly World News, but that would blow it up. It would be a shitty thing for me to do, because the bigfoots would never have a moment’s peace after that. And for what? A couple bucks? If anybody’s hurting that bad, come and talk to me before you do something stupid. Seriously.”

  That set them busy mumbling.

  “Think about it like conservation,” Quasi said. “It’s up to us to save the wild. You dig?”

  The roadies roared back, “Hell yeah!”

  Nathan spoke again. “Now there are some assholes who are performing some illegal experiments on these bigfoots, and it’s up to us to rescue the poor creatures. Now, the thing about bigfoots is they’re complete pacifists. They won’t raise a finger to hurt anyone or anything. So it’s easy to exploit them. It’s up to us to help them.”

  One of the roadies spoke up. “Man, I hear what you’re saying, but I just don’t believe in bigfoot. I think it’s a hoax.”

  Nathan put his fingers in his mouth and whistled. Slips in Shit appeared beside us and waved at the roadies, who all took an involuntary step back. Deer Humper appeared next, which didn’t set them at ease one whit.

  “It’s OK,” Quasi said. “I totally hung out with these guys. They’re cool. And they have the best fucking weed.”

  Slips in Shit nodded.

  A couple of roadies I recognized from the restaurant moved up closer. One of them tried to poke Slips in Shit, but the bigfoot disappeared and reappeared nearby.

  “Holy shit!” one of the bigger roadies said.

  “OK, now that you know, I ask you to remember to keep it to yourselves,” Nathan said. “And let’s go save some bigfoots!”

  A cheer went up from the roadies.

  * * *

  The assembled roadies and band members and Emily armed themselves with whatever came to hand. I saw bats and sticks and a few blackjacks. Nathan had made them all promise not to bring guns or to kill anyone or injure them too badly because it would bring too much attention. They were actually mostly down with that.

  Nathan “requisitioned” several aluminum boats from the ranger station, and everyone piled into them. We pushed off and paddled into the lake.

  * * *

  Slips in Shit got really excited after we’d been on the water for about a half hour. He followed his nose to the shore where we had beached the boats and went ashore. He and Deer Humper led us through the woods until we came to the same animal path—at least I think it was the same one—from before. Slips in Shit ran ahead with Deer Humper, and we followed as quickly as we could, Nathan, me and Emily, and Shizknit next, then the roadies. The trail disappeared into the underbrush so we crashed through that. The roadies were surprisingly quiet, and when I looked back, I saw a group of determined, if not somewhat angry guys, ready to bust some heads. They wore leather and jean jackets, and had long hair and lots of tattoos. I felt like I was getting ready for a street fight.

  The bigfoots finally brought us to the entrance of the cave. Nathan and I led the way, since I was the only human who’d been in before and Nathan was the resident badass, and the bigfoots followed. We left some of the roadies at the entrance in case anyone tried to enter or escape, but most of them came in with us.

  I found the tunnel in the back that led to two rooms. One led in the direction of the cage, and the other led to the other bigfoots, though it took me a minute to remember which one led to the bigfoots.

  A line of roadies stretched out behind us, and something about that made me nervous. But I was in such a hurry I ignored that feeling. When we finally reached the room it was empty, stripped bare without even a sign of the medical equipment.

  “They’re gone,” Nathan said.

  Deer Humper kept sniffing the air and baring his teeth, and Slips in Shit was doing it too. They looked like they were arguing, but it was strangely silent, though there were plenty of gestures to make some point none of us could hear. Suddenly, Slips in Shit put his hand on Deer Humper to stop him, I guess. Slips in Shit hooted. We all turned and looked at him.

  “What’s up?” I said.

  “He’s caught a scent,” Nathan said.

  Slips in Shit moved to the far side of the cave and clawed at the wall. The glowing moss helped us see, along with the flashlights and cell phones we all held out. Slips in Shit exposed something, and Nathan ran over.

  “Bomb!” Nathan shouted. He turned to Slips in Shit and must have communicated this to him, because an image of a cave-in appeared in my mind. All the roadies behind us turned and started to run.

  Slips in Shit grabbed Nathan, and Deer Humper appeared beside me. There was a flash, and we were in the air outside the cave. I felt a moment of pure, animal panic. Partly, it was from suddenly being in a different place, and partly it was from Deer Humper, who broadcast a series of images of his fears, most of which involved teleporting and reappearing inside a tre
e or something. But since he’d seen where we landed, it wasn’t exactly the same as teleporting blind. Caroline must’ve been wrong about them.

  We fell, hard, but Deer Humper was already gone. I rolled out of the way right before the bigfoots appeared again in the air with C Note and Quasi. The band members fell, but I realized the bigfoots had the presence of mind to tuck and roll. From the cave air passage, roadies were pouring out. The bigfoots reappeared with Bevan and Emily, but this time they didn’t fall as gracefully. They were exhausting themselves teleporting such a long distance.

  They disappeared again, but I heard the rumble as the bomb went off. Roadies were still streaming out of the cave entrance. There were fifteen of us outside now, which left the bigfoots.

  “Is everyone out?” I asked Quasi.

  He looked around. “Where’s Tony? Big Jim?”

  Nobody knew.

  Dust billowed out of the cave. Quasi and I ran toward the entrance, but the bigfoots appeared above me with these last two roadies just as I got to the cave and landed on me.

  CHAPTER NINE

  The cave opening was a smoking hole. I wasn’t hurt by the bigfoots falling on me, and Nathan helped me get out from under them. He knelt over the unconscious bigfoots. The roadies were OK, though a couple were banged up.

  “I’m pre-vet,” Emily said as Nathan tended to the bigfoots. “Maybe I can help.”

  “Don’t touch them with your bare skin unless you want a headache,” I warned.

  While she checked their breathing and their pulses, she had Nathan make two stretchers from branches with coats wrapped around them and got some of the roadies to carry the bigfoots back to the boats. As they were loading them on, she squealed and grabbed the thin, tattooed shoulder of one of the guys carrying the second stretcher.

  “Oh my God, you’re Bacon Grease!”