Tall, Dark and Hairy (The Necro-Files Book 3)

by C. L. Bledsoe

  We were so exhausted, and it was so late, that we checked into a hotel and slept through the night. Nathan disappeared on us as soon as we got back to camp the next morning, saying he needed to get back to Baltimore.

  Emily and I dawdled a little longer, throwing away what was left of the tent and the inflatable mattress and packing up the stuff that we could salvage, all of which we could’ve finished in a half hour or so, since Emily had the art of breaking down a campsite down to a science. Instead, we distracted ourselves with one task and then another, took long breaks, and did a lot of sitting around and not really cleaning up. Even though we’d been through so much, neither of us wanted to leave right then.

  We were sitting on the bench, drinking water and staring out at nothing when Todd and Davis woke up and wandered over. We’d finally gotten the place cleaned up and everything else put away except for the cooler, which had somehow survived.

  “You ladies leaving?” Todd said.

  Emily nodded. “Yeah, we’re about to head back. How about you?”

  Davis spoke up. “You’re going to miss the show.”

  Emily and I exchanged looks. “What show?” I asked.

  “Since Shizknit didn’t do an encore, they’re doing a free show this afternoon to make it up to the fans. They just announced it. It’s blowing up online,” Todd said.

  “They were going to do it tonight, but they couldn’t get the noise permit in time, so they’re doing it this afternoon,” Davis added.

  Emily’s body stiffened. “When?”

  “Like one or something,” Todd said. “At the same place.”

  I looked out over our campsite, which was pretty much done.

  “You ladies want to hang out till then?” Todd asked.

  “Yeah, we could get high.” Davis laughed a stoner laugh. Emily glanced at me, and I shook my head quickly.

  “Thanks for the heads-up,” she said, “but I think we’ve got other plans. Maybe we’ll see you at the show.”

  “Cool,” Todd said. “Hey, if we don’t see you then, see you next year.” He offered me a hand. “Nice meeting you, Daisy.”

  I felt bad because I wasn’t sure his name was actually Todd, but I shook his hand anyway. “You too. Have fun.”

  Davis waved and the two went back to their site. We loaded the cooler in the jeep and drove away.

  “It’s weird,” Emily said. “I kind of feel like, in another life, I’d have hooked up with Todd, but now I just kind of think those two are losers.”

  “Well, I don’t mean to sound bitchy, but they kind of are losers. Davis, anyway.”

  “I hooked up with him last year.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that.

  “He’s cute,” I finally said.

  She laughed.

  “I’m hungry. Are you hungry?” I said by way of changing the subject.

  “Starving.”

  * * *

  We went back to the buffet place from before because it was the only place we knew how to get to.

  “Where did you eat when you came before?” I asked.

  Emily laughed. “We ate crap, I mean, even worse than this. Burgers and stuff. Like McDonald’s.”

  We half expected the band to be inside again, but it was just us and a bunch of retirees drinking coffee. One guy had a huge plate of pickles and was eating them one at a time. Was he a Council member who’d finally snapped? I realized that I was assuming all homeless-looking people were Council members, which meant I was officially paranoid.

  “What day is it, even?” I asked.

  Emily shook her head. “No idea.”

  We got our breakfasts and sat off by ourselves. Emily picked at her food. Something was bothering her. Finally, she asked, “So how long have you known about stuff like this? Like the…” She leaned in and mouthed, “Bigfoots?”

  “Since the beginning of the school year,” I said.

  “And Nathan? Is he really your cousin?”

  I nodded. “He helped me.”

  “Seems like that’s what he does.”

  “Yeah.” It was my turn to pick at my food. “So you were really good with the pre-vet skills. I think you might be on to something, there.”

  She lit up. “I was so nervous, but yeah. I think it might be my calling.”

  “I wish I had a calling.”

  “Um, I think you do. The way you handled this whole situation. I think that’s your calling.”

  “I hadn’t thought about it.” I shrugged. “I mostly just react to the situations I find myself in.”

  “But you react really well.”

  “Thanks. I’m just trying to wrap my head around this whole being a descendant of Lord Baltimore thing Grandma bigfoot dropped on me.”

  “What does it mean?”

  I shook my head. “No idea.”

  We finished our breakfast and chitchatted some for more than an hour until the waitress started giving us dirty looks. It felt easy and comfortable, I guess because we’d been through so much in the last couple days together. The sun was right overhead as we drove out to the venue.

  It was packed. The gates were wide open, and people piled in. We left our blankets in the jeep because we didn’t see that there would be much opportunity for sitting.

  We couldn’t make it all the way to the front, but we got near and off to the side a bit. A little while after we arrived, the crowd started chanting and calling for the band. There weren’t any roadies setting up; the band came out and did their own sound check.

  C Note’s voice thundered through the chatter when he spoke into the microphone. “We want to thank everybody for coming out. We’re sorry about the show the other day. Shit just happens.”

  The crowd roared applause.

  “So we wanted to give a little something back to our awesome fans.”

  The crowd roared again. C Note hit a chord, and the band started. They played a blazing set for about an hour, hard and fast; heavy stuff with a catchy beat. Quasi laid down a funky bass line that had the whole crowd grooving. Everyone swayed and sang along. We felt like we were floating in a sea of sound.

  After they finished the hour set, they paused.

  “If you guys are cool with it,” Quasi said, “We’re going to play some new stuff. Some of it isn’t even finished, so it might suck.”

  The crowd cheered, and the band started playing the songs we’d heard the first day when we’d sneaked in and saw them practice. They told us the titles to some of the songs, which were mostly silly working titles like “Meadowlark Lemon” and “Stale Toast.” Some of the songs didn’t even have titles. Some were only half-formed, and they might play a verse and a chorus a couple times and then end.

  “Sorry,” they’d say. “Haven’t worked that one out.”

  They played another hour or so, some snatches of songs, some covers, and some very nearly complete-sounding. They stopped at one point after playing a song and then played the same song again with a totally different tempo and feel, even a couple different riffs. Then they went back to a well-known song of theirs, played it in a different way, and explained that sometimes songs go through a metamorphosis before they’re finished. The crowd was totally into it. We were getting a behind-the-scenes look at the band and their songwriting process. I had thought it was magical before, but this was something special. This was a gift.

  When it was over, even though we’d been there for more than three hours, the crowd was just as jazzed as it had been at the beginning. The band thanked us, apologized again for the absence yesterday, and then said they weren’t coming back for another encore because they didn’t have any more songs to play. The crowd cheered and went wild until after about fifteen minutes, Shizknit came back.

  “OK,” C Note said. “I guess we’ll think of some more stuff.”

  They started with a couple covers of Nirvana and the Pixies. Then they went back to some older eighties stuff and even sixties and seventies stuff. They did a tight miniset of six Velvet Undergr
ound songs that I think we all felt should’ve been recorded and released as an EP. I hope someone bootlegged it. I would totally buy that.

  The crowd finally let Shizknit leave after another forty-five minutes. They packed up and were gone. Emily and I were left with the glow and emotion of the audience.

  “Should we go say bye to them?” I asked.

  She looked at the stage and then at everyone who was slowly making their ways to the exit. “No,” she said. “It’s a clean break. Let’s leave it that way.”

  I didn’t mention I had Quasi’s number and fully intended to use it ASAP. I was fine with getting gone.

  * * *

  The drive back to Baltimore was uneventful. We talked the whole way about nothing much: plans for the future, classes we’d taken, family drama. It felt good to just talk without, you know, being attacked by crazy wizards.

  When we got back to the dorm, it was dark. It should’ve felt anticlimactic to just shower and go to bed, but we were both exhausted (though let me tell you how happy I was to shower in a bathroom that didn’t make me feel dirtier when I left).

  I settled into my bed while Emily puttered and finally collapsed into hers.

  “Thanks for inviting me,” I said.

  “Thanks for coming,” Emily said.

  That was it.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Nathan called me first thing the next morning.

  “Hey, what are you doing?”

  “Sleeping.”

  “Well get up. I need you.”

  “Shouldn’t you be calling me your majesty or something?”

  “Listen,” he said. “You should keep that on the DL until we have some time to think about what it could mean.”

  “Why? Are you intimidated by my lineage?”

  He laughed. “I can trace my family back for a millennium.”

  “Well, that’s…that’s a long time.”

  “Just do me a favor, do yourself a favor, and keep it between us, for now.”

  “Fine,” I said. “But I still want a royal portrait.”

  He hung up without answering.

  Even though I’d showered the night before, I showered again just because I could. I felt sad because I didn’t know when I’d see Quasi again, but I also felt tired after the whole experience. Tired and happy because it had happened. I let the warm water run over me until I realized I’d been in there way too long, then dressed and went outside where Nathan was waiting to pick me up.

  He had a very satisfied, even devious, look on his face.

  “What’s up?” I asked.

  “We’ve been called in front of the Council.”

  “For what?”

  “To testify against Caroline.”

  * * *

  Nathan and I pulled up to the funeral home and went in. I almost ran to see my bosses, Magnus and Lou. They were in the office by the front door. I threw my arms around Lou’s big, hairy head, who was sitting on the couch against the wall. He reminded me of a bigfoot, I have to say. Lou grunted. Magnus was sitting behind the desk doing paperwork. I was even happy to see his dapper, uptight self.

  “We heard you had some trouble.” Magnus slid some papers into a drawer and slammed it closed.

  I told them everything that had happened with the bigfoots and the Council. Magnus stiffened at the mention of Caroline.

  “She’s gone power-crazy, the hag.”

  “We’re going to stop her,” Nathan said.

  * * *

  Nathan took me down to the basement, where an old tunnel led through the sewers to the special meeting room the Council used. When we got there, it was still empty, but in a few moments, the room began to fill up with dozens of Council members. I didn’t see Caroline or the other Council members who’d been helping her, though. “Looks like she’s not coming.”

  “She has to,” Nathan said. “And she’s arrogant enough to think she can beat this.”

  We waited several more minutes. A hush settled over the room, and Caroline strolled in, followed by the three other Council members I recognized from the cave and the bigfoot attack. She strode up to Nathan.

  “Thought you weren’t going to make it,” he said.

  She laughed and spit on the floor. “Waste of my time.”

  She raised her hands, and everyone grew silent.

  “We’re here to investigate alleged rumors of animal abuse,” Caroline said. “As outlawed by Lord Baltimore.” I was shocked that she’d try to twist the situation like that.

  Nathan cleared his throat. “We’re not ready yet.”

  She cocked her head to the side and eyed him. “You’ve got some more teenagers you want to induct into the secret world?”

  “No. I’ve got witnesses.” He closed his eyes. Slips in Shit and Deer Humper appeared beside Nathan and me.

  “Hi, guys!” I said. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

  Slips in Shit grinned at me real big. An image of him humping me appeared in my mind. I imagined him humping Deer Humper. The two bigfoots chuffed laughter.

  “What are these animals doing here?” Caroline asked. “This isn’t a zoo.”

  Slips in Shit stuck his tongue out at her. Deer Humper growled softly.

  Nathan spoke. “These beings have evidence that Caroline and other members of the Council were experimenting on sentient beings for the purpose of creating a restricted artifact.”

  Caroline guffawed, which degenerated into a coughing fit. She spit and grinned at Nathan.

  Nathan nodded at the bigfoots. Slips in Shit and Deer Humper stepped up. They held hands. Most of the Council members bowed their heads, except Caroline and her flunkies, who stood there leering. A series of images flashed in our heads like a movie, starting with the group of bigfoots in the woods. Caroline and the other rogue Council members appeared. The bigfoots began to disappear: first, the young and elderly, while the other bigfoots formed a ring around them. The Council members were chanting, linking arms. Several of the bigfoots fell to the ground.

  The scene shifted to another bigfoot’s perspective. He opened his eyes in the cave and looked around. The room he was in was full of the fallen bigfoots strapped to tables, hooked to machines. Council members in doctors’ garb cut into them with scalpels and examined their brains. Then the image went black.

  The next image was outside the cave. I thought this was Slips in Shit’s perspective, though I wasn’t sure how I knew that. He’d apparently tracked the Council to their hideout. He entered the cave and found his way to the experimentation room. A feeling of grief accompanied the images, and I heard sniffles as Council members broke into tears. Slips in Shit tried to unhook a bigfoot from the machine it was attached to, but one of the doctors appeared. There was a burst of light, and everything went black. The next image was of Slips in Shit sitting in the cell as Caroline tormented him, teasing him and trying to get a rise.

  I had the feeling that several days passed. The image shifted to the experimentation room, and became different, grainier, like I was watching an old dubbed VCR tape. This must be some other bigfoot’s memory. The Council members were cutting into a bigfoot again. They removed something from its head, maybe some kind of gland.

  Another grainy image appeared. One of the bigfoots fell off its table and unhooked itself. The image shifted, and it had the artifact. The bigfoot was outside, at night, running with the artifact in its hand. Another shift, and several bigfoots were running through the woods, pursued by Caroline’s goons. The one with the artifact was in front. They fled into an open field and were met with flashes of light. I realized with a start that it was the battle I’d stumbled upon.

  The image shifted again to me and the others rescuing the bigfoots after Caroline escaped. It stayed on the empty operating tables for a long moment and then faded.

  * * *

  When the replay of events ended, everyone was silent.

  “So what?” Caroline shattered the contemplative quiet like glass. “The advancement of scientific
endeavor is more important than a handful of stinking, mutant apes.”

  Murmurs spread throughout the room. Nathan raised his hand and spoke.

  “Let us not forget the purpose of this Council. It isn’t just to hide the truth from the unwise; it’s to protect the true wonder of the world. These are sentient beings who were murdered and experimented upon in order to harness their powers to create an artifact. Caroline and the others must be punished.”

  “Bullshit,” Caroline said. “They’re only value is what we can take from them.”

  While Nathan and Caroline argued, I noticed that Slips in Shit and Deer Humper kept looking at all the Council members and baring their teeth. It made me think they might not see a difference between them and Caroline. I wasn’t sure I could argue that.

  I went over to them. “Hey,” I said. “You guys were really brave to come here.”

  Slips in Shit’s fur was standing on end. He looked like he was about to snap. I wanted to calm him and Deer Humper down, but the bigfoots had a very specific sense of humor, and it was very gross. I imagined Deer Humper pooping into his hand and throwing it at Caroline. Slips in Shit’s fur began to smooth down and his panting eased up some. I imagined Caroline slipping in it and falling down, which brought a smile out of Deer Humper.

  Nathan and Caroline had finished their argument. The Council members began to gather into small groups. I’d seen this before. Each group would discuss whether they sided with Caroline or the bigfoots in these groups until a consensus was reached, and then a representative from each group would get together and discuss it until that group arrived at a decision. Then they’d repeat this until everyone had taken part. The process took a long time.

  While this was happening, Caroline stared at something in the distance—the wall, I think—with a haughty look on her face. Every now and then Nathan shot a glare in her direction, which she ignored. I tried to eavesdrop on what the Council members were saying.