Road to Love (Triple R Book 4)

by Jules Dixon

  I huffed at my brother’s pun. His sincerity was real, and he was wearing me down with his lighthearted acceptance. This charade was starting to be less about protecting my family and more about hiding from my family. And myself.

  I pressed my hand between his shoulder blades. “Ollie, I have a ride outside. I’m gonna go.”

  Rahl’s back straightened and he squared off with me, his training taking front and center over his emotional upheaval. “Thank you for coming over tonight. I apologize for the—”

  “No apology necessary, Rahl. You have my prayers for both Sage and the babies. Thank you for inviting me.” I shook his offered hand and turned to Jude. “Have a happy birthday tomorrow.” He shook my hand. I removed my hat. “Presley, always a pleasure.” I kissed her cheek and she hugged me.

  “Wow, you smell good, Holt.” She blushed and Jude narrowed his eyes at her before chuckling.

  “Jude, can you text Drexel and let him know how things are going? I’m going to walk Holt out.”

  “That’s not necessary, Oliver.” I stepped around him. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Everyone, good night.” I gave a short tip of my head to Oliver.

  My boots click-clicked down the tile to the entry. The farther I walked from Oliver the more I wanted to turn around and go back to him. To hold him against me, just once more that evening, but there was time for that another day. I wasn’t going anywhere, and I assumed, neither was he.

  My right hand pushed on the front door as a thin warm hand tugged on my left one. I stopped, suspended in the doorway, staring down at our joined hands. We’d never been able to hold hands in public before and the moment was almost too perfect.

  “Jamison, you don’t get to walk away from me ever again.”

  I stepped back inside. Cade’s truck was across the parking lot facing the door, but his head was down and the glow of a cell phone lit his face.

  “I didn’t walk away, not even in Afghanistan.”

  “You’re right. That’s why we have to talk. Every minute we don’t get this all out is an eternity to me.”

  I turned toward him as my heart did a fast two-step beat in my chest. “You should be with Rahl and Sage right now. I can tell how much she means to you.”

  “You mean more to me. Sage is like a sister. Rahl’s like my … grumpy brother.”

  A chuckle rumbled up from my chest and into a smile. “I can see that dynamic.” I tugged my hand away when an older couple entered the hallway.

  “Holt, why’d you move to Omaha?” Oliver stepped in closer after the door closed again.

  “Lots of reasons.”

  “Am I one of those reasons?”

  “You’re the main reason.” I took a deep breath and decided to just get it out there. “Oliver, Suzanne and I were born in the same hospital, minutes apart from each other. Her parents are close family friends. She and I were childhood friends and when we became teenagers it was clear the plan our parents had, at least our mothers did. She and I were prearranged to fall in love, marry, kids, the whole nine yards. When it came to high school, I knew Suzanne wasn’t the one for me. She’s beautiful and caring, and she tried everythin’ to be what she thought I needed, but there were two big details that stopped that from happenin’ and they are deal-breakers for both of us.”

  “And what were those?” His hands rested on my waist.

  “First, she and my brother, Parker, fell in love when they went to the same college. They’ve been hidin’ their relationship from everyone, which isn’t fair to them. They’re meant to be together, like other people I know.”

  He pressed his body against mine and a stream of silver sped through his eyes like a shooting star. “What’s the second reason?”

  “I can’t love her the way she deserves to be loved. I am a gay man and I should love who I want to love. See, there’s this special man from Omaha, Nebraska. He’s so special to me that I spent the last thirteen months lookin’ for jobs online so when my military contract was up, I could move to be with him because I missed him so much, I couldn’t stay away.”

  “Drexel?” Oliver smirked and raised his eyebrows. His joking didn’t irritate me as much as make me remember some of his best qualities.

  I shook my head. “No, Drex is a nice guy, but I only want and missed you, Oliver Aston.”

  Oliver’s eyes sparkled and his lips twitched as his true emotions surfaced. His eyes held to mine. “God, I missed you so much, too. Thank you for coming back to me.”

  “You’re welcome. Thank you for acceptin’ me back. Now, you have to realize I haven’t told my family yet.”

  “I do, and we can talk about that later. That you’re here is more important to me right now. I won’t push you ever again.”

  “That’s all I need to hear right now.”

  “I’d love to have you come over tomorrow night and meet some of my friends.”

  “I’d like that, too. Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere, and you and me, there’s somethin’ here I couldn’t stay away from, babe.”

  The crystal blue might have appeared cold to another, but his eyes transmitted enough heat and desire to warm me from the inside out. “Who’s out there waiting for you, Holt?” His body trembled as he asked the question.

  “My younger brother, Cade.”

  Oliver swallowed hard. “Does he know?”

  “Kind of. Cade saw me with a guy in the family barn back in ‘Bama before I went to the sandbox.”

  Ollie’s warm hand started a path up my chest. “How old is Cade?”

  “Just turned twenty-one in May.”

  “That’s more than the normal farm animal sex education at seventeen.”

  I sighed. “Yeah, feel kind of bad ‘bout that.”

  His long fingers teased to cup behind my neck. “And how does Cade feel?”

  “He seems to be okay with it.”

  “Maybe that should tell you something about how your family would take your news?”

  I tried to step back from Ollie. He met me with a step forward.

  “I want to kiss you good night, please, Holt.”

  I glanced outside and Cade was still engrossed in his phone. “I’m sorry, but I’m not ready for PDA.”

  Oliver’s hand dropped and he tried to smile but the move wasn’t warm like his eyes. I hated the lingering feeling of disappointing him. I wanted to make him happy, but I just couldn’t do what he asked. Not yet.

  “Ollie, my feelings are still the same. Time and distance haven’t diminished what I feel for you.”

  He stepped back. “I know, and like I said, I’m not going to push. If there’s a chance to have you in my life, and not only for a while, Holt, but forever, then I’ll wait. Good night.”

  He spun on his heels like he always did when turning from the doorway of my office, and I sighed at the memories it brought back. Good and bad.

  “Night, Ollie.”

  Chapter Ten

  Oliver

  I lay in bed. I wanted to know the truth from Holt, and I wanted him to see that we could have a life together. There were people who’d have my back. Bryson and Jake. I always had their backs in and out of VSI, so I could count on them for the same. Holt had always been concerned with upsetting or making other people uncomfortable. That was never a problem for me. These guys would be a good way to show Holt there were people who would be accepting of our relationship and we could be ourselves with them.

  Ollie: Football, beer, and wings at my place after 6. Husker game at 7

  I cleaned my apartment. Not OCD-no-tiny-speck-of-dirt clean like Rahl, but I did keep my place cleaner than most twenty-three-year-old men. This time I wanted it Holt-clean, which was a step up from Oliver-clean, step below Rahl-clean.

  As I worked, my mind could wander, which led me back to the same question. Why was Holt waiting to come out to his family? I could understand the fear, but telling them and then moving forward seemed better than constantly being in some sort of limbo, almost afraid of his own shadow. What
he didn’t understand was I could see the pain he was in. Deep inside, I wanted to take it away, but with frustration, I couldn’t because it wasn’t my place to tell them.

  I considered myself very lucky. I was positive my mother knew my orientation even before I did. From as early as I could remember, she said these eleven words to me every day, “No matter what, you make me proud and I love you.” To hear that over and over was what I needed. I came out to her when I was sixteen. There was no reason not to. She’d raised a young man who knew who he was and wasn’t afraid to show it. My father and her had divorced when I was five, but he was equally supportive from his condo in Hawaii with his latest twenty-something girlfriend. If anyone wondered where I got my experimental side, they needed to look no further than my genetics. The paternal side, that is. My mother hadn’t remarried. She actually hadn’t ever dated, and that bothered me. I always wondered if Dad was her soul mate, but he needed to be too much to so many lovers. Was that part of him genetically embedded in me, too?

  I was at Triple R running when a blond stepped into my path. I yanked my earbuds out and slowed my machine.

  “Hey, Bryson.”

  “Aston.”

  Bryson’s blue eyes were almost the same blue as mine but his had a silver shine and sparkling blond lashes that went for fucking days. I didn’t usually get all tongue-tied around either sex, but looking into his eyes had made me sound like a goddamn idiot more than once. And the rest of him entered the tongue-tying category as well. If I didn’t know he was A+ straight, he’d already be on my list of to-do or done conquests.

  “You in for tonight?” I asked while my machine beeped that my forty-five minutes was up.

  “Yeah, and Greenstein will be there, too. You mind if he brings this new girl he’s seeing, I think, but I can’t tell with him.”

  “No problem, guests are encouraged.” I stepped from the machine and quickly realized that Bryson’s allure held a lot less appeal today. Holt had my brain hog-tied in a very nice way.

  “What’s up with the shit-eating grin, Aston?”

  “Nothing. I’ll see you guys around six.” I strutted off, the shit-eating grin turning into a real smile.

  In my Beemer, I unstrapped my phone from my arm. There were two messages.

  Jude: Sage is going to be in the hospital for at least another night, maybe two. They say only a precaution with the multiples and high risk but Presley thinks they’re doing a lot of tests for only precaution’s sake. Rahl isn’t allowed to see her, only Presley. If you thought you’d seen the worst of the Ogre, there’s a whole new level happening here at the hospital. Kanyon and I are going to take him skeet-shooting later this afternoon to work off some of the grump. Join. Us. Please!

  I chuckled. Obviously Jude wasn’t used to dealing with grumpy Rahl. Sure, he could be a handful on a good day but he was harmless. Basically, I treated him like a grizzly bear that had its teeth and claws removed. Still scary, but he only gummed and pawed you to death. He wouldn’t actually chew you up or tear you limb from limb.

  Ollie: Having Holt and guys from VSI over to watch the game tonight, have shit to get done before. Have fun with the grump-meister. I’ll make it to the hospital in the morning.

  Jude: Sage has her phone. Use your brotherly influence to get her to change her mind, please. Rahl’s hurting, and we both know how he can spiral.

  Ollie: I’ll try, but Sage is stubborn, too.

  The next message was from none other than the stubborn ogress herself.

  Sage: No. I do not want to see Rahl. I know you’ll try to convince me otherwise, but no.

  I shook my head at the phone. For grown adults, they could both be incredibly immature.

  Ollie: I don’t care if you see him or not. You take care of you and those babies. Everything else is fixable later.

  Sage: There is nothing to fix when it comes to Rahl.

  I closed my eyes and rocked my head against the headrest. Sometimes playing stupid with her showed her how ridiculous she was being.

  Ollie: You’re right. Nothing broken, nothing to fix.

  Sage: You know what I meant. I’m moving out of the house when I leave here. Rahl can still be a part of the babies’ lives but not mine. I’m done.

  I stared at the phone.

  Shit!

  I dialed Jude. “Hey Jude, can you get somewhere away from ears?”

  “I’m away from Kanyon and Rahl. What’s up?”

  “I texted with Sage and she says she’s moving out of the house and she’s done with Rahl.”

  “That’s not good.”

  Understatement, Jude … by a mile.

  “My gut tells me that Rahl needs to give her some space. You think you can help him do that?”

  “I can. Maybe we’ll see how drunk we can get Rahl after skeet?”

  “Good luck with that. I wouldn’t expect the Ogre to wake up too happy tomorrow, though.”

  “Good point. If you and your guys decide you want to join us, just come over to my place.”

  “Will do.”

  “Um … Oliver?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Holt?”

  I wasn’t going to hide. “He was my boyfriend when we were in Afghanistan. We broke up before I came back to the States. I’m hoping this is my second chance to make things right.”

  “Good luck. Presley couldn’t stop talking about Holt and how he smelled, and to quote her, ‘He’s fucking hot.’”

  I laughed. “You can tell her I think the same.”

  “I’ll leave that up to you. But you deserve to have the right person by your side, just like Rahl and Sage deserve to be together.”

  “I’ll come see Sage tomorrow. Let’s give her time to think. When she gets scared she tends to push people away. She’ll see the mistake she’s making soon enough.”

  “If you say so. We’ll take care of Rahl.”

  “Later, Saylor.”

  “Bye, Aston.”

  Sage and Rahl had to work this out. They’re meant to be together.

  ****

  After showering, I picked up the wings, beer, wine, a bottle of vodka, and a quality whiskey with a couple mixers. Having met Holt over in Afghanistan, I didn’t know what he liked to drink. I saw a pint glass of beer in front of him yesterday, but at dinner he’d drank water.

  I got Holt’s number from Rahl. He asked if I was going to see Sage and I told him, “Tomorrow.” I swore I heard his growl across the city, but since he started this mess, he couldn’t expect me to clean it up.

  I texted Holt.

  Ollie: Got your number from Rahl. 15908 Trident Ave #24. Anytime after 6pm.

  Holt: Cade and I are watching the Alabama game, might be closer to 7. Anything I can bring?

  I resisted the urge to insist he make me the priority. My irritation was short-lived, remembering he’d spent years away from his family. He needed to reconnect with his brother. If anything, his brother sounded supportive and that was what Holt needed to have in his life.

  Ollie: No thanks. Looking forward to seeing you. Show whenever, have a good time with Cade.

  The guys showed a little after six.

  “Beers or something stiffer?” I asked them.

  “You haven’t stopped moving since we got here. Why so nervous?” Bryson asked.

  I stood in front of the TV, blocking the Alabama vs. Tennessee game. Jake scowled at me. “I invited someone over tonight.” I took one last look around the room.

  “Is she hot?” Jake asked.

  I chuckled. “She is a he, and yes, he’s hot to me.”

  Jake’s scowl became a frown. “You’re a fag?”

  “Fuck, Greenstein, are you living in the 60s?” Bryson glared at Jake, then leaned forward and his eyes met mine. “I’m not sure what you want me to say, Oliver, but I can assure you it won’t be that dumbass judgment. If you’re happy, that’s all that matters to me.”

  Jake shook his head. “Wait! Wait a fucking minute. I’ve seen you take women home from the b
ar. Hell, I watched you bang one up against Bryson’s Jeep in August. I’ve never seen you hit on a guy … ever.”

  Bryson shot me a glare for the Jeep and I lifted my shoulders.

  She has a rack that makes me crazy. You’d do her, too, if you didn’t have that psycho girlfriend.

  Jake continued, “You’re … you’ve … what? Changed your mind?”

  “No, I haven’t changed anything, Jake. I’m bisexual, always have been. I’m attracted to both men and women for different reasons. But I want to make my relationship with Holt a permanent one. We met in Afghanistan and now that he’s back and moved to Omaha, I’m going to be exclusive with him.” I shifted in my shoes. “As long as that’s what he wants.”

  “Good luck, Ollie.” Bryson sat back and took a long swig of his beer he’d gotten for himself. “Look forward to meeting him.”

  I could see the confusion in Jake’s eyes. I didn’t have time to explain or ask what his problem was because the buzzer to my apartment sounded.

  “Are we good?” I asked.

  Jake stared at the TV. Bryson nodded while I hit the release on the security door. I moved into the hall, leaving the door cracked. My heart marched a quick cadence to his boots on the stairs. Holt stepped onto the second floor.

  I stopped his progress with my body and slid a hand behind his neck. “Damn, you are fucking hot.”

  Holt wore that sultry cowboy smirk. “Thanks. The ‘Bama game is still on and it’s close. Can we go in?”

  “I have to say something first. I thought I was going to show you how accepting my friends could be of us as a couple and granted I wanted to show you off ‘cause, fuck, I just want to.” I paused and Holt’s grin looked so inviting I leaned forward, stopping an inch from his face. “So, I invited a couple of my guy friends over. The blond is totally cool with us, but the other one is having issues and he thinks … actually, I don’t know what his problem is and I don’t care. All I care about is you, Holt.”

  We stared at each other. So much held his eyes to mine. The emotions of compassion, desire, fear, and what scared me the most to feel—love—were all there.

  Real love.

  “Holt, I want you to be my boyfriend again.”