Love Lies Dying

by Steve Gerlach

  Sweat? Could I sweat that much sitting here? No. Blood? It must be blood! But why? And how?

  He had no idea.

  As slowly as he could, he began to twist his head around to the right. With his arms stretched out behind him and by leaning forward, he was able to turn himself slightly so he could see over his shoulder into the back of the church.

  Zoe was nowhere to be seen.

  But he could see the front door of the church.

  And it was wide open.

  She’s not far then.

  He turned back around to the front and took in some deep breaths before turning to his left and peering over his left shoulder. The handcuffs clanked against the chair as he did so, sounding loud in the silence.

  The kitchenette was empty too.

  Nothing.

  Where is she?

  He leaned back against the chair, the handcuffs sliding back down, and let his head rest on his chest.

  By now, his head was pounding.

  Where the hell is she?

  The worst part was not knowing where Zoe was, what she was doing or why she was doing it.

  Just like last night. The way she stepped out from the bushes, John thought. Where the hell had she been? Out there in the darkness, naked and with a shovel!

  Maybe I don’t want to know.

  Sweat trickled down his forehead as the sun’s rays shone through the windows. He turned to look out the windows again. The sun was higher than before, and John tried to work out how long it would take for it to rise above the windows to leave him in shadow.

  He looked back at the shadow on the opposite wall. It was lower now too. It would make its way to him eventually.

  Eventually.

  The sooner the better.

  Far off in the distance, he was sure he could hear a low hum. He had no idea what was making the noise, but it sounded mechanical.

  But it also sounded a very long way away.

  Was it the sound I heard last night? he wondered. Or was that pounding really in my head after all?

  The birds continued to sing outside.

  At least someone is free, he thought.

  He twisted his hands in the handcuffs. Ignoring the metal biting into his wrists, he twisted one way and then the other, trying to see if there was any way to break free.

  But they held tight and bit down further.

  His shoulder began to ache again, and his headache quickened in pace with his heartbeat.

  He sighed deeply. There was no escape.

  But that wasn’t going to stop him trying.

  It’s time to put a stop to this, he thought. I won’t be a part of this stupid little game.

  He leaned forward once more, letting the handcuffs slide up the back of the chair. When he was as far forward as he could go, he closed his eyes and clenched his teeth.

  Taking a deep breath, he pulled his arms towards him as hard as possible.

  Every muscle in his arms strained with the effort and the muscles in his throat tensed with the pain. He closed his eyes and pulled harder, ignoring the pain pounding through his temples and the biting of the cuffs through the skin on his wrists.

  The handcuffs slid slightly up and down the metal back of the chair, giving him false hope that either they or the back of the chair was giving way to his strength.

  Slowly, a groan began to issue from his chest. It rose to his throat and eventually escaped between his lips. It was a deep, primeval noise that began as a sound of hope, but quickly turned into a cry of despair before dying out completely.

  He didn’t know how long he had been trying to break the cuffs through the chair, but it seemed like an eternity.

  It was no use.

  He slumped back into the chair, puffing hard, his arms aching and head thumping with pain.

  “Nice try.”

  It came from behind him.

  He heard it through the thudding pain in his ears, but he was too spent to reply.

  “But I’d save my strength, Johnny. Those are metal handcuffs and that chair isn’t about to give way either.”

  He concentrated on getting his breathing back under control. Trying hard not to let her aggravate the situation. More sweat rolled down his face and dropped into his eyes. He shook his head, trying to flick the droplets away, but only succeeded in making his head pound more.

  The thumping inside his head merged with the sound of footsteps.

  Zoe was coming closer.

  “How do you feel?” she asked, her voice much closer now.

  He didn’t reply.

  The footsteps stopped just behind him.

  “I’m sorry, Johnny,” she whispered.

  He stared straight ahead, looking past the beds and at the far wall of the church.

  There was silence between them.

  Something touched his neck.

  John bolted forward in the chair. The handcuffs clattered up the back of the chair and stopped him going any further. The force of his movement tipped the chair slightly forward before he rebalanced and rocked it back into place.

  “I was just looking at the wound on the back of your head,” she said. “I tried to clean it up, but it looks like it bled a bit more.”

  John kept himself sitting forward, even though his hands and arms were screaming for relief. He was tense and ready for anything.

  “I’m sorry, Johnny,” she said again from behind him. “But I had to get you in from the cold.”

  She paused.

  He didn’t reply.

  Don’t say anything. Make her explain it all!

  “You were right. You know, what you said about the cold?” she continued. “So, I decided to bring you in here. But I had to drag you. You’re heavy when you’re unconscious, Johnny.”

  The pain streaming through his body was almost unbearable. John didn’t want to give in to it, he didn’t want to fold, but he realised he had to stay conscious. He had to make sure he was awake and aware whenever Zoe was around. He had to keep one step ahead of her in this new game.

  Currently, he thought he was about five steps behind.

  I’ll change that.

  Slowly, he let the tension ease from his muscles and he allowed his body to relax. But his headache continued pounding his skull.

  “I’m sorry about the scrapes on your back and neck. I had no idea dragging you in here would tear you up like that. It must have been the rocks outside in the driveway.”

  Yeah, he thought. I bet it was. Good going, girl.

  He let his hands slide down the chair and the rest of his body followed backwards. Within seconds he was leaning against the back of the chair once more.

  He concentrated on getting his breathing under control and tried not to let the anger build in him.

  It was anger that got you into this mess in the first place, he thought. If you hadn’t yelled at her last night, things may have been different. Take it easy, don’t chew her out, and maybe she’ll let you go.

  “It wasn’t your fault,” he heard himself say.

  He felt sick when he said it. But he knew he had to.

  “Yes, Johnny, it was. And I’m sorry.”

  “That’s okay,” he replied.

  I can’t believe I’m telling her this is all okay!

  But he had to play along. At least until he knew the new rules.

  “Are you feeling okay?” she asked.

  He almost smiled. Her voice sounded concerned.

  “I’ve been better.”

  Silence fell between them.

  John closed his eyes and tried hard to use his ears for an indication as to what Zoe was doing.

  She was still behind him somewhere. And close, he was sure of it. But he wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of turning around or asking to be released. It was up to her to make the moves for now.

  He could wait.

  But the silence was deep. There was no sound to indicate what she was doing or whether she was still there.

  He guessed she wa
s, as he hadn’t heard her leave. But he was starting to wonder if she had suddenly disappeared when she spoke again.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  “You said that already,” he replied, trying to keep the edge out of his voice.

  But he failed.

  Silence again.

  Damn!

  Then he heard a rustling close by, just near his ear.

  His shoulders tensed and he readied himself for anything.

  But then the sound died away and the silence continued.

  “I didn’t mean it, okay,” she eventually continued. “I didn’t plan to hit you with the shovel. I want you to understand that.”

  John remained silent.

  The more you talk, the more I know, he thought.

  “It’s just when you started yelling at me, you know, when we were out at the Jeep and you had my handbag and everything, you sounded just like Ricky.”

  Suddenly, John felt a sinking feeling.

  “That’s how he used to talk to me. He’d taunt me, bait me, lead me on until I got really mad. And then…” her voice trailed off.

  Suddenly John felt terrible. He had no idea he had put her through that, no idea that he had been sounding just like the man he’d said he would protect her from.

  “I just lashed out,” she continued. “I didn’t mean to and I didn’t plan to, but I just did. I’ve wasted too much of my life dealing with Ricky and his fucked-up games, and I didn’t want to start playing them with you.”

  John shook his head. He understood.

  What an asshole, he thought.

  “I’m sorry too,” he replied.

  “Don’t be. It’s not your fault. You don’t know Ricky so you don’t know how he is. I planned for so long to get away from him and his mind games, I guess I just went into automatic and did the same thing to you when you started to play them too. I had no idea I had the shovel in my hands. I don’t even know when I grabbed it. It was just there and I used it.”

  “I shouldn’t’ve taunted you.”

  “You didn’t know you were.”

  “Still, I didn’t have the right,” he replied.

  She lied about the keys, though, he reminded himself. Worry about that later. Get her to untie you first!

  “I’m sorry, Johnny,” she said again, this time much closer to his left ear. “So sorry…”

  Silence settled over them again.

  John was amazed. She actually had him feeling sorry for her. Just minutes ago he was ready for anything and was on guard against her every move. But now he understood things from her point of view and he knew that he was partially to blame for the trouble he now found himself in.

  In a situation like the one last night, he would probably do the same thing if he was her. What else could she do?

  After all, he thought. What would you have done to her last night if she hadn’t stopped you?

  He thought about that, and he realised he didn’t have an answer.

  And that scared him even more.

  He didn’t want to think that he had any part of Ricky Fox in him. He wanted to believe that Fox and himself were two totally different people and that he could never be like that bastard.

  Now he remembered yelling at her and sneering at her, being sarcastic and pushing her over the edge.

  But she did lie! Why?

  Maybe Fox wasn’t so abnormal. Maybe there was a bit of Fox in every man.

  John shook his head.

  For once in his life he was truly ashamed.

  “It won’t happen again,” he broke the silence between them and waited for her reply.

  There was none.

  He waited a bit longer.

  “Zoe?” he whispered.

  Nothing.

  He sharpened his ears to listen for any noise. All he heard were bird songs from outside.

  “Zoe? You there?”

  He started to turn around.

  “I’m here,” she replied.

  He was sure he could feel her breath on the back of his neck. Was she that close to him?

  “I said it won’t happen again.”

  “I know, I heard you.” She did sound very close.

  “I think I just lost it last night and I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I’m not usually like that and I can understand why you acted the way you did. It won’t happen again.”

  “Good,” she replied. “I’m glad.”

  John waited for her next move, but none was forthcoming. He started to realise that he didn’t like the silences between them any more.

  “Do you believe me?” he asked.

  “Yes, Johnny,” she replied. “I honestly do.”

  John noticed for the first time that the shadow on the far wall had fallen much further. It was now on the floor, halfway between him and the wall, slowly creeping closer. John turned his head to the left and stared out the windows again. The sun was higher in the sky now, quickly climbing up the stained-glass of the windows.

  “I’m glad you believe me,” he finally said, trying to make a move. “You can release me now.”

  Zoe didn’t reply.

  “Zoe?”

  “Yes, Johnny?”

  “Will you release me?”

  “No, Johnny.”

  He paused, letting her words sink in.

  “What?”

  “I can’t.”

  “You can’t?”

  “No.”

  “Why? I thought you said you believed me.”

  “I do,” she whispered.

  She sounded so close to him.

  “And I said I wouldn’t act that way again, you heard that too?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then why can’t you release me?”

  There was a moment of silence, and then John heard her deep sigh. Another rustling noise followed before the silence began again.

  “I’m sorry, Johnny. I had to tie you up in this chair. Not because of last night, but so you won’t try to save me from Ricky.”

  “Huh?”

  “You have to understand, okay?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

  John felt her hand rest on his right shoulder. She rubbed his shoulder lightly.

  “I have to do this –”

  “Do what?”

  Zoe sighed, “Please, Johnny, just listen, okay?”

  He wanted to say more, to yell at her and demand to be untied, but he bit his tongue.

  Easy…let her talk…

  He nodded his head, “Go on.”

  “Okay, I’m sorry, but you have to stay tied up, okay? You probably don’t understand, and I really can’t ask you to. But I’m doing this for you. I’m doing it for all of us. I’m protecting all of us from Ricky.”

  “You’re right, I don’t understand!”

  “Johnny, you don’t know how violent Ricky can be. You have no idea. I tried to explain to you what he’s like and how he acts and how dangerous he is, but I don’t think you really understand what you’d be up against. So, when I calmed down last night and brought you back in here, I thought about what was going to happen today, and I decided I can’t let you go ahead and help me. I just can’t. I’ve got to solve my own problems my own way. And I saw last night how upset and violent you can become and I just know that if you lose it when Ricky is around we’ll all be as good as dead. He won’t stand for it and you won’t have the power to do anything about it. This is for the best – for all of us – Johnny.”

  “You can’t be serious!” John replied.

  “I am.”

  “You can’t face him alone!”

  “I have to and I will.”

  “But you’re going to need help,” he continued. “You said yourself this bastard is violent. Hell, you know how violent he can be! You can’t walk in there alone – you’ll need help.”

  “Yes, I probably will,” Zoe’s voice sounded sad, almost strained. “But that’s not how we’re going to play it. We’ll play it by Ricky’s rules and his ru
les only. It’s the only way that there will be hope for you and Helen.”

  “I can’t believe you’d do it this way!”

  “I have no other choice.”

  John turned his head to the left, trying to see her over his left shoulder, but he couldn’t.

  All of a sudden he wanted to see her.

  Needed to.

  “Yes, you do. Take me with you. I can stay hidden, or in the background somewhere. I promise not to do anything except what you tell me to do.”

  Zoe let out a soft chuckle.

  “I promise,” he said.

  “Yes,” Zoe replied. “You probably do promise, but I know you won’t keep it. I know what will happen. I can see in my mind you and Ricky exploding in each other’s faces. I can see it happening. Believe me, Johnny, I’ve spent all night thinking about the scenarios of how today will play out, and I know for sure that if you go along with me, there’s no doubt that you’ll end up dead. And so will Helen probably. I just can’t let that happen.”

  Even though she was so close to him, the silence that now blanketed them was deep and long.

  John shook his head.

  There was nothing he could say.

  He tried to think of something, but his mind was spinning out of control. He knew he could try to talk her around, but he also knew that he was currently in a position in which he could do nothing, and he didn’t think Zoe was going to untie him now – no matter what he said.

  She’s already decided, he thought.

  “Look,” he said after a short while. “Why don’t we just wait for Fox to call, see what he has to say – what he wants – and then we’ll decide our course of action.”

  “He already has.”

  “Huh?”

  “He’s already called.”

  “When?” John was confused. “I didn’t hear him.”

  “You were out cold, Johnny. He called about two hours ago.”

  John turned to stare at the still-rising sun and remembered he no longer had a watch.

  “It’s past nine o’clock?”

  Zoe let out a sour giggle, “No, it isn’t.”

  “He said he’d call at nine a.m.”

  “Another one of his little games,” Zoe replied. Her voice sounded small and childlike. “He called two hours early.”

  “Oh,” John replied. “I didn’t know.”