Love Lies Dying

by Steve Gerlach

  “Where are we going?”

  “Trust me,” she said over her shoulder to him.

  He let himself be pulled along, his eyes resting on her flowing dark brown curls cascading down her back. His eyes then fell further down to her small, round arse and he watched spellbound as each buttock swayed as she walked.

  Before he knew it they were rushing past the funeral service and down the side of the building.

  At the end of the building, Laura pulled him through a side-door and into a long corridor. Stopping only for a second to make sure there was no one around, Laura gave him a quick smile and then winked at him as she pulled at his hand. John could feel his cock harden as he stood beside her. They half-walked, half-ran down the corridor, trying to be as silent as they could.

  John noticed the corridor ended some twenty feet down and he realised it stopped at the other side of the building. At this very moment they were probably making their way behind the altar and priest who was giving his sermon, right in front of the huge crowd. If they could’ve seen through the wall, he knew their eyes and thoughts wouldn’t’ve been on the dearly departed.

  But for a moment or two he was confused.

  Where are we going? he thought.

  Then he saw the bathroom signs.

  And then he understood.

  A smile broke out on his face as his erection beat harder against the inside of his pants.

  “Almost there,” she whispered.

  Behind him, he could hear the monotone of the priest’s sermon, penetrating the wall and filtering through to them. But he paid it no attention.

  There were more important things to think about.

  Laura’s pace quickened as they passed the men’s bathroom.

  John remembered looking at the bathroom door as they rushed past. He assumed they would go in there, but he didn’t care. He just hoped the ladies bathroom was empty.

  And then Laura pulled him past that door too.

  John’s face became puzzled. His eyes swept the corridor. There was only one bathroom door left.

  The one for the handicapped.

  John stopped in his tracks.

  “In there?” he pointed to the handicapped sign on the door just three feet in front of them.

  Laura turned and smiled at him, “Yeah.”

  “Why there?”

  “Why not?” she shot back.

  “What about the others?” he nodded back towards the other bathrooms.

  “Too busy, someone might walk in on us. There’s less chance of anyone using the handicapped bathroom.”

  She smirked at him and raised an eyebrow.

  “You’re not scared, are you?” her voice dropped to its deep sexy level again.

  “No!” John replied quickly, puffing up his chest.

  “Anyway,” she continued as the squeezed his hand and pulled him towards her again, “The toilets are special in there. Higher than normal. Easier. Helps us do what we want to do.”

  She leaned forward and licked the tip of his nose with her hot, moist tongue.

  “You ready?” she whispered.

  He nodded, “Ready and willing.”

  “Good.”

  She turned, walked to the door and placed her hand out to touch it. “No turning back?” she whispered over her shoulder to him.

  “No way!” he replied.

  She pushed open the door and entered the bathroom.

  And, blindly, John followed.

  Twenty-seven

  “Led by your cock at every turn,” Richard said to him.

  John lifted his head and opened his eyes.

  “That’s not true,” his voice croaked in the silence.

  He looked around, half expecting to see Richard standing nearby, or sitting over at the long table, typing away on his next book project.

  But Richard wasn’t there.

  No one was there.

  The church was as silent as ever.

  John listened for any change outside; for a car motor, a Jeep’s engine, footsteps, the sound of voices, Zoe calling to him, Helen calling out his name, a police siren, an ambulance. Anything.

  Nothing.

  Even the birds seemed to have vanished for the day, leaving him on his own.

  He looked down to his right and saw the sunlight was now warming the bottom half of his body. Finally, some warmth was returning to his numb and stiff limbs. Soon, he would be able to feel the sunlight on his face again; to feel the warmth he had been missing for so long.

  Sunlight!

  He needed a drink badly now.

  His tongue seemed to grow each time he thought about it. It was dry and swollen and felt like it was hairy, and the insides of his mouth were just as bad.

  He tried to swallow, to bring up some saliva, but it hurt his throat too much, so he gave up. His lips felt parched and swollen, and Zoe’s bite wound in his bottom lip felt like a yawning chasm with deep sides and no end.

  I need a drink.

  And with the warmth returning to the lower half of his body, along with some feeling, he realised something else too.

  He needed to go to the bathroom.

  He hadn’t noticed it before, but now the pressure on his bladder was intense. He hadn’t drunk anything since last night, before they left for the church, but he realised he hadn’t been to the bathroom in all that time either.

  He needed to go.

  Now.

  But there was nothing he could do about it, except hold on and hope that Zoe and Helen would return soon.

  “Not looking very likely, is it?” Richard said to him.

  Huh?

  “I said I don’t think the girls are going to return, do you?”

  They will.

  “I don’t think so.”

  Just you wait and see. Zoe won’t let me down. She’ll be back.

  Richard laughed, “Yeah, I’ve heard you say that before too…”

  Yeah, yeah…

  “Remember? Remember who you said it about?”

  Okay, okay, I know.

  He remembered the events so clearly now. Even though he hadn’t thought of them for years, he could still remember each and every one as if they had happened just yesterday.

  Laura spun around and hugged John the moment they entered the bathroom. She reached over his shoulder and slammed the door shut, locking it behind them with one swift movement of her hand.

  “There,” she whispered. “No one can disturb us now.”

  They kissed each other hard on the lips. Laura’s hands were massaging his groin, rubbing the bulge in his pants.

  Before he knew what he was doing, John’s hands were holding her breasts. They were soft and wonderful to touch and he could feel the hard buttons of her nipples through her shirt and bra.

  And he wanted more.

  Her tongue darted into his mouth and wrestled with his.

  And then he felt her warm hands massaging his cock. Within a few seconds she had unzipped him and set his erection free.

  He was unbuttoning her shirt and pushing her bra upwards, watching as her breasts sprung free from their confinement, bouncing in front of him. Her nipples erect and so beautiful to look at.

  Their harsh, quick breathing was amplified in the enclosed space of the bathroom.

  Laura unbuttoned John’s shirt with one hand, running her hand up and down his chest, while her other hand stroked his shaft and played with the tip of his cock.

  He placed his hands over her breasts, cupped them and enjoyed their soft silky feel.

  And then he bent down and took a nipple into his mouth, and sucked.

  Laura let out a deep guttural moan.

  “Yes,” she whispered. “I want it so bad…”

  He stood upright and kissed her on the lips once again. Her tongue darted with his. They tasted each other.

  Then she was turning him, guiding him, pushing him backwards towards the toilet. He shuffled in small steps, his pants and underwear around his ankles. She had a dark smile
on her face and she was licking her lips.

  “I want you,” she said.

  She pushed him back onto the toilet. He fell backwards only for a short distance; the toilet bowl was higher than normal. His back hit the wall hard and his buttocks slammed down on the cold porcelain seat. But he didn’t care.

  All he cared about was Laura.

  She bent over him and pulled off his jeans and underwear from his feet.

  “I want you so bad,” she whispered.

  She massaged his cock for a few seconds longer, looking at it intently and quietly moaning to herself.

  And then she reached out to his shoulders and pushed him back against the wall again, making him slip down slightly, getting him at just the right angle.

  She hitched up her skirt and stepped over him. The taller toilet made the height between them just right.

  And slowly she descended onto him.

  And the folds of her love swallowed him whole.

  Warm, wet and deep.

  John could remember the scene clearly in his mind, almost as if it were caught on film. And he was surprised to find that he was erect once more. Even after all these years, the memory of Laura could get his passion to flow.

  Only this time, he couldn’t do anything about it.

  It probably didn’t last for more than ten minutes, but John remembered clearly the exact moment when Laura’s rocking reached its peak. She threw her head back, her breasts bouncing, her arms reaching out to the hand rails attached to the side of the cubicle, her hands clutching at the shiny metal, fingers stretching and fingernails clawing at the paintwork.

  And she moaned deeply as she reached orgasm.

  Her whole body shuddered and she tightened her hold on him inside. Watching her quake with such totality and seeing the half-sleepy, satisfied look on her face, John found himself building even quicker.

  His orgasm followed only seconds later and he exploded in her lovely soft centre. She rode him hard as he pumped inside her, prolonging his ecstasy, moaning with him as he rode the wave of passion.

  And then it was all over.

  She leaned forward and placed her arms around him. He did the same and ran his hands through her long curls.

  Nothing could be more perfect.

  They held each other until their breathing calmed. Then, she climbed from him, letting him slip out from her warmth.

  She kissed him once more, full on the lips, but with no tongue.

  “Bye,” she whispered.

  Turning around, she straightened her skirt, placed her breasts back in her bra, buttoned her shirt and left the bathroom.

  John remembered sitting there on the toilet seat, watching his erection subside in a pool of his own semen, feeling the warm stream slipping down his legs and dripping into the toilet bowl.

  And he remembered being in love for the first time.

  “She used you,” Richard said to him now.

  I know.

  “You didn’t at the time though, did you?”

  No.

  “You thought she was the girl for you. That you’d both end up together.”

  It wasn’t that simple.

  “It never is, pal. You thought it was. But it wasn’t.”

  I know.

  “I tried to tell you then.”

  I remember.

  “She used you.”

  I know!

  “Like Zoe’s using you now.”

  The silence engulfed him as he opened his eyes and looked around the church.

  You’re wrong.

  “Am I?” Richard whispered, and then he was gone.

  “It’s not the same,” John’s voice croaked out into the silence and echoed around him.

  It’s not the same.

  He remembered staggering from the handicapped bathroom a few minutes later, tucking his shirt back in his pants as he dashed out of the corridor looking to catch up with Laura.

  The funeral service had just concluded when he came charging out of the hallway, looking for her. But there were too many people and the crowd was too thick to quickly get through. His eyes scanned the faces, hoping to see her beautiful smile beaming back at him. But she was nowhere to be seen.

  She had vanished.

  He wanted to call her name at the top of his voice, but he could tell that the crowd noise would just swallow his plea for his new love.

  She was gone.

  Just like that.

  In mere seconds.

  And then Mr. Healey grabbed his shoulder.

  “I want to talk to you, Murdock,” he said to him, looking down over the rim of his glasses at John.

  John could tell by his face that there was hell to pay.

  Everyone had seen him leave the funeral service.

  Everyone knew.

  Had it been that obvious?

  John didn’t care.

  He was in love.

  Pure and simple.

  Or so he thought.

  How wrong can a person be? he thought.

  Over the next few weeks, John would manufacture any chance he could to run into Laura, to see her around campus, to have lunch at the same time she did. They would talk and laugh, but the same spark just wasn’t there. Never again would she look at him the same way, or do the things she had done to him.

  Never again.

  And at the end of term, she transferred out of state.

  Just like that…

  “It’s only for one term, John,” she had told him in their final conversation the day before she left. “My dad’s been transferred to another office for just a few months.”

  “But you’ll be back?” he asked hopefully.

  “Of course, silly! Sure, I’ll be back,” she smiled at him and his heart melted. “Wait for me, won’t you?”

  “I will. Don’t worry, I will.”

  She had leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek then; a small cold peck of a kiss. Then she had turned and walked away.

  And out of his life.

  Forever.

  She never returned.

  But John waited.

  He waited for months.

  For nothing.

  “You’re saving yourself, and I know who for,” Richard had taunted him after Laura had left.

  John tried to deny it. He told Richard he was mad.

  But Richard saw through him. He knew John was waiting for Laura’s return.

  The return that never came.

  Just like Zoe.

  John refused to believe this was the same situation. He trusted Zoe and knew she would keep her word.

  Just like you trusted Laura.

  This is different.

  Is it?

  John turned to his right and stared out the church windows.

  The sunlight blinded him now.

  He shut his eyes hard.

  The sun was setting. The rays he thought would bathe him in warmth felt cold on his skin now. He was either too numb to feel them, or the dying rays had no heat left in them.

  Soon, the sun would set.

  It would finish its lonely journey and die.

  Just like you.

  And soon it would be night.

  Cold, dark night.

  And no sign of Helen or Zoe.

  John began to wonder if the dream he had earlier in the day was more truthful than he first thought. Maybe Zoe was gunned down. Maybe she was lying cold and stiff in a ditch somewhere, or in one of Fox’s shallow graves.

  Maybe the dream was her final thoughts, reaching out across the countryside to him from Redlingford, trying to tell him he was on his own.

  Maybe…

  “Or maybe she’s using you…” Richard whispered in his ear again.

  Fuck off!

  “Never trust them, pal…”

  FUCK OFF!

  “They’ll screw you, and then they’ll SCREW YOU!”

  “Fuck off!” John’s voice broke as he screamed the words into the silent church. “Fuck off, Richard! Just FUCK THE HELL OF
FFF!”

  His voice echoed around the church for a long time.

  John waited for the echo to die before he listened inside his head again. But Richard had gone – or was at least keeping silent for now.

  How did I get myself into this? he thought to himself.

  He had thought that before too, many times in the past.

  He thought it as Mr Healey dragged him to his office.

  But even as he was dragged across campus, John kept his eyes peeled, searching desperately for Laura.

  John’s precious minutes with Laura had been a life-changing event – both for good and bad reasons. He got to remember the wonderful sex they had together, but also the heartache and misery of loving someone who didn’t love him back, and waiting for them to return, only they never did…

  Of being used.

  Life can so quickly be thrown upside down, on its head, leaving you spinning.

  Just like with Laura.

  Just like when he met Helen.

  Just like when he found Zoe on the sofa Friday night.

  Just like every girl he ever met.

  It was always the same.

  It was still Sunday, a day he would’ve spent at home with Helen. They could’ve spent the whole day together reading or talking or shopping. Looking forward to just being with each other and spending some time together.

  Could have…

  But didn’t Helen have to work this weekend? John wondered. Didn’t she say she was busy doing something?

  He couldn’t remember now. He wished he’d listened more intently to her when he had the chance. He wished he could have some of the time back they had spent arguing over stupid things.

  Some arguments were worse than others.

  He wished he could have that time back to live again.

  Maybe it would’ve been different. Maybe if we’d handled losing the baby differently, things would’ve been better.

  But it didn’t matter now. None of it did.

  And if she did have to work or had something else to do, he knew he would probably have gone to work anyway. No use sitting at home in an empty, cold house. At least there was always something happening at work and some deadline to meet. Sometimes it was just easier to go in on the weekends and work through it all with no interruptions, no staff, and no phones to bother you.

  Sometimes it was easier…

  Phones.

  My God, the phone!

  John sat bolt upright and looked around the church again.