Mabel grinned.
“And your next contestant: Pacifica!” Soos announced.
At first, only Pacifica’s friends clapped. Then Pacifica glared at the other kids and they nervously started applauding, too. Soos’s left arm went up, up—and stopped straight up in the air, even with his right arm.
“Uh-oh. A tie? This has, like, never happened before,” Soos said.
Pacifica frowned. She wasn’t used to losing, or tying—just winning. But she got an idea. She marched over to Old Man McGucket, who was dozing on some folding chairs. She dangled a dollar in front of his face. Sniffing the air, he woke up and grabbed it. Then he clapped with glee.
Soos’s left arm started to move. The applause put Pacifica over the top!
“Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner,” Soos said sadly. “The winner of the contest is Pacifica Northwest.”
Soos put the crown on her head. “Thank you, everyone!” she said, beaming at the crowd. “Everyone come to the after-party at my parents’ boat! Woo-hoo!”
A bunch of the kids in the crowd picked up Pacifica. They streamed out of the Mystery Shack, chanting, “Pacifica! Pacifica! Pacifica!”
Mabel looked sad. “Sorry I let you guys down,” she told Candy and Grenda, who had stayed behind. “I understand if you want to leave.”
“But then we would miss the sleepover,” Candy said with a grin.
Mabel was puzzled. “The what?”
“We wanna call our moms and sleep over here with you. You’re, like, a total rock star!” said Grenda.
Candy took the latest issue of Cool Dudes out of her backpack. “I have magazine boys!”
Mabel’s face lit up. “Really? You guys!”
“Maybe we don’t have as many friends as Pacifica, but we have each other,” Candy said. “And that is pretty good, I think.”
“Soos!” Mabel called out. “Play another song. This thing’s going all night!”
“Way ahead of you, hambone,” Soos replied, sliding a record onto the turntable. The music started, and Mabel and her new friends started to dance.
Dipper and his clone didn’t feel much like dancing. They sat on the roof, gazing at the stars. They each popped open a can of Pitt Cola.
“You think we really even have a chance with Wendy?” Dipper asked Tyrone. “I mean, she’s fifteen, we’re twelve.…”
“I don’t know, man,” Tyrone replied. “I hope so, but we’re making zero progress the way we’re doing it. The only good conversation you had with her was when you didn’t do any of that list stuff.”
Dipper nodded. “I know. Mabel was right. I do get in my own way.”
“Literally!” they said in unison.
The two boys clinked soda cans, and each took a sip. Then a look of horror came over Tyrone’s face.
“Oh boy! Don’t look now,” he said, gazing down at his stomach, which was beginning to ripple. The soda was dissolving him from the inside!
“Tyrone!” cried Dipper.
“It’s okay, dude. I had a good run,” Tyrone said as he melted. “Remember what we talked about!”
“Of course!” said Dipper.
Tyrone’s body was just a puddle. Only his head remained.
“Hey, and quit being such a wimp around Wendy,” he said as his head started to dissolve. “For my sake!” And with that, Tyrone was no more.
Dipper fell to his knees. “Tyrone! You were the only one who understood.”
With a sigh, Dipper climbed down from the roof. He looked through the window into the Mystery Shack. Mabel and two girls were dancing, and Wendy stood against the wall, nodding her head to the music.
Dipper took out his checklist. If he followed the plan, maybe he could…
Rrrrrrrrip! He tore the list in half and stepped inside the shack.
From now on, there would be no more plans for trying to impress Wendy. It would be just Dipper—the original Dipper—being himself.
looking for new ways to make money. One day, he tested out one of his new plans on a group of visitors who had just received a tour of the shack.
“For tonight’s final illusion, we have the Incredible Sack of Mystery!” Stan dangled a burlap sack in front of them. “When you put your money in, it mysteriously disappears!”
The tourists happily obeyed.
“Oh, of course!” said one man.
“That makes perfect sense!” said another, as he dropped some bills into the sack.
Stan grinned. This new plan was working out even better than he’d hoped.
Inside the shack, Dipper, Mabel, and Soos were watching their favorite new show on TV—Tiger Fist—about a tiger with a human arm.
“All right!” Mabel cheered.
Then a commercial came on. It opened with a pair of hands releasing doves into the sky.
“Are you completely miserable?” a voice with a Southern accent asked. “Then you need to meet…Gideon!”
An outline of a person with a big question mark inside it appeared on the screen.
“Gideon,” a gentle voice on the TV whispered.
Mabel thought out loud. “What makes him so special?”
“He’s a psychic!” said the announcer. “So don’t waste your time with other so-called ‘Men of Mystery.’”
The next image showed Stan, in his underwear, coming out of the outhouse with toilet paper stuck to his slipper. The word FRAUD in large letters was stamped over him.
“Learn about tomorrow, tonight!” the announcer said as a picture of a tent appeared. “At Gideon’s Tent of Telepathy!”
“Wow! I’m getting all curious-y inside,” Mabel said.
Stan stomped in. “Don’t get too curious-y,” he growled. “Ever since that monster, Gideon, rolled into town, I’ve had nothing but trouble.” It wasn’t just the commercial that bothered him. Gideon was driving around town in a fancy RV, drawing crowds away from the Mystery Shack—and cutting into Stan’s profits.
“Well, is he really psychic?” Mabel asked.
“I think we should go and find out,” said Dipper.
“Never!” Stan grumbled. “You’re forbidden from patronizing the competition! No one that lives under my roof is allowed under that Gideon’s roof!”
Dipper looked at Mabel. “Do tents have roofs?”
She grinned. “I think we just found our loophole.” Then Mabel pulled out a string that had a loop on one end. “Literally! Mwop-mwop!” she said, amused by her own terrible joke.
“So come on down soon, folks,” said the announcer in an ominous voice. “Gideon is expecting ya.”
That night, Dipper, Mabel, and Soos made their way to Gideon’s tent. A mysterious symbol of a star with an eye in the middle topped the tent. Curious people streamed in, past a man in a Hawaiian shirt and straw hat who was holding a sack with the same symbol on it. His name tag read BUDDY.
“Step right up there, folks!” he said with the same Southern accent as the announcer in the commercial. “Put your money in Gideon’s Psychic Sack! Only one thin dime.”
Dipper, Mabel, and Soos took seats on one of the wood benches inside. Mabel munched on a sack of popcorn. Then the lights in the tent dimmed, and the audience hushed.
“It’s starting, it’s starting!” Mabel whispered excitedly.
“Let’s see what this ‘monster’ looks like,” Dipper said.
The curtain on the rickety wood stage in front of them opened—to reveal a short boy with a big white pompadour hairdo. Freckles dotted his chubby cheeks, and he wore a powderblue suit and a cape with the eye symbol on it. A green stone glimmered in the bolo he wore around his neck.
“Hello, America. My name is Lil’ Gideon!” he announced to the cheers of the crowd. He clapped his hands, and doves flew out of his hair.
“That’s Stan’s mor
tal enemy?” Dipper wondered.
“But he’s so widdle!” Mabel said.
“Ladies and gentlemen, it is such a gift to have you here tonight,” Gideon said in a smooth drawl. “Such a gift.” He pressed his hands together. “I have a vision. I predict you will soon all say, ‘Awww.’”
He turned around, and then turned back with his eyes wide and cute like a kitten’s.
“Awwwwwww!” the audience said.
Mabel’s eyes grew wide. “It came true!”
Dipper shrugged. “What? I’m not impressed.”
“You’re impressed,” Mabel said.
“Hit it, Dad!” Gideon called out, and the man in the straw hat started to play an electric piano. Gideon began to sing.
“Oh, I can see,
What others can’t see!
It ain’t some sideshow trick,
It’s an innate ability.
Where others are blind,
I am future-ly inclined,
And you too could see
If you wuz widdle ol’ me!”
Gideon waved his hands. “Come on, everybody, rise up! I want y’all to keep it going!”
Everyone got to their feet—even Dipper who had no intention of standing up at all.
“How did he—” Dipper said.
“Keep it going!” Gideon yelled. He pointed to an elderly woman. She had two cats on her lap.
“You wish your son would call you more,” he sang.
She shook her fist. “I’m leaving everything to my cats.”
One cat screeched as if it agreed with her.
“I sense that you’ve been here before!” He pointed at Sheriff Blubs.
The sheriff looked down at his arms filled with Gideon souvenirs. “Oh, what gave that away?”
Then Gideon sang to Mabel, who wore a sweater with MABEL written on it in rainbow letters.
“I’ll read your mind, if I’m able.
Something tells me you’re named Mabel!”
Mabel gasped. “How’d he do that?”
Gideon climbed back onto the stage. “So welcome all ye, to the Tent of Telepathy. And thanks for visiting…” He winked. “Widdle ol’ me!”
Blue flames burst up on either side of him, and a neon sign blazing GIDEON dropped down from the ceiling.
Gideon panted, puffed, and pulled out a water bottle. He took a long sip. “Oh my goodness! Thank you! You people are the real miracles!”
“Whoo! Yeah!” Mabel cheered along with the crowd.
But Dipper wasn’t impressed. “Man, that kid’s a bigger fraud than Stan!” he said as they left the tent. “No wonder our uncle’s jealous.”
“Oh, come on, his dance moves were adorable!” Mabel said. “And did you see his hair? It was like, whoosh!”
Dipper shook his head. “You’re too easily impressed.”
“Yeah, yeah!” Mabel said with a laugh.
Gideon was cute and a lot of fun, but Mabel thought Dipper was probably right. Grunkle Stan was totally wrong about Gideon being a monster.
Behind them, Gideon peeked at Mabel from behind the flaps of the tent…and his cute widdle ol’ eyes narrowed menacingly.
Mabel ran up to Dipper in the Mystery Shack holding a hot-pink glue gun. Her face was dotted with plastic blue, green, and pink jewels.
“Check it out, Dipper! I successfully bedazzled my face!” she announced. Blink. Jewels popped off her eyelids. She cringed. “Ow.”
Dipper shook his head. “Is that…permanent?”
“I’m unappreciated in my time,” said Mabel.
Then the doorbell rang.
“Somebody answer that door!” yelled Stan.
“I’ll get it!” Mabel said, quickly brushing the gems off her face. When she opened the door, Gideon was standing there.
“Howdy,” he said.
“It’s widdle ol’ you!” Mabel said excitedly.
“Yeah, my song’s quite catchy,” Gideon said apologetically. “I, I know we haven’t formally met, but after yesterday’s performance I just couldn’t get your laugh out of my head.”
“You mean this one?” Mabel asked. Then she let out a laugh that sounded like a baby seal asking for fish. “Ah ha ha ha ha ha!”
“Oh, what a delight,” Gideon said, beaming. “When I saw you in the audience, I said to myself, ‘Now there’s a kindred spirit. Someone who appreciates the sparkly things in life.’”
“That’s totally me!” Mabel said. “Ha ha ha ha…hork,” she laughed, choking up gems that sprayed Gideon and stuck fashionably to his lapel.
Gideon looked down at his sparkling lapel with admiration. “Enchanting. Utterly enchanting,” whispered a smitten Gideon.
“Who’s at the door?” boomed Stan from inside.
“No one, Grunkle Stan!” Mabel quickly lied.
“I appreciate your discretion,” Gideon said. “That Stan’s no fan of mine. I don’t know how a lemon so sour could be related to a peach so sweet!”
He chuckled, and Mabel blushed. “Gideon!”
“What do you say we step away from here, and chat a bit more? Perhaps in my dressing room?” Gideon asked.
Mabel’s eyes widened. “Makeovers! Yahoo!” she cheered, poking Gideon’s chubby belly.
“Eh, ha ha…ow,” Gideon whispered to himself.
They headed to Gideon’s dressing room, which was filled with dozens of glittery outfits and accessories.
“Do you see something you like?” Gideon asked. Then he looked at her and lowered his voice. “’Cause I do.”
But if Gideon was hinting that he liked Mabel, she was totally oblivious. She just thought he was a kindred spirit. They tried on outfits and then went to get their hair, makeup, and nails done. When Mabel got back to the Mystery Shack, she wiggled her fake nails in front of her brother’s face.
“Whoa, where have you been?” Dipper asked her. “And what’s going on with those fingernails? You look like a wolverine.”
“I know, right?” She growled. “I was hanging out with my new pal, Gideon! He is one dapper little man!”
“Mabel, I don’t trust anyone whose hair is bigger than their head,” Dipper said.
“Oh, leave him alone!” Mabel said. “You never want to do girly stuff with me.” She pointed at him. “You and Soos get to do boy stuff all the time.”
“What do you mean?” Dipper said.
Then Soos ran in holding a pack of hot dogs. “Hey, dude, you ready to blow up these hot dogs in the microwave, one at a time?”
“Am I?” Dipper cheered, and ran after him.
So Dipper didn’t argue when Mabel hung out with Gideon again the next day. She and Gideon had climbed up to the roof of the factory that made all the Gideon souvenirs.
“Whoa! The view from your family’s factory is nuts!” Mabel said. “Good thing we both brought our…”
“Opera glasses!” Mabel and Gideon said together, laughing.
Then they looked out over the trees and homes of Gravity Falls sprawled far below them.
“Mabel, when I’m up here, looking down on all of them little ol’ people, I feel like I’m king of all I survey.” A dark look crossed his face, but it cleared before Mabel could see it. “I guess that makes you my queen.”
“What?” Mabel asked with a chuckle. “You are being so nice to me right now. Quit it!” She gave him a playful punch to the gut.
“I can’t quit it,” Gideon said smoothly. “I am speaking from the heart.”
“From the where, now?” Mabel asked, eyes shifting.
“Mabel, I’ve never felt this close with anyone. So, so close.” He reached out to stroke her hair twice, and she pushed his hand away twice.
“Hey, look, Gideon, I am…I like you a lot, but let’s just be friends,” Mabel
said nervously. Mabel sometimes dreamed of having a boyfriend, but deep down she knew she was too young for one. And besides, she didn’t like Gideon that way.
“At least just give me a chance,” Gideon said. “Mabel, will you do me the honor of going on a date with me?”
“A playdate?” Mabel asked.
Gideon shook his head.
“A shopping date?” she asked hopefully.
“Uh-uh. It’ll be just one little ol’ date. I swear on my lucky bolo tie,” he said, grasping the green stone around his neck. Then his eyes got all big and kitteny again. It was hard for Mabel to say no.
“Um…okay then, I guess,” she said reluctantly.
Gideon smiled broadly. “Mabel Pines, you have made me the happiest boy in the world!” He enveloped Mabel in a hug.
After a few seconds, Mabel said, “Are you sniffing my hair?”
at the Mystery Shack, Mabel and Dipper were playing video games. “It’s not a date-date,” Mabel explained to Dipper. “It’s just, you know, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and so I figured I’d throw him a bone.”
“Mabel, guys don’t work that way!” her brother told her. “He’s gonna fall in love with you!”
Mabel laughed. “Yeah, right. I’m not that lovable.”
“Okay, we agree on something here,” Dipper said.
The doorbell rang, and Mabel went to get it. When she opened the door, a horse stepped into the shack! Mabel screamed and jumped back. Gideon was riding the horse, and wearing a powder-blue ten-gallon hat to match his suit.
“A night of enchantment awaits, my lady!” he said, holding out his hand for her.
“Oh boy,” Mabel said under her breath. Something told her this was going to be way more than a “little ol’ date.”
Gideon took her to the fanciest restaurant in Gravity Falls. They sat in a big blue private booth.
“I can’t believe they let us bring a horse in here,” Mabel remarked, watching the horse drink out of the restaurant’s decorative fountain.
“Well, people have a hard time saying no to me,” Gideon explained. He leaned back and propped his feet up on the table.
Pining Away Page 3