Ever

by Shade, Darrin

  Then he was standing, too, and he was grabbing my arm. At his touch, I went all hot inside yet I froze like a statue. He spun me around to face him and I was unable to move, unwilling to look at him. Did he know how his touch sent my senses reeling? Warmth pooled low in my belly as he pulled me closer. I felt like I was watching myself from far away as Jaren Wilder gently tugged me to his chest, and then wrapped his arms around me.

  At first I stiffened. It felt so awkward to be held like this. I argued with myself to resist but then I just sort of melted into him, feeling the warmth of his body and the security of his presence. My entire body let out a deep, internal sigh as I breathed in his clean, woodsy smell. I marveled at how perfectly we fit together. My ear rested atop his chest, and I could hear his heart beating.

  The slow rhythm was hypnotizing. I had never been held like this. Not ever. For some inane reason, part of me wanted to push away. I wasn’t pretty. I wasn’t sexy. I was just an Outcast who had never even held hands with a guy. What on earth was I doing in Jaren Wilder’s arms?

  I began to succumb to the negative thoughts, feeling that heaviness again. Then a comfortable wave pushed my insecurities away, and a pleasant warm buzz overshadowed the critical voice in my head. Somehow, I knew Jaren was responsible for my change in mood. Instead of running away, I pressed closer, nestling my cheek into his chest and breathing deep. God, he smells so good! With Jaren’s arms wrapped tightly around me, I allowed myself to bask in a feeling of supreme safety and contentment. I had never felt this way before.

  And I loved it.

  I don’t know how long we remained like that, in a darkened meadow bathed in starlight. It could have been a second, or an hour, but the only thing I knew was that I didn’t want him to ever let me go. My eyes closed, and then his hand moved from my upper back to stroke through my hair. The sensation was light and feathery; my eyes nearly rolled back in their sockets. Oh, this boy was a magician…and he had me totally caught in his spell.

  My eyes flew open at the thought.

  Is that what this is? Is it magic?

  “Ready to talk now?” he murmured against the top of my head.

  Reluctantly, I pulled away. I was not the kind of girl who spent time in the embrace of a Popular Senior. I wasn’t sure what to do.

  “Let’s sit.”

  He tugged me down, opened his legs, and pulled me back so that I was sitting between his knees with my back resting against him. He wrapped his arms around me, encircling me with his body. It felt new and wonderful and awkward all at the same time. The delicious warm flutters started up again in earnest, making it impossible for me to form a coherent thought.

  “I’ll go first,” he offered, saving me from trying to speak.

  He started talking, in a low voice that tickled my ear, causing little sparks of heat to dance across my neck. Despite my efforts to remain alert, I felt myself being lulled into a drowsy, warm puddle as I listened. When Jaren paused, I found that I could hardly move. I was weighed down by what he told me and also by the warm, molten sensation that had built up as I sat within the protective circle of his body.

  There was a war going on—one that not many people knew about. It was an energy war. Everything, at its core, was pure energy, Jaren explained. Humans, plants, animals, everything that lived, vibrated with a kind of energy. It was kind of like a life force. It sustained us, and everything else living on the planet. We were all connected, he said, and I knew that he spoke the truth.

  Most of us have forgotten this connection, Jaren told me. People have forgotten that we are all the same energy and that we must protect the places of high energy that sustain us. Over time, due to destruction of places of power, such as old growth forests, humans have depleted natural sources of this energy. The energy still exists, though, and it is especially strong in nature.

  Humans needed to remember how to connect to this source energy, Jaren said, because we were currently living in a very artificial environment. Pollution, violence, wars…these were all symptoms of the depleted energy in our world today. Just as we required healthy foods to feed our bodies, we needed source energy to nourish our inner selves, our souls, and to find true purpose and contentment.

  Because the natural sources of energy have been largely destroyed, people have found a new way to get energy—they steal it from other people. Jaren called these people “energy vampires.” As he described them, I found myself thinking of Val. People like Val had learned to siphon away the energy of other people, in order to bolster their own low stores of energy. I realized that I had done the very same thing earlier that evening. It was addicting, Jaren warned, and he was right. Once you steal another’s energy, it is very hard to stop doing it. You get a high (and I had experienced it), but it quickly dissipates and you have to steal more.

  So, the energy smoke I was seeing was real!

  Well, it was good to know that I wasn’t going nuts. Jaren said that very few people were tuned in enough to witness these energy exchanges. Many could feel the energy, he said, but most didn’t understand what was happening to them. He had only met a handful of people who could actually see the energy—the way I could.

  That’s what made me different…right?

  “It’s late,” Jaren said, looking up at the moon’s position in the night sky.

  Even though I was practically delirious, I had the wherewithal to be impressed by his knowledge of nature. He was so confident and sure of himself. Jaren told me we would finish our talk later—that there was much more to discuss. I quivered with anticipation, knowing that we were connected somehow, and that our interactions would continue. He stood up and helped me to my feet. He walked me straight back to my tent cabin, and I realized that I hadn’t told him which one I was staying in. I looked at him questioningly.

  “I can feel you,” he said in explanation to my silent query. “Can’t you feel me?”

  I gulped at his words. Oh, I wanted to feel Jaren Wilder all right. I shoved the inappropriate thought from my mind, praying he wasn’t able to sense that, too. I managed to nod.

  “I can feel your energy, Everleigh,” he said. “It’s so strong, it’s hard not to know where you are.”

  “I can feel yours too…I think.” The cabin was quiet and I knew the other girls weren’t back yet. I had questions…so many questions. I didn’t want him to leave, but I was also tired right down into my bones. The next day would bring a trail walk to Mirror Lake. I wanted to be rested enough to enjoy that experience. A few hours of good, hard sleep would surely restore me.

  “See you tomorrow.” Jaren gave me a half smile. Then before I could respond, he melted silently into the night.

  The seed!

  It thrummed a dull pulse in the pocket of my jeans. I had also forgotten to ask him about animals and their role in these energy exchanges. I entered the creaky little cabin and pulled off my boots. I would have to remember to ask him tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow. I drifted into a dreamless sleep until my eyes flew open precisely at 4:47 a.m.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Lake of Mirrors

  From the moans and groans coming from their cots, Dara, Naomi and Val were hungover something awful. I almost smiled, but in a way, that would be playing off their pain. It would feel like stealing energy. I headed to the showers and when I returned, Val was sitting up on her cot, her head in her hands.

  “Do you want some Advil?” I asked.

  “Nooo. Can’t stomach anything. Never drinking again!” Val wailed.

  “Do you want me to bring you something from the buffet?” There was no response, other than some coordinated groans.

  Breakfast was in a few minutes, followed by our morning meeting. If my bunkmates didn’t show up, I would have a hard time explaining their whereabouts. I didn’t feel right about signing their names on the roll call sheet. I hesitated, torn between heading out on my own and staying to take care of my hungover friends. I didn’t expect the light knock on the door at all.

  The blood
rushed to my face as I opened the door to find Jaren grinning at me. “Ready for breakfast?”

  “Um…” I really needed to work on my conversational skills. I took a quick glance back at the other girls, and they hadn’t moved.

  “I think they’re out of commission, Everleigh,” he observed, peering into the small tent cabin. “Come on. Let’s eat and head to the lake?”

  Sure, I’ll head out with Jaren Wilder for breakfast and a romantic walk in the woods…this all seems entirely within the realm of my reality.

  Maybe I was still asleep. I shot a nervous peek back at my cot to confirm that this was not indeed, a dream, and I was not in fact, still sleeping. I half-expected to see my own body snoring away on my little cot. Stupid! I chastised myself. I looked back to Jaren, and to my irritation, his blue eyes twinkled with mirth.

  “What?”

  “You.”

  “What about me?” Yes, what the heck is it about me?

  “You’re cute,” he confided, reaching out a finger to chuck me under the chin.

  Cute? The familiar charge that came from physical contact with Jaren heated my cheeks and I turned away from him, shrugging my hoodie on over my head to disguise my embarrassment. He leaned so casually against the doorframe of our cabin, like there was nothing odd whatsoever about him waiting for me. I guess he wasn’t worried about what the others would say, but I was still an Outcast…I had no business being in Jaren’s company. I sure enjoyed his company last night, though. Memories of being held in his arms popped into my mind and I almost fell down the steps in my haste to achieve some space between us.

  “Whoa, there. Steady, girl!” He reached for my arm but I jerked it away, afraid of what further contact might to my frazzled nerves.

  “I’m not a horse, Jaren!”

  To completely negate my assertion, I took several horselike clomps toward the dining hall. Realizing that he wasn’t following, I turned to find Jaren staring at me, a wide grin on his face. He had his hands stuffed into his jeans, his blond hair a stark contrast to the brown sweatshirt he wore beneath his windbreaker.

  “What is it now?”

  He shrugged, a faint smile playing about his mouth, drawing my attention to his lips. I flushed.

  “I think that’s the first time you spoke my name.”

  “And?”

  What, did I pronounce it wrong or something? Was the “J” silent? Maybe it was some weird Scandinavian name…like Jens but you were supposed to pronounce it Yens.

  Jaren shrugged, fixing that dazzling smile on me for several more seconds until I finally looked directly into his eyes. It was always a shock to meet his gaze and this time wasn’t any different—except for the words that came out of his beautiful mouth.

  “I like how my name sounds on your lips.”

  I gasped aloud as his eyes slid from my own to land deliberately on my mouth. No guy had ever said anything remotely suggestive to me. I had no idea how to respond. I tugged the hem of my sweatshirt. He waited calmly, as if he recognized my need to collect my jumbled thoughts.

  The seed felt heavy in my pocket, and my crystal sent a warm, calming vibration through me. The two objects were signaling to me that the right choice of activities was standing right in front of me wearing a hunter-green jacket and low-slung jeans. I put on my sunglasses, as if they would somehow shield me from the attention we were going to get when we entered the dining hall together. But as it turned out, that’s not where we were headed.

  “Come on,” Jaren said. “I have food in my pack.”

  I followed him, his comment on repeat in my mind. “I like the way my name sounds on your lips…”

  Oh, God. Now, every time I looked at the guy, my eyes went unerringly to his mouth, and I wondered for the umpteenth time what it would be like to be kissed. I had always assumed I would die an old maid. There was no way I would ever resemble one of the Candy Girls—not even if I won the lottery and had major plastic surgery. No, Jaren couldn’t have meant what I thought he did. He was just trying to be nice—for whatever reason.

  We headed back out to the meadow. It was early enough that iridescent drops of morning dew still lingered on the long blades of grass. Tiny purple flowers adorned the green expanse of natural carpeting covering the ground. I caught my breath at the beauty of it all, that subtle sheen appearing as I let my eyes go out of focus. Jaren led me to an old, fallen log, and motioned for me to sit next to him. It was cold, but I didn’t feel the temperature at all. I sat gingerly, still careful to avoid getting too close. Even so, the crackle that seemed to hum from his body was strong enough to scramble my senses.

  Jaren had fresh fruit and two bottles of organic orange juice in his pack. I usually started my day with a bagel and coffee, but I now felt that eating raw, natural food was so much better. I still had my usual sugar cravings today, but they weren’t so strong yet. We ate in silence until he nudged me. I closed my eyes and prayed I wouldn’t do something totally embarrassing, like jump on him.

  “Look!” he whispered.

  Cautiously, I let my lids peep open. A trio of deer materialized from the brush, stepping delicately into the meadow. Two larger animals flanked a smaller one and began to pluck tender, green shoots from the ground. The younger deer looked up for a moment, seeming to stare right at me before cocking its head, almost in a greeting. Then they disappeared as quickly as they had come.

  “You have a thing with animals, too, huh?”

  “What?”

  “They seem to have a natural affinity for you.”

  “They do?” Thinking about it, I realized he was right. Animals always seemed to find me, no matter where I went. Cats especially, and now birds…

  “So—you’re going to think I’m nuts but…” I started.

  “Seriously, Everleigh?”

  “Okay, okay.” I smiled, feeling myself relax a little.

  It was becoming a little more comfortable to be around him. Well, other than the fact that my body trembled with an intangible, unrequited need whenever he was close to me. Jaren was a real person, not some unattainable celebrity. Plus, he was cool and nice, and he actually seemed to want to be my friend. He was also the only one I could talk to about the bizarre things that had been happening. Jaren made me feel like I wasn’t so abnormal, maybe I was even a little bit…special. In a good way. It was so different from the way I usually felt—so awkward and isolated. I decided that I was going to tell him everything.

  “Well, something weird involving an animal happened to me yesterday—right before we got on the bus.” I recounted all of it, even the part where I felt like I was flying.

  “Where is the seed now?”

  “In my pocket. Why?” Was it dangerous? Oh, great…

  “Don’t be scared,” he said soothingly, his eyes slightly out of focus.

  “Stop that!”

  “Stop what?”

  “You know—reading me like that!”

  Jaren looked a little abashed. “I can’t really help it. For some reason, I’m really attuned to your emotions.”

  “Attuned?” His choice of words struck me. “Have you heard of Sylvia Maven?”

  Jaren stiffened with surprise, his eyes boring into mine until I had to look away. His gaze was too searching, too intense. “Don’t.” I begged weakly. Jesus, did he know what he did to me just by looking into my eyes? Right now my insides were clenching and unclenching so hard I thought I might explode.

  “You said Sylvia…Sylvia Maven?”

  “Well, yeah. She wrote a book and there was something in there about attunements. Okay, never mind.” I looked away. The look on Jaren’s face unnerved me. I had the sinking suspicion that I had done or said something very wrong. Maybe now things would end. I couldn’t ignore the pang in my chest at the thought.

  “Everleigh, Sylvia Maven was—is my aunt.”

  I stared at him in shock. “What do you mean ‘was—is’?”

  He sighed heavily. “It’s hard to explain. Listen, if you did fi
nd a book, she must have meant for you to find it. She may have even meant for us to read it together.”

  “What are you talking about?” Okay, even given the weird things that had happened up until this point, even he was starting to sound a little crazy. I mean, all of the other experiences could be chalked up to my overactive imagination, or a high fever. Maybe we had both contracted some weird disease or something.

  “Do you have the book with you?”

  I shrugged, pulling it from my pack. When I held it out to Jaren, he paled.

  “Oh my God,” he whispered reverently. “The Archive. We couldn’t find it after she…left. I mean, she was always scribbling in it and researching things for it, but none of us ever got to read it.”

  “Well, why would something this special to your family be in the public library?”

  “Because she knew you would find it there.”

  “Okay, now I’m really confused. Here. Take it!”

  “I don’t understand,” he said as he flipped it open.

  “What?”

  “This is all chicken scratch.” He handed the book back to me, and I opened it.

  “What are you talking about? This is perfectly legible.” I read him the passage about animal totems. Jaren’s mouth—that beautiful mouth—fell open in shock.

  “Ever, you don’t get it. I can’t read that. When I look at the pages, I can’t decipher a single word. It’s like it’s written in another language.” He pushed the book back at me, and I could feel frustration radiating from him. “I’m her favorite nephew, you’d think she would have attuned it to me!”

  I looked down at the book again, flipping through several pages. Nope. To me, the words were legible and precise, with drawings to match. My hands began to shake a little. I didn’t want this to be happening any more. I didn’t want to be different. With Jaren, I had thought I found a kindred spirit, but it seemed that I was still a freak.

  Suddenly, I felt sick. Embarrassing tears filled my eyes. “Look, I’m not sure about any of this. I just want to be normal!”

  “I know that feeling.”

  He came to stand next to me but I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off my tennis shoes. “I think—”