“Hi, future sister-in-law,” Mandy said brightly on answering.
“Hey, you,” I said in a chummy voice. “I’ve just had the dressmaker on the phone summoning us back to Belfast to look at dress designs.”
“Oh, how exciting!” Mandy said and I could hear her clapping (probably in the manner of an excitable seal). “What’s wrong with you? You sound grumpy. Are you okay?”
“I always sound grumpy this early in the morning, Mandy. If I was you I’d do a bit more research and get to know your in-laws better.”
“So when are we going then?” she asked.
“Who said anything about you feckin going?” I asked in mock horror.
“Well, you wouldn’t have told me if you weren’t wanting me to go,” she argued.
“We’ll go as soon as possible. I still have to speak to Frankie.” At the mere mention of her name my heart started to race. Depending on what the doctor said this morning, bridesmaids’ dresses and colours and fabrics which were things she adored could be the last things on her mind.
“I’ve got to go, Mandy, but I’ll speak to you soon. Okay?”
I hung up the phone and it rang again straight away.
“God, you’re quick off the mark today,” my mother said. “Any news yet?”
“No,” I said through gritted teeth. “I thought that you were Frankie to give me news.”
“What time was she due to be seen at?”
“Eleven o’clock.” I looked at my watch and the time was half past eleven.
“She’ll probably be a while yet,” Mammy said helpfully. “You never know what hold-ups there could be at the hospital and then she’ll have to get the procedure done and have a chat afterwards.”
I knew she was probably right but my patience was wearing very thin and my nerves were on edge.
“Have you had any more thoughts about what you’re going to do about the McQueens’ offer?” I said, needing to talk about something other than Frankie and hospitals.
“I don’t know what to do, Ruby. I’m going to see my solicitor next week to discuss it but at this moment in time my gut instincts are telling me to stay where I am.”
“Part of me is glad that you’re happy but another part of me wants to take you home with me,” I said with a worried frown. “I don’t like you being on your own there, especially not after what happened.”
“Stop worrying, Ruby. Sure, there were two arrests made for other burglaries and the police have indicated that chances are it was the same crowd. Besides, Donal is taking care of everything for me. There’s a burglar alarm being installed as we speak and, trust me, it would wake the dead so I don’t think anyone is going to be stupid enough to try that again. Donal and I have also been talking and he might stay with me one or two nights in the week just to make sure I’m safe.”
“Oh, I see, just to make sure you’re safe. I believe you, Mother. Thousands wouldn’t.”
“Ruby, I have no idea what you’re insinuating.”
“I’ll bet you don’t,” I said, feeling more confident and comfortable about her staying where she was. “Maybe it is better that you stay,” I said thoughtfully. “Don’t give in and do what they want. That’s making it too easy for them. Besides, you’re happy where you are, aren’t you?”
“It’s not about making life easy or giving in, Ruby,” Mammy said solemnly. “It’s about doing what Aunt Kate would want and I know that she would hate to think that I was giving the cottage away to have God knows what done to it. It would be different if they were going to preserve it and keep it as an attraction but I have a feeling that isn’t part of the plan. I’d say that they’re more likely to demolish it or at the very least change it so much that it won’t bear the slightest resemblance to what it is now. And I love it.”
I thought of the roses growing up the side of the cottage and the turf by the old-fashioned fire and couldn’t have agreed more. It was a very precious family heirloom and all the money in the world couldn’t recompense for destroying any part of it.
“Say no then,” I said. “Go and tell them that it’s a very generous offer but that you’re not interested. No deal, Mr Banker.”
“I can’t just say ‘no’ outright, Ruby. I need to know my rights. What if there’s some kind of loophole in the contract Bartley drew up when handing the deeds of the cottage over to Aunt Kate? Something that gives the owners of the manor some rights over the cottage?”
“Don’t be silly, Mammy,” I said impatiently. “The cottage is legally yours and they have no say in anything to do with it. In any case, as for demolishing it, surely the Manor House and the cottage have to be some type of listed buildings that are preserved by the State? They’ve been there forever and are part of the history of Smugglers’ Bay. People just can’t go willy-nilly knocking down houses that have been there for centuries!”
“You’re probably right,” she sighed. “In any case, I just want to be sure that when I’m declining their offer I have the right information to back it up.”
“Sounds like you’ve made your mind up,” I commented.
“I think I have – but a quarter of a million euro is still a lot of money and I have to think of you as well.”
“I’m happy, Mother. I’ve got everything I need, so don’t be worrying about me. Besides, I like the thought of being a permanent thorn in the lovely Judith’s side.”
“I better let you go,” Mammy said. “Ring me when you know how Frankie is.”
I hung up the phone and five minutes later it rang for a third time and my mouth dried as I answered it.
“Hello.”
“Hi, honey.”
“I seriously wish that anybody and everybody who does not answer to the name ‘Frankie’ would break their phones and stop feckin ringing me!” I shouted.
“I love you too,” Luke said in a huffy tone. “I only phoned to see if there was any news.”
“Don’t phone me. I’ll phone you,” I snapped. “And by the way I do love you. I’m just worried, so be patient with me.”
“I’m always patient,” Luke answered. “I’m very lucky that God gave me patience in abundance. He must have known that I was destined to meet up with you in my future and would need a good supply.”
I hung up and tried my best to fill in forms for the next half hour, between manically looking at the clock, checking for emails, and picking up and banging the phone down to ensure that the college telephone system was still in working order. I gave up as the clock approached half past one and my nerves approached well past shattered.
I tried to ring Frankie’s mobile but couldn’t get a connection. I tried to ring Owen but he didn’t answer either and the house appeared to be empty. She had been given bad news; that was the only explanation.
I looked witheringly at my angel who apparently hadn’t done his job properly, switched off my computer, locked my office and then headed out to the car park. With a heavy heart I opened the car door and threw in my bag, sat down and laid my head on the headrest which was precisely when I spotted Frankie’s car in my rear-view mirror.
“Jesus Christ,” I said loudly before going to investigate.
Frankie was sitting motionless in her car with her eyes closed, listening to music, and jumped when I gently opened her door.
“Was it terrible?” I asked.
She didn’t make any response and I hunkered down at her side and took both her hands in mine.
“I’m here for you, love. No matter what, I’m here for you.”
Frankie turned to me and nodded. “He told me that if I hadn’t gone for the smear when I did that I could have had full-blown cancer, Ruby. Can you imagine how I feel knowing that? I could be sitting here now with something growing inside me that could have killed me but for some reason I went to the doctor that day. I really wanted to cancel the appointment but I didn’t. Somebody up there must like me.” She breathed heavily and pointed to the sky. “They did a really close examination today and found that some of
the cells looked cancerous. They explained that, if they’re contained within the skin covering the cervix, then it won’t be a true cancer – unless the cells break through the top layer of skin and spread into the tissue underneath.” Frankie took a deep breath and sniffed. “Thankfully they were able to tell me that it hadn’t spread but that I was very lucky. Who knows what would have happened if I’d neglected it for any longer? It scares me so much and just doesn’t bear thinking about.”
I could feel the colour draining from my face and I felt light-headed with stress. “You had a close call then,” I murmured.
“Too close for comfort, Rubes. I have to go back in another three weeks and see them again, but the doctor seemed confident that he had got it all. When I think about these last few weeks, Ruby, the one thing that it has taught me is to appreciate what you have and to grab life with both hands, as you never know the day or the hour when it could all be taken away. I look at my children and Owen and Mammy and Daddy and Ella and you and I realise how lucky I am. There are things I’ve always wanted to do but I’ve put them off to another time. Time? What’s that? It means nothing if you’re not going to be here to enjoy it. I know what I have to do from now on and I also know what you have to do. You must find your birth mother, Ruby. She’s out there somewhere waiting for you. I just know it. Don’t give up this chance of finding out who you are. You need to know so don’t leave it any longer.”
I got up, leaned into the car and gave Frankie the tightest hug she’d ever been on the receiving end of. Then I stood up and looked at the sky and thanked my father for what he had done.
Finally I had my sign.
Chapter 35
“That’s fantastic,” Mammy said happily, once I imparted the news that Frankie was marginally happier even if she did have to go back and have another check-up.
“Yes, it’s a lesson to us all that we must make the most of life,” I said cheerily. “We’re only here once and we shouldn’t waste opportunities for happiness. We should take lots of chances and risks as they might never present themselves again.”
“You’re not going to do anything daft and book yourself in for sky-diving lessons or start bungee-jumping, are you?” Mammy asked in a worried tone.
“I’m not talking about adrenalin-rush extreme sports, Mammy. I’m talking about life in general. I’m talking about spending time with your loved ones and appreciating the good times and I’m talking about me wanting to find my birth mother. I don’t want to die wondering whether she’s good or bad, whether she wanted me or not. I still want to find out. It’s my right to know where I came from.”
There was silence on the line although I could still hear Mammy breathing (which no doubt would turn into heavy spasms any minute, given her reaction to earlier conversations on the subject).
“I wanted to talk to you about this in person, Mammy, but I couldn’t wait. This is very important to me and please believe me when I say that I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Hurt?” Mammy said. “It’s not about me getting hurt. It’s about you setting yourself up for a major fall. You talk about wanting to enjoy life. Well, enjoy it then. Be grateful for what you have and stop looking for things you haven’t got. You were adopted for a reason which is precisely why you should content yourself. If I thought that there was the slightest chance of you getting a happy outcome from this, I would give you my blessing and help you look myself but trust me when I say that there won’t be.”
“There you go again,” I said angrily. “Predicting the future when you haven’t a clue what you’re talking about. How can you say there won’t be a happy outcome? How do you know?”
“I can feel it,” she said. “A mother’s instincts are very strong. Their main concern is to protect their young which is what I’m trying to do, only you’re too headstrong to accept that. You want to go galloping into things head-first only to come out the other end more hurt than you’ve ever been in your life. I don’t want to see you reduced to a sorry mess when you discover that the romantic image you’ve conjured up in your own head doesn’t match reality.”
“Back this up!” I shouted. “You told me that you were going to see a solicitor next week in order to be clear on your facts before you gave an answer to the McQueens – so do me the same courtesy and explain why you feel so strongly about this! What do you know? Stop hiding things from me. If you want to protect me, let me hear it from you and not from a stranger.”
It took me all my willpower to stop from blurting out that I had overheard her conversation with Donal. An exchange which told me all I needed to know about my darling birth mother. I just wanted her to be honest with me and tell me what she knew and how she had found out.
There was a short but awkward silence.
“I can’t do this over the phone, Ruby,” Mammy said in a weary voice. “We need to meet and discuss it more.”
“So you’re at least willing to talk about it instead of lying to me and hiding things?”
“I would suggest that if you want my help, young lady, you should speak to me in a more respectful tone. I am still your mother, you know.”
I stood chastised and felt like a six-year-old.
“Well, it so happens that we’ll have reason to meet,” I said then. “We’re going to Belfast on Saturday to see the wedding-dress designer and look at the designs she’s made for us and I’d like you to come.”
“I’d like that very much, Ruby,” she said in a gentler tone. “How about I come and stay with you on Friday night and we can have a chat then.”
“I look forward to it.”
As we had received good news that day, Frankie and I did what any other self-respecting set of best friends would do and went and got roaring drunk that night to mark the occasion. (Slight exaggeration as Frankie sipped two drinks but was relieved beyond words and acted like a drunk lunatic anyway. I drank enough for both of us.)
I had rung her after I got off the phone from my mother and we had arranged to go to the Swiftstown Arms for a drink (which turned into numerous G&Ts and a hefty hangover). The boys had joined us whilst Angelica baby-sat and it felt like old times again (minus all the stress and hassle of recent weeks).
“Hi, Ruby,” the manager, Bobby Laverty, greeted me when we arrived. “Looking forward to the wedding? I’m sure you’re on the countdown now?”
“Are you joking?” Frankie demanded. “You really don’t know her that well, do you?”
“We’ll have to get together and discuss menu plans soon and talk about bands and DJs. I have a list somewhere, I think.”
“That’s great,” I said, not feeling pressurised to talk about it but happy to do so as I was actually starting to look forward to it.
Two hours and a number of half’uns later and I would have discussed anything with anybody, I was feeling so mellow and relaxed. If Gabriel had been in the company I might even have agreed with him on whatever convoluted point he would undoubtedly be trying to make. (Maybe I should be pissed as a pre-requisite to our next meeting?)
“We should do this more often,” I announced with a demented grin on my face whilst I manhandled Luke (in the manner of a PSNI officer frisking a suspect) and searched his pockets for change to put music on the jukebox. “This is what life is all about. You have to enjoy it. Enjoy it, you hear!” I said. (At this stage I was not only speaking to my own company but addressing the entire bar, much to their apparent amusement allegedly.)
“You must come to the art gallery with us next week,” I instructed Frankie and Luke. “It’s an order. Get Angelica to baby-sit and we’ll make a proper night of it. Stay somewhere nice and indulge ourselves.”
“Oh Jesus,” Frankie said, “here she goes!”
“Yeah, well, we all have little fetishes. Yours is horny lecturers where you work. Mine is art.” This was said with much arm-waving and sniggering.
“Oi!” Owen said. “Don’t drag me into this. It wasn’t me who initiated snogging on camera in front of the students o
n graduation day. Look at your mate and lay the blame squarely at her door. It’s all her fault for being so irresistible and gorgeous.”
“Oh yuck,” I said. “Get a room, you two!”
“We will,” Owen said and pulled Frankie to her feet, whereupon they both said goodnight, and left soon after, holding each other’s hands and looking blissfully happy.
“They’re so in love,” I declared with a sigh.
“Excuse me, but I don’t actually dislike you either,” Luke said. “In fact I happen to think that we should get a room too.”
“Do you really?”
“Yes, I do. We should go home right now. I’ll even carry you over the threshold in preparation for when I do it after we’re married.”
“I’d like you standing at the altar unaided, Luke,” I said. “Traction and a morning suit would be a very bad look.”
“Fair enough but I happen to think that you and I are a very good look. Now get on your feet and let’s leave. We have about a week’s worth of snogging to catch up on and the sooner we start the better.”
Chapter 36
I spent the Thursday evening before Mammy was to arrive on the Friday tidying the house (stop laughing – I know it’s something I don’t normally do but, as I was keen to extract information, I didn’t want Mammy distracted by feeling the need to polish every surface in sight).
“Is this where I live?” Luke said jovially when he came in from a photography job. “I must be in the wrong house. The one I left this morning needed bomb-disposal experts to sort it out.”
“Ha feckin ha, funny boy. My mother is arriving tomorrow and she better tell me everything I need to know or there will indeed be an explosion and it will involve me having the mother and father of all fits.”
“I think Owen might need me to keep him company,” Luke said quickly. “He’s washing his hair and might just require me to hold the shower nozzle for him.”
Anyone for Me? Page 20