“Good morning.” Samara bounced while she spoke. I could see where Hope got her perky attitude. Kiera seemed to have Tellah’s more serious and bossy one.
“Morning.” I tried to reply as cheerfully, but I didn’t succeed.
“Good morning.” Alexander spoke maturely. “Thank you for letting me stay here last night. I was in no mood to be alone,” he admitted.
“It’s our pleasure, Alexander.” Tellah spoke gently, almost as though she were hurting at the sight of him. It sent an ache to my heart that I couldn’t explain.
Tellah turned her gaze to me. “Did you sleep well, Aislinn?”
“Not really,” I admitted, trying to suppress the grimace on my face. She looked at Alexander almost like he was hers.
When Tellah didn’t ask why, Samara eyed us both and brought me some cocoa. “Here.” She sounded chipper. “You seemed to enjoy this last night, so I made more.”
“Thanks,” I replied, rubbing my eyes.
“I’m going to make some eggs and toast. You want some?” Samara’s grin was graceful and pleasantly distracting.
“Mmmm,” I replied involuntary. “Yes, please. I’m really hungry.”
“How about you?” She turned to Alexander, who was now staring at Tellah with a contrite expression on his face.
“Um.” Her question seemed to divert his thoughts, but his eyes stayed on Tellah. “You know, I… think I will actually. Thank you.”
“Do you want some help?” I offered, hoping to distract myself from Alexander’s odd looks at Tellah.
Samara looked at Tellah again, her face firm with concern. “No thank you, dear.” Her eyes fell back to me. “You are our guest. You relax.”
Samara headed for the fridge, abandoning the pot of goodies she had been brewing.
The smell of cooked food must have wafted up the stairs. Hope and Kiera groggily descended. They soon made their way to the table and dished up. Everyone ate quietly.
I noticed that Tellah tried very hard not to gawk at Alexander. She knew of his whereabouts at all times, so she could avoid him. I felt like I was missing something.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that Alexander had never introduced himself to anyone. He’d led us to Hope’s room like he had been in it before. And why would Tellah look at him that way and then try to avoid him? Had Alexander, in fact, been here before?
As I realized the answer was an astounding “yes,” I began to cram the food into my mouth much faster to avoid having to talk. My eyes darted back and forth, noticing their comfort eating together. Had I been completely ignorant?
All the times Hope had discussed Alexander with me rushed to the forefront of my mind. Could he have been in their house while she spoke about him? Were they playing me for a fool?
I wanted to trust them, but I began to see how easily they could have taken advantage of me. I hadn’t seen a council of Jarwin, except in my dreams, and I hadn’t done any sort of changing.
Before my mind could wander too far down the path of suspicion, I realized they had nothing to do with my parents’ revelation to me, or Cooper choosing Jaden, or my dreams. And I couldn’t deny that I had seen Alexander materialize with my own eyes.
Frustrated with my lack of information, I finished up and put my plate quietly into the sink. I looked up at Hope. “Thanks for letting me stay last night, but I think it’s time I get home. I’m not sure how long my parents will be in town, and I wouldn’t want to hurt their feelings by not spending some time with them.” I forced a smile.
“Oh.” Hope shot me a look of surprise. “Well, if you feel the need to rush.”
“I do.” I looked at Samara, and finally Tellah. “Thanks for having me. I appreciate your hospitality.”
I didn’t really wait for a reply before heading upstairs to gather my things. Not long after, someone followed me up. I didn’t turn to see who stood in the doorway. I just kept packing my belongings. Eventually, whoever had been there walked away. I finished up and headed back downstairs.
“Well, thanks everybody,” I said. “See you later.” I looked to Alexander. “Did you need a ride home?”
Alexander stopped eating, wiped his mouth slowly with his napkin, and cleared his throat. “No, thank you, Aislinn,” he said coolly, irritated. “But I would like to walk you out.” He stood up, then pushed his chair in so fiercely that it screeched across the floor. I felt a rush of embarrassment, sensing a scolding to come.
No one looked at him. Instead, everyone eyed me. What had I done? I was the only one in the dark. I had a right to be frustrated. I jerked my bag over my shoulder and stuffed my pillow under my arm along with the sleeping bag that I hadn’t even used.
“Suit yourself.”
I huffed my way out to the car and threw my stuff inside. Before I could turn, Alexander took my arm and spun me around. I prepared for the fury again, but instead, he hugged me.
“You know, you shouldn’t be so rude to Tellah,” he announced in the same cool tone he’d used at the table. “This is the first time she has seen us together, and it’s not easy, especially in her own house. You should have more compassion.”
“Compassion?” I shouted. “For what? I’m so sick of this bullshit, Alexander! You want me to be understanding and compassionate, yet I have no idea what’s going on!” I withdrew from his hold and began pacing back and forth in front of my car.
The onlookers inside were probably wondering if I had gone crazy, flailing my arms about like that. Hope had been wrong. I wasn’t handling my new life well. I had already grown tired of secrets, lies, and games of waiting. I wanted understanding.
Alexander took a few steps back and put his hands in his pockets. He stared at me like I was a child throwing a temper tantrum, and he couldn’t have been more correct, but I didn’t care. I had enough to deal with.
Over the last twenty-four hours, I’d gone through too much, and now anger was hitting. Anger at being lied to all my life, at not knowing what was expected of me, and at not understanding why everyone else seemed to be in the know when I was clearly clueless.
“Are you finished?” Alexander asked impatiently, keeping his hands in his pockets.
“No.” I rubbed my forehead. “And yes. I want to go home.” I turned away from him and got into my car.
Alexander followed, keeping his cool despite my tantrum. He kneeled by my door, knocking on the window. Reluctantly, I rolled it down. He seemed to be respecting my privacy by not floating into my car, so I obliged. I kept my eyes fixed on the wheel.
“Aislinn.” His voice was soothing now. “I know this is hard to take in. And I know you don’t understand a lot yet, but you will. I promise you that.” He sighed, looking at the house. “The reason Tellah looked at me that way is because we used to be together.” Alexander reached for my chin, pulling my face to meet his. “In another life. It’s been awhile. This is the first life that all three of us have had together since then.”
“All three of us?” My voice softened.
“I was with Tellah then, until my change. Then I left her for you. She lost me to you. So please try to be understanding. We all look different than we did then, but occasionally, when she looks at me, she remembers. It’s not an easy thing. She can’t always explain why she feels a certain way.”
“Oh,” I mumbled, feeling bad for not asking. But there were still things that I didn’t know, secrets kept. I had reason to be irritated.
“Tellah went upstairs to explain things to you,” he continued. “But you didn’t seem like you wanted to listen.”
I leaned toward him, feeling very guilty now. “Please tell her that I’m sorry.” I let my eyes meet his, feeling moisture sneak into them. I tried to hold it in. “But I do need some time away. You are keeping too much from me, and I’m tired of it.”
“What do you mean?” he asked, taken back by my accusation.
“Like the fact that you knew where Hope’s room was. And you never introduced yourself to Tellah and
Samara. Stuff like that. If you and Tellah used to be together, you must have spoken in this lifetime before last night. So why pretend you just met?” I shook my head in frustration. “I’m going home, and I’m going to think about all the things that I’m not comfortable with. Then I will call you, and Hope after, to get my answers. If you can’t provide them…” I broke off. “Well, just try.”
“I see. Then I have no choice but to wait.” Alexander stood. “Drive safe.” He walked away, not even looking back as I started the car. My heart felt like it was ripping in two. I could hardly breathe as I pulled out.
15
PLANS
I pulled into the driveway, my chest like an empty cavern. Not even the sight of my parents’ rental car missing affected me. I was too empty, too confused with emotional clutter. Slowly, I trudged my way into the house and down to my room.
The house appeared empty. Not even my roommates had returned home. I threw my stuff onto the floor and sat down.
My stomach knotted and twisted around itself with anxiety. If the caller ID hadn’t revealed my parents’ number, I wouldn’t have answered the call that shook me from my distant funk.
“Hello?” I groaned, feeling nauseated.
“Oh my.” Mom spoke softly at the sound of my voice. “Are you okay, Aislinn?”
“Fine.” I tried to steady my voice. “I have a stomachache. Where are you guys? I came home to spend time with you.”
“We had to leave early this morning. Your father was called back to work. We left a message on your cell, but I think your battery may have died. It kept going straight to voicemail.” I had shut off my phone to avoid interruption while speaking with Alexander. “We really wanted to say goodbye, especially after our conversation last night, but we couldn’t wait any longer. Our plane was leaving soon. Sorry.”
A lump caught in the back of my throat, but Mom didn’t need to hear it. She didn’t need to worry any more about our conversation. Since my change would be happening soon anyway, I mustered all the strength I could, and lied to my mother.
“That’s okay. I think I may be coming down with the flu.”
“Will you be okay? You sound terrible.”
“I’ll be fine, Mom,” I lied again. “Mel will be returning from taking care of her mom soon, and I will have her to bring me some soup or something. Don’t worry.”
“All right, Aislinn.” She tried to sound convincing, but I didn’t buy it. There was a restraint in her voice. “We will call you tomorrow, once we’re home. Love you.”
“Love you, and tell Dad I love him too.” I yawned, realizing how exhausted I was. “I’m going to take a nap. Bye, Mom.”
“Bye, dear.”
The moment I hung up, salty droplets began to trickle down my face. I could hardly breathe. My fingers trembled as thoughts of changing and facing Tirates flooded my mind.
The stress was overwhelming, and I couldn’t take any more. Since there was no one home to hear me, I clung to my pillow and let out the tears I’d been suppressing.
What was wrong with me? Alexander and Hope were the only ones who were open about my struggles, the only ones who knew who I was, so why was it so hard to trust them?
Even what Alexander said about Tellah… Somewhere, deep down, my heart ached at the idea of stealing him from her. It had to be true, or I wouldn’t feel so guilty. Why couldn’t I just trust?
My body slumped to one side, curling inward on myself. I wanted to call Alexander, but I still felt angry. Despite some things resonating truth, other things he did and said made the hair on my neck stand on end. He wasn’t being honest about everything. He might have his reasons, but that didn’t make me feel any better for the time being.
I stared at the phone on the table. It mocked me by its presence. I wanted to throw it, smash it, anything to keep myself from giving in and calling him. Part of me wanted Alexander, needed him, but the other part wanted to scream at the top of my lungs in frustration.
Moments after I doubled over, Alexander floated into my room. I couldn’t see him, but I could feel him. He hovered right behind me, worry emanating from him like that of a helpless loved one. The only thing he could do was give me time, a fact that he seemed to honor by remaining in energy form.
His being there made me feel surprisingly better. My anger began to subside. His energy reached out like a hand to touch my back. It stung a little, but in that familiar way, lending comfort. It made me cry harder, feeling his affection for me seep into my skin.
“I feel you,” I mumbled, my voice almost inaudible over my shaking body. “But I still need to be alone. Please don’t change into solid form.”
A wave of energy washed over me like he understood. Alexander stayed with me until I fell asleep. Every so often, he waved his energy back and forth over my body for comfort. It felt like the sun, warming me with rays of loving kindness and compassion.
After hours of sleep, I woke to a room like an oven. I had left the heater on high. Stumbling off the futon, I turned it off and begrudgingly jerked open my window. More snow had fallen as I slept, and the cool winter air rushed my face, refreshing me.
Shuddering from the chill of the breeze, I snuggled under my blanket again. Alexander was no longer in my room, and I had nothing to do but wait for the temperature to return to normal.
As I nestled under the covers, my eyes played tricks on me. I followed the waves of heat floating about my room. I rubbed my eyes warily, trying to awaken my brain. Heat waves were not possible during the dead of winter. I had to be imagining it.
I shook my head and tried to lie back down to relax, but my phone kept vibrating on the table next to me. Reluctantly, I picked it up to see who was calling.
There were ten missed calls, but no new messages. I scrolled through the calls to see who was leaving my phone in such a state—five from Alexander, three from Hope, and two from Cooper. Great.
I didn’t want to talk to any of them. Not yet. I still needed some time alone, to think. My heart was heavy, and until there were answers, for me or for Cooper, talking would only add to my confusion. The button indicating a text message was in the upper corner, so I checked it.
“We need to talk. I want to give you space, but now is not the time.” It was from Alexander.
We need? Did he not get it? Demanding that I call him only made the fire in me grow stronger. What kind of guardian commands me to call him? He was with me a bit ago. Why not just talk then if it was an emergency? What was his problem?
Not wanting to deal with any more lies, demands, or complex life-altering issues, I laid my head down and forced my eyes closed. A good night’s sleep was what I needed, so I made sure to shut off my phone before drifting into slumber. No dreams visited me that night, for which I was grateful.
I woke the next morning completely rested. The sun sent shimmers of light in through my window, and the snow had stopped falling. I fumbled out of my covers and stretched.
As I glanced past the window, I realized it was still open. An odd jab twitched in my stomach. The window had been open throughout the winter night, yet the room felt comfortable. After shutting the window, I went upstairs to say good morning to my roommates.
Curious as to how many messages had gone straight to voicemail last night; I chuckled at the thought of my frantic friends wondering if I had fallen off the face of the earth. Good. I wasn’t at everyone’s disposal. Maybe that would teach them not to keep me in the dark so much.
To my surprise, none of my roommates were home. It would be an opportune time to call Alexander and Hope back. I plopped onto the couch and began scrolling through the damage. My heart thudded to a stop when I saw the number of missed calls: fifty-six, no messages. Something was wrong.
Most of the calls were from Alexander, so I tried him first. Before the phone even rang once, he picked it up.
“Aislinn?” He could barely gasp out my name.
“Yes?” My voice shook. “What’s the matter?”
“Wh
at happened to you?” He sounded frantic.
“I was tired. You guys weren’t giving me space, so I—”
“So you jumped ship? Switched sides? Gave it all up? What?”
“No!” I cut him off. “What the hell are you talking about? I only turned my phone off so I could get some sleep, for crying out loud! You were here. You saw how upset and tired I was. What’s your problem?”
“My problem? You mean you don’t know?” Alexander came off as patronizing, and my fists clenched in response.
“Obviously not.”
“You disappeared, Aislinn. I couldn’t feel you, and Hope couldn’t get through to any of your spirit guides. It was like…” He paused, with a snort of disgust. “You were one of them…”
“Who?”
“The Tirates.” Alexander got very quiet. “I can’t feel them either, not like I can you. I couldn’t feel your soul at all. I had no sense of where you were, no idea what had happened. Worst of all, after I left, I wasn’t able to come to you again. There has been some sort of energy block surrounding you.”
Horror and fear burned their way into my chest. Had I done something wrong in not talking to them last night? Were the Tirates correct in their assumption that I would suddenly switch sides?
I couldn’t even speak. Silently, I waited for some clue to come to me, some answer to pop into my head. But nothing came.
“Aislinn.” Alexander tried to soothe me now. “Don’t panic. I’ll come over, and we’ll figure this out. Okay?”
“But—”
“You’ll be okay,” he insisted. “Is anyone else home?”
“No,” I replied feebly.
“Can you think of me? So I can attempt to locate you? I’m quite sure I can’t get to you unless you will it.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll think of you now.”
I closed my eyes, focusing all my thoughts on Alexander. I’m here… Please come to me. I need you. I let my mind picture him there with me, holding me tight and reassuring me. When nothing happened, I concentrated harder. Please! I want you here Alexander! Please find me!
The Heart-Shaped Emblor (The Ewlishash Series) Page 20