“You’re probably right,” I acknowledged, keeping my gaze firmly on the ground.
Alexander chuckled, drawing my eyes back to his face. He had to have been thinking about our kiss too, because he blushed, and the corner of his mouth curled upward.
“Let’s get going.” He took my hand gently and slung my bag over his shoulder.
I ran through the house like a mad woman, trying to turn everything off and lock up. My thoughts kept threatening to get the better of me, and I almost left the sliding glass door cracked.
Before we walked outside, Alexander pulled me to him. I anticipated him kissing me, but he restrained himself. Instead, he brushed his cheek up against mine, heat rushing through me like a shot of rum.
He ran his finger over my lips, tracing every curve of them before whispering in my ear, “Soon we’ll be free to get to know one another in a normal fashion.” Then he touched his forehead to mine and pulled me out the door.
The nosy neighbor watched from across the street, filling my chest with heavy panic. I hoped that she couldn’t see my translucent skin from a distance. That would surely start some neighborhood gossip, or worse.
Feeling my tension, Alexander rubbed my hand. “Don’t worry about this now. If something comes up, we’ll deal with it later.”
“Huh,” I huffed, biting my lip. We should have been more careful. I got into the passenger side of my car and tried to relax.
When we reached Hope’s house, everyone was eating lunch. It made me realize that I still hadn’t eaten anything. Alexander sat down at the table like one of the family, digging in.
“You hungry?” He turned back to me.
“Not really. I haven’t been hungry all day,” I admitted.
“That happens, but you should try to eat a little. You’ll have more strength for later.” I didn’t feel hungry. Alexander, however, had no trouble at all stuffing his mouth.
He looked at Tellah. “This is delicious.” He smiled as he spoke, and a stab of jealousy jabbed my gut.
I wanted to say something to him, but his warning from earlier kept me from making a stupid comment that I knew I would regret later. A single tear escaped my eye, and I was embarrassed for my earlier behavior. I turned to Tellah.
“Thank you for letting us stay the night tonight, Tellah. I really appreciate your generosity.” I tried to keep my voice steady. Truly, I was happy she had been so kind to me. If I had stolen Alexander away in a past life, then she was being very understanding.
I thought about the way I felt toward Jaden. I knew what it felt like to lose a guy to someone else. It didn’t matter that she was twice my age and that it hadn’t happened in our current life. It had happened, and she still felt the sting.
Tellah had a soft expression. “You’re welcome, dear. I’m glad to be able to help.” She walked over to me and placed her free arm around my shoulder. I had to take a deep breath to stay composed, which she seemed to sense. “It gets easier, I promise.”
I nodded.
Without needing guidance, I walked upstairs to the guest room and put my stuff on the bed. Alexander had already piled several days’ worth of clothes on the bed. How had he known to bring them, and why were there so many? Would this take days? Shaking my head in confusion, I made my way back downstairs and sat next to Alexander.
“I see you packed already.”
He looked up at me nervously.
“Actually,” he hesitated. “I’m going to try to be honest with you from now on, as much as I can, anyway. So please don’t be upset.” Alexander looked at Tellah, then back at me. “I’ve been staying here for a while.”
Everyone’s faces went rigid.
“What do you mean a while?” I tried to stay calm, but I already felt my temper rising.
“I’ve been here since we met in town.” With every word, my veins burned hotter. Alexander tried to keep his voice steady. “Please don’t be angry.”
I sat up straight, placing my food back on my plate. Trying not to overreact, I took a few deep breaths until I felt color leave my face. “Why?”
“Well,” he continued. “After we talked that day, Hope got really angry with me. We disagreed on how much information was appropriate to share with you. I already knew Kiera from the Jarwin meetings, and since we were both going to her for guidance, Kiera suggested that this phase of your transition would be easier if Hope and I were on the same page. She spoke with Tellah and moved me into the guest room.” Alexander looked slowly into my eyes, probably out of fear that I would fly off the handle, but I stayed calm.
“I understand,” I said, keeping my eyes focused on my plate. “You moved in here to help me. That’s why you knew where Hope’s room was, and why you didn’t introduce yourself to anyone.” My voice sounded stoic.
“You can have a little more emotion than that, Aislinn,” he assured. “I didn’t ask you not to feel anything, just not to be angry.”
“I don’t really care, Alexander. Everyone lies to me, I never get answers when I want them, and now my face looks like I have no skin. Nothing much surprises me anymore.”
Everyone seemed pleased that I hadn’t freaked out, but I still saw looks of confusion, worry, and frustration on their faces.
Kiera approached me, graceful and light in her walk. “Aislinn,” she spoke like a ruler, a person of authority. “Maybe what I tell you will surprise you.”
My eyes traced up the form of Kiera, who, at only five, seemed to tower over me in my chair. “What’s that?”
“I’m not a child.”
I stared at her for a moment, stunned by her comment. “What do you mean?”
“There are still so many things that you don’t know. I am not Hope’s biological sister, and I am not Tellah’s daughter, although we are related. I am not even from this place.” Kiera sat next to me with the grace of a swan. “I want you to know something about yourself.” She met my eyes. “This is extremely important; take it to heart. You are different from all of us. You are a symbol of something that is much bigger than you could possibly understand. That is why your eternal memory has been wiped from you in this life.”
She waited for her words to sink in. “Why?” A lump began to grow in my throat, bringing back the ache that refused to stay suppressed.
“You chose this, Aislinn. Don’t ever forget that.” Kiera spoke with poise. “The only things that have been kept from you are the things about yourself that put you in danger. You set up your life so that the truth will be revealed to you exactly when you have the wisdom and courage to deal with it. No sooner.
“For now, all you need to know is that you are different… even from Alexander. Because of that, you will have abilities that no one else does. Even now, your constant struggle, back or forth? Up or down? Call or don’t call? You are constantly arguing with yourself. There is a reason, and it is because of that reason that we have all gone to such lengths to protect you.
“We cannot give you all the answers, as we do not have them. You gave each of us something you needed and the desire to share it with you at exactly the moment you intended. You can’t find something out before you intended too. That is why even the Jarwin do not know much about you. You intended that as well.”
Kiera took my hand and lowered her voice. “A mentor is going to suggest something to you soon. Take his offer. And please, stop fighting us. Now is your time to change. Let us make this as pleasant as we can.” Her petite and youthful face held a smile.
“All right.” I spoke so softly that I could barely hear it myself.
An uncomfortable silence filled the room. All I could hear was the drip-drop of water from the leaky faucet. Entirely too much time passed before anyone said anything, allowing my thoughts to center on what Kiera had said. Now was my time to change.
“Do you mean now… right now?” My heart beat faster as I spoke.
“Whenever you’re ready.” Alexander grinned.
“Then why…?” I wanted to ask all kinds of quest
ions. Why had we needed to rush over here? Why hadn’t I just changed when I realized my face was not so solid? But I knew the answer. I hadn’t thought to change. I expected it to happen on its own, and that wasn’t possible. “Never mind. Should we do it here or in the living room?” My stomach filled with butterflies.
Alexander stood up, wiping his face, his smile radiant. “How about we go outside? The only ones allowed to see the change are Kiera and me. A living-room display might cause trouble.”
“What about the vortex?” My nerves were now on high alert.
“That’s only a concern if you’re inside the ring of trees. As long as we’re in the yard, we’ll be safe.”
“Right.” My mood lifted greatly now that my time had come. I pointed my finger at Alexander in a flirtatious sort of way and stood. “Let’s go.”
“Okay, okay,” he chuckled. “I have to say, I’m glad to see that you’re excited. I was beginning to worry.”
“I’m sooo ready! Let’s do this.” Excitement filled me.
Alexander scooted his chair in with a loud screech and turned to Kiera. “Do you want to join us?”
“No, thank you.” She shook her head. “It would be better for you two to be alone.”
Alexander nodded and waved to those we were leaving in the kitchen. “See you guys in a while, then.”
When we reached the yard, Alexander took me to an area where we would be out of sight from the windows. My stomach continued to flutter as I sought solid ground on which to try the change. It was difficult, but I finally managed to find a place with no snow.
“You ready?”
“As ready as possible,” I replied anxiously.
Through his excited expression, a serious side emerged. “Do you remember what I told you about how to make yourself change?”
I nodded.
“Before you try, I’m going to shift. Once you see me fade, then you can try. If you don’t succeed at first, just keep trying.” His large grin made me feel more at ease. I could do this.
“I’ll wait,” I replied.
It only took seconds for Alexander to dissipate into nothing. One blink, he was there, the next, he was gone. I could still feel him, even in energy form. His presence was becoming familiar already.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes tight. You can do this Aislinn… Come on… Think… Make yourself speed up… Picture your strings, your tiny vibrating strings, and make them speed their vibration… Faster… Faster… Just like Alexander told me, I envisioned myself changing, pictured all my tiny strings speeding to an enormously fast pace. Why wasn’t anything happening?
“Alexander?” I grumbled. “I need you. Something is wrong.” My disappointment made me feel heavier, slowing down anything that I might have accomplished already.
With a blink, he returned. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing’s happening,” I complained. “Am I doing something wrong?”
“I’m not sure.” Alexander paused as if contemplating. “You tried thinking about the change, picturing it? And nothing is happening?”
“Yes.” I rolled my eyes. “Of course I did, but nothing happened… not even a little tingle or odd sensation. Am I doing something wrong?”
“No,” he mumbled, contemplating the issue. “But maybe, since you’re different, there is some other way you need to be trying. Just trust your gut.”
I took a step back and let out a long breath. Alexander was getting on my nerves.
“Don’t get testy. It’s important to stay in a good state of mind while doing this.”
“Sorry.” I focused on my breathing until I calmed down. “What do you mean about trusting my gut?”
“What does your heart say to do? Maybe you need to try your own way. Try different things. I will change again and wait. If you need me, just call again.” Another flash, and he was gone.
What did he expect me to do? I had no idea where to start.
I tried to silence myself internally. Letting my intuition guide me, I drew to the center of my energy… right in the middle. Okay soul. What do I need to do to make this change?
Trust.
Trust what?
Yourself.
Without any more delay, I summoned all the energy inside me and pushed it outward. In my mind, I could see a glowing ball of white light protruding from my chest, with a touch of darkness swirling here and there. Not an evil darkness, simply substance.
The glow of my electric bubble became extremely bright. Even with my eyes closed, the urge to shout at the amount of light creeping in through the cracks in my eyelids was overwhelming. The feeling, however, was like nothing I’d ever experienced. I could feel everything. The trees felt old, even the young ones. They had old souls.
The grass under my feet felt new, like a child reaching and anxious to grow. Impatient almost. The dandelions were unhappy that so many people didn’t see their beauty. The roses, snobby roses, didn’t want to be picked, and grew thorns to keep those who would tear them away from their lovely soil homes at bay. I couldn’t just feel the breeze; I was the breeze.
Everything around me felt like part of me. Like we were connected by strings of an energy web. What one thing felt, I did as well. The feeling went beyond time, as the past, present, and future all merged into one. All that mattered was feeling.
Most importantly, I could feel love coming from everything. Everywhere. The childlike grass wasn’t angry that I squashed it. Even the haughty roses found great pleasure in being as beautiful and sweet smelling as possible for the same humans they didn’t want touching them. Love filled everything. I felt on fire, love fire. My mind took in so much that I couldn’t grasp everything.
I could hear the house speaking to itself, to me.
“Long ago were the days when we stood as trees, many trees. We gladly gave ourselves so that you could have shelter from the cold at night.”
“Why would you want to do that?” Rather than words, my question came out of me like waving bands of energy, shifting color as they reached the house.
“Because that is why we are here. Silly girl! What good would being alive be if all we did was stand around and watch those we love suffer in the cold?”
“But I thought you didn’t like to be cut down.”
“We don’t like those who waste our lives for the sake of greed, but to shelter our dear loved ones from the cold… No tree would ever be sad about that! We exist with you, as a part of your family, when you use us for your homes.”
“Well, thank you, then. I appreciate your kindness and sacrifice.”
“You are welcome. As we appreciate yours!”
“What do you mean? What have I sacrificed?”
“We come here, to this life, knowing what is expected of us and what will happen at every moment of every day. But you live in the dark all the time! Oh, the insanity! Yet all of you do it so that everyone else may learn. Every time a sad person has wept in this house, or had feelings of loneliness or desires to give up, I want to shout, ‘Oh, but how lucky you truly are!’ So many of you walk the earth never realizing how important you are. You have come to help us all. We learn from you and through you. You are like a walking vibration, sending out all that you feel and experience like waves for all to share. We trees will gladly do anything to help the chosen!”
“By chosen, do you mean the Ewlishash?”
“No silly girl. I mean humans, of course!”
“But, I thought…”
“Don’t think too hard. Besides, your friend is waiting for you to find him. You are in a different place. Try thinking of him, and you will slow down a little.”
“Thank you.”
“You are most graciously welcome!”
I tried very hard to stop seeing the brightness around me and focus on Alexander. To remember what he felt like. Part of me never wanted to leave this pleasant place. But soon, I focused enough to remember a masculine hand brushing dark-curly locks out of his face, the dimple on his left ch
eek.
I saw myself on the futon again. Thrusting myself toward him like a lioness. It felt like I had known him for years, lifetimes, rather than weeks. I felt his warmth and smelled his sweet breath. I remembered the heat that surged through me, and I opened my eyes to see Alexander before me.
“That took a while. You had me frightened there. What happened?”
“I’m not sure I understand. How long did that take?” I asked, confused.
“I saw a bright flash of light, brighter than I have ever seen, and you were gone. Not here with me, but not in solid form either. I have never been more afraid in my life. If I had to guess how long you were gone for, I’d say about an hour.”
“An hour! How could that be? I just gathered my energy and became a ball of bright light with little black swirls. Then I could feel the plants and dance with the breeze—as the breeze—and talk to the house. Which, I might add, helped me get to you.”
A long silence ensued while Alexander took in everything I’d told him. While we hovered, I surveyed my surroundings. Things looked brighter than they did in my usual solid state, but not as bright as in the last place I’d been.
Alexander looked like himself too. I had half expected to see thousands of tiny strings with little Alexander faces floating through the air. It was silly, but until I saw him, I had no idea what to expect.
Before I could get too much further in my observations, Alexander spoke, his words clumsy and fumbling.
“What do you mean you were talking to the house?” The look on his face made me fear that I’d done something wrong.
“You told me to trust my gut, so I did, but I couldn’t open my eyes. I could only feel things. It was far too bright to see anything. But that didn’t matter. Feeling something is a much purer form of understanding. I could see so much more clearly without my eyes. The house told me about when it used to be trees and eventually told me that I was moving too fast, and if I focused on you, I would slow down so I could find you.”
“This can’t be.” Alexander’s voice trembled. “This isn’t possible.”
“What?” I gasped. “Did I screw up? Damn it, Alexander! Why did you ask me to trust my gut?”
The Heart-Shaped Emblor (The Ewlishash Series) Page 22