Wrapping my hands around the staff, I shot a bolt of lightning toward everyone in the room. They all tumbled to the floor. The witchdoctor bit down hard. I could see that he was hurting.
My pulse raced with fire coursing through my veins, unlike anything I had experienced of late.
“Leave me!” Said the voice that had entered my body.
I knew that I had been possessed, but I also knew that the process of taking over my soul wasn’t complete, because I was aware of everything this thing was forcing me to do. My body walked over to the window, stared up at the dark sky void of a single star’s shimmer.
“No!” I screamed and turned to glare at the witchdoctor. “It’s too soon! Your timing is off! What have you done?”
The witchdoctor crept closer.
“Oh, Great Spirit,” he bowed. “Please forgive me. The girl is strong, my Lord, I had no choice but to take hold of her before…”
My hand struck him. His body was hurled across the floor and it smashed into a wooden chair, rendering him unconscious for a split second.
“You doubt my power? The power of your ancestors? Your punishment will be brutal.”
The witchdoctor tried to get up, but fell down again. After a few attempts, he eventually got to his feet.
“This mind is restraining me and it is fighting me. Go! Prepare for the ceremony. The ancestors will clear the skies so that the three moons may smile upon us.”
The witchdoctor bowed.
“Fool!” I spat, as I threw another bolt of lightning at him. My chuckle tainted the air with cruel laughter as I watched him scamper away.
The staff shook in my grasp and they all left in a hurry. I was alone with that thing inside me. My thoughts became more detached from my body the longer I lurked in the shadows of my mind. I was watching myself through my eyes as if they were a window. The spirit inside me perceived the world vaguely. I wondered how old it was. It must have been old, as King Shaka lived during the 1800s back on Earth. I also knew how he had died; betrayed by his own family and murdered. He was back to finish what he had started on Earth, to build the prefect race, to breach the underworld and avenge his murder. I turned and walked over to the mirror once again. The sensation of walking on a dead leg pervaded my entire body. From head to toe, I felt numb and unhinged from any blood flow, but, unlike when a leg has simply fallen asleep, my mind could not control my body’s actions. I finally knew what all ‘those dreams’ were about. When I had struggled to free my body from being paralyzed, I hadn’t been paralyzed, I had been possessed. In a way, I had seen what was coming for me. Staring into the mirror, I was aware that it wouldn’t be much longer before the spirit figured out that I was still inside, thinking freely and plotting against it. But, I was okay with the darkness coming for me. I wished there was someone there who could help me, who could free me from the grotesque spirit that was strangling me from the inside out. Or, am I inside of it? I pondered. I felt what it felt and saw what it saw. If only I could hear its thoughts, I mused. I was standing in front of the mirror looking at myself through someone else’s eyes. At first, I felt repulsed, but the longer it stared, the better I felt and the stronger I became. Within my stormy gray eyes, I was coming through. Then, envy rose up inside me. The feelings were not my own. I watched as my gaze fell on the pieces of clay on the floor. Anger rippled through me. Those masks were of other ancestors that were supposed to be summonsed the following night. Inside, I laughed. This thing’s weakness was its anger. With sudden realization the spirit knew I was there, challenging his every move. So, I watched as the hatred and rage took over and screamed out as my hand grabbed a sharp piece of clay and started cutting away at my face, and then continued on to the rest of my body. Once again, my fear had paralyzed my ability and I begged for it to stop. The ancestors’ spirit was taking over and I was allowing it to. I can’t let this happen! I told myself. I screamed for Maya, but there was no answer. I was being overpowered. I was slipping away. Abruptly, everything came to a screeching halt. There was a figure standing behind me. It was Troy. The spirit used my face to smile.
“This is your destiny, Ava.” It told me. My bloody hands reached for Troy’s neck, got a good grip around it and squeezed. Troy didn’t resist. Troy, it’s not me! You have to do something! Stab me! Do something, please, I begged. He just stood there, letting that thing inside me strangle him to death. His face turned red and then purple. I was going to kill him! I couldn’t let that happen. I would rather have killed myself. I dropped Troy and fell to the floor beside him. He lay there gasping for air.
“I will kill him now.” It smiled from within. I still felt detached from my body, which unexpectedly flung itself into the mirror, smashing it and sending a shower of silver shards to rain over us. The spirit was frantically fighting back. It had realized what was happening and its plan was failing. We were struggling against each other, within one body. This was like something out of a horror movie.
Troy gasped for air. “Ava.”
I hardly heard him. I had to shove that thing out of me, soon.
I fell to the floor again; blood ran down my face, burning my eyes, but it was the pain inside my head that was threatening to suffocate me, take me asunder. Still, I would rise!
I would not allow this thing to kill my loved ones for the sake of revenge against me, the one who threatened to ruin it all. I reached for an elongated shard of glass from among the shattered pieces of mirror on the floor and picked it up.
“I will kill every last one of you!” The thing screamed at me.
I had no time to think – I just did it; buried the glass deep into my body. Perhaps if the body was dying, it would, too? The thing laughed, so I imbedded the razor-sharp shard even deeper. There was no pain, at all. I blocked the healing ability – I had to. When I saw the terror in Troy’s eyes, the pang of regret sobered me up. I fell to my back, struggling to breathe, felt the warm sticky goo drain from my body. No matter how many breaths I drew, I could not breathe. My hands were numb and lifeless. I watched Troy watching me and I pledged to him that the spirit of the ancestors would die with me. I could hear its screams in the distant recesses of my mind as life faded. Troy grabbed me and jerked me toward him.
“Ava, no! Not like this…” My mind was fading and he become fuzzy.
My senses blurred, zooming in and out of focus. I could feel his warm hands holding onto me and then the feeling disappeared. I could hear his soothing voice and then it, too, was gone. He was alive. That was all that mattered. I had saved one life already and my death would save many more.
“I saved you,” I said faintly. I couldn’t feel the smile I was trying so hard to project.
“No, Ava,” he said angrily. “You die and I die too.” He was actually tearing up.
My heart sank. I thought I would have felt peace as my life drained away, but I didn’t. Something was wrong – horribly wrong. I began to think that Troy was right and that my death wasn’t the answer. I realized that killing myself might kill the spirit of the ancestors, but it wouldn’t stop the witchdoctor. I realized that he would try again and again, first going after my sister and then Troy, if he found out he was still alive. I realized I had to hold on. I realized I had made a mistake.
“Troy.” I reached for him.
He didn’t have to say anything. It was all there in the way he looked at me. My future was slipping away.
“I failed. I’m so sorry.”
For a moment, I could feel warm tears streaming down my face, but the warmth soon disappeared.
“Kiss me.” I said.
And he did. I felt his warm lips brush against mine, but moments later when he kissed me fully, I had already lost the sensation on my entire face. I couldn’t smell him; I couldn’t draw in his scent one last time before I died. I could smell his sweet scent no more. I summoned the last bit of will I had left, just to feel him one last time. His lips claimed mine once more and it felt like nothing I had ever felt before. A strong, warm and natural
sensation enveloped me. It felt like I finally belonged. When he kissed me it felt like I had found the only place where it would all be okay. There was nothing I had done that couldn’t be fixed by that feeling. I have to pull through. I have to have more of this. My head started to spin. I wasn’t sure if it was from loss of blood, or yearning. At that moment, I could have consumed all of him and never let him go. I would carry that with me into the next life. I drew in more of his scent, thinking that this should be the part where the golden light came raining down on two lovers and one is saved by the other’s kiss. It wasn’t. It only got darker, my senses numbed and I felt depleted. He disappeared entirely. He vanished from my sight, my touch and my heart. It was lonely and it was dark. I had failed again and I knew that that would be the thought that stayed with me for all eternity.
I felt enraged and mortified. Self-hatred consumed every inch of me. I thought of nothing else but getting away from it. Rage boiled within until there was an explosion that shattered the wall from one dimension to the next. My senses came to. I sat up fiercely and shook the cold hard ground from my body. I stood, I rose and I came back from the dead! I looked into my shallow grave. A black fire burned all around me. Looking up, I glared at the witchdoctor who was glaring back at me, his sister, Nomsa, stood at his side. Water poured over me, sizzling as it touched my skin. I heard Maya call out my name. Kronan was holding her back and I was glad he did. I was about to do extremely violent things.
I screamed, my own voice frightening me. What have they done? I didn’t want to be what I had become. I didn’t want to owe death to my soul. I was more a ‘thing’ than I had ever been. The ancestors’ spirit was still inside me. I held out my hand toward the witchdoctor, squeezing down onto his lifeline, which became visible as my soul slowly came back to me. And, while my soul poured back into my old body, I saw things that no human could ever see. I could see souls. I could see lifelines encircling these souls. They reached up into the sky and beyond. Colors vibrated from everything – the trees, the grass and even the rain. The witchdoctor started to gasp for air. I could feel that I was squeezing the life out of him. I turned to Nomsa without letting go of her brother’s lifeline and lifted her off the ground with my other hand, without actually touching her. It was not my power, but the ‘thing’ I had become. Then I came back to the fore.
“What have you done?!” I screeched at them.
Taking severe umbrage, I had a fierce hunger to get away. Nomsa squirmed under my iron grip. Maya screamed for me to let go. I dropped them both and yelled out again. The urge to smash something or someone into tiny little pieces was physically powerful. The witchdoctor lay on the ground still gasping for air. I reached for him and threw all the rage and disgust within me that did not belong to me, at him. A loud bang resonated through the air, transferring Shaka’s spirit into his body.
“No!” Nomsa managed to shout before she broke into a coughing fit. I had squeezed her throat so hard that I had almost broken it. “It will… kill… him,” she was eventually able to spit out.
I looked at Maya’s terrified face. This is all wrong. It has all gone totally wrong. I looked up to the sky as acid tears welled up inside me. Save me from myself, I pleaded. I felt myself break. The next thing I knew, all the vibrations had seized and I was in a forest clearing. A lush, green jungle surrounded me. Moss covered almost every rock and every single piece of ground in all directions. I had never been there before and I had no idea where I was and how to get out of there. I fiercely searched the faces of the crowd of people that surrounded me for the resurrection ceremony. Nearly everyone I knew was there. Tatos was there, tall and strong, his bow and arrows strapped across his back, as was Willard, who was ready to strike with a sword should I try to kill him. Kronan stood motionless, his fingers nervously fumbling at the beads strung across his chest. Enoch was missing, of course, because I had killed him. I still didn’t regret it as much as I should have, and I wasn’t ashamed of it either. Anaya stood quietly, long hair sheeted to her head by the rain. Maya stood next to Arriana, who looked weaker than ever. Maya wanted to say something. I could see it in her navy eyes and I could tell by the way she scanned my face. I glowered at David and his gang, who just stood there looking like a single unit. Their black hoodies pulled over their heads, arms crossed over their chests. I looked back at Maya. Her face looked strained and tired. Everyone kept their eyes on me – judging me. I was fine with it because I was judging myself, and I knew my own judgment would exceed theirs. Never in a million years could I fix what I had done and the absence of Troy only confirmed it. I felt a supernova explode inside me. It sent a wave of rippling rage through the air, striking everything and everyone in its path. I became the darkness once more. I tore my wet clothes from my body like I was shedding my very skin. I took off, past the bodies sprawled across the wet grass. My feet sank into the wet ground as I pushed down harder onto the soft mud to obtain more grip, thereby increasing my speed. I had flattened everything around me. I ran past flattened trees, rage and hate heavy upon me. Colors of the forest blurred into one single gray-green mess. I needed to get away from it all. I needed to get far away from myself. From the uprising that was happening within me.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Evolve
To find yourself, just look inside the remnants of your past.
The forest blurred past me as I kept running. I felt myself evolving with every angry breath I took and I could sense that it was killing me. There was a tight pull in my calf muscles as the soft, saturated forest floor gave way to a rise at the base of the mountain. The distant strikes of lightning and crashing thunder summoned me and the rain kept coming. It was harder and colder than before as the icy drops stung my naked body. I wanted the rain to shower down on me as hard and as cold as it could until it cut away all the wrong I had done. There was something there inside me that should never exist; I could feel its rottenness threatening to evolve me into a monster. I kept running until my throat was on fire, but the rage didn’t subside. It only got worse. I screamed as my feet dragged through frozen mud, lacerating my skin, suddenly halting where the land fell away. I had come to a sudden stop near a cliff that overlooked a strong river cutting through the mountains like glass separating truth from fiction. I wanted to go so far away that it would seem like I had never existed. I believed that every decision I had ever made would melt away the farther away I got. I can never go back. How would I explain to Maya what I had done? How could I be with Troy? He had seen a part of me no one should ever have seen. He saw what I was – a murderer – a monster. I thought I had been doing the right thing, but it had felt wrong from the very first dark breath I took. And just like I fell for Enoch, I dived into the wrong, like it was the only choice I had. How could I have been so wrong? How could I have destroyed and disfigured myself like that? In that precise moment, I hated being me more than I ever had before. I walked closer to the edge of the cliff. My feet tender, the skin shredded from clawing up the jagged stone walls of the mountain. I slipped as my feet rested upon smooth moss. I stared into the storm. How did I get like this? I had to find the truth and I knew it was out there somewhere. I just had to get away. I had to separate myself from the thing inside me. I needed to be alone, somewhere where nothing could be tarnished by me in the process of self-discovery. Because I was about to rip everything inside me to shreds, I wanted to kill once more. I had to go somewhere where I could fathom what I had become. I was rotting from self-pity and self-loathing. I sucked in what should have been fear, but was in fact rage and plunged down the rock face. The wall of the cliff passed quickly as I fell. I twisted and turned, somersaulted and flew through the air. I lost my breath as an icy wind flew past me, my speed accelerating. I straightened out, staring at the wall of water coming directly for me and for a second I felt free, but then my body shook as I smashed down hard onto the cold, stiff surface of the water and broke through into the silent world below. My body submerged in icy, silver water. As I sank deeper the wa
ter washed over me, soothing my skin and clearing my mind just long enough for me to feel my heart. Broken. I knew running away was taking the easy way out, and I admit that running away was easier than having to control the extreme anger and hatred I felt, but couldn’t understand why. I could never be this in front of those I cared for. Troy could never see me that way. They would leave me if they knew what existed within me. The Council would kill me. I would never be able to get rid of those feelings and to properly understand them if they were there, watching me, judging me. Never would they see the wounds of a monster, they would only see the monster. I thought that maybe if I just stayed away for a while, I could get a grip on myself and get it all out of my system and then maybe I could go back and face them all, even Troy. Would he want to be with something like me? I wondered. I couldn’t imagine how he would. I felt better for a moment, but then the vile thoughts came back. Thoughts such as I had killed, I had been possessed, I had possessed another and I had given my body to a man I hated just to get back at him, but worse than this, I had given a sacred part of me away just to gain power! Ultimately, the truth was that I didn’t get back at him at all. I was the fool, once again. He’d won. Once again, I had changed myself and become someone I was not, for what? Power and revenge? I will never forgive myself for that – never, ever. I didn’t belong in their world anymore. I hated them for bringing me back. I hated that they believed in the prophecy. I didn’t think I deserved to move past all that had happened, so I swam with the current and came up for air at least twice before I realized I didn’t have to. I dove back down, swimming like a fish, my legs as one. It felt easier than walking. It felt better than walking. Troy’s face suddenly flashed before my eyes. My body shook as the tears came crashing through. I wanted him there with me. I wanted him to save me. I knew he was the only one who could smooth out the wrinkles of my tainted soul. But, why hadn’t he been there when I rose? I pondered. Because he knew what I had become when I tried to take my own life. I had given up just like I had done so many times before. He was right. I was naïve. Dave’s words rang through my mind. He always comes back. I wondered what they meant. If they were true and he could look past everything, could I let myself be with him? The answer was no, not like this. I blocked my mind from descending to a horrid state of self-pity. I told myself I had made my choices on my own, and that I should be finding a way to break free from the chains of filth that were smothering the Ava I ought to be. I continued swimming with the current. It was dark and quiet beneath the surface of the ocean, but not as dark as it was inside me. When fish swam past me, I wanted to reach out and touch them. Even though Shaka’s spirit was no longer in me, he had left something behind. I could sense it. I noticed that my skin was glowing like red-hot coals once the fire had gone out. I hoped that the evil within me was dying out too. But, how could the evil inside me die out if I didn’t know how to release it, or let it go? On the one hand, letting go of the evil flowing in my veins meant I would have to give up my powers, which I didn’t want to lose. I would become normal and invisible again. To be normal was not an option for me. I decided I wanted it all back. I was in two minds. I was destined to not be normal, but to be at peace with myself, I had to change. I had already changed to gain power. What else was I capable of, just to feel that power again? I wanted the best of both worlds, but that wasn’t possible. It rarely was.
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