by Kari Alice
Caleb’s house sat alone in a clearing, a well-lit shingle house with a style reminiscent of another time, but nothing about the exterior showed any signs or age. It was a classic New England beauty. The porch caught her attention with its wide steps and potted plants on each side of the walkway. Red and white geraniums peeked above terra-cotta planters. The siding looked like well-preserved driftwood, with crisp white trim. The three-story house was massive and would be too vast for only one person.
Lexi followed Caleb up the steps of the porch. “So you live here? Alone?” she asked skeptically.
“Yeah, I had it renovated when I bought it nearly three years ago. It was structurally sound, but everything else was a mess,” Caleb said.
As they walked into the foyer, a large meowing cat greeted them. Lexi was startled, not expecting to be welcomed by a hairy feline. The cat was massive with his long brown fur sticking off of him, which only made him appear that much larger. The cat purred and rubbed his oversized head against Lexi’s shins in greeting.
Caleb reached down and petted the cat. “This is Benjamin. Don’t worry—he’s very friendly.”
The cat meowed, as if reinforcing his honor by exhibiting obvious friendliness. Then without any warning, he padded off toward the darkened stairs and disappeared as quickly as he’d appeared.
“He likes to sleep on my bed. That’s where he probably went.”
“I bet he does,” Lexi said as she pulled off her hooded sweatshirt. She walked over by the fireplace that was gently burning and stood in front of it. Not that it was that cold outside, but it did curb the evening’s impending chill. The fireplace was gas operated, and Caleb had flipped it on when they first arrived.
Caleb put his car keys down on the entryway table, and pulled off his light jacket, and hung it on a rack by the door. The rack held his lab coat as well as a heavier jacket. He went over to Lexi as she watched the fire, and he wrapped his arms around her. Lexi jerked her body, but he held her despite her startle.
“Do I make you nervous, Ms. Lindsay?” Humor edged his voice.
She turned toward him while still in his arms. “I guess I should be nervous with you, but I just feel safe when I’m with you.” She spoke with her head against his shoulder. She breathed him in and absorbed his embrace. This all could be a mistake, but denying her feelings was unthinkable.
He cupped her chin and lifted her head to meet his gaze. “Look me in the eyes, Lexi.”
She shifted her eyes slightly down. “It’s almost too intense. I can’t explain it,” she said timidly. She still had a hard time believing that her virginity was no longer a secret.
He shifted his head to meet her eyes. “I feel it too. There’s no denying it anymore.” Caleb lightly stroked her cheek.
She looked up at him. His brown eyes seemed to know what she felt and thought, which was strangely intimate. She trusted him, but that didn’t mean she was comfortable with letting someone in after she’d put up some many barriers to protect herself.
He broke the connection and grabbed her hand as he led her toward the kitchen. “I kept your preferences in mind. I didn’t want to offend your taste buds with questionable food your first time here,” he said as he donned hot mitts and pulled out warmed food from the oven. “Have a seat.” He pointed to the rustic kitchen table, which was already set. He put a steak on each plate and laid out the rest of the food family-style. “Will you have wine with dinner?” he asked as he took out two glasses.
“I’ll try it, but I can’t promise that I’ll like it.” Wine usually tasted like vinegar, but she’d let him push her limits with no guarantees.
He filled both stemmed glasses with a blush-colored wine. Small bubbles clung to the sides of the glasses.
She sipped cautiously and admired its light and fruity taste. For some reason there were no traces of vinegar, or any taste that was unpleasant. As Lexi ate, her stomach filled in satisfaction. After all of her food requests, it would be better if she enjoyed her meal.
“Did you save room for dessert?” Caleb asked as he moved his plate.
“Seriously? I might explode.”
“It’d be worth it—I promise. Don’t worry. We’ll share,” Caleb said as he put away the remainder of dinner. Minutes later he brought over the ice cream–topped chocolate lava cake to the table. “Mike made it. I just had to warm it up and put ice cream on top.”
“Well, it looks amazing,” Lexi said as she dug her spoon into the gooey cake. The chocolate dripped onto the table as she brought the spoon to her mouth.
“Good, right?” Caleb asked, clearly amused by her pleasure.
Lexi closed her eyes and savored each bite. They shared the cake until only crumbs were left.
“What do you dream of doing?” Caleb asked, his eyes focused on Lexi as they both sat, still dazed by overeating. He wanted to know what made her tick?
“I don’t know. What do you mean?” Lexi looked at him.
“What I mean is, what would you do if you could do anything? Without the worries of bills or what other people might think.” Caleb looked unfazed by Lexi’s apprehension to answer.
She shifted her gaze downward, embarrassed to share such a personal admission. “When I was younger, in high school, I always thought I would like to be an artist. I used to be pretty good at charcoal portraits.” Her pace quickly sped up. “It’s silly. I know. Who really can make a living doing something like that, right?” She didn’t look up at him at first, but finally lifted her chin higher.
Caleb grinned, pure satisfaction on his face. “That is an amazing dream, Lexi. Do you still draw?”
“No, I haven’t in years, or at least nothing serious. I guess it was just something that disappeared once I went to college,” Lexi said in a shaking voice. Speaking openly about herself wasn’t something she did with any regularity.
Caleb seemed to sense Lexi’s anxiety. “Would you like to see the rest of the house?”
“I would love that,” Lexi said as she willed her muscles to relax.
Caleb showed Lexi the remaining downstairs rooms. The laundry room was behind the kitchen and looked like any other laundry room she’d seen. His washer and dryer were nice though. Each sat on an elevated pedestal and was a silver metallic color. There was a small office toward the back of the house that was parallel to the laundry room but was only accessible through the living room, and that also had a massive wooden desk in it, much like his desk at the clinic.
“Would you like to see the second level?” Caleb asked as he started toward the stairs.
Lexi followed him up the wide staircase. There were two guest rooms on one side that had an adjoining bathroom. The rooms were nearly identical and finely decorated. “It looks like a hotel. I mean, it’s just all so nice and put together.” The bachelors she knew wouldn’t have had such nicely furnished or clean houses.
Caleb blushed at Lexi’s odd compliment. “And this is my room.” He gestured to the French doors that were open. He turned on the bedroom light, which revealed the grand room.
The space was the size of the other two bedrooms combined. The finishes were ornate, and there was a tray ceiling centered over Caleb’s bed. The walls were painted a cool slate, while the ceiling and trim were white. The massive bed decorated in navy-blue bedding caught Lexi’s focus. Benjamin lay in the middle, tucked into a ball. He was in obvious bliss, but he still looked minuscule in the fluffy covering. Lexi walked over to the bed and laid back, which made Benjamin shift ever so slightly. His tail twitched in annoyance.
“Your bed is so comfortable,” Lexi said as she fanned her arms out on each side in a stretch.
Caleb looked just as uncomfortable as Lexi was relaxed.
When Lexi noticed his expression, she pushed herself up and moved off the bed. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself.” Apparently boundaries were crossed, but why would he not want her on his bed? She hadn’t meant to taunt him, but the bed was so fluffy that it had been impossible to deny.
&nbs
p; “I know what you mean, Lexi. I can’t always help myself either,” Caleb said in a mutter.
Lexi cheeks burned, but she didn’t comment.
“There’s the bathroom toward the left,” Caleb said as he headed that direction.
There was a soaker tub, stand-up shower, and long double-sink vanity. The floor was tiled, and the same tile ran up the walls to the ceiling. “The floor feels really good in here,” Lexi said.
“It’s the heated tile. It’s especially nice after a bath.” His cheeks reddened.
Lexi took off her flip-flops and stood on the tile in her bare feet. “That is nice.” Lexi had sensed his unease ever since they’d come into his room. “Why are you so nervous up here?”
He smiled ruefully. “It’s not that I’m nervous. I just have to control myself when it comes to you…I’m not sure how strong I really am.”
A ripple of unexpected excitement swirled in her stomach. “What are you afraid of?”
“You, I guess. I just don’t want to do anything to turn you off from me.” He looked her in the eye, as if trying to tell her what he felt telepathically.
“How could you possibly do that?”
“Don’t you know that you’re irresistible?” He took a step closer to her. “I’ve never had difficulty with self-control before, but then you showed up, and it has been a battle ever since.”
Lexi took a step closer to him. “Don’t you know how irresistible you are to me? I’ve been fine in my fragmented relationships, but here you are, and I don’t feel in control of myself around you either.” Lexi slowly pushed her body against his. Caleb stiffened, his unease only intensifying as she drew closer to him.
“What is it that you do to me?” His eyes looked confused, as if he really didn’t understand the attraction himself.
Lexi closed her eyes and blinked back tears. “I could ask you the same question,” she said as her lower lip trembled.
Caleb glanced toward his watch. “It’s getting late. I’ll take you home.”
***
Physical separation would be the only way to keep him from having her right now. He didn’t want to scare the poor girl off. He’d keep himself in check. Sacrifice was nothing new to him. His needs could wait. Besides, she still didn’t know…
“I’d rather be with you,” she pouted.
“I don’t want to turn you off of me that quickly. A girl like you…if you stay around too long, you’ll get tired of me.” He grinned to lighten the mood. “It’s for the best.”
Caleb drove Lexi home in his SUV; the ride was painfully silent. Lexi’s face was set in a hard grimace.
As he pulled into her driveway, Lexi asked, “What is it about me that revolts you? One minute you’re hugging me—the next you’re almost shoving me away.” Her controlled, almost stoic voice caused him to grit his teeth. Had he made a mistake?
“What?” Caleb asked. She made no sense, but it was obvious that he’d hurt her feelings with his attempts to protect her.
“It’s just that you sometimes recoil when I get too close. Did someone make you take me out, or are you gay?” Lexi asked with a sharp edge to her voice.
He wrinkled his forehead. He hadn’t meant to confuse her, yet there were things he wasn’t ready to reveal—his painful past. But if he didn’t confess, he might lose her. “There are things that you don’t know about me…” He hadn’t considered how his actions could affect how she viewed him, not when he wanted to keep those painful memories at bay.
“I know you’ve dated before. What is it about me in particular that makes you feel so differently toward me?” Lexi asked, clearly annoyed. “Is it that the other women you’ve dated were beautiful to you, and I’m not?”
How could she believe he didn’t find her beautiful? Caleb was quiet, waiting for something inspiring to come to him. He cleared his throat and willed the right words to flow out of his mouth. “Well, I’m not gay.” He paused to compose his unsteady voice. “You are beautiful, Lexi, not just your face or your body, but there’s something else to it. I think that if you knew more about me, then you would recoil. I’m not as good as you.”
“You wouldn’t hurt me, Caleb.” A single tear ran down her cheek. His thumb itched to wipe it away.
“No, not intentionally,” Caleb said, his jaw slightly clenched.
“What do you mean? Why are you trying to make me seem like a saint when I’m not one? If anyone is, it would be you. You help people on a daily basis at the clinic.”
The inner voice in Caleb’s head was insistent and drowned out all other reason. He had to come clean. A sharp pain radiated throughout his stomach as he summonsed up his nerve.
Ever since he’d learned who Lexi really was, or at least who her father was, it had eaten away at him. There was no going back now; he had to face her head on.
“I saw your dad die, Lexi,” he admitted in a whisper. He would’ve kept this secret buried, but he feared she would somehow find out the truth. Living in a small town meant that most people already knew your business.
What? Lexi mouthed, her voice inaudible.
Caleb stared blankly out the windshield. “When I was ten years old. I was riding my bike home from the park, when I saw a car swerve and crash into a tree.” He licked his lips and swallowed before continuing. “I was so scared. There was smoke coming out of the hood, so I jumped off my bike and ran over to the car. The man inside had a gash on his forehead from the impact. I tried to shake him awake. He groaned, but he didn’t open his eyes. I remember someone else pulling over, and somehow the ambulance was called. There weren’t cell phones back then, you know.” Caleb kept his eyes on the windshield. His hands gripped the steering wheel. He had to get it all out before he lost his confidence.
Unfettered tears flowed down Lexi’s face. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Once the ambulance arrived, the man, your dad, was pronounced dead. I just thought then if I knew what to do, I could have helped him. That’s why I became a doctor. I just remembered feeling so helpless, and I didn’t want to feel that way again.” Caleb turned to look at Lexi, who was trembling.
“You couldn’t have saved my dad. He had a heart attack,” Lexi said through ragged breaths.
“I know you’re right, but it’s something that I still feel responsible for. Why else would I have been there? What was the point of that?”
Caleb’s face looked younger than his age as he relived that event from his past.
Lexi sat back against the seat, stunned. She’d always assumed that her father died alone, and that always felt wrong. She was only two years old when her dad passed away, and she’d never known the particulars of his death—just that he’d had a heart attack.
“I had to give a statement to a police officer since I had witnessed the crash. They offered to drive me home, but I refused. I rode my bike, but I can’t remember anything about the ride home. I guess I was in shock. When I got home, I told my parents. I had blood on my hands from trying to stop the bleeding from the gash on your father’s forehead, and my mom freaked out at the sight of it. I tried to downplay what I’d seen. I didn’t think that my parents could handle it. I guess they thought I would get over it easier if they didn’t make a big deal out of what had happened, since I didn’t talk to them about it anyway. They were just glad that I was okay, or at least that’s what they told me when they learned what had happened. But I couldn’t forget it. I felt, and still feel, that I have a duty to help people.” Caleb shifted his dark eyes down as he rubbed at his knuckles. “I can’t explain it, but I feel like I let you down…I know it’s illogical.”
“Is that why you were drawn to me? You thought that you had to pay some debt that you think you owe?” Lexi asked.
“A debt? No, Lexi! When I first saw you at the motor vehicles office, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you. I didn’t know who you were. There was something different about you. I felt it, and I’m still not sure what it all means. I learned your full name at work, but still I
wasn’t sure if you were even related to the man from the accident. There are a few different Lindsay families in town. I thought that maybe you were related to one of those. But then Mike told me about your parents, and I knew you had to be the daughter of the man I saw die all those years ago. Honestly, I don’t know what to make of it…”
“So you’ve been so guarded around me because you don’t know what this is?” Lexi asked, trying to piece it all together.
“When I came home that night after helping you, Corrine was waiting for me in the kitchen. I hadn’t thought of her at all while I was with you, and I’m only bringing it up now because I want you to understand. I cared for her while we dated, and I thought that what I felt for her was love. But when I saw you, something changed. I can’t explain it, but I knew if I continued to live the way I was, then my life would be just okay but never great. I knew if I had someone more like you, then it would be something completely different. I wanted to find out what that difference was so much that I broke things off with Corrine that very night.” Caleb turned to face Lexi. His face seemed free of the constraint that had guarded his emotions.
She trickled her fingers down his arm that rested on the console. “I felt it with you too, Caleb. I can’t explain it either.”
He picked up her hand and gripped her fingers tightly. “When I look at you, it’s like you’re an angel. I know it sounds silly, but you’re everything, and I want to make things work with you. I’m just afraid that I’ll let you down somehow,” Caleb said.
“I don’t think anyone has ever felt that way about me, not even a fraction of it. It seems like a lot to live up to. You’re going to be disappointed when you find out that I’m just an average girl,” Lexi said, half teasing, half serious.