And yet my attention was on Heidi, and it seemed more appealing to me to see her getting lucky with Guy #5 than to get the chance to dance — and more — with some random attractive blonde I'd never met before.
"I'm sorry," I smiled as warmly as I could. "I'm waiting for someone."
Blondie nodded and smiled. "You come find me if she doesn't turn up, huh?"
When I turned back to the dance floor, I saw Heidi clasp her hands together behind Number Five's neck and push up on tiptoes to kiss him. Five pulled her close, his arms wrapped around her, and they were making out as though civilization was about to fall.
I was so hard watching them. Watching her, really. It was a trifle confusing how I felt, but the positive overwhelmed the negative. I was jealous. I was possessive, for God's sake. I looked at her and felt she was mine. And yet I was pleased at her success, I was elated that she was being shown how desirable she was, I was buzzed to think that she was enjoying herself, excited at this new prospect.
I wanted this guy to have her — and yet I wanted her, too, more than I had for a long time. And that was something I really thought I'd never feel again.
Had Heidi pulled something clever, and genuinely made me want her again?
But this had been all my idea. I had ordered her out here to do this. I had encouraged her to talk to guys, to dance with guys — and ultimately, to make out with Number Five. That had been my condition of winning our bet, not hers. Maybe, subconsciously, I did want Heidi.
Anyway, I was also thinking that perhaps all the alcohol had made me feel this way, and by the cold light of morning I'd be back to normal.
The two of them were kissing for a few minutes, it seemed to me, but then it broke up. Number Five pointed to the men's room, and Heidi was nodding, and as he split off, she wandered slowly back to me once more.
"So what's his name?" I asked, offering her a cheesy grin.
"Eric," she said, blushing.
"You like him?"
"He's nice." She looked at me as though she was uncertain whether I was really okay with this. "He's gone to the restroom."
I nodded. "So there you go, huh? Easy as pie."
"I don't think it's normally quite like this," she said.
"How come?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. All the cocktails... and having you here. Making me think it's all some bet."
"What, it's lulled you into a false sense of security?"
"I just think I probably wouldn't normally be this bold."
I laughed. "Sounds like you need a wingman, that's all. Or someone telling you what to do."
She gave me a funny look at that, and I couldn't quite interpret it.
"Another drink?"
"Sure, why not."
We chatted, and tried as best we could to look as though we weren't together. It was like two spies trying to pass messages without anyone noticing. I faced the bar and my drink sitting on the counter, while Heidi leaned up against the bar facing the dance floor, holding her drink in her hand. And like that, she could keep an eye on the restroom door to see when Eric returned.
Only, he didn't.
Heidi's mood seemed to darken a little, as more and more time ticked by and it became more and more clear that Guy Number Five had given her the slip. I was surprised, I have to say, and realized that I hadn't even conceived of what might happen if Heidi failed to attract any interest, or if things went wrong as they apparently had with Eric.
"What?" she said finally as we accepted that the guy wasn't coming back. "But we were making out. He had his hands all over me."
"Maybe you were too good," I suggested. "He's already with someone, and now he got worried you'd complicate matters."
She scoffed at that. "Everything was okay until we were kissing," she said. "And then he had to suddenly leave."
"Oh, right, but that doesn't mean — "
She turned to me. "Am I a good kisser?"
Okay. We were in a new era of openness and transparency, but I really did not want to answer that question.
My hesitation seemed to answer the question for me.
She said, "Seriously? What's wrong with my kissing?"
I don't know — I was running on alcohol. I'd been watching her flirting with guys all night, and it had been driving me crazy. I wanted her. I knew it was wrong.
I said, "Okay... show me what you were doing with him."
I stood, and she smiled, and put her arms around my neck, clasping her hands together behind my head. She leaned up to me, and then our lips were together. She was kissing me passionately, and I was on fire, my hands spreading over her cute behind, pulling her to me.
It was strange — because she was so familiar, and yet at the same time everything about her was different. She smelled differently, her make-up made her seem different, and the fact that I'd watched her going tongue-to-tongue with another man made me want her like I'd never wanted her before.
I pulled her to me, and her body crushed against my hardness. My God, she was suddenly the most beautiful girl in the room, the most desirable creature.
Only, after a while — as we settled — I did notice that her kissing was a little... forceful. I guess it always had been. When we had slept together, perhaps I'd even learned to avoid it. I started to understand why a normal guy might be put off by someone who kissed like this.
"Wait... wait..." I pulled back from her, breathless.
"What? What is it?" she seemed delighted at where this was going.
"You're a little too... full on," I tried to explain. "You need to ease it back... you know... be gentle, a little more tender."
"Oh, right," she said, either taking it on board or mildly disappointed that I was trying to coach her instead of just kissing her and then taking her home to restart our sexual relationship.
"I'll show you," I said. "Just do as I do."
I brushed her hair back out of her face with my hands, then gently cradled her head as I slowly moved in to touch my lips lightly against hers. She seemed a little nervous, which seemed wrong since we were so familiar, but endearing. I parted my lips slightly and brushed them over hers, before gently kissing her there, without really applying any pressure at all.
Funny how I was supposed to be teaching her, and yet I felt at the same time I was learning, too. Reminding myself how it should be, I guess, because I'd forgotten how hot a simple kiss could be, I'd lost that when the passion between us had faded. The main thing was that we moved incredibly slowly and maybe I even overdid that, but it did seem to build the tension between us and heighten the sensation of soft lips slipping over soft lips.
Heidi moaned quietly as we locked lips and my arms slid around her waist. She was following my every move — seeing what I did and then mirroring it back to me, but showed she could be taught.
After a long while I was lightly running the tip of my tongue between her lips, seeking out the tip of her tongue very gently, before easing back to simply suck gently on her lower lip.
Then, steadily, the intensity of our kiss developed. I brought my hands up to the back of her head, and we were kissing as passionately as we ever had. It was almost as forcefully as Heidi's previous technique had compelled her to be from the start of a kiss, but thanks to the slow build-up and the emphasis on being gentle, she wasn't so rough.
At last, we parted, breathless, and Heidi gazed at me, wide-eyed and astonished.
I felt another little ounce of guilt that we'd never really kissed like that while we'd been actually dating. I'd done it all wrong, I hadn't put my all into it. I'd used Heidi as some kind of quick rebound, wanting to go straight into fourth base and the home run without first thinking about the basics.
Maybe it was one of the pitfalls of the rebound romance. I'd thought I could pick things up with Heidi from where I'd left off from Suzi, without figuring that actually, I ought to have started everything again from scratch.
"Wow," Heidi said at last.
"You see? That's how it sh
ould be."
I was praying she didn't come out with the obvious accusation that I'd never done this with her before.
But she said in wonderment, "Nobody really taught me. I never thought..."
She kissed me again, this time taking the lead — starting slowly and lightly, before building up a little more quickly than before, but nevertheless sensually and completely unlike the Heidi of old.
God, it was seriously hot. I was hard as a rock. I had to hold my body a little back from her to make sure she didn't feel it — I didn't want to go there, I was sure of it. Although I seemed to have this renewed crush on her, the way that our relationship had gone, and the way it had finally broken, meant I did not want to get into things again.
But there on the edge of the dance floor, we practiced for a long while, and Heidi was noticeably growing in confidence with every moment.
Finally, we broke apart again, all smiles, and I said, "Don't you want to try it out on somebody else now?"
Her smile faltered for a brief moment, as though for a split second she'd forgotten what tonight was all about — trying to help her cut through the ice in her search for another man.
"Uh... sure," she said, quickly regaining her composure, then added, "just let me take a quick rest stop, and I can try..."
"Sure. But don't walk out on me now," I said, and she smirked at my reference to Eric, her runaway dance partner.
I watched her weave her way to the restrooms for a few moments, then turned to find the bar. Ordering a drink for myself and for Heidi, I found a familiar face approaching me — the blonde from before.
She slipped something into my pocket, then flashed me a mischievous smile. "You're really something," she said. "Why don't you give me a call if... you know... things don't work out with her."
Then she wheeled on her heels and sauntered away into the crowd.
It made me chuckle. I guess attractive women didn't always have it their own way. No doubt the blonde had been watching me kissing Heidi. Perhaps the very fact that I was with another woman made her want me more than she might have ordinarily. I mean, I knew how I'd felt when I'd watched Heidi with another man. It raised the stakes, it made me value her more. It made me see her as a sensual, sexual being, one to be desired.
"You all right?" Heidi had returned, and I hadn't seen her approach.
"Uh... yeah," I said, handing her a fresh drink, shaking the daze from my face. "Here."
She grinned, and took a huge gulp of her margarita. "Okay, let's do this, right?"
It seemed obvious that she'd gone to the rest room simply to gird herself up for the task at hand, and now she was back out here, she wanted to get it over with, or at least get going.
The crowd in the nightclub was beginning to thin out — and I was surprised to check the clock on my phone and see just how late it was. We'd spent ages getting Heidi flirting with guys, and it seemed we'd also spent ages practicing her kissing.
Still, there was no shortage of single guys around the place, and as I watched Heidi find her way to the dance floor, to dance on her own, she was soon attracting some interest. A tall, dark stranger, no less. She smiled approvingly as he moved in to dance with her, and I felt that little flicker of jealousy — and arousal — as she did so.
She took her time with him, and her steady approach only added to her sense of self-confidence. Eventually, her hands were on his hips, and then slowly moved up until her wrists were perched daintily on his shoulders, her fingers interlocking behind his neck, her eyes locked on his — showing clear interest and an openness for more.
He leant into her, and the two moved in for the kiss, and this time Heidi seemed in control, calmly brushing his lips with hers before pressing her mouth gently to his, to begin kissing him cautiously and yet sensually.
I felt like some Jedi Grand Master watching my apprentice defeat the Dark Side single-handedly.
I also felt a deep desire for Heidi, an arousal that apparently came from the fact that I was watching her kiss yet another man in the same night. She was really getting into this one, now — pressing herself against him, letting him run his hands all over her as their kiss reached passionate heights.
There was something fascinating and thrilling about this quietly conservative girl embracing her sexuality, opening herself up to her lust — even if it wasn't with me.
My body was feeling a clear possessiveness toward Heidi by now — our kissing, no doubt, reminding my subconscious of our long-standing relationship. So, watching her in the arms of another only spurred a kind of primeval desperation in me to take her back and make her mine.
Yet my head told me that such a move would be foolish. It hadn't worked out between us long-term. What was to say it would if we tried again?
My rational part still told me that Heidi would probably do best finding someone else, some other guy who would appreciate her more than I ever had.
I watched her, perched on a bar stool making sure nobody could tell I was sporting a brutal erection, and I really wanted to take her away and make love to her over and over. And at the same time, the strange fascination in me, and the powerful arousal I felt, made me want to see her take this tall, dark lothario away with her instead of me — to go home and ride him until he was a spent force.
I wanted her to fuck someone else. Even the thought of her having done it made me want her more.
It was a rather bizarre state of mind, I could see that. I could blame it on the alcohol, which was a very easy thing to do at the time, but I'd never had thoughts like this before, and I'd had many, many dealings with alcohol.
I found myself slipping into another daze as I considered these strange feelings, and then the next moment there was Heidi again, reaching for her drink, beaming at me ear-to-ear and looking so damn fresh-faced and bushy-tailed, and oh so damn attractive.
"Well, that was really something, huh?" she said, out of breath as though she'd just run around the building a couple times.
I looked up at her and snapped out of my daze. "What happened to him?"
She shrugged. "He's still dancing, I think. He gave me his number."
I chuckled. "You don't want to spend some more time with him?"
She laughed. "I kissed him, didn't I? I tried it out. And he liked it. More than liked it, I'm pretty sure."
"So why don't you... you know... stay with him?"
Another shrug. "I'm a little tired, I guess. I didn't feel like it."
I nodded. Fair enough. It was getting late. I was getting pretty tired, too, and I hadn't been the one doing all the dancing.
"Want to head off?" I asked.
She nodded, and offered me a grateful smile.
*
In the taxi back to her place in Camden, Heidi was all chatty and smiley and laughing, it was as though she'd taken something to get high. I don't think I'd seen her like that since we first started dating.
"You know that guy from the orchestra who came over to us earlier?" she was saying at one point.
"Blond guy."
"Donny."
"He was totally into you," I chuckled. "You don't like him?"
She screwed up her face, but her smile told me that she at least liked the fact that I was telling her the guy was into her. "He's a nice guy, but..."
"But?"
She shook her head. "The guys in the viola section are all sleeping with each other... I don't know... it gets really messy. They get into a fight... then they have to sit there for hours on end while we practice. It's not good."
I laughed. "You might not argue with him. And anyway, what does he play?"
"Clarinet."
"So you don't even sit with him."
"I'd have to look across and see him, though. I don't know..."
"The important thing is whether you find him attractive. Now that last guy you were with..."
"He was attractive," Heidi giggled.
"You should call him. Ask him if he wants to... you know... meet up for coffee..."
/>
"Yeah, I suppose..."
I got the sense that she wouldn't. That she would sober up and feel all self-conscious again, her confidence failing. Or... as we walked steadily back to her flat, that Heidi still wanted me, and thought that tonight was still all about us reconnecting.
As our conversation slipped into small talk, I started getting the feeling that she was kind of hoping we might just fall into bed and restart something. I don't know.... Perhaps I was just reading something into it that wasn't there. Perhaps it was the part of me that suddenly found her strangely alluring again.
But at the same time I was sobering up, and I did recognize that if we suddenly got back together, we might quickly lapse into the same problems we faced before we'd split.
And besides... when I thought about what made her so tempting to me right now, it was the thought of what we'd been doing that night that got me going. The thought of me persuading her to go dance with other guys, to make out with other guys, maybe to do more if she wanted.
What got me going was feeling I had the power to move her, to push her to experience what she never would with me alone. To urge her to make the most of her feminine wiles, and to step out of the relative safety of her bashful naivety — to turn from a relatively conservative and inexperienced girl into a ravishing temptress.
It was all kinds of wrong, this new fantasy of mine, but it was the fantasy that seemed to draw me to her now, and it wouldn't have worked if I didn't, deep down, care about Heidi.
We got to her door, and she said quietly, "You want to come in?"
I saw hope in her eyes, and a little tremor in her pale hands as she clutched them in front of her. I knew it would be so easy to accept her invitation, and so easy to end up in her bed, but then it would be easy for her to re-attach herself to me, and be sure our relationship was back on after a simple little glitch.
That wasn't what I wanted. It was wrong of me, but what I wanted was to get Heidi laid, and not with me. I wanted to corrupt the image of this little shy orchestra girl.
The conflicting part of my new fantasy was that I felt I would want to sleep with her once she had been corrupted, once she had slept with someone else — but particularly knowing what kind of a person Heidi was, there was no way that avenue would be open to me once she had gone there. She would likely as not be in another relationship then, moving on.
Heidi, Corrupted (An Ex-Wife Sharing Romance) Page 4