Moonlight on Butternut Lake

by Mary McNear

  Mila laughed, but then she pointed out playfully, “I don’t know about our making love my first night here, Reid. As I remember it, you didn’t even want to be in the same room with me that night, let alone be in the same bed with me.” She’d meant to tease him but saw now he was troubled by what she’d said.

  “Oh, God,” he said. “I hate remembering that. The way I treated you then, and the first couple of weeks after that, too. I don’t know how I could have been that cruel, but—”

  “You weren’t cruel, Reid,” Mila said, interrupting him. “You were just . . . lost.”

  He thought about that as he started to run his fingers through her hair. “You’re right,” he said finally. “I was lost. But you found me, didn’t you, Mila? You saved me.”

  “I saved you?”

  “Yes, you saved me,” he said. “That first day, when you walked into Pearl’s, I was in a dark place. A very dark place. I was going through the motions, I guess, but I didn’t really see the point in going through them anymore. I was like a dead man walking, except, of course, that I wasn’t walking.” He smiled wryly. “But you changed that, didn’t you?” he said, kissing her, very gently, on the lips. “You made me rethink everything. Every decision I’d made since I woke up in that hospital bed. And a lot of the decisions I’d made before that, too.”

  She saw an image of him then, the way he’d been that day, but it was hard to reconcile it with the way he was now. The man sitting in that wheelchair at Pearl’s could never have made love to her with the same passion or tenderness as this man had. But there it was. He was one man, and it had been one summer, though who would have ever known it was possible for a life to change so much in so little time?

  Then again, she thought, she had changed as much, if not more than he had this summer. And she saw an image of herself as she’d been that same day at Pearl’s, choosing a chair that faced the door, jumping every time anyone pushed it open, jangling its little bells, and cringing whenever anyone at the table said her name out loud. And now . . . well, now she wasn’t that person anymore. She just wasn’t, though she liked to think, of course, she’d kept the best parts of herself, kept them for her and for Reid. As for the doubt and the fear and the loneliness, well, those parts of herself she could live without now.

  “Reid, if I saved you,” she said, touching his face again, “then it goes without saying that you saved me, too.”

  “Mmmm, why don’t we just call it even, then,” he said, a little distractedly. And she was distracted too. He was slowly peeling the sheepskin throw away from her body.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, though it was perfectly obvious what he was doing.

  “I just want to see how your skin looks in the moonlight,” he said. For a moment, she wanted to be under the throw again, but instead she closed her eyes and let him uncover her.

  “I love you, Mila Jones,” she heard him say softly, and he started running his fingertips up and down again, only now, instead of tracing a line down her back, he was tracing a line down her front, from the hollow of her neck, down over her collarbone, down between her breasts, and down to her navel. Then he stopped and started the line in reverse. She shivered.

  “Are you cold?” he asked.

  “No,” she said. “Not cold. Just thinking about something.”

  “What’s that?”

  She opened her eyes then and saw that he was as naked as she was, having tossed the throw onto the deck, and that the moonlight was bathing not just her but him, too, in its milky glow.

  “I know you said you wanted to leave tomorrow,” she said, watching his fingers skate lightly down over her navel. “But do you think we could stay one more day. Or even two?”

  His fingers reversed themselves. “Why?”

  “So we could spend more time making up for lost time.”

  He smiled. “We’ll stay here for as long as you’d like,” he said, leaning down to kiss her. For a long time after that the night was quiet, except for the two of them and the soft lapping of waves against the dock below.

  EPILOGUE

  Walker! Allie!” Reid called to his brother and sister-in-law, who were working their way down one of the aisles in the crowded auditorium.

  They waved and turned into his row. “Great seats,” Walker said as they sat down next to Reid. “Front and center.”

  “I got here a couple of hours ago,” Reid admitted, before he leaned over Walker to say hello to Allie.

  “You look good, by the way,” Walker said when Reid was done chatting with Allie and had sat back in his seat. “How’s your leg doing?”

  “Good. Good enough for me to run five miles yesterday.”

  “Very impressive,” Walker said.

  “Mila didn’t think so,” Reid said, with a laugh. “She thought I could have gone a few more. But she’s very proprietorial about this leg,” he added, patting it. “Remember how hard she pushed me in my physical therapy sessions that fall after the accident?”

  “I remember,” Walker said. “Where is Mila, by the way?”

  “With her class, over there.” Reid said, gesturing to their left, where the first several rows on that side of the auditorium were cordoned off and filled with members of the graduating class, resplendent in their blue caps and gowns.

  “Is she excited?” Walker asked. Reid nodded.

  “She couldn’t sleep last night. Although that was partly my fault,” he added, lowering his voice. “I wouldn’t let her sleep last night.” He smiled, remembering their hours of lovemaking. By the time they’d finally fallen asleep, entwined in each other’s arms, it had been 7:00 A.M. and the alarm clock was soon going off.

  Now Walker shook his head, the expression on his face half admiring and half amused. “Reid, are you two still behaving like a couple of newlyweds? After two years?” Reid glanced at the gold band on his ring finger. Had it been that long? It didn’t feel like it. But Walker seemed to be waiting for some kind of response, so he said, “Mila’s starting her job next week, and being a critical care nurse is going to be pretty intense, especially at first, so we’ve been trying to make up for lost time, ahead of time.”

  “Huh,” Walker said. And then, “I’m sure there’s a logic in there somewhere.”

  But Reid didn’t answer. Someone was waving to him from the side aisle, and now he smiled and waved back. “You remember Heather, don’t you?” he asked Walker and Allie as an attractive, middle-aged blond woman entered their row.

  “Of course,” Allie said. “She was at your wedding.”

  “You made it,” Reid said, rising to give Heather a hug and a kiss.

  “Of course I made it,” she said, sitting down next to him. “I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. But I have to confess, I’m not used to driving in all this traffic anymore.”

  “Do you even have stoplights in Red Cloud, Nebraska?” Reid teased. But she ignored his remark and turned to Allie and Walker instead.

  “You’ve known Mila for a long time, haven’t you?” Allie asked her, after they’d exchanged hellos.

  Heather nodded. “I was the school nurse at her elementary school.”

  “Heather’s the reason Mila became a nurse,” Reid interjected.

  “Oh, I don’t know about that,” she demurred. “But I can tell you that Mila was a very special child. And when she told me, in the third grade, that she wanted to be a nurse, I never doubted for one moment that she’d become one.”

  “The third grade?” Allie said, in surprise. “And you stayed in touch all these years?”

  “We lost touch once,” Heather said, glancing at Reid. “For a little while. But after that, we never let it happen again.”

  “They still write to each other,” Reid said.

  “Real letters?” Walked asked. “I wasn’t aware that people wrote those anymore.”

  “Some of us do,” Heather said good-naturedly. “You should try it sometime. But honestly, as much as I love getting letters from Mila, being here
to see her in person is much more exciting.”

  “She must be thrilled you’re coming,” Walker commented.

  “She doesn’t know yet,” Heather said, smiling at Reid. “My son’s high school graduation is tomorrow, and I was afraid if I drove—which I usually do—I’d be cutting it too close. But Reid made me airline reservations. I’m literally just flying in and out. And not only that, but he practically had me sign a confidentiality agreement, too,” she added, her exasperation tempered by affection.

  “I want Mila to be surprised,” Reid said simply.

  “Oh, she’ll be surprised,” Walker said, and then, lowering his voice, he added to Reid, “You’re full of surprises.”

  Reid looked at his watch now and shifted nervously in his seat. The ceremony was about to start, and he still had one seat left to be filled. He sighed and looked around. Why hadn’t she let him drive her here? he wondered. Or send a car service for her? But she was stubborn, he knew. It was one of the things he and Mila both loved about her. In the next moment, though, he saw her, and she saw him. She started down the row, slowly, leaning heavily on her cane, and he wanted to help her, but he knew her pride wouldn’t allow him too. Even at eighty-two, Gloria Thompson made very few concessions to old age, though the cane, which she hated, was one of them. When she reached them, the four of them stood up to greet her warmly, and after they’d all said their hellos, she settled herself between Reid and Heather. As the lights in the auditorium dimmed and a hush fell over the crowd, she put her hand on top of Reid’s hand and asked quietly, “How’s our girl?”

  “Our girl is just fine,” he said, squeezing her slightly gnarled hand. And he felt it again. That gratitude he always felt toward Gloria and Heather and his brother and Allie. It was true that Mila had never had a conventional family, and what family she did have had long since dropped away. It had been a couple of years now, for instance, since her mother had returned one of her phone calls. But no matter. Because together, the people in this row (and Wyatt and Brooke, too) had become Mila’s family. Someday, soon, Reid hoped they would add to this family, but not yet. Mila had some other things she wanted to accomplish first.

  The graduation ceremony began now, and Reid watched, absorbed, until the dean of the nursing school began to give out the diplomas. After what seemed like a lifetime, she got to the J’s, and, by the time she called Mila’s name, he was clapping so hard his hands hurt, and the only thing that kept him from standing up was the knowledge that it would annoy the people seated behind him. He watched as Mila shook the dean’s hand, took her diploma, and looked to the front row where Reid had told her they’d be sitting. Her eyes found his, and then registered the excitement of seeing them all there, and then the surprise of seeing Heather. It was there in her expression. It was all there. The happiness, the surprise, the excitement, the pride, and the love. But most of all, the love.

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  Meet Mary McNear

  About the book

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  Reading Group Discussion Questions

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  About the author

  Meet Mary McNear

  Photo by Amelia Kennedy

  MARY MCNEAR is a writer living in San Francisco with her husband, two teenage children, and a high-strung, minuscule white dog named Macaroon. She writes her novels in a local donut shop where she sips Diet Pepsi, observes the hubbub of neighborhood life, and tries to resist the constant temptation of freshly-made donuts. She bases her novels on a lifetime of summers spent in a small town on a lake in the northern Midwest.

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  Reading Group Discussion Questions

  1. Mila has always taken care of herself. As a child she got herself to school, made her own meals, and did her homework with little help from anyone. When she was a young adult, she got a job to help her mom pay the bills and paid her own way through community college. She becomes responsible, self-reliant, and develops a strong work ethic—all good qualities. But what’s missing? What qualities must Mila embrace if she is to find happiness?

  2. Throughout the novel, Mila expresses a longing for a childhood she did not have. She longed to live in a picturesque small town like Butternut instead of the “hardscrabble” neighborhood where she grew up. She longed to have a mother who did fun things with her, taught her to swim, and took her to picnics and events. How is longing different than envy? How does Reid show Mila that it is not too late to have some of those things she longed for as a child?

  3. Mila and Reid’s relationship got off to a pretty rocky start. At what point did their relationship change direction? And what precipitated this change?

  4. Buoyancy, or a lack of buoyancy, is a theme throughout the novel: Mila’s feels “lighter without her wedding ring to weigh her down”; Mila imagines sinking “like a stone” to the bottom of the lake; Allie teaches Mila how to float in the water and she feels weightless and free; Mila feels “buoyed” the first time she flees Brandon; Reid feels “lightness” and weightlessness while watching Mila learn to swim. What does buoyancy represent for Mila and Reid? Why is it important?

  5. Although Mila’s mother is depicted as a disinterested and, somewhat, neglectful parent with an alcohol problem, Mila never condemns her. However, Mila’s develops friendships with three women older than herself: Heather, Lonnie, and Ms. Thompson. How are these women different from her mother? And what kind of relationship does Mila have with them.

  6. Unlike Mila, Reid is bitter about his childhood. He’s angry that his father wasn’t there for him and he’s jealous of his father’s closeness to his half sister, Chloe. How did this bitterness bring about Reid’s accident and prolong his recovery? What allows Reid to finally overcome these feelings and move on?

  7. Reid comes to the realization that his relentless drive to be successful in the boatyard business, largely inspired by a need to prove himself to his father, had eclipsed the pleasure he took in working with boats. Some people are driven by a desire to “show,” or outdo, their own parents, or in some cases to “settle a score.” Is this kind of motivation inherently destructive? Why was Reid unable to get any satisfaction from his success? How does Reid resolve to change things?

  8. The closer Reid gets to Mila the more he sees her as radiating light: her skin is “lit from within”; her nightgown glows in the moonlight; her hands are translucent and like the “velvety touch of the moonlight itself”: her skin glows faintly in the “near darkness”; Reid sees a “flicker of light” in her eyes. Why would Reid perceive Mila this way? Does this perception have anything to do with his own state of mind after the accident? And how is moonlight used to reveal both Reid’s feelings about Mila and the development of Reid and Mila’s relationship?

  9. Brandon is controlling and abusive toward Mila. He sees her as a possession, not an independent person. In the course of their relationship he works to isolate her from her friends and prevents her from achieving her goal to be a nurse. In the novel, how does he rationalize his belief that Mila’s feelings and choices are irrelevant? And are these characteristics common in abusive men?

  10. Although Mila’s initial interest in being a nurse may have been inspired by her childhood admiration for Heather, her interest does not wane as she grows older. Why is nursing a good career choice for Mila?

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  BUTTERNUT LAKE: THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

  * * *

  You’re invited to Christmas at Butternut Lake! New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Mary McNear, author of Up at Butternut Lake and Butternut Summer, takes us home for the holidays in this joyful e-original novella.


  Butternut Lake is so beautiful at Christmas—from the delightfully decorated shops, to the cozy homes with their twinkling lights outside, to the lake itself. And this year so much is happening!

  A wedding: Caroline meticulously plans her perfect Christmastime dream wedding to Jack, remarrying him after many years apart.

  A baby: Allie and Walker are expecting the best Christmas gift of all—their first baby together.

  A reunion: Daisy, Caroline and Jack’s daughter, is returning home after a long semester away at college.

  But what’s Christmas without complications? Walker smothers Allie with worry; Daisy pines for her true love, Will, away in the army. And then the unthinkable happens—and Caroline’s wedding plans are ruined.

  And just when it seems all is lost, the people of Butternut Lake come together to give their friends the greatest gifts of all. . . .

  BUTTERNUT SUMMER

  * * *

  Every summer on Butternut Lake the tourists arrive, the shops open, and the waves lap its tree-lined shores, just as they have for years. But this season everything changes for one mother and daughter who’ve always called the lake home. . . .

  Caroline’s life is turned upside down the moment her ex-husband, Jack, strides through the door of her coffee shop. He seems changed—stronger, steadier, and determined to make amends with Caroline and their daughter, Daisy. Is he really different, or is he the same irresistibly charming but irresponsible man he was when he left Butternut Lake eighteen years ago? Caroline, whose life is stuck on pause as her finances are going down the tubes, is tempted to let him back into her life . . . but would it be wise?