Recipe for Disaster

by Theda Vallee

  “So, it seems I have the pleasure of meeting the famed Violetta Massoni,” he said, eyeing Kaz with a narrowed glare. “Paired up with the Bastard Prince. This is intriguing.”

  Well, this was already turning into a shit-show. How did he know who we were? I squared my shoulders, ready to lie my ass off. Our masks were still in place, so we had plausible deniability. We could be whoever we said we were until proven otherwise.

  “I don’t know who those people are, but we’re here to ask you a few questions,” I said, trying to deepen my voice. I sounded like a sick toad.

  The man laughed, a loud bellow that shook his belly up and down. “I heard you were amusing. It’s refreshing when the rumors prove true.”

  Kaz lifted his mask, a haughty look of disdain on his face. “There’s no use feigning our identities. He has the gift of truth and knows when we’re lying. Etta, this is Duke Durin of Honeysett. The Durin family has a long legacy of despising humans. I believe one of your ancestors was left at the altar by a human or some such nonsense.”

  “Joke at my expense if you must, but our agendas aren’t mutually exclusive. As the Prince of Freaks, I’m sure you can imagine the horror humans would feel if they stumbled upon your motley crew,” the Duke said with a smugness that made me want to punch him. “They’d turn up in droves to slaughter the beasts you’ve collected.”

  The tension between them was enough to make the hair on my neck stand up. Why do men always have to show up with their dicks swinging? I gave Kaz a stern look before turning to the Duke. “You’re welcome to trade insults at the next royal mixer. Right now, I need answers.”

  “Why would I tell you anything?” the Duke asked, sitting down in an oversized leather chair. “You don’t mind if I sit, do you? Too many hours on my feet this evening. Several lovely fae were most accommodating to this old man and his love of dance. My feet don’t hold up like they used to.”

  “I don’t give a flying meatball what the fuck you spent the evening doing. What I care about is humans and the fact that someone in your little group is killing them with the Tarantella,” I said, throwing out the accusation.

  He steepled his hands in contemplation. “The Osservatori has no idea you’re here, do they? I’ll admit, for a moment I thought they’d finally realized I was the one leading the movement. Some of my predecessors have met their unfortunate demise in prison. I can feel your betrayal with every word. This presents an interesting turn of events.”

  “Can you spit it out? You’re babbling like a second-rate supervillain,” I said, balling my hands into frustrated fists.

  “I don’t have to tell you anything. I can send an anonymous tip to the Osservatori letting them know you’ve gone rogue. There are factions within the organization that would prefer you were dead. I’m sure one of them would be happy to investigate my tip. Just like that, you’re not a problem anymore.”

  I looked at Kaz, who seemed to be lost in thought. “This guy knows when someone’s lying?”

  Kaz nodded. “What’s buzzing in that brain of yours?”

  I strode up to the Duke, latching onto a chunk of hair. I yanked as hard as I could pulling out several strands. The Duke’s eyes went wide as he stared at me like I’d gone mad. Marching back to Kaz, I handed him the clump of hair. “Put this somewhere safe.”

  Kaz took the hair, making it disappear instantly. I spun back to the Duke, choosing my words with care. I wanted him to hear the truth in every syllable. “Here’s the deal, you will tell me what you know about the Tarantella attacks. If you’re the one responsible for it, you’ll turn yourself in to the Osservatori. If it’s not you, you’re going to tell me who it is. A few things will happen if you don’t. I’ll unleash my magic on you. It’s unstable at best, so good luck surviving it. After you die a horrific death, I will lock this building down. No one will get in or out until the Osservatori gets here. I can slip out of the building with my friend here, and no one will know I called. I’m sure the Osservatori will be excited to get their hands on a building full of traitors.”

  “Don’t threaten me, you human-loving whore.”

  Kaz moved across the room in three steps, towering over the Duke. “Mind your tongue.”

  “Why? Are you fucking the little slut? From what Luc DeFiero says, she gives as good as she gets.”

  The sound of crunching bone filled the room as Kaz slammed his fist into the Duke’s face. “I’ll not ask you again to mind your tongue. Next time, I’ll ensure the damage is permanent.”

  The Duke’s body shook as he held his hand over his bloody lip, hatred burning in his eyes. Kaz produced a handkerchief from inside his coat pocket, handing it to the Duke. “What’s stopping me from turning you in once you leave, Ms. Massoni?”

  “I have your hair. Do you know what my grandmother can do with a few pieces of hair? She can make you wish you were never born. Voodoo priestesses aren’t the only ones who can make dolls.”

  The Duke nodded as the truth of everything I said sank in. Since he knew so much about me, I was sure he knew what I was capable of. Hopefully, I was stronger than him. It was tricky with the fae. Some of them could call elemental magic, and others had limited gifts that weren’t useful in a fight. The way he was sobbing into the bloody handkerchief had me liking my odds.

  “It’s my son. I don’t know how it happened. One moment he was following in my footsteps, and the next, he was veering off the path. I couldn’t get him back, no matter how hard I tried,” he said sagging in defeat. “You have a child, Ms. Massoni. You must understand how it is.”

  He looked at me, his round face holding a sliver of hope that we’d find some common ground. I didn’t know what it was like to watch your child become a homicidal maniac. His son was killing people because he’d taught him hate was okay. Faced with the consequences of how he’d raised his son, the gutless slime was willing to let his kid take all the blame. Nope, I couldn’t understand any of that. “Why don’t you illuminate me? What’s your son up to?”

  “A few years ago, he and a few friends decided that our organization wasn’t aggressive enough in our mission. They wanted to speed up our progress. They started their own group. They planned to commit aggressive acts against humans, first on a small scale and then moving up to more impactful things. They felt this would show the supernatural world that humans were weak. That they had no natural defenses. They wanted people to see that a war would be over before it started with minimal casualties on our side.”

  “And you were cool with this at first?”

  He shrugged casually as if the idea wasn’t too abhorrent. “He was my son. It seemed like a way to bring fresh energy to the movement. I thought if I monitored it, they’d respect my input. I’d be able to control how far they went. I never imagined they’d escalate to killing.”

  “So, how long have you known they were responsible for the Tarantella?” Kaz demanded.

  “Since the first attack. I threatened to cut him off, and he promised that was it. There wasn’t supposed to be anymore. When the second string of attacks happened, he said the group acted without him, but I’m not sure I believe that.”

  “What’s the group called, and who’s your son?” I asked.

  A shit-eating grin spread across his face, sending a chill of dread through me. No one smiled like a clown about to eat a baby unless they had some real jacked-up shit to say. “I believe you’re acquainted with my son. His name is Easton.”

  Chapter Twenty

  The world outside was layered in shadows as the limo rolled along the highway. I sat snugly in the back, my mind buzzing with the revelation that Easton was part of the group killing humans. How the hell did he stand there, interviewing witnesses, checking for survivors, and tracking leads with us? Nothing about him had ever seemed wrong. It took a real psychopath to tread through a sea of corpses you created without remorse.

  Somehow, I’d missed the signs, again. Easton was a little thick, but overall, he was likable. Hell, I’d thought we were
on our way to being friends. I fooled myself into believing my judgment had improved. It was confusing, living in a world where everyone might be an enemy. I was even second-guessing the queens’ motives.

  “How many ways have you thought of?” Kaz asked, breaking my gloomy silence.

  I blinked, cocking my head in confusion. “Ways? Ways to what?”

  “Murder Easton.”

  I laughed, not wanting to answer that. It might make me sound a little crazy if I answered truthfully. Hint: It was a lot. “Will you answer a question? Truthfully?”

  He gave me a guarded look before replying, “There are some things I can’t or won’t talk about. I won’t lie to you, but I may not provide an answer.”

  “Did you know Easton was a traitor?”

  He looked out the window for a moment before turning back to me. “I did, but I didn’t know he was involved in the Tarantella. There are spies throughout the Osservatori. It didn’t seem like an important tidbit.”

  “How was it not important? I work with him. He’s someone I’m supposed to trust to have my back.”

  “I didn’t realize how little you knew. I assumed being strong-armed into the Osservatori was enough to give you insight into their abuse of power and the corruption around you. Besides, you were sleeping with one of their star pupils, I had to be careful,” he said with a tinge of anger.

  “That’s not fair. Luc has nothing to do with whether you can trust me. I’m my own person.”

  “Doesn’t it, though? You’re dating a man whose parents are responsible for some of the worst crimes ever committed against our community. Who ordered the queens brought in? You were there when they arrested those pixies. Do you know why they had to sell their own dust? You’re more naïve than I imagined.”

  “I risked my family, friends, and life to save the queens. Doesn’t that give you a clue I’m not like Pietro and all the other monsters in the Osservatori? I don’t know who to trust or what to believe. I’m barely making it through most days. Instead of treating me with contempt because I’m naïve, help me understand.”

  “Etta, there is hundreds of years of history you’re not privy to. Every faction of our world has its own spies working for their own interests. They all have different politics and histories competing against what the Osservatori is supposed to stand for. The layers of intrigue are sordid and far-reaching. I can’t afford a misstep. All it takes is trusting the wrong person once, and everyone you’re trying to protect is swept into the machine.”

  “Do you think you can trust me now? How do you know I’m not a reverse, quadruple bypass super spy?”

  “No respectable spy would refer to themselves as a medical procedure,” he said, smirking at me. “I can feel the shadows of your emotions, like little imprints. All of them ring with the aura of truth. It’s a lot of emotions to sift through.”

  I nudged his foot with mine, wanting to ease the tension between us. “Is that your fancy way of calling me emotional?”

  “I would never do such a thing, but I doubt you’d be an effective spy. You’re a bit unpredictable. Well, a lot unpredictable,” he said scooting closer to me. “In a rather marvelous way, though.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

  “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings tonight.”

  “Then why did you?”

  “I have my own agenda. It may not align with yours. It would be nice if it did.”

  “Why? Do you like hanging out with me?”

  “That remains to be seen. We’ll have a whole week together to decide whether we like each other enough to meld agendas.”

  I cocked my eyebrow at his choice of words. “I’m not melding anything with you, buddy. In case you forgot, I have a boyfriend.”

  “I can remedy that situation if you like. It would mean owing me another favor, one you might not like as much.”

  I rolled my eyes at his bullshit. Whether he meant to or not, he’d helped me tonight. I felt stupid for not understanding the world around me. I studied history and knew how treacherous the royal courts were. The things I’d read made it seem like no one could be trusted, and they murdered people left and right for backing the wrong person. I’d always thought it was exaggerated. Records from that time were dicey since most of the population was illiterate. The winners got to tell their stories. Who wouldn’t want to make theirs sound more exciting? I’d always thought there was a lot more fiction in our history books than we realized. If what Kaz was saying was right, it was accurate as hell.

  Life should be simple. All I wanted to do was enjoy my family, bake, and have a little fun sometimes. I never wanted power, it complicated life, and it wasn’t worth fighting for. That’s where my ignorance hurt me. Nestled in my body was a source of power that people would kill for. I’d spent my life pretending that wasn’t the case, and now I was paying for that choice. If I’d been smarter, I would’ve known people would eventually come for my power. Instead of being prepared, I was playing endless catch-up. Some days, I wanted to go back in time and punch myself.

  Exhaustion settled in as I let my thoughts run amok. It had been over twenty-four hours since I slept. Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back, ready to let fatigue have its way. “Hey, I just thought of something. Can you kill me before I deliver my end of the bargain?”

  “Finally, you’re asking the right questions. No, we sealed our deal with the old magic. The wild hunt would serve my head on a platter if I disturbed a hair on your head before we broke the seal.”

  I wrapped my arms across my body shivering in the gauzy layers of my dress. “That’s good. How do you have the energy to keep your guard up all the time? Living in a world where no one can be trusted is exhausting.”

  Kaz settled his arm around me, brushing a few curls off my forehead. “You have no idea how bloody exhausting it can be. Get some rest, my little hellcat, we have a long road ahead of us the next few days.”

  I woke up in my bed still wearing the gown I’d worn to the gala. The smell of sweaty gym socks permeated the air. Gross. How did I smell so bad? Whatever it was, my stench was making me gag. I tried to force myself back to sleep despite the odor, but my bladder chimed in demanding release. I let out a frustrated sigh, slamming my fists against the mattress. Why was my body conspiring against me? I needed to get this dress off, pee, and clean my pits. Maybe after that, I’d be able to get a few hours of sleep before hunting Easton and his gang of murderous friends.

  Stretching my limbs, I stood up, careful not to damage the dress. I’d already slept in it, which couldn’t be good for the delicate beading and fabric. Finding the zipper, I undid it letting the dress slide off. My boobs sagged dejectedly as the material fell to the floor. The magical tit lift spell had run its course.

  I stumbled over to the dresser, my eyes working hard to make out shapes in the room’s darkness. My hand groped along the wall, flipping on the light switch. I opened the drawers, searching for my favorite nightshirts. Rifling through the neatly folded stacks, I let out another frustrated sigh. I had four t-shirts I liked to wear to bed. They were soft and flimsy from years of use. None of them were in the drawer. Nerina took my shirts because she liked how big they were on her. One of these days I’d move to a deserted island where no one could take my stuff. I grabbed a tank top and a fresh pair of panties.

  Wearily, I turned around, smacking into a wall of flesh. A very hairy wall of flesh. I screamed like a wild banshee, tripping backward in my scramble to get away from whatever was attached to the mound of skin. Stella jerked awake slamming power into my hands before I could decide whether to attack whoever was in my room or cover my exposed chest.

  My bedroom door flew open, as my family tumbled through the door in various states of dress, none of them as naked as me. Kaz sprang out of the closet, sleep clouding his face as he strode into my room shirtless.

  “What the fuck is he doing here?” I screamed, pointing at Bob the Cancer, who was tied to a wooden chair in the middle of my bedroom.


  “Why do you have half-naked men falling out of your closet?” Nerina asked, her eyes roving over Kaz’s tattooed chest.

  My hands flew up to cover myself as I realized the swaying of my exposed mammaries had mesmerized Bob. “Someone needs to get him out of here.”

  “There’s nowhere else to put him,” Gia said, with a yawn.

  “How about the closet? Or one of your rooms?”

  “Ewww, I couldn’t sleep with him staring at me all night,” Nerina said.

  Kaz walked over to Bob, lifting him, chair and all. He carried him to the closet, shoving him inside before slamming the door closed. “That should do for a bit.”

  Nerina stood up straight, thrusting her chest out in what I liked to call her ‘the buffet is open’ stance. “Wow, you’re strong. You lifted him so easily.”

  “Dolce, you should not have men sleeping in here with you,” Nonna scolded me. “You are not even involved with this man as a relationship.”

  “The only man watching me sleep is in the closet,” I said, fighting against my natural inclination to throw my hands around.

  “Because it would be impossible to sleep with that man meat in your bed,” Nerina said under her breath, nodding at Kaz.

  Nonna crossed her arms over her chest. “The young man should come downstairs with us while you put on clothes.”

  “No, I need to talk to him. I’m sure he’ll be a gentleman and turn around while I get dressed.”

  “His eyes were not a gentleman a few minutes ago,” she replied stubbornly.

  “Neither were yours,” I snapped. She could pretend she didn’t notice Kaz’s six-pack, but I saw exactly where her eyes had been lingering.