Chardonnay: A Novel

by Jacquilynn Martine

  “What! No need in dirtying dishes.”

  “But what about me.”

  “Honey chile you already drunk off something for letting that handsome, sexy, candy apple bottom, luscious lips, drop dead pool of eyes, fine as the wine I’m drinking now, man go like dat!”

  I laughed so hard I peed.

  “Little do you know I have that man chained to me more than I’d like to think. Thanks for the laugh anyway.” I said as I went to change out my wet for nothing panties. Then I thought I hadn’t laughed like that in years. For twenty-one-years-old, that was sad. I dug into my duffel bag that sat on a lounge chair, the only piece of furniture I had, near my lofty window, and a picture fell out of the photo album I had brought along with me. It was Myron and I when we were about nine and ten-years-old. My hair was in two long twisted, bushy pig tails and I had on a red and white polka-dot, ruffled skirt outfit, smiling with my hip out to my right and my hand, with chipped red nail polish, posted on it. Myron had a box cut with a duck tail hair style and the widest smile, showing his gap that was now non-existant thanks to braces he had gotten the following year, and he flossed in a Karl Kani purple and black short outfit with his arms hovered over my shoulders and folded across my chest. I smiled a little at the memory even though I wasn’t quite sure what we were doing together on that particular day.

  Just that it was a sunny summer day in 1994 and we were kicking it in my parents’ massive backyard. I pulled a cotton red pair of Victoria’s secret PINK panties out of the duffel bag and sat the picture down while I tried to shake off the oncoming ripples of emotions. I couldn’t shake it. This was all new to me. Being in a new large scary city with only Micah, not that I didn’t feel safe with him, but I was used to having best friends around and...Myron. And then the tears came. I sat in the middle of my large bedroom floor finally letting it all out in my fresh panties and nothing else on. Micah stood in the doorway with a somber look on his face and no clue what to do. I didn’t think I’d be this sick. Not physically, but my heart. Micah walked over slowly and kneeled down.

  “Chardonnay, I know what you’ve been through in the past six months has taken its toll on you and your at a point in life where you don’t know what to do, but gettin’ naked for a gay dude who wouldn’t know the first thing to do with you is not a start.” he said pulling me in his arms. I laughed so hard my sad tears turned into happy ones.

  “Oh, you don’t know how much you’re saving me now.” I said wiping my eyes. He just smiled and took his blazer jacket off, placing it over my shoulders.

  “Well, you want to talk about it?” he asked while he rocked me.

  I shook my head no.

  29

  Love Lost/Purpose Found

  My first night in New York was strange. It may have been the change of cities or the fact that no one I could call on was around or reliable. Micah left and went on to his hotel room. We were to be up that next morning to meet with a photographer and Josh Payton. It would be my second photo shoot, and while I was excited at the particular time in my life, I was so gone. I walked over to my terrace and stared at the lux orange and purple sky with seldom stars and a translucent full moon. Had I known my life would have took this journey I believed I still would have took it, because I would have never been who I was had I not gone through the fire. I was learning and that had made me strong be it being a pin up doll for some guy or taking the high road to freedom anyway I could. I soaked in a long bath of Juicy Couture Caviar Bath Soak and hummed along to Cassie’s new CD. I stepped out and dried my body with a plush Polo towel and draped my sea green cashmere night gown over my fresh skin. I poured wine for myself for the very first time in my very own shit. I had never been this grown. When in still moments like this as I sipped my wine, I wondered why I decided to run off to marry Jase and why Myron hadn’t said a word about it. I could configure his outrage to me disclosing the hidden truths of my infidelity and raping me. My mind’s dismissive of Jase in my memory being his death for me.

  When I woke up, my alarm clock was going off and about five people were in my room. Micah was over me tapping my face, and the others were rushing around the room looking for what I don’t know.

  “Who are they?” I said groggy and rude.

  “They are a part of your entourage I formed. Mostly my assistants.”

  “Damn, Mike—you need four?!”

  “Yeah—now get your tail end up hon! We gotta go! We’re an hour, twenty minutes, and—and—”

  “Six minutes late!” said one of his assistants named Rhonda.

  “Oh well, now seven!” Karon another one yelled.

  “Damn, you sure you hired assistants or nerds?” I said as I slumped out my bed.

  Yet they were damn good. They had me dressed, hair combed, make-up crafted, nails buffed and polished, and out the door in twenty minutes. Fuck an entourage—I needed them on the regular!

  We pulled up to a brick stoned building, it was actually a brownstone. It looked very professional and had Superior Elite Models posted in the window written in silver cursive letters. Underneath their logo of a S,E, and M over lapped each other. The door was unlocked as a business door should have been, and when I walked in...beauty was everywhere. From the art, furniture, lighting, fresh fruit and flowers as center pieces, to the huge blown up pictures of models past. Some of the girls I had actually seen in ad campaigns myself and all of them were of colored ethnic back grounds. Josh’s signature click clack of her heels echoed from the left of me. I turned to see her walking with another guy who had a pony tail in his head and what seemed to me to be clown make-up on his face. But that was his business. She smiled at us all and introduced the man as Sean Sands, the photographer. A beautifully cocoa brown girl with healthy, full of loose curls, shoulder length hair, dressed in some skinny jeans, a plain white T, and some silver Jimmy Choo’s flats was running behind them with some equipment.

  She looked like another model but needless to say she was his assistant and wasn’t introduced. I made a mental note to ask her name and later found out it was Sanjae. Josh explained that we were going to meet everyone first before we began and get input and direction as to where they wanted the shoot to go. Jase arrived stylishly late to his offices of SEM in New York City. When I walked in what they called the powder room, I glanced over at him leaning in the door way with a smirk encrusted into his beautiful features. He still had a limp and a cut that was healing at the top of his left, thick eyebrow. Micah looked over as he made up my face doing what was called air brushing to my face. It made my clear skin even and flawless than ever before.

  “So I see you don’t need my crew.” Jase said referring to my choice of using who I knew to touch my skin and adapt my hair.

  “Nothing personal, I know you hire the best.”

  “No offense taken. Micah is doing an outstanding job on you.”

  “You know where these shots are going to be placed?” Micah tersely asked.

  Jase licked his lips at me and side tracked his eyes to Micah, “Surprise—if they come out right. I had numerous clients on the phone, they seen Chardonnay’s profile on the Superior Elite Models website...folks love you.”

  I had fun and after seeing the raw images—I was ecstatic. Jase had taken off during some point of the six hour long shoot and that left me puzzled. He always stayed on sight. I gathered my belongings and bundled myself up for the coming fall wind. New York’s nippy chill in the air somehow reminded me of love. New love. I was dropped off by the limo driver at the Estate of Jase’s home. A huge fountain sat centered in its comfy greens and Willow tress scattered the lavish lawn. The door opened before I could ring the bell and there stood the momma. Jase mother looked the same as the last time I saw her. Overly dramatic and defined eyebrows, tasteful mocha blush on her cheeks, and ruby red lips. She sucked her teeth and swirled her neck at me.

  “You are, Char-doe-nay.”

  “Yes. Nice to see you again. May I come in?”

  I wondered if she
knew I was her daughter-in-law. She let me move past in a very confined space and walked off to where ever she pleased in the dome home. Her echoes conveying she was of highly stature.

  The driver took my bags up the narrow stairs of the house and said,

  “This way ma’am.”

  We reached the upper stairs and he placed my bags in a room full of books; masterpieces of history in time. I could hear a subtle voice behind the desk in a leather chair that was turned to the loft sized window peering down to the front valley of the home.

  “Yes Doctor Shaw... thank you. Okay, good day.” I heard Jase’s West African accent—knowing it was him.

  He turned around and stood to his feet, glancing a blank stare to me.

  The driver excused himself and Jase walked the floors of his study.

  “Why did you leave so soon?” I asked.

  He shrugged his shoulders,

  “Rather dark day...don’t you think.” he said looking out the window.

  I chuckled and threw my purse in a chair to my left and walked over to him.

  “You’re having a bad day?” I said touching his face then fondling his locks. He pulled away from me. Looking at him I could see the faint resemblance to Myron; the structured outline of their faces and nose. And that was it. His skin felt hot and I walked over the huge jug on his desk to get him some water as he limped to the window leaning on it.

  “I talked on the phone to my lawyer about an hour ago—one of the reason’s I had to leave.”

  “Yeah,” I said handing him the cup of water.

  He sat it down and said, “Chardonnay, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time.” he pulled a rolled document out his back pocket and presented it to me.

  It read the words:

  Petition of Decree for Dissolution of Marriage

  “I can’t be in this marriage alone anymore.”

  “Bu—but Jase, I remember now—”

  “Not everything. Not all the hard work we put into loving each other. You don’t remember the two week coma you were in—or that you mother banned me from seeing you the day you woke up out of it. I stopped by your house every day to check up on you.”

  “Coma?”

  “Yes. You were home two weeks after it happened dead to the word and me. You don’t know the pain I had to go through missing you like crazy.”

  And I didn’t. I didn’t remember a thing. Just being back at school and everything going on as if nothing happened and I was in a long sleep.

  “Jase—”

  “And the fact that you only remembered Myron when you woke up and no trace of me...you don’t know how bad I wanted to tell you on that fucking elevator.” he said with animosity and anger.

  “I can’t be in love alone anymore.” he said standing from me.

  “I’m so sorry Jase! Just don’t...don’t take away from me what little of you I have!”

  “Don’t you get it! If it’s meant for you it will come back to you—you never did come back to me.”

  I closed my eyes and breathed in his every breath as I pulled him to me.

  “I followed you everywhere you went—hoping—wishing it would click. You don’t even remember our wedding day.”

  I cupped his face in mine as he pulled away, I inhaled his scent of pure masculinity hoping to find some trace of our past. Nothing. But I knew one thing was for sure,

  “I fell for you hard! Within one week—if that tells you anything. Maybe that’s why.”

  Jase couldn’t look me in my face.

  “Chardonnay, it’s more than that. I knew something was up... when I tasted your milk, I know a woman’s body.”

  “What are you tryna say?”

  “I just got off the phone with your doctor. She called my loft home phone in KC, trying to contact you. They said that your blood test were back. I told her I was your husband and I would pass to you the message.”

  Jase clutched his head and his body shook.

  “You never thought that you could lose something so pure.”

  “Jase—” I cried tugging onto his clothes as their grips slipped out my hands.

  “You are having his baby. And...I can’t take that.” he forced out through hard cries.

  “No, I can’t—can’t be pregnant.”

  “You are.” he nodded his head.

  “You’ll always have a job here and a place—”

  “I don’t want a fucking job here—”

  “—to find me at—”

  “I want YOU!”

  He pulled away from me and threw the papers in the air as he walked off with tears streaming down his face. I lay in the floor balled up from the hung reaction my walling caused. I shook my head no as I screamed out Jase’s name.

  A life...was invested in me.

  30

  Kent’s Legacy

  October 2007

  Two weeks later the “test shoots” from Sierra Leone were front cover of Black Billions magazine. The photo shoot I did in New York were front cover of KING magazine. My phone was ringing off the hook from people of all walks of life. From huge Hollywood directors to the associates I left behind in Kansas City. Jase was good at what he did, living up to the promise of our personal life would not affect our business together. He strayed from me. And up till this point I didn’t have anybody because I was pushing them all away. There was not a person I trusted. Micah was another story—there was no way I could get rid of him. I smiled at the thought. Syndi threw me a party that consisted of more industry folks to meet. She didn’t ask what I had done to get the silent treatment from Jase.

  After going through two First Response pregnancy test and having gone to take a trip alone to the doctor in the cold New York weather, it was confirmed that I was indeed 12 weeks pregnant. I didn’t believe in letting my seed go, but at this point and time in my life...I had no choice. I continued with my daily life and made dagger business arrangements that could propel my career. To most I was an unknown exotic face on the TV screen—others a distant memory.

  I wasn’t really present at the party as guest walked in the lux club and either greeted me or walked past me, there to make some networking connections of their own. Men couldn’t get enough of me. Having been placed in a new video this month reign me a name of simply—Chardonnay. No last name, no nothing. A lot of people thought it was a pen name all the while it was irregular. I went home early sadden by Jase’s absence at my party. Our divorce would be final a week from today. No calls or visits, there was nothing I could do to gain his attention, but prance my ass and make some cash. Suddenly it was all I knew how to do. I home schooled some courses and others I did on the campus of NYU. As soon as I turned the latched to my front door my bell man buzzed.

  “Yes?” I said as I talked into the intercom.

  “I have a gentleman here that says he has some business with you.”

  I smiled and rolled my eyes.

  “Yeah, uhn huh—he was supposed to be at my party seven hours ago. Send him up.”

  The bell man buzzed him up and I waited.

  I pressed the stop button and sighed, looking at the mess that had been created from the pre-party celebration.

  “Syndi would throw a party then leave.” I mumbled under my breath.

  “Sorry to hear that.” a masculine voice with aged vocal chords said.

  I knew that voice. And for a second I was afraid to turn around. I stood in the middle of my living room calmly, contemplating my stupid assumption of who I was letting into my condo. But I had to face this man. I had to grasp the fact that my life had been constructed by him.

  And for many reasons why, I still didn’t understand. I turned to face him and his distinguished face told me that he would have the final say. He closed my door and then stepped toward me.

  “Stop there.” I declared.

  He placed his hands up slowly and said,

  “I’m sorry. May I come in?” he asked.

  “Too late for that question. Five minutes.” I
said looking him straight in his eyes. He walked closer, beaming his eyes down on me and heaved in air as he took his suede hat off and cradled it in his arm pit. I stepped back, and didn’t speak. He handed me his hat and took off his coat. I took that as well and threw it over my breakfast bar as I walked near my dining area. With my back turned he began,

  “You ever wonder where you get those eyes from?”

  “Why are you here? In fact how do you know where I live?”

  “I’m like the government. I just know.”

  He stepped into the light of my empty dining area and I could just smell the aura of something murky creeping in his honey brown eyes. When I looked away from his eyes, eyes that reminded me of his sons, both of them, he grazed his hand over mine that rested on the breakfast bar. I snatched away from him and said,

  “What do you want?”

  “You. Not literally, but I came to do or undo what I had customized for my son. A wife. You see, Myron may not be man enough to—”

  “Don’t you dare come into my home and try to intimidate me. Especially after what you’ve cause and have tried to hide. I feel sorry for you.” I spewed at him.

  “Sorry for me?” he said walking around me.

  “I write checks for little girls like you...like the one I’m one writing for you now...and you feel sorry for me.” he chuckled a lost laugh.

  “How could you leave a son and a wife behind to fend for themselves?”

  “I fed and clothe them...what, that wasn’t enough?” I could have smacked him to for the level of absorptivity in his words.

  “But you don’t acknowledge them.”

  “That’s-none-of-your-business. I—I don’t even know why Jasen even thought to tell you such a thing! You listen to me and you listen to me good. If you don’t marry Myron I am—”

  “WHAT?! Going to make my life a living hell? Well, too late for that Mychael. The hell I’ve already been through because of you and who you are has prepared me for the encounter with the devil himself—YOU! Now get the fuck out my house!” I said turning my back on him and walking towards my front door. He followed suit and took his hat and trench coat off my breakfast bar. Walking towards me slowly piercing every inch of me with his eyes, I could tell I had royally pissed him off.