A Hope Beyond

by Judith Pella

  “But what things could he possibly have promised you that would entice you to marry for anything but love?” asked her father.

  Carolina came to his side and put her hand to his shoulder. “I’d rather not discuss the matter further. I was a poor judge of character in both Hampton and myself.”

  “Don’t feel too badly,” her father comforted. “We were both fooled—you by his promises and I by my loyalty to his father’s memory.”

  “I should have sought God more readily in my decision, but I confess it didn’t even enter my mind.”

  Joseph put his hand over hers. “Are you truly all right?”

  “Yes, of course. In fact, I’m rather relieved. I nearly made a hideous mistake, but God rescued me. We shan’t despair of this, Papa, but rather give thanks for God’s mercy.”

  Joseph smiled. “If you are certain.”

  “I am.”

  At that moment a voice was heard in the foyer. “Is anybody home?” York Adams called out. He strode into the dining room with a determined expression.

  “York! What a pleasant surprise. What brings you all the way out here?” Joseph asked.

  Carolina hurried to embrace her brother and pulled him with her back to the table. “Are you hungry? We were just about to have breakfast. Oh, and how’s Lucy?”

  “It smells wonderful. I’m starved, and Lucy is just fine.” York took the seat at his father’s right, and Joseph rang for the servants to begin dishing up the meal.

  “So, how is everyone here at Oakbridge?” York asked.

  “Your mother is the same,” said Joseph, “Carolina and I are fine, and Virginia is . . . well, I don’t know about Virginia.”

  “Now what has she gone and done?”

  Joseph tossed his son the letter. York read it, shaking his head incredulously. “This is too much even for Virginia. How are you, Carolina?”

  “I am perfect . . . really. Hampton and Virginia suit each other well. And we need not discuss it further.”

  “Nonsense,” York said, eyeing her closely. “I’d say there’s a great deal that needs to be discussed. Especially in light of the liberties Hampton took with you in the past.”

  “Liberties?” her father questioned, paling.

  “Hampton only kissed me,” Carolina responded quickly.

  “Well, that is enough!” York declared. “He courts and woos you, only to run off in the dead of night with your sister. I’m telling you, this man is without honor.”

  “Still, Virginia can be very persuasive,” Carolina added softly. “Perhaps her loneliness got the better of her.”

  “Indeed, that is possible. She’s never quite recovered from losing James,” Joseph said.

  Carolina looked at her father while York picked up the conversation to denounce Virginia’s actions. What did her father mean in saying Virginia had never recovered from losing James? Virginia had been the one to send James packing. Virginia had chosen her life of sacrifice. Hadn’t she?

  “Well, all I can say,” York concluded, “is that the local gossips will have quite an affair with this one.”

  “That doesn’t worry me nearly as much as dealing with family and friends,” Joseph replied.

  “And what will we tell Mother?” Carolina suddenly forgot her concerns about Virginia.

  Joseph shook his head. “I don’t know. I suppose we simply give her the truth as straightforward and delicately as we can.”

  “And how will you deal with the wayward couple when they choose to turn up here again?” York questioned.

  “She’s my child,” Joseph answered, sounding suddenly aged beyond his years. “How can I send her from me?”

  Carolina reached out to pat his hand. “Of course you won’t send her away.” She gave York a pleading glance. “There is no reason for you both to be up in arms about this. I didn’t love the man, and I am not distraught to find him gone. Please believe me.”

  York nodded. “So long as you aren’t hurt overmuch.”

  Carolina smiled. “I’m not. Now, why don’t you tell us what is happening in Washington?”

  York gave his sister a brief glance, as if weighing the honesty of her words, then said, “A great deal. The Whigs are making things difficult for President Van Buren. They are opposed to absolutely everything Jackson and Van Buren stand for. Primarily they feel the President should rid the country of the Specie Circular. Van Buren opened Monday’s panic session of Congress supporting the need to continue with Jackson’s ‘hard-money policy.’ ”

  “What is that?” Carolina asked, happy to have the attention away from Hampton and Virginia.

  “Just another name for the requirement that land purchases be made with coin or authorized bank drafts,” York replied. “Of course, this wasn’t received well because the fact remains that land purchases out west have slowed considerably due to this policy. The western states are livid because they were just beginning to taste prosperity, and now they feel the reins have been pulled in on their plans.”

  “What does the President propose as an answer?” Joseph asked.

  A servant offered York a platter of sausages from which he took a generous portion. “Van Buren proposes a federal treasury. He believes it will protect the government against business pressures where money is concerned. The President believes that the people of this country expect far too much of the government.”

  “How so?” Carolina questioned. “Shouldn’t the government represent the people who created it? How can we be expecting too much when we are an intricate part of it?”

  “But as Van Buren pointed out, it isn’t the business of government to make people wealthy. What we see daily are various groups coming to Washington in search of funding for their pet projects. Be it railroads or orphanages, people simply believe it the responsibility of Congress to provide the moneys for whatever they deem necessary.”

  “And how is the idea of a federal treasury being received by Congress?” Joseph inquired.

  “For the most part, it’s being ignored. No one believes it can resolve anything to put all federal moneys under the protection of a treasury. Even when shown the sensibility of proper gold and silver reserves backing one system of money, they simply scoff and make snide remarks. For instance, Senator Clay was indignant and told Congress that Van Buren’s plans were cold and heartless and that Americans were a bleeding people. To Clay and the Whigs, paper money is important. Clay said, and I quote, ‘It was paper money that carried us through the Revolution, established our liberties, and made us a free and independent people.’ He doesn’t stop to add that it was also fraudulent paper bank drafts written from hundreds of different banks that helped give birth to the panic we’re now experiencing.”

  Joseph shook his head. “We should pray before our food gets cold.”

  He bowed his head and offered thanks, while Carolina silently thanked God for saving her from Hampton’s deception. How could I have been so blind, Father? she prayed silently. How could I have given in to such deceit?

  “Now, speaking of giving birth,” Joseph said upon conclusion of the prayer, “when will my grandchild be born?”

  “Next month, according to the doctor. That’s another reason I’ve come today. Lucy and I have discussed it, and we’d really like our first child to be born here at Oakbridge.”

  “How marvelous!” Carolina exclaimed. “Oh, Papa, won’t that be wonderful!”

  Joseph smiled proudly and nodded. “Indeed it will be. How soon will you move her in?”

  “Immediately, if that is all right.”

  “But of course. I’ll have your room aired out and made ready.”

  “If you don’t mind, I thought perhaps you could arrange for us to have the nursery and adjoining bedroom. Unless you think it will bother Mother.”

  Joseph considered this. “Your mother is scarcely ever out of bed and never out of her room. No, I don’t believe it will be a problem.

  In fact, maybe a new baby will be the very thing to bring her back to
us.”

  “Is she still not speaking?” York asked.

  “Mother hasn’t talked in months,” Carolina answered for her father. “She just lies in bed most of the time, hugging the doll that Maryland used to carry around the house.”

  York seemed unable to deal with the reality of his mother’s fragile sanity and concentrated instead on his plate. Carolina understood how he felt. She’d grown increasingly weary of her mother’s condition and, in turn, only managed to feel guilty for her impatience. She wanted to grab her mother by the shoulders and shake her. She wanted to declare that while her little sisters might be in heaven, she was still on earth, along with her other siblings and their father, and all of them needed her to return to her senses.

  “You must excuse me,” York said, jumping up just as dramatically as he’d entered only fifteen minutes earlier. “I’ve got to get back to the city. I shall see you soon, however, and bring Lucy with me.”

  After he’d gone, Carolina turned to her father with a smile. “Two leave the house and two come back, soon to be three. How like God to bless us in adversity.”

  Joseph reached out and patted her arm. “Yes, it’s very like our God to do just that.”

  30

  New Arrivals

  And it was in the midst of adversity that Lucy Adams gave birth to a daughter on the second day of November, 1837. Amy Allison Adams was welcomed by all and pronounced the most beautiful baby in Virginia by her doting father. York’s pride was clearly a matter of open regard as he held his daughter and praised his wife.

  “My darling, you have made me a very happy man. She is absolutely perfect,” he told Lucy, and Carolina readily agreed as her brother passed the sleeping baby into her arms.

  Staring down at the infant, Carolina felt a twinge of envy and sadness. Amy looked a great deal like Maryland when she was born. A dark matting of brown hair and long black lashes gave the child an uncanny resemblance to her now departed sibling.

  “Oh, Lucy, she is very pretty.”

  “Just like her mother,” York said, squeezing Lucy’s hand.

  “I rather like her myself,” Lucy said with a tired smile, then turning to her husband she asked, “You aren’t overly disappointed that she wasn’t a boy, are you?”

  “Good grief, no!” York declared. “I wouldn’t dream of being disappointed. Some of my favorite people in all the world are women.

  You, Carolina, and now Amy.”

  Carolina handed Amy to Lucy and braved the question, “Has Mother seen her yet?”

  York shook his head. “Father thought it best if we presented her privately. Later this afternoon, he and I can take Amy to Mother’s room, and that way if her reaction is bad, I can quickly bring the baby back here.”

  “I pray it goes well,” Carolina told him.

  Upon seeing the infant, Margaret was certain the child was one of her own. At first, calmly considering the sleeping child, Margaret had seemed at peace about the matter. Joseph had gently explained that the baby had just been born to Lucy and York, but Margaret seemed unconcerned with that information.

  “Her name is Amy,” York had told his mother. It was this statement that set her off.

  “Nonsense! Why would you call your sister by that name? Her name is Maryland.” They were her first words in some time.

  “No, Margaret,” Joseph tried to reason with her, “this is not our Mary. This is York’s daughter, Amy.”

  Margaret exploded in agitation. “How dare you steal my baby and call her by another name! You cannot do this!”

  Joseph turned to York, shaking his head sadly. “You had better return her to Lucy.”

  “No! Bring back my baby!” Margaret cried, her days of silence forgotten.

  After that, Margaret seldom seemed in her right mind. Her few moments of lucid thought were now clearly relegated to the past. She cried for her children and raged at those who attempted to soothe her.

  November grew into a month of unrest, both at Oakbridge and in Washington. The Whigs were up in arms and had actually taken to public scenes of protest. Placing themselves outside the White House grounds, they had fired several rounds of blank charges from a brass cannon. York had relayed the incident, which had resulted in much name calling and rock throwing, but no injuries.

  It seemed as though the entire world had gone mad. Washington was divided, as it generally was, but the anger and animosity of the general populous caused York to remain at Oakbridge for an indefinite period. Even Lucy’s father, after coming to meet his first grandchild, had made the decision to close up the house in the city and return to his home outside Philadelphia.

  “Let them all settle down and realize that this depression is no one person’s fault,” he had told York.

  “The President’s house will be at the center of all manner of protest and riot,” Lucy had said fearfully. “Do you have to go back into that den, York?”

  “It is my job, love,” he told her gently. “Knowing you’re safe will allow me to give full consideration to my own welfare.” And so it was settled, yet everyone remained on edge.

  Carolina, too, felt a growing need to remove herself from Oak-bridge. She was discontent with every portion of her life, and had it not been for Lucy’s company, she would have pressed the issue with her father.

  Lucy, however, was a blessing, and Carolina clung to her like a ship’s anchor in a storm. Ever the attentive mother, Lucy and Amy were seldom parted, and Carolina found both pleasure and pain in her time with them. The stirring desire to move forward with her life, even into marriage and motherhood, was something Carolina felt quite torn about.

  “I wish I better understood myself,” she admitted to Lucy one afternoon. “I find I am in such a quandary.”

  Lucy, quietly nursing Amy, arched a dark brown eyebrow in an unspoken request for explanation.

  Carolina paced the room a bit and tried to collect her thoughts. “It’s just that I find myself wanting it all. Does that sound selfish?”

  Lucy smiled. “No, but it does sound familiar. I could have declared those words for myself.”

  “But you have it all. You have a completely devoted husband who respects your intelligence and isn’t intimidated by your wisdom, and you have a beautiful child. Your future holds nothing but the very best.”

  “And yours is completely without hope, I suppose.”

  Carolina paused and considered Lucy’s remark. “It isn’t that I deem it without hope. It’s that I’m uncertain what direction to move in. I know what everyone expects of me, but I don’t know that I can be that person.”

  “And who would that person be?” Lucy asked, gently lifting Amy to her shoulder.

  “The perfect hostess . . . lady of the house . . . wife . . . mother . . . ornamental figure.”

  “And who is it that you want to be?”

  Carolina shrugged. “That I do not know. Someone once told me I had to find the truth within myself. A truth no one else can figure out for me. The problem is, I’m not so sure I can figure it out, either.” She paused and walked to the window. Outside, the world had passed again into preparations for winter as December crept upon them. The stark land, devoid of greenery and flowers, seemed a perfect reflection of Carolina’s heart.

  “I feel as though the entire world is whirling around me, and I’m standing still—my feet stuck in mud. I want an education, but I also want a husband and family.” She thought of James and felt a bittersweetness at the memory of his image. I want James Baldwin, she thought silently, but would never dream of uttering the words.

  “You needn’t trade off one in order to have the other,” Lucy said, rocking Amy into a tranquil sleep.

  “Are you certain of that?” Carolina eyed Lucy doubtfully, then continued. “Because I’m not. I see men who are intimidated by women who ask too many questions. I see men who find it offensive for a woman to have an opinion of her own, especially if that opinion crosses over into their masculine world. The men I know would demand I forget a
bout college and the railroad and instead run a household and rear children. Which I want to do!” she exclaimed in complete exasperation. “But I also want the rest.”

  Lucy smiled and nodded. “Then that’s what you should have. You’ll never be happy settling for less.”

  Carolina came to Lucy. “But what if while insisting on having it all, I lose it all instead? What if I pass up the chance for marriage and family because I insist on going to college? On the other hand, what if I arrange to go to a university and find that it isn’t at all what I wanted or am even capable of, and lose again?”

  Lucy got slowly to her feet and placed Amy in her cradle. After tucking a blanket around the sleeping baby, she turned to Carolina.

  “Carolina, no one knows what the future holds except God. I’ve not heard you mention Him even once in your considerations.”

  “I tend to forget that He has an interest,” Carolina said with a sheepish smile. “I know He cares and I know I am to seek His will. But what if God’s will is very, very different from mine?”

  Lucy chuckled softly and led Carolina from the nursery into her adjoining bedroom. “Carolina, you know that God wants only the very best for His children. Why do you believe you might be an exception to that desire? Seek Him first, and the rest will follow in order. If you put God last, nothing else will stand the test of time, because you will have built on a faulty foundation. God can give you the desires of your heart, but your heart’s first desire must be Him.”

  Carolina felt as though Lucy had just issued a startling revelation. “I know I’ve heard these words before, but it is so hard to remember. I mean, in the face of all that has gone on—Mary’s and Penny’s deaths, my mother’s suffering, Virginia’s hatred and elopement with Hampton, and now all this turmoil from the financial panic and such—I just feel so restless and anxious for my life. I desire to run away from it all. I long to be far removed from this place, yet Oakbridge is my home. How can I not cling to it and stay?”