by Nancy Hopper
It was elegant, quiet and tasteful, and dimly lit. And the food was good, too. Elaine did most of the talking through the meal, telling Tasha stories about her customers. Tasha gradually unwound.
After dinner, the ladies sat back in their chairs to relax, and chat.
“So,” Elaine ventured with a smile, “Tell me about Timothy Rain. What a gorgeous man! Is he as nice as he seems?”
“Every bit. He’s very sweet, and delightful company.”
That’s it?” Elaine teased, eyes wide.
“Well, he’s incredibly persistent.” Tasha added dryly.
“Oh, to be pursued by such a sexy, intelligent, handsome and successful man.” Elaine teased. “Are you in love with him?”
Tasha grew pale. “What is this?” She asked coldly.
“Oh,” Elaine said softly. “Tasha, I’m sorry. How thoughtless of me. I should have realized that would be a sensitive topic for you. Please forgive me. I was just talking girl talk. You know? I didn’t mean to pry, darling.”
Tasha sighed, and ran a tired hand through her hair. “No, Elaine, I’m sorry. I overreacted. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. My feelings are so raw, and I’m confused. I find myself getting suspicious at the slightest thing. I guess I’ve just had too much thrown at me in too short a time.”
“That’s okay. Have you talked to Tim about all this recently?”
“A few nights ago.” Tasha hedged.
“And what did he have to say about it?”
“What can he say? He’s mad as hell, but he can’t protect me. It’s still a free country, and Pattie can print whatever she wants to.” Tasha swallowed hard, and thought. She really wanted to talk about it. Ever since her last conversation with Timothy, she’d been miserable. “I told him to forget about me. I’ve been nothing but trouble to him.”
Elaine raised an eyebrow. “And what did he think of that?”
Tasha shrugged, and lowered her eyes. “He was hurt. He didn’t want to accept it.”
“And is that what you really want?”
Tasha slowly shook her head. “I don’t know. I really don’t. Elaine, did you say that Tim is coming home?”
Elaine raised an eyebrow. “I think that’s what I heard on the radio, from that woman reporter. You don’t know his schedule?”
Tasha blushed. “Not at the moment.” She answered tersely. “I thought he’d be gone for awhile longer. Usually he just calls me when he can. It's very sporadic, when he's out of the country.”
Elaine studied Tasha thoughtfully. “It scares you to death that he’s after you, doesn’t it?”
Tasha frowned. “Absolutely, to death.” She growled.
Elaine laughed. “It’s pretty hard to evaluate your feelings when you’re scared to death, isn’t it?”
“I suppose.” Tasha admitted.
“Tasha, I don’t want to sound presumptuous, Honey. But you know, the main thing people are going to want to know, is how you feel about Tim. Sure, they’ll lap up the dirt, but they are most interested in the romance. And if I may be so bold, I will suggest to you that Tim could really use any support you can throw his way right now. I don’t mean you have to tell the world you’ll marry him. I said give him support.” She emphasized, putting up a hand to keep Tasha in her chair.
“Like how?” Tasha asked suspiciously.
“Well, you’ll really have to decide for yourself, what you want to divulge about him. But darling, do be prepared. The questions will surely come, and they will be very pointed, and bold. You don’t want to be undone, in front of any television camera. Tonight is the perfect time and place to think this over. Know now what it is you want to say, and you’ll be more ready for old Norman. The more you’ve sorted this out, the less likely that he’ll be able to crack your composure, twist your words around, or get you to tell him things you didn’t intend to.”
“You’re right,” Tasha sighed. “How come you’re so wise?”
“I’ve seen how he operates. If I can help you, I will. If you want me to butt out, just say so.”
“No, I really think you’re right. Please, Elaine. Let’s talk about this some more.”
Elaine smiled. Tasha felt as if Elaine could see every emotion that was rioting inside her. “Tasha, my darling, you look absolutely lovesick. Are you being honest with yourself?”
Tasha began to panic. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Don’t you, Tasha? Tell me; what is it about Timothy that you don’t like?”
“Nothing.” She snapped. “He's just about freaking perfect.”
“Well, then why don’t you what to be involved with him?”
“Just look at the mess I’m already in, and think about it. And then there’s Gary. I’m not even half over losing him yet.”
“Tell me about Gary.” Elaine urged.
Tasha smiled sadly. “He was wonderful. I loved him more than I could ever put into words. It was so devastating when he died, Elaine. He was so full of life and vitality, and he loved us with all his heart.”
“So, you’re having a hard time letting him go?”
“Terribly.”
“And here comes Timothy like a thunder storm, full speed ahead.” Elaine laughed. “Are you afraid to love again?”
Tasha blinked back tears. “Well, I’m not sure. I think perhaps I must be. I mean, after losing Gary, I don’t really want to start all over again, with someone else. I mean, what if I did start a new relationship and it turned out to be less than what I had with Gary? And how could it be as good? I’d be so disappointed. And, if by some miracle I found it fulfilling to be with Tim, and then I lost him -- dear God, Elaine, I would simply die! I can’t fathom the idea of loving and losing again. Such a part of me died with Gary.”
She paused, and swallowed hard. "I couldn’t go through it again. And it wouldn’t be fair to Tim, to marry him with Gary up on this…pedestal. Would it?”
Elaine nodded thoughtfully. “I doubt that Tim would fear that. But I think I begin to understand. Have you explained all this to Tim?”
“No. There really hasn’t been an opportunity. Whenever Tim is around, there’s so much going on and so much energy and so much pressure that I can’t even begin to explain. He’s ... oh, I can’t say it and make it come out right.” She grumbled.
“That’s okay. Don’t worry so much about how it sounds.” Elaine counseled. “Just say what is on your heart.”
Tasha giggled. “Are you sure you’re not some kind of reporter? You sure know how to ask the questions!”
Elaine laughingly assured Tasha that she was nothing of the kind.
Tasha sighed. “Well, whenever he’s around, everything just gets overwhelming. It’s like he turns on; not the way it sounds, I mean not sexually. Although sometimes that’s a big part of it, too. The man is more romantic and sexy than anyone I’ve ever met. But mostly, it’s like he’s on fire -- and it just scorches me and wears me out. He’s really kind of scary.”
“He’s so ... Oh, I can’t find another word – fiery hot – that I’m drawn to him, and I’m afraid of him, and I’m completely exhausted by him. I’ve never experienced anything like it! He’s just incredible. Everything about him is so intense. Sometimes, I feel as if my bones will melt.”
Elaine chuckled. “So if you allow Tim in your life, you’re afraid that you’ll be swallowed up in the fire, and lose all control. It’s his power that scares you, isn’t it? It makes sense, Tasha. I understand completely. A man of God – a real one – is a fearsome thing. Gary was different?”
“Very. He was also a powerful man, but in a different, quieter way. You know, it’s the fire that sets Timothy apart. Somehow, he carries the fire of God; it’s like he’s filled with glory, and power; and it’s so intense, I can hardly stand it sometimes.”
“Was it hard getting used to Gary?”
“Well, yes. It really was. He was very overwhelming to me, at the time we met.”
Elaine chuckled. “Well, I kind of think thi
s is a similar situation. If this man truly carries the glory and fire of Almighty God, it seems it would be a good thing to be close to him. Not that it would be easy, but I suspect he’d be worth it. Think about the long term, Tasha, and don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. Men like Timothy Rain just do not come along very often.”
She leaned forward, and took Tasha's hand. “Honey, do yourself a favor, and don’t blow this. I see a glorious life ahead of you! Timothy is not going to die, and he is not a philanderer. Think about this! What in the world do you have to lose? He’s a prince in every way. He’s gorgeous and kind, and he’s a holy man! You can see it, just looking at him.”
“Please be careful, Tasha. If this man really is head over heels in love with you, as he sincerely claims to be; and you dump on him,” she sighed. “Oh, honey. You ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Wrath would pour on your head like you wouldn’t believe! Timothy Rain is emerging as an incredible public figure. He is popular with the world. You need to step very carefully.”
Tasha rolled her eyes. “Good Lord, I can’t win, can I?”
“Actually, you have an incredible chance to come out smelling like a rose, and winning the whole prize.” Elaine predicted, a bold twinkle in her eyes. “I think it would help Tim to understand the impact he has on you. I don’t think he realizes what a wallop he packs. If he knew it was the presence of God that he carries that overwhelms you, he’d be both honored and more patient; and he could probably understand you a whole lot better.”
Tasha shook her head and took Elaine’s hand. “I think he does know. He's watched me for a long time, and he knew before I did that I was running away from God. But Elaine, I can’t believe what a good friend you’ve been to me, and we just met. Thank you.”
“So you think you’re having all the fun?” Elaine chastised, her dimples jumping to life. “Just think what this will be like, when we’ve been friends for ten years.”
“How wonderful.” Tasha agreed.
“Have you sorted out anything? What are you going to say when Norman asks you If you’re in love with Timothy Rain?”
“Would it work to say it’s too early to talk about?” Tasha grimaced.
“That won’t satisfy anybody.” Elaine rejected. “Surely you can do better than that. The trick, Tasha, is to keep them dancing. Be mysterious, but encouraging. Keep them guessing, but tell them enough to keep them interested. Put enough spice in your eyes and voice to let them know there’s plenty to talk about, but don’t tell them everything.” Elaine sighed heavily. “You know, Tasha, he may even ask you if Tim has proposed.”
“He wouldn’t dare! Would he?” Tasha demanded, paling.
“He just might.” Elaine warned.
“But that’s a private matter!” she objected.
“Nobody cares about that, but you.” Elaine pointed out objectively.
Tasha fumed. “Well, for heaven’s sake. What should I say?”
“Well; he has proposed, hasn't he?”
“Yes.” Tasha admitted feebly.
“I thought I remembered hearing that. And?”
“I haven’t really answered him. We kind of ... well, when I said goodbye at the airport in New York, it was really kind of understood. But then I broke it off with him when the second story came out. It's so hard, Elaine!”
Elaine smiled. “Then either make up your mind tonight and announce it to the world, or tell Norman to eat grass. If you’re sure enough of Tim, that is. I think he’d like to be the first to know, if you’re going to say yes. But then, I suppose things could have changed, if you broke it off with him.”
Tasha sighed. “I think Tim would die before he’d give up. He’s certain I’m the woman God intends for him to marry. I don’t know how or why, but that’s where he’s at. But you’re right, I should talk to him before I go making any announcements to the world. Besides, I'm not sure I can go through with it.” she objected.
“Well, then you'd better be very careful on that point. Now, don’t hit me; but what are you going to say about Pattie?”
Tasha ground her teeth. “What can I say about Pattie?” she snapped. “Pattie is abominable! But I’ll be very objective. I don’t really have anything against her. I don’t understand why she’s doing this, and I have chosen to forgive it.”
“Bravo, darling. You’ll do Tim proud.” Elaine predicted. “But be very cautious about emptying all the skeletons out of your closet. That could backfire, you know.”
“I don’t care. I have no pride left.”
“Don’t you count on that.” Elaine scolded. “It may have taken a shredding, but that doesn’t mean it’s all gone. It will assert itself again, and if you aren’t careful, you’ll take a fall and hurt yourself.
Elaine smiled. "Be sure you’ve searched your heart before you go. Be humble. And make sure you’re sincere about it. People can always tell the difference. If you’re proud and haughty, they’ll hate you. But if you show false humility, they’ll stone you.”
“Thanks for the warning.” Tasha drawled sarcastically.
“The only other question that comes into my mind, is this one: Tasha, can you serve God for the rest of your life? Are you willing to pay the price to have a husband like Timothy?”
Tasha sighed. “You know, I resisted Timothy for so long; mostly because I didn’t want anything to do with serving God. But it’s not His fault. He was always very good to me. He always provided for me; He always was there for me. I loved Him and He was very real to me. It’s just that after Gary died, I felt a need to hide from God, to hide from all of it. I made the mistake of running from God, rather than hiding under His wings. I could have stayed with Him and drawn all the strength and comfort I ever needed to get through this thing. But, He let me run and hide until it was time for Timothy to come along. Now, I think that I’m about ready to come back into my place. It will be all right.”
“Well, that’s good. It sounds like all the pieces are ready to come together. But Tasha, you could probably do with some rest.” Elaine perceived. “Is there anything you need?”
“No,” Tasha thanked her. “I’ll be fine.”
“Then I’ll say goodnight, and I will be praying for you, my little darling.”
“Thank you, Elaine. I can’t tell you how much you have strengthened me, today. I am so grateful for all you’ve done for me. It has been a wonderful day, because of you.”
“The pleasure has been all mine! I hope I’ll get to see you again before you leave.” Elaine hinted.
“I hope so, too.” Tasha agreed. “I'll be in touch. Goodnight, Elaine.”
Tasha tossed and turned, much of the night. Now that Elaine had helped her clear most of the cobwebs, she was aching for Tim. She was kicking herself for her stupidity, in dangling him and rejecting him. She kept going over their last phone conversation, and agonizing. Had she wounded him terribly? The thought gave her heartache. And, she knew in her heart, she had hurt him deeply. She knew he'd have gone through anything, just to have her heart and her loyalty. And, those are the two things she had denied him.
To be truthful, she knew she’d been nothing more then a terrible trial to Tim since the day they’d met. As she rested quietly, she could feel his pain. She was certain he was hurting inside, though it probably didn’t show to those around him. He hid it well, but she was learning how to tune in to him. And, it was her fault that he was in this fix.
She sighed and closed her eyes. “Dear God, bless Timothy tonight. Be with him, and give him strength. None of this is his doing. Make his prophecy come true, Lord. Let it be that you will use this mess, for good. Please, be faithful to Tim’s heart.”
"Let him not suffer any more, because of me – I’m really not worth it. But since he seems to be so intent on me, show me what to do, Lord. Please.” She whispered. “I’ll say yes to Timothy, if I still have the chance. Please let me have one more chance. I'll do what you want. I'll finally, really trust you.” she promised.
The limousine came for
her at eleven. She was wearing the green suit boldly, though she felt no such confidence. She had her hair done, and went to a good makeup specialist on her way to the studio. She arrived with only ten minutes to spare, as she’d planned. They took her to a waiting room, and left her alone with her nerves.
She said a quick prayer that felt totally inadequate. “Lord, give me the words to say. Tim doesn’t deserve this. Please, help me vindicate him.”
A woman came for her, and led her to the wings. She was being introduced, and it was not nice. Her teeth set on edge as she stood and listened.
“Tension is building day by day in the most recent debate rocking the Christian World. It is centered around Prophetic Evangelist Timothy Rain. With an image that has been spotless, Mr. Rain has taken a real fall in this scandal. He has been accused of inappropriate behavior if not fornication with a young, beautiful widow from Salt Lake City. Reporter Pattie Danniels has been hot on the trail, pulling skeletons out of lovely widow Tasha Taylor’s closet, like taking candy from a jar.”
“Today, we have the unprecedented pleasure of hearing the story directly from the woman behind it all: the very woman Timothy Rain has fallen for, no pun intended. Please welcome Tasha Charles Taylor.”
Tasha forced a pleasant look to her face and walked onto the stage with her head held high. There was no applause as she shook Norman’s hand and sat down.
“Well, Tasha. I hope I may call you Tasha. You know, I can see how this all happened. You are an incredibly beautiful and sexy woman.” Norman bantered, with a suggestive chuckle.
Tasha gave him a cold, steely look.
“What made you decide to come on the show, Tasha? What do you hope to accomplish today?” Norman pressed eagerly.
“I am here to present the truth, as Tim tried to do several weeks ago in New York. Tim has walked in absolute integrity since the day I met him. He does not deserve the smearing that he has received, and I hope to clear up any misconceptions that may have been given about him; and about our relationship.”