by Nancy Hopper
"What Tim is doing in the lives of people around the world is phenomenal; and very much needed. In order for his ministry to continue in purity and power, this must be laid to rest. I guess I'm the only one who can do that."
“Courageous.” Norman marveled. “So let’s start with you and Tim. Where and when did you meet?”
“On a ski lift in Utah. He was there for a conference. He felt led to invite me to come to the meetings.”
“How interesting. So you went with him, and before the conference was over he was kissing you with a cast of thousands watching?”
Tasha felt her cheeks flame. “Hardly. I think that the only person watching him kiss me, was Pattie Danniels. Apparently Miss Danniels was following us."
“So, he made his intentions known and he made love to you in public. But tell us when you next saw Timothy Rain.”
"Excuse me, he did not make love to me in public. Tim has never done more than kiss me. And precious few times, at that. He is an absolute gentleman." She insisted hotly. “Everything that has been said about us, has been grossly exaggerated.”
"Tell us about the next time you saw him." Norman persisted.
“He came to visit us at our home in Salt Lake City.” She answered tensely.
“What was his purpose for being in Salt Lake?” Norman pumped eagerly.
“He came to spend time with us, as far as I know.”
“So the very next time he saw you, he gave Pattie Danniels the opportunity to take those incredibly steamy pictures?” He asked incredulously.
The studio audience hooted.
Tasha forced herself to stay calm. “I guess that depends on your viewpoint. First, there were about a hundred letters and a few dozen phone calls. Tim stayed in almost constant contact with me. We got to know one another quite a bit better, in the months that followed the conference. Also, that night at my house, I can assure you that sex was the last thing on Tim’s mind. When those pictures were taken, I had upset Tim terribly.”
"But, I do understand that what the natural eye saw in the pictures would look bad, without having been there to know what was really happening. I am just so sorry that I put Tim in this position.”
“Huh.” Norman huffed in a bored voice. “So what’s your version?”
“I had gone to speak to Tim, in his room. To say goodnight. I went in wearing my night clothes under a kimono, as kind of a gauntlet. I was perturbed with him, and vexed because he had come to visit. My dear housekeeper told me I was a fool if I didn't 'go for it' with Tim; but I didn't really know how to go about that. Then, I got the idea to try to scare him off.”
"You see; I have only been widowed about four years, and having Timothy around made me extremely panicky. I wasn’t quite ready to be courted by a man like Tim Rain. I thought that if I put him to the challenge, he would back off and go away.”
"I thought that a man like Tim would be disgusted if I tried to compromise him. I thought it would end … my torment. Of having him near. Of his ideas that we should be married."
Tasha looked at her hands, and steadied her nerves. She could feel the blush spreading up her cheeks as the audience murmured their shocked reaction. "I wanted him to back off, and I was finally ready to take the risk that he’d take me up on it. I was betting he wouldn't. I was at a place where I knew I was in love with him, but I was afraid to get married again. I was afraid of any deep commitment. It was a calculated risk, and I lost. I really thought I could scare him away, if I came on to him."
“Well, this is fascinating,” Norman guffawed. “So you are not that awfully interested in Timothy Rain?”
“I did not say that, at all. It’s just that he came into my life very suddenly. I was extremely alarmed. And as I explained, I really wasn’t ready to tangle with any man.”
"Tim is really kind of overwhelming to me, in many ways. I truly hoped to shock him into giving me some space. I was just scared. I figured either he'd take the bait, or else leave. Either way, I thought it would ease the pressure I was feeling. To be perfectly honest, I knew that Timothy wouldn’t take the bait. I thought he’d back off. That's all I could think about, at the moment. ”
“You didn’t look scared in those photos,” Norman accused. “But you ended up in an argument, so I understand?”
“Not an argument, really.” She denied. “Well; actually, I guess we did. Tim just did not react as I anticipated. He rebuked me strongly for coming to his room. He didn’t back off. I was shocked to find that he wasn’t at all intimidated by the sight of me in my nightie.”
"I was very ashamed and confused, and embarrassed. I of course figured he would be displeased, but I had no idea how humiliating and painful it would be, to suffer his displeasure. I didn’t know until that moment that … that he could hurt me with his words, and his displeasure. I didn’t know that I cared so much.”
No one who could see Tasha’s face or hear her voice, doubted that she was telling the absolute truth. The stain of humiliation remained on her face as she spoke about that moment. The studio was absolutely silent.
“He could see that I was not dealing with the harshness of his words. He truly did not want to hurt me, and he could see that something was not adding up. He could see that I was sorry, so he followed me to my room, to settle things. He felt, rightly, that it had to be dealt with immediately. If he had not done that, it would have been the end of our relationship. I was very upset. And although it wasn't exactly proper for him to follow me to my room, believe me...”
She swallowed hard, before she was able to go on.
“Tim had absolutely no intention of making love to me. He'd already seen me in that get-up when I went to his room, and he threw me out. It was no big deal for him to follow me back to my room and see me in it, again. I was totally humiliated. He wouldn't even let his eyes stray from my face. Everybody who's seen those pictures has seen more of me, than Timothy ever saw saw that night."
Tasha bent her head. “I had laid down on my bed, and I was crying. He came in, and took me onto his lap as if I were a child. He just held me for a long time, while I cried. That's the only reason the bed cover was mussed. And, as Tim said when he did his interview, he did not close my bedroom door behind him. He left it open, to allay any temptations, or any suspicion that he was doing anything inappropriate.”
"Pattie had to wait a long time to get a picture of him kissing me. He is the most patient man I’ve ever met. When I began to pull myself together, he began talking to me. He told me many things that night, but not one of them had to do with 'fornication'.”
“He began by explaining to me why he’d rebuked me, and he asked my forgiveness for hurting my feelings. He had only come to my room to try to mend the damage. Of course, then he kissed me. He loves me.” she admitted with clear agony in her voice. "When I had calmed down, he wanted to reassure me that he loves me, and that he wasn't angry at me."
"While Pattie stood outside waiting to catch Tim in a compromising position, Tim was telling me that Jesus will always be first in his life. He was begging me to understand his dedication. It made me angry; but even after all that, he still wanted me to marry him. He is totally innocent in this. I was not."
"At one point during our discussion, I got up from his lap and walked to the windows to look out at the deck and the city. I'll bet that gave Pattie Danniels a start! I sure wish we'd seen her skulking around on the deck. But anyway, Tim followed me, and held me in his arms. He tried to reassure me that he loves me and that he simply couldn't take any shortcuts in our relationship. That's all that went on.”
"When Tim refused to put me first in his life, I showed him the door. The next morning he left, and I ..." tears choked Tasha. "I wouldn't even say goodbye to him."
You could have heard a pin drop in that studio. Tasha took a deep breath and went on.
“The ironic part of this, is that Tim really doesn’t care what Pattie Danniels, or anyone else thinks. He wants to walk as purely as he can … because he loves
God, and for no other reason. He knows that only God is his true judge.”
“But he does long to be used to touch the hearts of people of all nations, and bring them to restoration with the Father. What has happened because of my foolishness, must not hinder that work. What Tim is doing must not stop, just because I pulled a childish stunt. He is a man of incredible integrity and devotion. What Pattie Danniels caught on film, was only a test that Tim Rain passed through with flying colors.”
Norman’s eyebrows went up sharply. “How many of these childish stunts have you been involved in?” He asked sarcastically. “Pattie’s newest story about you involved a similar but worse scenario. And that is saying something.”
Tasha visibly trembled. “I grew up rich, and spoiled. I also suffered a lot of abuse at the hands of other rich and spoiled people.” She said evenly. “What happened with that man when I was fourteen, was not my fault. I was young and very naive. However, what happened to me is not uncommon. It is unfortunate that children have to suffer sexual abuse, but sometimes they do.
"The man involved wanted to have some fun, and I’m sure he was pretty much used to doing whatever he wanted. Rich and powerful men do that kind of thing. Usually, they get away with it. I don't hold it against him, but I refuse to take responsibility for being molested when I was just an adolescent.”
"Well, will you set the record straight about that incident?" Norman asked with gleaming eyes.
Tasha stared at him, aghast. "I am not eager to talk about what happened to me. It was swept under the rug years ago, and the devastation of my personal life, my sexuality, is something I have always struggled with. But, I suppose that I have nothing to lose, now that it’s a matter of public discussion.”
She sighed, and gathered her strength. “He was a close friend of my father's. He took me places very often, usually with his daughter along. She was my age, and we were good friends.”
"On that particular weekend, he invited me to go to his cabin, along with his daughter. I was told that she had a dance rehearsal that afternoon, and would join us later. She was a dedicated dancer, and I thought nothing of it. But, she never came to the cabin.”
"She happened to call my home that evening, and my housekeeper became alarmed when she realized I was alone with the man; and that his story wasn't panning out. She called the State police; they came out to the cabin to investigate, and took me home."
"Did he rape you?" Norman asked with interest.
Tasha just looked at him blankly. "No. No, he did not, Mr. Nielsen. He was watching me get ready for bed, and I didn’t know it. The State Police came, and I did leave there a virgin. I remained a virgin until the day I married my husband. Gary Taylor is the only man I’ve ever slept with, to this day. The sensational tactics that Pattie Danniels has used to paint me as some kind of tart are absolutely ridiculous and false."
"I understood from Pattie Danniels' account of the incident that you ran out of the cabin that night, without a shirt and without a bra. Is that correct?"
Tasha closed her eyes and almost crumbled. She set her jaw and blinked back most of her tears. One tear trickled out onto her cheek and she brushed it away, impatiently. She lifted her head proudly, her eyes glittering.
“Yes. I was desperate to get away from him. And that will be the last answer you’ll get about that incident. There is nothing to be gained from dragging all these people through the mud.”
"Pattie Danniels has caused me, Timothy, and the family of this man, untold pain by trying to sensationalize my past. This incident has absolutely nothing to do with Tim, nothing to do with our relationship. It has nothing to do with Tim’s ministry. It hasn’t been an issue with me since 1990. We’d all be a lot better off, if you all would leave it in the past where it belongs. There is nothing good to be gained from examining it now.”
Norman shrugged, and smiled innocently. "I'm just trying to help you tell the truth you say you want to share. So, you married Gary Taylor after a whirlwind romance. If my sources are correct, you ran away from him just before your engagement was announced. You went to your father's Idaho home and there your father broke your nose?" Norman asked incredulously.
Tasha tipped her head patiently. "That is ancient history, Mr. Nielsen. My father and I have a wonderful relationship now, and my having a broken nose has absolutely nothing to do with Timothy Rain."
"Well, tell us about your husband, then. Were you happily married?"
"Oh, yes. We were extremely happy. He was a wonderful man. It was almost more than I could bear, to lose him. But he was a saint, and he saved my life. He brought me to Jesus and then, he made me his wife."
"I did hear that you took care of him when he was ill, and that you were with him when he died. What was that like?"
Tasha looked up, as if asking for strength from heaven. "It was wonderful. Sweet. It was heaven; and it was hell. Every moment was precious. But, it was very painful. Naomi was only two, and Lucas was just a few months old, when he left. But I'll never forget the joy and love in his eyes when he could see the children. It was very hard on him, knowing that we'd be left alone."
"So he was at home until the last, and it is said that you were with him when he died?"
Tasha smiled and let the tears run down her face. She couldn't help it. "Yes. I was there." She assured him. "If I never knew for sure before that there was a God in heaven, I was certain of it that day. I felt Gary's spirit rise up before me, with incredible joy and excitement. And I felt a flurry, like of angels' wings, all around me. There was incredible love and joy in that room. And now I know that heaven is real, and that my darling is still alive ... with Jesus."
Her voice was trembling with emotion, and her words painted a picture that touched the hearts of those listening. Tasha’s innocent devotion and heartache were very plainly demonstrated.
"Yet you went back to the lifestyle of the 'rich and famous' and quit going to church?" Norman asked in disbelief.
Tasha collected herself. "It was painful. It was shattering to lose my wonderful husband." She said, shaking her head. "I didn't want to live, anymore. I didn't know how to live without him. My faith was shaken. I tried to hide from God. I wasn't strong enough to face it all. It's my failing, but I can't deny it.”
“My father called, and invited me to come home. He wanted to patch things up, and make it up to me, for our prior estrangement. He guessed, rightly, that I needed 'some taking care of.' So, I reconciled with my father, and went to live with him. I didn't want any more than a simple, private life. I didn't care about having any more than that, for a long time. I was just living inside empty walls, and I didn't even have the courage to build a new life.”
"I stayed busy with college, and my children. I skied. I acted as hostess for my father. That's about all that I could manage. I didn't want to serve God, anymore. It had been too painful an experience for me. My life with God was one hundred percent, tied in with my relationship with Gary; and he was gone. I didn't know how to separate the two. When Gary passed on, it felt like everything else from that life was dead, too."
“And while I was trying to recover from losing Gary, here came Timothy Rain.” She laughed. "The Holy Spirit told him to befriend me and get me to the conference. That's all that he tried to do. God bent me to His will, and I went with Timothy. Before that week was over, he'd managed to split my heart wide open, and he gave me back to God on a silver platter. It was excruciating.”
“For three days he kept snapping at my heels, until I cracked and let the Lord back into my life. Then the Lord began to talk to Tim about me, and he knew that he wanted to marry me by the end of the week.”
"I knew, too, that Tim was very special. I was very attracted to him, but I was frightened. He kissed me, and told me he loved me. He asked me to think about it. Then, he left and went abroad. He wrote me letters and sent me cards and flowers. By the time he came back to Salt Lake to see me, I was desperate to stay away from him."
“Why is that?" Norm
an asked immediately.
Tasha paused. "When Tim left to go abroad, it was as if life settled back into its normal pattern, again. It was like a short chapter that was over, and I was able to just go back to the way things were, except that I had Tim's letters and calls to look forward to.”
She tried to find the words to convey what she'd been feeling. “It’s hard … to even conceive of loving someone else again; as much as I loved Gary. I was afraid to take any risk on a new relationship. I feared that I would hurt Tim; that I wouldn't be able to do it.”
“You see, it’s a very frightening proposition; especially so soon. Tim is not the kind of man who does anything half-hardheartedly. He would require my whole heart because of who, and what he is. He’s all or nothing, the kind of man who totally commits his heart. He would want and deserve the same from me.”
“So, I’m trying to come to grips with Gary’s death and set a new course for the future. But it's very scary for me. The harassment we are receiving is making it very difficult. But, I do think that Tim is magnificent if overwhelming, and definitely worth the effort.”
“So you have pretty much made up your mind, after all?”
Tasha smiled and blushed. “We are trying to give it some time, and see. I think we may be able to work things out, once Pattie Danniels has blown all her hot air.”
“What about your father?” Norman cut in triumphantly. “How can you live with him, after all he did to you?”
Tasha smiled sadly. “I simply forgave him. He wanted to mend bridges after Gary died. He has been my saving grace. He took us in and cared for us, and I needed him desperately. I find him a changed man, and life with him has been very good.”
“So, have you set a date to marry Tim Rain?”
“Again, we will have to see. Pattie Danniels is doing all she can to hinder our relationship. I don’t believe she can succeed, and I am here to try to put a stop to her destruction of Tim’s ministry. It would be horrible and pointless, if she were to succeed in discrediting his name.”