Lovin' on You

by Fabiola Francisco

  “Barf.” I walk past her and sit on the couch.

  “In all seriousness, I’m glad you had a good time. I’m sure he’ll be writing some new songs soon.”

  “I don’t want to get in over my head, but I feel seriously giddy right now and it’s ridiculous.”

  “Not ridiculous. Awesome, yes! Enjoy the giddy feeling and live in the present.”

  “What’s going on with Ryder?” I ask honestly curious.

  “He’s fun and hot. I’m taking it for what it is, at the moment.”

  “Be careful.”

  “I always use protection.”

  “You know what I mean, Jen.” She has a wild side, but I know Jen can get carried away at times and lose sight of her heart.

  “I do. Thanks, Liv, but I’m having fun. You know how that goes.”

  “I know, but I wasn’t quite as wild as you are.”

  “Whatever happened with Nathan, I hope you’ve let it go. Before him you would go out and have fun without thinking twice about it. You’re more guarded now. You’re more tamed.”

  “We grow up, Jen, and have more responsibilities. I’m older.”

  “You’re not an old maid, though.” She cocks her head and raises and eyebrow.

  “Thanks for the compliment. I’m pretty sure the other day you were calling me exactly that.”

  “Ugh! Because you were acting like one and refused to go out with me,” she whines.

  “I’m going to bed.”

  “Or to masturbate, thinking about Cash.” She laughs at her own joke.

  “No need, when you get the real thing.” Her head snaps up and her eyes bug out.

  “You didn’t!” Now it’s my turn to laugh.

  “Nope, but your reaction was worth it.”

  “Fucker,” she mumbles.

  I chuckle all the way up to my room until I’m alone again and replaying every detail from tonight’s date. It was so easy, sitting across from Cash and talking. It was effortless, yet satisfying. The thing is, I’m afraid of the too-good-to-be-true trap.

  Cash was perfect, but I don’t know him. I tend to create a fantasy in my head, of how a situation can turn out, and am then faced with the disappointment when it doesn’t happen that way. Bri says I need to learn to expect less. Expectation feeds my disappointment, apparently.

  It’s what happened with Nathan. I thought I was head over heels in love; until one day, I woke up to the harsh reality that our life was not what my imagination had created. So, I broke up with him. He didn’t give up so easily, but he has finally stopped trying to convince me why we are perfect for each other.

  This is partly why I’ve been so cocooned in my career and home. The other reason is because it’s easy to fall into the routine of work and more work and minimal sleep. Really, it’s just easy to lose the fun in life. I’ve fallen into that category and I vowed to change that before I was an old maid with dogs, because I’m allergic to cats and don’t like them anyway.

  My phone vibrates on my nightstand and I grab it, already comfortable under the covers. I smile when I see his text.

  Cash: I had a great time tonight . . . I also want more of that kiss

  I sigh and smile. I want more of that kiss as well. It’s too easy to get carried away in him. My entire body heats in contentment.

  Olivia: It was a good first kiss.

  Cash: Does that mean I’ll get more?

  Olivia: Maybe

  I put my phone back down. So, so easy to get lost in him.

  Cash: Working on a new song and you’re my muse

  I blush. I seriously blush at a text message. I have no smart response because I’m too busy imagining him writing words down in that sexy way he had at the coffee shop.

  Olivia: Goodnight Cash

  I couldn’t get her out of my mind after I dropped her off. The smell of her perfume and the way her hair framed her face had me leaning into her. She’s the perfect song, and I want to be the one to write it.

  It had been a long time since I had actual fun with a woman. A woman who wasn’t pretentious or asking when I was going to make it big in the music business. I’m at that point in my career where I’m about to break out and people know who I am enough to want something from me, besides a real connection.

  I have been at this for some time, but it’s persistence that will get me far. Olivia didn’t care about that, she cared about what I love to do—the writing and singing. Her excitement when she heard the song on the radio was for me. I’m sure she’s heard it before, but she was thinking it was a huge milestone for me. It was. Every time I hear my song on the radio I give thanks. You can’t fake that kind of happiness. She doesn’t even know me. That shows me she’s genuine, and I like genuine.

  I get back to my song, but I wanted a few more seconds with her, even if it was through text message. Inspiration hits and I have to go for it, but I’d much rather be in bed with Liv right now. I gotta see her again. I’ll make sure I see her soon.

  I look back down at my paper, half of it chicken scratch that I can barely understand.

  Intoxicated by your taste

  Mesmerized by your smell

  Girl, this must be fate

  Because I feel you in every cell

  Those last two lines are too cheesy, even for me. I take a deep breath and go with the beat in my head, tying in words about her.

  Oooo, ooooh

  I wanna be with you, be with you

  Girl, let’s break this down

  My hands on you, caressing your body

  ‘Cuz I ain’t got nobody else

  Just eyes for you, girl

  Tired and horny, I close my notebook, leaving my pen where it, is so I can finish this tomorrow. Once I read it with a clear head, I may need to change it all, or not. Right now, I’m consumed with all thoughts of Olivia. I swear her scent followed me home and is taking me to bed.

  “Dude, you came home alone last night?” Ryder is at the door of my room. Sometimes I curse the day I gave him a key to my apartment.

  “Fuck you,” I say and sit up, rubbing my face.

  “Writing rampage?” He points to the scraps of paper on the floor in my room.

  “Something like that.”

  “So you tried to write away your boner? Nice.” He smirks like an ass.

  “Why are you here?” I ask, looking at the time on my phone.

  “We gotta practice. We have a gig tonight at Riot and later this week at Old Smuggler, and Peyton wants to meet with us.” Peyton is our manager and the reason we’ve had the exposure we’ve had.

  “Let me shower and we’ll head out,” I say.

  “Atta boy, take care of yourself while you’re in there. I’d be hard up if I had to come home alone after a night out with a sexy woman.”

  “Keep your eyes on your own woman and not on mine,” I growl.

  “Chill, man.” He raises his hands and leaves my room, chuckling.

  I see Ryder look through my notes. “Is our next album going to have a more romantic feel?”

  “No.” I grab the notebook and toss is on my coffee table. “It’s just notes.”

  “You were definitely trying to write away your boner last night. So, she didn’t give it up, huh?”

  “Do you see her here?”

  “She could’ve left after her quickie.”

  “Trust me, if I had her in my bed there was no way she was leaving.” He pats my back sympathetically and leads the way out of my apartment.

  We get to the studio to meet Peyton before practice. Anytime he calls an impromptu meeting it’s usually for something big. I’m hoping this is no different.

  “Now that you’re all here,” Peyton says, as I say hi to the other guys. “I’ve got some pretty exciting news. I got a call yesterday from Tyler Hunt’s people. He’s going on tour and they want you guys to be his opening act at his Nashville concert.

  “That’s huge!” Ryder exclaims. Peyton nods.

  “I wanna see if we can get a couple more so
ngs done by then. Something new to debut.” Peyton is all business right now. New music would be good before an appearance like this.

  “Our man, Cash, has some love-struck lyrics coming up,” Ryder mocks me.

  “Met someone?” Peyton looks amused.

  “It’s nothing.” I shake my head. I’m going to kill Ryder.

  “Yeah right, after you sang that song to her in front of everyone,” Cole pipes up.

  “Is this the girl you called up at Country Fest? Nice stunt. The fans are eating it up and going crazy over this mystery woman,” Peyton says, and I’m instantly defensive.

  “We’re not making this some marketing ploy, Peyton.”

  “No need, you already did that yourself. Everyone wants to know who this woman is and, why the hell . . . their words not mine . . . would she reject the one and only Cash Knight.”

  I roll my eyes. It’s an exaggeration of what the crowd thinks of me. I’m on some pedestal for no reason. Because I’m good looking? Hell, so are a bunch of other guys. I don’t get this obsession with knowing all about my love life and speculating why I haven’t had a woman on my arm since I’ve been a public figure.

  “Tell me more about Tyler’s concert.” I turn the conversation over back to business. This could be huge. Tyler is a big name in our industry and, although I haven’t personally met him yet, he’s been around for a while.

  “We have a month before the concert, so I need you guys on your A-game.”

  “What about Tyler’s drinking?” Jason speaks up now, being the voice of reason. I’d forgotten about the rumors.

  “I wouldn’t worry about that. You know how the media loves to make things bigger than what they are.”

  “He’s been in rehab, Peyton,” I say in a serious tone. “Do we want to go out with that reputation?”

  “He’s good now. Do you guys trust me? If I thought there was anything that would jeopardize your future success or reputation, I wouldn’t agree to it.”

  We all nod, knowing it’s the truth. Peyton has had our backs since he discovered us playing in one of Nashville’s hidden gems. Ever since he approached us that night, he’s taken us under his wing and made sure we’ve continued to grow as musicians and men.

  After practice, I hit the park around my neighborhood and go for a run and workout. The same beat has been stuck in my head but the words are choppy. Something is not letting them flow naturally, and I’m sure it’s the fact that I wanted more than a simple goodnight kiss last night. I lay on my back after finishing my push-ups and stare at the sky. We’re going to get extremely busy, with the upcoming Tyler concert and keeping up with our already steady schedule, but I need more Olivia.

  I head home to shower and change, grabbing my keys on the way out to pick up Ryder for our show tonight. I silence the radio and continue to repeat that beat that’s been driving me insane. I inhale and try to let it flow.

  There ain’t nothing simple about you, just the thought of your eyes drives me wild. Come on, girl, let’s get lost tonight. Let’s do what lovers do.

  I pull my car over and reach into the glove compartment. I pull out a napkin from there, a pen from the cup holder, and write down the words I sang in my head moments ago. I’ll see what part of it can work with the words I wrote last night. The guys are going to rag on me for my romantic shit, but all my love songs are widely accepted by our fans.

  “You guys ready?” I ask my bandmates before we perform.

  “Hell yeah!” They roar in unison. At this moment, the only thing crossing our minds is our music. What we live to do, and will die doing.

  “You know the drill. Have fun, rock out, stay in tune.” It’s the same talk before every show. It’s our thing. We grab our red cups and throw back the amber liquid. Jack is our mascot.

  No matter how big or small our show may seem, it’s all or nothing for us. We don’t care if we have an audience of one or of one thousand. We’re here to rock it, no matter what. We go up to the small stage set in the front of the bar and I breathe into the microphone.

  “Good evening, ladies and gents!” Everyone cheers. I smile widely. “We’re Rebel Desire and couldn’t be happier to be here tonight.” More cheers and whistles. “Let’s kick it, boys!”

  The guys begin to play in harmony, and I wait for my cue to sing.

  Throughout my set, all I kept thinking about was how much I wanted Olivia to be there, watching me sing to her. Instead, I had to seduce random fans and smirk when they squealed. Any of these women would have jumped at the opportunity to run on stage, had I called them out, but I don’t want just any woman.

  After our show, I hear someone say, “Hey, Cash! Great show.” Some blonde sidles next to me.

  “Thanks,” I say and drink my beer at the bar. Her finger runs along my forearm and I give her a tight smile. “Have you met Cole?” I turn her attention to our drummer and watch her eyes light up a bit before looking back at me.

  “A two for one deal?” She purrs.

  “No two for one. I’m off the market, but Cole here is talented with his stick.”

  I watch as Cole snakes in and grasps the blonde’s attention. “You’ve got it bad. You just turned down a blonde bombshell.” Ryder takes a seat next to me.

  “You know the fans aren’t my thing.”

  “I know, but pretty soon they’re all going to be fans.” He hits his beer bottle with mine.

  “Yeah.” I’ve had my share of women, but I’ve never been one to use and abuse my name for the sake of sex. I hate it, actually. I hate that women only want me for the fact that I’m a singer. When you’ve lived a good life, and are already in your early thirties, you want a little more than one-night stands and cheap liquor. Unless you’re Ryder. I’m not sure that boy will ever settle down. I laugh as he eyes the options, and I whisper Jen’s name to remind him he has a willing partner he can call. She’s much better than the girls hanging around here, half naked and getting trashed.

  “You’re right. I think I’ll call her.” Ryder gives me a wicked grin. I watch him walk outside with his phone in hand. Fucker will probably just leave.

  “You ready for the next step?” Peyton takes Ryder’s empty stool.

  “It’s what I’ve been working on for years.”

  “I know, but you’re different than your pals. You’ve got that driven mentality. You keep them grounded. They’re enjoying the spotlight, but you know it can be turned off in the blink of an eye.”

  “I know,” I whisper into my bottle and chug the remnants.

  “This is your break, all of yours. From now on, you guys will soar.” He pats my back and orders us both another round.

  “You’re staying out tonight?” I tease him. Peyton’s been married for five years and he’s usually the first to run home to his wife. He brags it’s because she dishes out the goods to him every night, but Peyton’s like me, we like stability.

  “Yeah. Dee’s out with the girls, so I get to hang for a bit. Besides, the drinking will get her hot and heavy.”

  “Please, stop. I need to be able to look your wife in the eyes the next time I see her.” He laughs and leans back watching everything that is unfolding before us.

  “Tell me everything!” Bri brings the pitcher of freshly made sangria into my living room.

  “It was nice.” I shrug.

  “Nice? My grandma does nice. Cash Knight must do everything but nice.” Her eyes twinkle.

  “We went to the brewery, had drinks and apps, and talked.” I repeat for the tenth time how my date with Cash went.

  “No touching? Kissing?” She shakes her head and raises her eyebrows like saying, hello! and I laugh. She looks ridiculous.

  “There was kissing!” Jen shouts. Ugh!

  “How do you know?” I ask defensively.

  “The way you leaned back against that door after your date had kiss written all over it. Those dreamy eyes, slightly mussed hair. Sigh. I love first kisses.” I laugh at her expression and drink my sangria.

&nbs
p; We’ve been at this for an hour. All we’ve accomplished is going through two pitchers of sangria and deciding that we’re ordering Mexican. I don’t have much to say about my evening with Cash, besides what happened. I’m trying to be less daydreamer and more realist. Except this morning when I woke up and dreamed of what it would have been like if he was lying next to me. I swear I almost used my extra pillow as his form.

  “Look at her, she definitely kissed him,” Bri says. My face flushes as I look at my best friend and little cousin.

  “Yes, he kissed me goodnight. It was a good kiss, not an over the top kiss. Enough to tease me into wanting more, but not enough for me to grab onto that more. Make sense? Dinner was great. It was easy but not boring easy.”

  “How do you feel?” Bri asks.

  “Like I could walk on water but know if I try, I’ll drown.”

  “Ah, that’s what’s got you like this.” Bri is pensive.

  “Like what?” I jump to defend myself.

  “Down, girl.” Bri says, and Jen almost spits out her sangria.

  “Keep it classy,” I tell Jen.

  Bri interrupts me. “You always have this fantasy of how love should be. You dream up this story and create these emotions and get let down when it doesn’t quite play out that way. But now, you’ve actually been given the opportunity to live out a fantasy, and you’re doubting it. Liv, it’s not every day that a sexy country singer pursues you. If you didn’t like him, I’d tell you to let it go, because you’re not going to give into him because of who he is. However, you’re totally into the guy and now, of all times, you’re questioning what you’ve always dreamt up?”

  “Just go walk on water,” Jen says from beside us.

  I laugh at her. “Is that your interpretation of telling me to go for it?”

  “Heck yeah! You told me to make sure you weren’t entering the same monotone routine you’ve had. When you broke up with Nathan, you told me you wanted to get out of your funk and get back out in the social scene. Woman, there is nothing more social than going out with Cash.”