Lovin' on You

by Fabiola Francisco

  “Tell her I said hi,” I smile. I know I look like a fucking fool, but I don’t care what Bri thinks. I know deep down she is on my side.

  “Why don’t you call her, now that you’re back?”

  “I tried calling and sending her messages, but she hasn’t responded.”

  “Oh, shit! She got a new number. Here.” She holds her hand out for my phone. I hand it to her and watch her type something in quickly. I notice her ring and smile.

  “Congrats.” I point at it.

  She beams. “Thanks! It was a crazy surprise, but I’m happy.” She looks up at Josh, smiling like a fool in love. I understand how she feels.

  I hear the guys calling my name, and I look back at them. “Shit, I gotta go. It was great meeting you. Bye, Bri.”

  “Great meeting you, too. Call her,” Josh says confidently and I thank him.

  They wouldn’t be telling me to call her if she had moved on. Why would she get a new number? Something doesn’t add up. I catch up to the guys, and we make our way inside. We start off in our seats so we can watch part of the show. Maybe she’s watching tonight. I can only hope she is. That means she still cares, and if she does, then there is hope for us.

  It is great to watch all the other artists perform and take a few moments to talk about why this is such a special event for them. Some of them have parents who were in the military, and others had friends. Somehow, it is special to everyone. This is what I love about the country music industry. It is a community of friends.

  We head back stage twenty minutes before our performance to change and prepare. I put on my camouflage joggers and black tee shirt. The all black, flat-bill cap will cover part of my face. I’ll be grateful for that when I’m singing our song on stage.

  Vivian is back here with us, making sure everything goes smoothly. I’m sure she won’t always be around, but seeing that we are her newest addition, she wants to make sure we do our best and behave. We don’t need a babysitter. I’ll admit she does her job and does it well, but it is annoying having someone there all the time.

  When we hear our name being presented we take our place on stage. I sit on a stool while the band takes their spots. This song is slow and more melancholy with acoustic sound. I begin singing, the words flowing, our rhythm perfect. It’s a song about the lows you get to when you lose the person you love. If Olivia is watching, she’ll know this is about her.

  We finish and I stand, the audience clapping loudly and the hosts commenting on our superb performance. We smile and walk off stage as practiced.

  “You guys did great,” Peyton says, as we walk back into the changing room.

  We stay dressed as we are and wait to get Vivian’s instructions. Once she says we can go back to our seats, we do. So many logistics go into an event like this. I can just imagine a big award show. Soon we’ll be going to those, too. Right now, I’m focusing on each day and getting in contact with Olivia later tonight. While I’m here, I need to be focused, but as soon as this event ends, I’m getting to her.

  I send her a quick text once the concert ends, before we head to the after party. Luke Bryan organized for everyone to go to a local lounge to have drinks and hang out. It is the perfect opportunity for us to introduce ourselves without the tension of the concert and performances.

  I feel more hopeful now that I know her silence was not intentional, and I am sure Bri will tell her she saw me. My schedule may be busy for the next few weeks, but I’m getting my girl back.

  I pack up my laptop and go home. I finished my latest project today and sent it to my client, who congratulated me for having it done before deadline. It’s not like I have much else to do these days. The only good thing that has come in the last six months is that Nathan is no longer a threat. It took a few months to get it all squared away, but we finally did.

  I spoke to my uncle about my situation with Nathan after the night he showed up at our townhouse, and one of his lawyers, fortunately a woman, looked through my case. Nathan showed up at my house two more times. Each time he was more forceful with his demands, and Jen and I were more careful with who we opened the door to. My biggest fear was that he would park outside the house and wait for me to leave. Thankfully, he never did, but his verbal threats were nothing the lawyer could work with.

  In Tennessee, you need written proof. I guess it was smart to keep the e-mail he sent me with his blackmail, but Shannon needed more, in order to be taken seriously in a courtroom. I had to place myself in the center of the Nathan storm to get more proof. It all had to be through e-mail or written messages. With Shannon’s guidance, we got enough proof to use against him, including a threat to my well-being if I did not go out with him.

  Jen and I went home to stay with our families for some time, while we processed the suit. This was my uncle’s idea, as a precaution. I don’t know if Nathan would have acted that seriously or if it was more talk to scare me into seeing him. Regardless, I did not want to find out. I am glad it all got worked out, before I found out how serious he really was.

  Nathan was charged with blackmail and harassment. He was forced to submit all technology to delete files and was fined twenty-five hundred dollars. He did end up spending a week in jail for criminal harassment, but he was not sentenced to additional time since he never followed through with any of his threats.

  The holidays were not exciting, and I am grateful spring is back. It feels like a sense of hope and new beginnings. One where I constantly think about Cash.

  It has been eight months since I made Cash leave and our world was turned upside down. I’ve seen how he’s transformed from his boyish charm on stage to sex-on-a-stick. He riles the crowd up and gives them exactly what they want, more of him. It is less and less that I sneak onto their page and look at short clips, because usually the comments attached clench my heart.

  So many women would want just one night with him. They have no idea what they are missing out on, for aiming so low. One night of Cash Knight is not enough. You need more to explore the man holding the microphone. His heart is gold, and at one point it was mine.

  I could call him and tell him what happened, but you reach a point where too much time has passed to make up for it. Ironically, Jen and Ryder are still going strong. From what I hear, they were finishing up their tour with Tyler. After their short holiday break, they went back on the road with a New Year’s Eve concert as their first stop.

  I only know the bits that Jen tells me because I refuse to ask and she is careful with what she tells me, which leads me to believe Cash has moved on. He has a right to. Thankfully, the media was not as interested in our break-up as it was about our hooking up.

  I stop at a store on the way home and pick up the perfect gift. Josh surprised Bri a month ago, coming home early and announcing he was going to be working locally with the Army. He also proposed that night. It’s about time those two get married. Tomorrow night is their engagement party.

  “Oh, fuck!” I cover my eyes with my hands as soon as I walk into my house. I hear laughing and footsteps.

  “You can open your eyes, now,” Jen says.

  “Ugh. You have a room, and I like to sit on that couch.” I drop the mail on the countertop and look at the two of them, grateful they covered themselves up.

  “I thought you would be back later.”

  “I finished early. Ryder.” I nod my head at him.

  “Nice to see you, Liv.” He has the balls to smile and wink.

  “Well, I saw more than I wanted to.” I walk up the stairs. “Please, finish in your room. I beg of you.” I hear more laughter, and then Jen says something that sounds like too much time on her hands.

  I sit on my bed and breathe deeply. I guess Ryder and the guys are back already. Jen had gone to his place the few days they were here in December, so I hadn’t seen him since he left. I lie down and take a nap. It’s what I have been doing these days, work and nap.

  I arrive at Bri’s parents’ house for the engagement party. Parking my car
in their driveway, I knock on the door. Mrs. Stephens, Bri’s mom, answers the door. “Hi, sweetie! How are you doing?” She welcomes me in and I smile.

  “I’m doing well. How about you? Are you ready for this wedding?” I laugh when she rolls her eyes.

  “You know my daughter.”

  “That I do.” I walk out onto the patio and leave their gift on a small table with a few other presents. Bri runs to me and gives me a hug. We saw each other a few days ago, but she has been more emotional since she got engaged.

  “Thanks for coming,” she says.

  “You think I would miss this?” We approach Josh and the couple he is talking to. I give him a hug and introduce myself to the couple. After, we grab champagne and toast to their engagement.

  The patio is decorated with simple elegance, string lights hung, small candles on the tables. It’s an informal setting with appetizers and drinks being served. Bri and Josh wanted to keep it simple and have a night to celebrate their love with family and close friends.

  We talk and joke about Bri’s wedding obsession in between glasses of champagne. Josh and I catch up a bit. I haven’t had a chance for more than casual conversation with him since he got back. It is nice to have him back and for good. I know that is a breath of relief for Bri and his parents.

  “I hear you’re pining over Cash Knight.” I cringe when Josh says this. “Sorry,” he laughs.

  “It’s complicated, Josh.”

  “Yeah, Bri kept me up to date while I was away. I’m just glad you’re okay and not in any real danger with Nathan. Who would have thought?”

  “Right? It’s insane.” I finish my glass. No one thought Nathan would be a jealous dick. “At least that’s done and over with.”

  “So, what’s your game plan?”

  “My game plan” I raise my eyebrows.

  “Yeah. You can’t just let that guy think you don’t love him anymore. I’m a sap since I recently got engaged to the love of my life, but Liv, you gotta find a way to at least explain yourself. Then leave it up to him to decide where he stands.” Josh refills my glass of champagne. “He got signed by Nashville Records and, knowing what I know now, I would bet some serious cash that all their new songs are about you.”

  I smile at him in gratitude for his advice and go find Bri. We need to dance. Tonight we are here to celebrate them.

  Sore feet and a killer buzz later, I sit in a chair on the Stephens’ patio and drink water. Bri laughs as she sits next to me, in the same state I am in.

  “Josh can drop you off on our way home. It’s probably best you don’t drive.” I giggle and agree. “We had fun tonight.” She sighs back into the chair.

  “We did. I’m happy for you,” I tell her.

  “You better be. There’s no way my maid of honor is going to be a Bitter Betty.” I laugh and lean my head back, staring up at the clear sky. It’s a chilly night, but we are covered in a champagne blanket.

  “I am so tired,” I say with closed eyes.

  “Mhmm,” I hear Bri say.

  “You ladies ready?” Josh asks.

  “Yeah.” I open my eyes and see his amused grin. “Come on, Bri.”

  We walk to his car, and I am grateful he offered to take me. I’ll have to pick up my car tomorrow morning.

  Bri: I just saw Cash. He misses you. Says hi. Catch you up tomorrow.

  Sadness overcomes me reading her text message. I could have reached out to him once everything with Nathan was taken care of, but I saw how much fun he was having and the success they were gaining. It felt a little too late. Maybe not.

  Part of me wants to watch the concert tonight and another part of me wants to curl into bed and dream about what Bri told me. What would it be like to see him again? Would we pick up where we left off or start all over again? In the scheme of things, it has not been that long, but, in my heart, it feels like forever since I have seen him.

  I find Jen watching Honoring Our Heroes when I enter the living room. I sit next to her and watch with her. It is a great concert and I love these types of shows, watching our favorites on the television singing our favorite songs. On a commercial break, I grab two glasses of wine for us. “Thanks,” Jen says. “Are you ready to see them perform?”

  I shrug. I’m not sure, but I want to. I sit back and give her a tight smile. “I better be, because I’m cozy in this spot.” She laughs at my attempt to act cool, but she reads right through my façade and gives me a side hug.

  “I got you.” When did my little cousin become an adult? She is wild and crazy, but her heart is good and I am thankful for it, regardless of the stunts she has pulled and few grey hairs she has given me since moving in. Truth is, I couldn’t live without her. And right now, I need her more than ever. She had my back with Nathan, and she stayed by my side.

  “Thanks.” I lean my head on her shoulder, and we quiet down when the show comes back on.

  We sing along to songs we love and listen to the stories from the war heroes and their commemoration of those who lost their lives. Some wives are present, receiving medals for their late husbands, and songs are dedicated to them.

  The next commercial break announces who will be performing next, including Rebel Desire. The camera focuses on them a second, and then it’s off to sell products to the American people through commercials with pets and babies on them. I stand to get more wine, but instead bring the bottle over.

  “He still thinks about you.” Jen looks at me.

  “Bri saw him tonight, before the concert. She said the same thing.”

  “Maybe now is the time to approach him, since he is done touring. I know seeing him in person and talking will be better than him being on the road.” I nod at her and sit back. “They have a show at Jack’s Bar tomorrow night. I can ask Ryder for an extra ticket,” she offers. I smile at her and shake my head.

  “I’ll buy a ticket online tonight. I don’t want me being there to mess with his head when he’s performing.” Her smile is huge.

  “It’s about damn time!” she exclaims and hugs me.

  “Relax. I just need to talk to him.” I think back to what Josh told me at the engagement party a few nights ago. I can’t let him go on thinking I stopped caring or I lied about my feelings.

  “I am so excited! Hearing Ryder tell me about how bad he was on the road broke my heart, and I hated seeing you so miserable.” I smile sadly and watch the television again, motioning that it was back.

  Rebel Desire is the third artist to perform and I watch intently. He looks amazing, the hat adding a touch of mystery since you can’t fully see his eyes. Instead of his usual spot on the stage, moving around and getting the audience excited, he is sitting on a stool with one foot resting on the stool rung. His pants hug his thighs.

  I watch closely, as the veins on his neck strain with the slow sound. I thought the song would be different when I heard the title. I was anxious to hear it but my heart is racing. I try not to cry. I try not to lose it, especially in front of Jen. I just listen to the words.

  I let you in full force giving you my all

  Knowing damn well I’d let you take it all

  My name whispered on your lips

  The way my hands land on your hips

  You break apart my wall

  You break your way into my heart

  I let you break me, yeah I do,

  So I can always carry a piece of you

  Closing my eyes, I see you

  You crawl over me like you always do

  I feel your breath on my skin

  When I open them again you’re gone

  My memories keeping me hostage as they break me

  Your baby blues follow me where I go

  In crowds of hundreds they’re all I know

  You’re all I want for the rest of my life

  One day, girl, I’ll make you mine

  Until then I let you break me, yeah I do

  So I can always carry a piece of you

  I wipe away a tear and continue to w
atch him finish the song. Jen is watching me instead of the flat screen. The audience explodes as the song comes to an end, giving them a standing ovation. The passion in his voice was evident as he sang. What he doesn’t know is that he breaks me, too.

  The rest of the concert is background noise to me as I continue to think about Bri’s text and Cash’s song. Using my phone, I go into Jack’s Bar’s website to try to snatch a ticket for their show tomorrow. I should have known that with their growing fan base that it would be sold out by now.

  “Do you think Ryder can get an extra ticket?” I ask Jen.

  “For you? Definitely.”

  “Thanks. Just tell him not to tell Cash anything.”

  “You got it.” I see her type out a quick message then look up at me. “Done.” She smiles proudly.

  “Who would have thought you two would be together for the long run.” I laugh.

  “I’m offended.” She puts her hand on her chest and opens her mouth in disbelief.

  “Oh, yeah,” I scoff. “Even you thought it would be a fling,” I point out.

  “I know, but I’ve fallen for him. We work together. It’s weird. I didn’t think I’d be in a serious relationship at the age of twenty-one, but I kinda love the guy.” She shrugs with raised eyebrows.

  “Well, as serious a relationship as you two could be in. I swear you’re both still kids.”

  “We like to have fun,” she winks.

  “Yeah, on my couch.” I shiver, and she laughs loudly.

  “I missed him,” she says unapologetically. “When he showed up we just went at it, not minding where we were. For the record, I did think you would be back later.”

  I laugh with her. That is one image that will forever be burned into my memory, though I wish it weren’t.

  Jen holds my hand as we walk into Jack’s Bar. The space is the most crowded I have ever seen it. I keep my head down, watching my step, as Jen leads us to the center of the room. We have quite a few people in front of us, but it’s the best she can do. I look around for Cash, but don’t see him and in a way, am grateful for that.