by Lily Ryan
“Flowers are the only things nature created that can compare with your beauty,” Lucas smiles, showing off his deep dimples.
“I hope you haven’t been working on that since last night.”
“That hurts,” he says, bringing his hand up to his chest feigning hurt feelings, “But I’ll forgive you if …”
“Forgive me?” I ask, a smile creeping onto my lips, “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t have you arrested for stalking me?”
He turns to the cashier, an older woman in her sixties, who looks quite amused at the scene in front of her. “Would you believe I had three long stem roses delivered to this lovely lady as she shopped?”
“How sweet,” the cashier smiles.
“I thought so,” Lucas continues. “And all I want in return is dinner.”
“Dinner?” the cashier repeats acting as an arbitrator.
“Just dinner. Now, don’t you think she should at least agree to that?”
The older women, gives me her best motherly look and speaks sternly, “You should give him a chance. If it were me, I’d go to dinner with him.”
“I don’t know. I mean for him to just show up here out of the blue, it is a little strange. He could be crazy.” I whisper the last part, as if he can’t hear me.
“Crazy for you,” Lucas chimes in, looking too irresistible to pass up.
“Another cheesy line?”
Lucas smiles. “No. Not a cheesy line. The truth is, something really good happened at work today, and I want to celebrate, and the only person I want to do that with is you.”
This is the moment I realize two things. One, I’m lost to him. Two, Lucas spells trouble. He’ll go after what he wants at full steam and won’t take no for an answer. And right now, what he wants is me.
I begin to fall in love with him at this very moment. I’m terrified because not only am I falling, I’m falling fast and hard.
Chapter 12
Lucas
I did it. I found her. It took some simple deduction. If she told the truth and had to go for groceries there are three large supermarkets in the area. I ruled out the furthest one. Even though it’s only ten minutes away I guessed if she went there it was probably on weekends when she has more time.
That left two. I opted for the one I believed to be closest to where she lived, even though I wasn’t one hundred percent certain of that either. I knew she didn’t get off work until five, and thought she’d go straight to the store for food to cook for dinner.
Maybe it is a little stalkerish of me to sit in my car and watch everyone entering the supermarket. But I know it’s worth the risk of having her think I’m crazy when I see her.
If I give her time and space away from me, she’ll put up walls. Build defenses. I need to keep in her face and strike now. While the iron is hot and she has trouble resisting. I followed my instincts and I scored big time.
I enter the store ready to go after what I want. I don’t even consider my unhinged behavior might frighten Olivia off. From afar, I watch the surprise on her face as she collects the roses. The payoff comes when I approach her. Her eyes light, and walls around my heart crumble. What is it about her that possesses me?
She does have me possessed. In truth I’m bordering on obsessed. As the days pass I speak to her more and more. I need to hear her voice. I stumble through the days with my head up my ass until we speak. I need the reassurance that I’m on her mind, and the only guy she’s seeing.
The only way to get it without her knowing is to see and hear the excitement I rile up in her. At first I believed it made me stronger, I told myself it means when I’m ready to make my move, I can have my way with her.
I fool myself into believing that I’m in charge, and therefore, she’ll comply with my desires. Even from the start in those first days I realize she’s poison coursing through my veins, killing me slowly.
I lose my sense and judgment when it comes to Olivia. She can coax me into jumping off a bridge with the promise of her heart and a night in bed.
As I realize this, I understand I’m in way over my head. I only hope to be able to tread water long enough to get to the edge of the pool. Then hopefully I’ll still have enough strength to pull myself out.
Chapter 13
Olivia
As the weekend approaches, the second of our short relationship, I expect to hear from Lucas. I heard from him every day since we met, and weekend nights are notorious sex nights.
He could deny it all he wants, but that’s what he’s after. That’s what he really wants from me. At the end of the day, that’s what all guys want.
I make a concerted effort to pull my mind off Lucas and focus on the stack of papers on my desk. I have to make sure I enter all the insurance information properly. I hate medical billing and the tedious attention to detail that goes along with it, but it’s a job. They’re scarce these days. Even though I don’t love it, I appreciate it.
Just as I refocus on the pile in front of me, my phone rings. It’s him. My hands tremble and my lips curl into a smile. I feel that funny tumbling in my belly. Excitement and relief mingled together that keep you off balance and make this first stage of the relationship special.
I wonder if it will be the only stage I go through with Lucas before we self-destruct.
I stare at my phone. He’s actually calling. I wonder if he plans to coax me into seeing him tonight, or if he’s letting me down easy. This early in the day he’s been sending text messages when he wants to communicate.
Every time my phone chimes with a message from him. I pep up, feeling happy and giddy. That’s nothing compared to what hearing the sound of his voice does to me. It unleashes the butterflies and has them soar.
“I was thinking we could curl up on the couch and watch a movie tonight. What do you say? I’ll even let you pick.”
He’s so transparent. This is his way of trying to move things along. Uh, uh. No way am I ready for that. Not the way my body reacts to him. Not with the longing I feel every time he’s near.
“There’s nothing I really want to see. Why don’t we just go to the movies instead?”
“With all the movies on demand, and the huge selection we can rent from, there’s nothing you want to see?”
He sees through me, the same way I see through him. But just like he won’t admit curling up on the couch is a rouse to getting in my pants, I won’t let on that being in a public setting is my insurance that he won’t.
“There’s this cute romantic comedy …”
“A chick flick? You want to go to an actual theater with people and uncomfortable seats and still expect me to see a chick flick?”
I smirk, knowing he won’t agree to it. “Pretty much. After all, you said I get to pick. Besides, when was the last time you went to the movies? Now they have these really cool reclining chairs. It’s very comfortable.”
“Great.” I hear the disappointment in his voice. Oh well, if he wants to spend Friday night together, he’ll have to get over it.
I sit at my desk smiling for a few minutes before getting back to work. That land-mine is averted, though I wonder how many more I could side step before one blows up in my face.
Chapter 14
Lucas
I look at Olivia in the chair next to me. She looks like a child as she reclines it all the way back and nestles against the soft leather. I wish it were me she was leaning against. That won’t be happening tonight.
She insisted on meeting in front of the movie theater at the mall. She claims it didn’t make sense for me to pick her up when she lives so close. I know it’s an attempt to avoid the awkward end of the night invitation. She doesn’t want to feel obligated to invite me in.
That’s fine. I want to savor this time with her; the innocent stage of our relationship before I taint it. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be satisfied with a sweet kiss at the end of the night. It’s time to move to the next phase.
I glance at her again. Fuck why aren’t we sitting in the
back? Then I could reach over and slip my arm around her shoulder and brush my thumb over her nipple until she begs for more. Or slip my hand down her pants and explore her warmth at the top of her thighs.
I wonder if she’s wet right now.
Thinking about it starts a fire roaring inside me. I want her. I want to touch her in places that will make her flush with heat and desire. In and out of public places. Touch her intimately, invade every opening she’s working hard to keep me away from, and make her quake with pleasure.
I want to kiss parts of her body she doesn’t yet know she wants kissed. Or licked. Or fucked. I want to own her body. Have her pleading for me to take her. Possess her.
Fuck. I have to get my mind off the scandalous things I want to do.
Too late, I’m hard. At least we’re in the dark. I consider reaching for her hand and placing it over the bulge in my pants. I can’t. Not if I want to have a shot at any of the things I’m imagining. I need to wait her out, wear her down, and hope she’s worth it.
Olivia laughs at something in the movie. She slides her arm close to mine and reaches for my hand. She entwines her fingers between mine. Oh shit. We’re holding hands.
Like love sick teenagers.
A warm, gushy feeling spreads across my chest. I swallow hard as I’m hit with an unfamiliar ache: a pang of something I yearn for.
It’s a welcome feeling. One that makes my heart race and my mouth go dry. One that makes it easier to breathe, like each gulp of oxygen replenishes my lungs and brings me to someplace fresh and new. It’s exhilarating. I want to experience more of it. More of her.
What the hell is wrong with me?
*
From the minute she takes my hand in hers, I fight a silent battle raging inside me. I can prove her right and be the douche bag she thinks I am, or I can take a risk and show her who I really am. At least who I used to be.
It’s been so long since I let anyone in, I’m not sure the kind, caring side of me exists anymore. But the feelings that surfaced when she took my hand have me convinced I care about her more than I should. More than I want to.
“Did I do something to upset you?” she asks, as we walk out of the theater and into the lobby.
Great. She’s noticed my silent mood swing. How? We were watching a movie. And she doesn’t know me well enough yet. She can’t.
“Of course not. Why?”
“You haven’t spoken to me all night.”
“It’s rude to talk during the movie.”
“Oh,” The look on her face clouds over. She knows I’m holding back, that I’m not telling her the whole story. “If that’s all it is.” She turns her head away from me.
I stop walking and wait for her to face me.
“Want to go somewhere?”
She hesitates, avoiding eye contact. “I don’t know.”
“C’mon. We don’t even have to go anywhere, there’s a sports bar here at the mall. Let’s have a drink together.”
“I’ll pass.”
“Oh, no, you don’t.” I stop myself from reaching my arm around her waist and pulling her against me. I want to feel her body up against mine. “You chose the movie, I get to pick what we do next, unless you want me to follow you home. You know I’ll do it.” I tease.
*
We take a seat at a tall round table in the bar area. It’s loud, but with my laser like focus on Olivia, I don’t miss a word.
“If you weren’t out having the time of your life with me, what would you be doing tonight?”
She smiles and the area all around her lights up. “I didn’t have any plans. Most likely I would’ve read a book, or watched T.V.”
“You’re kidding, right? Why wouldn’t you be out letting loose?”
Her eyes drop to the glass of beer in front of her. A glass she’s only sipped from once. “I’m not the type of girl you want, Lucas.”
Those words hurt. They’re a dagger in my heart. A searing pain I never wanted to feel again rises to the surface.
“Why not?”
“I don’t equate sex to having a good time. It’s not my style. I just can’t have that kind of relationship unless I’m emotionally vested, and that means the guy I’m with has to be, too.”
Her words cut me to the quick. Does she still think that little of me? Didn’t my relentless pursuit of her over this last week prove that I like her? A lot? Of course I can’t expect her to see how out of character this is for me, but I know.
I never felt this crazy need to be with someone at all times the way I do with her. At least not in years.
“That’s what you think I’m after? Just a quick lay?”
She tilts her head to the side. “Aren’t you?”
I lean in. If she thinks she’s going to put me on the spot and throw me off my game, she’s dead wrong. “I wouldn’t be here if I was. I’m still trying to figure out which category I fit into, the ones you like, or the ones you really like. I’m doing everything I can to fit into the latter.”
“Why?” I see a hint of fear mixed with curiosity in her eyes.
I don’t want to dig deep into my emotional storage to analyze my feelings for her. But I want her to know she’s special, different from the other girls I’ve been with. “It wouldn’t be fair if I was the only one in so deep.”
She shakes her head. She doesn’t believe me. She won’t take me at face value like other girls do. Then again, other girls knew it was just about hooking up and having fun. There were no feelings involved. None that went deeper than wanting to fuck.
“Lucas, I’m laying my cards out for a reason. This is your get out of jail free card. I like you. But …” Her eyes drift down again and she leans back in her chair, withdrawing.
She’s lying. This is more than a simple attraction. She feels more than she wants to feel, too. And it frightens her. Makes her nervous. She wants some sort of reassurance.
A spark lights inside of me, bringing warmth and life back to the cold dead parts of my heart. She feels the same way. The same jumble of emotions. Only she won’t bring herself to tell me.
“You can walk away, no hard feelings.”
“Why would I want to?” I take her hand in mine, hoping this will settle the part of her that’s afraid to trust me, afraid to give me a chance.
She looks down at our hands awed. Her eyes open wide, like a doe caught in headlights. We haven’t done this before tonight. Had this innocent yet meaningful contact.
There’s something about having her delicate hand in mine that makes my spirit soar. I wish she could sense my thoughts and feelings through this simple connection so I won’t have to verbalize them.
“Because I’m not willing to lie back and give you what you want. I want more. I need more.”
“I’m fine with that.”
I am. While being so close to her with no physical release promises to drive me mad, it’s a craziness I welcome, a frenzy I want to feed. I don’t know where the cards will fall in the end, but I have no problem playing the hand she just dealt. I’ll just have to take a lot of cold showers until she feels comfortable enough to give herself over to me.
“Just for the record,” I lean in close and pin her with my stare. “I don’t want you to lie back. When you decide you’re ready. I expect you to be an active participant.”
I lift my beer mug and clink it against hers. I bring the glass up to my lips and wink at her before taking a sip.
Chapter 15
Olivia
The smell of burning rubber fills the car as the tires screech in protest. Lucas turns the wheel hard to the right swerving two lanes across the highway. Angry horns blare, fading in the distance. I catch my breath as the car comes to a halting stop on the shoulder of the road.
“Are you out of your mind?” I roar clutching my chest.
He looks at me, cocks his head to the side and smiles, looking more adorable than any grown man has the right to, “Only when I look at you.”
“Ha, ha. What the hell
are you doing?” I snap.
“What do you say we ditch the party and do something crazy?” He has the devil in his eyes.
“Like?”
“Run away for the weekend.”
“And what elope?” It’s the most sarcastic thing I can think of.
“Why not? I said it would be crazy,” he smiles, and gives my thigh a squeeze.
My pulse quickens and I swallow hard wondering if this is the reason he’s been acting so strange. I dismiss it immediately. Anyone discussing a commitment that serious can’t possibly take it so glib. Especially not Lucas.
“My mother would kill me and my father would kill you.”
“I’m willing to take the risk.”
“Wouldn’t it have been easier to just say ‘No.’ when I asked you to come to the party?”
“If I had any idea where it was or who was giving it I would have,” he retorts, putting the car in gear. “Let’s take a road trip. We could drive to Boston for lobster bisque.”
“And get there when everything is closed.”
“You’re such a pessimist. Why am I only realizing how deep this negative streak runs in you?”
“Pessimist? You’re the one convinced you’re going to have a terrible time.”
I can’t understand what’s causing him to act so strange. From the moment he picked me up he’s been coming up with one excuse after another to put off going to the party.
First he needed to stop off for coffee. Then he insisted half a tank of gas just wouldn’t do. His car has much better mileage on a full tank. Cash! He has none and hates to ever be without it. When he made mention of a few groceries he forgot to buy, I put my foot down.
I recognize the stall tactics, but have no idea why he feels the need to use them. He gave no good reason for it.
“Why don’t you just tell me why you don’t want to go?”
“What? I want to go. You’re the one that doesn’t want to go. And I don’t appreciate you projecting your feelings onto me. Why don’t we forget the whole thing and spend a quiet evening at home?”