Hawthornes Calm Manuscript

by DeOlmos, M. A.

  I always cut my bonding time with her short and not because I wanted to. More so because it was the only way for me not to lose it and smack the grins off those social working whores. They judged me from the moment they stepped foot in our home and continued to do so every time they presented themselves.

  Not only that, but if Ocean or Law told me they were just doing their jobs one more freaking time…let’s just say that they both were going to be sporting porcelain teeth because I was going to knock them the fuck out!

  I pulled out my cell phone, unlocking the screen and sent out a text to Santi to pick me up and take me to the studio. I didn’t feel like driving and I didn’t want to make Ocean leave knowing he wasn’t ready to. We still had an hour left with Scarlett, but I couldn’t take the stares anymore and I was not about to wear long sleeves in my own damn home just because those whores didn’t know how to keep their eyes in their sockets and off my scars!

  Inwardly I was praying Ocean didn’t have his phone on him because even though Santi responded right away that he was on his way, I knew he would check with Ocean first.

  Fucking guy code!

  Maybe just maybe, he didn’t-and my hope just went to shit feeling the heated body and cool breath from Ocean’s lips on the back of my neck as I faced the kitchen cabinets like they were the most fascinating fucking cabinets on earth.

  Ocean’s lips met my neck in an intimate, yet intimidating and possessive gesture. “Livie?”

  I contemplated staying silent but scratched that thought when both of his muscled arms rested on the counter top in front of me, trapping me in.

  “Since when do you call on another man Livie? Santi is a good man. I trust him, but we're not that fucking close!”

  My knees went from strong and firm to wobbly and weak within seconds. “Can we please talk about this in our room Ocean? I don’t want the c-o-m-p-a-n-y to get the wrong idea. My scars are already the center of their attention.”

  Without further argument he stepped back, motioning me toward the hallway to our room with a quick nod while turning his chin to the right.

  I turned around slowly to face him and to assess the damage I’ve done. His face was calm and relaxed, but the rest of his body was tense. I could see the danger in his eyes and the tension building in his shoulders.

  His hands were stuffed in the front pockets of his jeans and his stance was wide; meaning he was offended and pissed the hell off.

  I inhaled deeply, turning around to walk to our room. Talk about walk of shame. Stepping into our room, the door closes gently behind me.

  I sat myself at the head of the bed so I could rest sideways on the pillows. I could feel my ankles starting to tingle signaling the onset of that dreadful swelling I still have to deal with.

  Ocean stood with his back against the far wall facing me with his arms and legs crossed; his eyes locked on my face.

  To slice through the tension and silence I spoke first. “I’m not going to apologize for texting Santi. He is our friend and there's nothing to be offended about. It’s not easy being around those social workers while their analyzing me from the inside out, staring at my scars. The worst part is they make it so damn obvious and it’s disrespectful. If we weren’t in this situation, I would have kicked their asses out days ago.” I looked up to meet his eyes; they hadn’t softened a bit, so I was still fucked. “I also know you like to be here when Scarlett’s visiting and I couldn’t find the balls to rip you away from her just to comfort myself. So I asked Santi to come get me. He should be here in a few.”

  The deep sarcastic laughter that oozed out of Ocean made my body hum in warning. I had poked the bear and my body was well aware of its master.

  “Yeah…he’s not coming Livie. Though, I am dying to know if that’s the only reason you turned to him instead of me. I get what you said and I’ve known that much since they showed up, but what have I done, or not done, for you to turn to someone else? I’ve done nothing but ask you day in and day out to talk to me and each time you silence me. I shut it because I don’t want you to get upset but now…now I’m pissed and don’t give a shit!”

  “Lower your voice dammit!” I hissed back at him.

  I get that I offended him by contacting Santi, but I was pregnant for Pete’s sake. It’s not like I was texting him for a goddamn booty call!

  He closed the distance between us by sitting on the edge of the bed with his side pressed against my belly. His arm came around me, resting behind my back and keeping me trapped next to him.

  “Livie. You can get pissed all you want, but I am not letting another man do shit for you. Aside from Law, I’m not trusting anyone else with you. You have me, you’ve always had me, and you will continue to have me by your damn side. Always! Get over your shit and fast Livie. If you have a problem with the social workers then deal with it. You can take your annoyed pregnant ass out there and address it with them alone; or if you prefer, I’ll drag your spitfire ass out there and do it for you while you watch and listen. Either way, you are going to deal with this and you’re going to deal with it now. If I can’t give up on this, neither the fuck are you! Got it?! Clear baby, because if I’m not, I’ll show you just how fucking clear I want to come across.” His eyes were bold as he pushed me back on the mattress.

  Any other man in my face like this would have lost both eyes, a tongue, and both balls from the anger in his tone; which was so intimately directed at me, but it was Ocean and he was setting me straight.

  Whether I wanted him to or not, Ocean…my husband and reason for making it this far…was telling me to grow the hell up and deal with my shit. He couldn’t be anymore right about the situation, but my emotions did what it always did best in situations like this. I lashed out.

  My left hand rose from my side and I slapped the crap out of him. He wasn’t even stunned despite the red mark on his cheek and jaw line. The bastard smiled at me-wickedly might I add-while biting his lower lip.

  “That’s my girl. You have ten minutes from the time I leave this room to get your shit together and come back outside. I would prefer you not go into pre-term labor today. So if you know me baby-and you do know me well-you’d come out in five.” Removing his body from my side.

  He stood and walked out of the room; leaving me stunned, angry, and horny as hell all at once.

  Not more than five minutes could have possibly gone by while I sulked about dragging my defeated ass up when the door flew open. Instinctively I scrambled to stand, but didn’t get far when a stabbing pain in my low belly sucked the air from my lungs.

  Ocean caught me from hitting the ground as I fought to catch my breath.

  “Liv baby. What?! What?! Shit!”

  I gripped his shoulder to shut him up. “Mm-okay. Ocean, it’s okay. I tried to get up to quick; just ligament pain. Relax.”

  “I’m taking you to the hospital Liv, I can’t ta—“

  I slapped his shoulder as hard as I could in our awkward crouching position which wasn’t hard. “Ocean, you’d better stop calling me Livie or anything that doesn’t start with the letter B and don’t test me! You know what I mean! I’m fine. Help me get back to the living room. I’ll prop my feet up and bring me two bottles of water. I’ll play nice and handle my insecurities with the social workers. No hospital until I say so.”

  With a growl, he lifted me off the floor and carried me back to the living room where I met the pale faces of the two social workers. The smirk Ocean was trying to hide as we stepped into view of our guests told me he’d already addressed their disrespect towards me with them. I had to fight my own smirk from showing.

  The time went by fast for the first time in…well since the visitations started. Before leaving, the Social Workers stopped and individually apologized to me. They confessed that they were not doing it out of their own judgment or hate, but rather respect.

  Yeah. Okay, whatever would make them sleep better at night was fine with me; so long they kept their eyes in their sockets and off my scars!r />
  While Ocean was in the kitchen fixing me a tuna sandwich for lunch, Law came over, scooped my legs up off the couch, and sat down.

  He gave me a silly wink as he placed my legs onto his lap. Looking at Law-really looking at Law today-he looked…happy. Not just I’m happy today and today’s going to be a good day, but the kind of happiness that radiates from the inside out. I haven’t seen that in him since the day we met honestly. I wouldn’t dare question his happiness, so I went along with it.

  “So boss man. Why are we closing so late today? I saw that the schedule was changed for midnight tonight.”

  With a bright smile he answered. “Today is a special day for Hawt’s Studio. A couple of big agents and the scouts for our guys are coming in for the final selection on whose going to the Vegas tournament. It’s in the next couple days.” His giddiness seeped into my bones.

  “What?! Where was I? How come you didn’t say anything to me? I’ve never been to Vegas! Can I even go with all this baby growing inside me? I’m going to have to call Layla later. Oh my god that’s so exciting! Idiot, you should have told me!” I whacked his arm as best I could without causing a cramp to my side. “What time will everyone start arriving? I have to get ready! Law! So what do you need me to do? Who’s exactly coming? Wait. When is the tournament? Are we all going?”

  I didn’t like the deep breath he dragged into his lungs before answering me after my little rambling spell. “Sunshine you’re working from home today a-n-n-n-d you are staying here; home, as in not going to Vegas…yet.”

  “I'm not?”

  “She’s not?” Ocean stepped into the living room with my plated sandwich and bottled water in his hand; I could smell the pickled tuna from where I sat.

  Law looked at me with a smile. “You’re not.” He looked at Ocean with a face that said that he should already know why the hell I was staying home today. “And she is stay home.”

  Ocean’s phone went off in his pocket as he stepped forward, handing me my food. When he pulled it out to look at the screen, sympathy settled over his confusion. “Shit. I have to call my guys. Be right back.” He left the room heading towards the office.

  The heck?!

  Turning my attention back to Law, I bit a chunk out of my tuna sandwich and crunched down hard on the fresh dill pickle. “Why can’t I go exactly? A real answer; not just because or because you’re pregnant. Please just be straight with me okay.”

  Law’s eyes softened even more as he looked me over from my belly up to my face. “Sunshine, I would never exclude you from something like this intentionally and if it makes you feel any better, it was damn near impossible keeping this under wraps from you with the way you clean out my inbox’s and return all my phone calls.” The sweet laugh that chimed from his lips made me smile despite my pinch of jealousy. “You’re not going because one, this is an MMA tournament in Vegas of all places and it’s not safe for a pregnant woman period. Ocean and I haven’t been in that type of scene for a while now. It would be disastrous if we brought you and Blue along and something went wrong. Even worse if either one of us kills someone for touching either of you, mistaking you two for the type of women that hang out at those fights. You have to let us do this one on our own. We’ve got a lot to prove to ourselves with this. Sunshine, we need to get through this weekend alone. Please tell me you understand.”

  Too wrapped up in my lunch, I smiled and nodded to show that I understood. Law sat with me, resting his eyes with his head laid back on the sofa as I finished my sandwich.

  “Are you two going to be safe out there? I mean…I get that whole hostile, tempting, and unpredictable environment you two will be in but will you two be safe? I’ll understand a lot better if you can promise me you guys will be safe, Law.”

  His palm squeezed my knee. “We’ll be safe. Ocean’s a changing man, Sunshine; he’s got a better grip on reality more than I think we’ve given him credit for.”

  “Why did you do it Law? The first time we met, why did you let me in so easy; so fast?”

  His eyes opened and a mischievous all too familiar look caressed his baby blue eyes and strong jaw. “You really want to know?”

  I rolled my eyes, preparing myself for his childish games. “I asked, didn’t I?”

  He raised his head off the sofa, craning his neck to scope out the living room to make sure no peeping ears where around. When the coast was clear, his smile settled on me again. “It was your ass Sunshine. The minute I saw you for the first time in my barely mine studio, my jaw hit the floor along with my heart. There was just something about you, Sunshine. The way you carried yourself so knowing and confident; yet so full of pain. There was something in those beautiful eyes of yours that reached out, grabbed my heart by the valves, and squeezed so fucking tight I couldn’t feel my heart beat or breathing coming or going. Sunshine, you are one special person. I knew it then and I know it now.”

  As a tear slid down my cheek, he caught it and shook his head.

  “Stop Sunshine. Everything-and I mean everything-is going to work out fine. We’ve all made it this far together…and together, we can go even farther but you’ve got to trust us. Okay?”

  I nodded again, not daring to open my mouth. Not that I would say something bad or ridiculous; it’s just that my hormones and emotions where so unpredictable, I didn’t trust my mouth at the moment.

  “I’m going to talk to Ocean, does Dulce know about this trip too?”

  “Nope. Not yet. I have to find my rosary I had blessed by the Pope before I break the news to her.”

  I shook my head at him…never a serious moment with this man.

  Law helped me up, giving me a warm hug before I set off down the hallway.

  ҉҉҉҉

  I stood just outside the slightly ajar door to our home office, waiting for Ocean to finish his conversation. I couldn't tell who he was speaking with exactly but by the irritation in his tone, I guessed it was Trell. For some reason, he let the man get under his skin so easily.

  As the conversation came to a close, I tapped lightly on the door and letting it glide open slowly. Silently, I made my way towards Ocean while observing his body language. He was reclined in the humongous leather chair with his cell phone pressed against his ear and his eyes closed. His back was slack against the leather and his legs spread apart; the toe of his sneakers pointing in opposite directions.

  Fucking sex god!

  My steps came to a halt as I watched him work his jaw in annoyance.

  "Look Trell, I'm not arguing this with you and I'm sure as he'll not going to tell you that you’re ready, cause you’re not. If you want to go to Vegas I'll support you, but you already know how I feel." His legs worked the chair, swiveling him from side to side; the momentum slowly growing. "If that's what you want, you got it. We’ll work on that tonight to get you prepared. You can do it but Trell, you have got to focus. Alright, see you in about two hours. Bye."

  Ocean tossed his cell across the crowded desktop and without opening his eyes, waived me over. "Come here baby."

  I closed the distance between us to sit on his lap. Still with his eyes closed, he maneuvered me to fit comfortably on his lap.

  "You okay?" I asked, snuggling up against his chest as his arms wrapped around my belly.

  "Much better now, actually." His large hand palmed the side of my belly, moving it smoothly across in a lazy and soothing motions.

  "You don't think Trell's ready to fight?"

  "Trick question baby. He could be if he wasn't so scared about losing. It's all he thinks about. No one can compete with even half a chance with that sort of thinking, but he wants to go so…I dunno."

  I open my mouth to speak, but he interrupts me.

  "Shh…let's talk about something else."

  "Okay. Like what?"

  "Well…we haven't done much baby talking, so let's start there."

  This side of Ocean was definitely one I haven't seen before. It's like he was using our conversation to sooth and settle
his nerves. It was nice, almost intimate.

  "Alright daddy, whatcha wanna talk about? I hope it's not about baby names because my mind hasn't even touched that subject yet." I said with a smile on my face.

  His soothing caresses almost lulling me to sleep. "Totally understand you on that one. I wouldn't be able to name a pet, let alone my own kid. Too many scary possibilities." He laughed at his inside joke.

  "Hey! Don't be comparing my babies to domesticated animals. Two totally different concepts there buddy." I poked his muscled abs for good measure; it was all in good fun anyway.

  His deep laughter jiggled me on his firm lap. "Sorry Liv. I didn't mean it like that."

  "I know handsome; just teasing."

  "You know you’ve never told me why you don't want a baby shower yet?"

  I rolled my eyes inwardly; of course he'd want to talk about this.

  "Does it have to do with how you were brought up? I mean your native traditions?"

  Wow. Good point. Not that I thought Ocean was stupid but he was actually acting his age; probably more than I could ever say for myself.

  "No, it's nothing like that. It's just me and my crazy superstitions. I kind of want to wait until I can see and hear them…hold them. You know, to know and feel that everything is okay and that they're healthy before I go celebrating. I know it probably sounds stupid..."

  I don't know what else to say, so I close my mouth and inhale Ocean's signature scent of salt and spice.

  "Nah. It doesn't sound stupid or weird. It's whatever you want; however you want."

  "Actually Ocean, I was thinking about the space in this condo. I really like this home office and Law worked so hard to create this space for me, but we need more space. I'd hate to leave him and Dulce, but I don't see any other option."

  Whew. It felt good to finally get that out!

  It was quickly dawning on me that we hardly ever really communicated like this; the easy and more civil adult way.

  "About that. I've been thinking about that, too. I have some ideas that Law is looking into for me. I don't think the idiot is going to let is out of sight for a while. By the time our babies are here, safe and sound, we'll have more than enough space."