Between You and Me

by Jennifer Gracen

She cocked her head to the side, assessing him. “You’re telling me flat out you looked me up, so I think we can say it was an info dig, not stalking.”

  “Is that how it works? Oh good.”

  She giggled, the light sound sparking warmth in his chest. But then she said, “So, fair’s fair. If I looked you up online, what would I find?”

  His grin faded. “Not much. And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t. I know that’s not fair, since I just confessed to looking you up, but . . .” He shook his head, stroked his beard, and looked away.

  “Logan . . . ?” She moved in closer. Their knees touched; both of them had such long legs, he was shocked it hadn’t happened before, but now the slight touch had his nerves tingling. She looked at him from beneath her long lashes and said, “We all have pasts, Logan. If you dug up enough on me, you’d find things I don’t want to talk about too.”

  “Your past’s not like mine,” he murmured. Shit, he’d opened himself up for this without seeing it coming. Might as well just tell her some of it. “Look, Tess . . . I started out okay, like anyone else, and then messed up pretty bad. I went through some serious shit, and I didn’t handle it well.” He scrubbed a hand over his face, then his beard. Just say it. Nothing to lose. “In my midtwenties, as a result, I ended up with a serious drinking problem. That’s why I don’t drink now. Not to be a saint, but because I’m a recovering alcoholic, Tess.” He repressed the sigh. Well, there it was. Now she knew. He steeled himself for her withdrawal.

  But she didn’t even blink. “Okay. You got the help you needed?”

  Hey now. No withdrawal, no look of horror. He nodded. “Yes. Took me hitting rock bottom, but I checked myself into rehab and cleaned myself up. Then I left New Orleans and moved back here.”

  “When was that?”

  “Eleven years ago.”

  “Have you fallen off the wagon since then?”

  “Not even once.”

  Her mouth curved up ever so slightly, and what he saw in her beautiful eyes was . . . whoa. Only compassion and respect. Her voice was gentle when she said, “Then I’d say that’s nothing to be ashamed of, Logan. I’d say that’s something to be admired.”

  He stared into her eyes for what felt like a long time. Most people didn’t have that response when he told them that dark truth. They looked at him a little differently, whether they realized it or not. Yeah, people had come a long way with understanding alcoholism, especially after they found out what drove him to it . . . but not everyone. They regarded him with trepidation, or maybe judgmental disapproval, and once in a while, pity. His own brother was a self-righteous bastard about it, one of the reasons they’d grown apart. The only ones who’d been cool, who’d been flat out positive about how he’d turned his life around, were his mother and his closest friends. For Tess to be so unfazed, so nonjudgmental . . . he appreciated it more than he could say. Something like warmth stole over him.

  Which was quickly followed by a flash of self-loathing. He’d been wrong about her or sold her short so many times now, it was embarrassing. Goddamn.

  “I don’t know about my being admirable,” he finally said, “but I am honest. You’ve told me a lot about yourself tonight. If you’re going to find stuff out about me, I’d rather just tell you myself than have you dig up ugly old shit on the Internet.” He flashed a wry grin. “Okay, that’s enough of that. We’re supposed to be having a good time, remember? New Year’s Eve and all that?”

  A warm smile spread across her face. “I have been having a good time.”

  “Yeah? Good. Me too.”

  “Then let’s get the spotlight off of you so you’ll relax again,” she said. “I liked that you were relaxed around me. Not so gruff and aloof.”

  “I’m—hey, wait a minute. I’m not gruff and aloof.”

  “Yeah, okay. And I’m not tall and brown-haired.”

  He smiled and shook his head in wonder. “You don’t hold back, do you?”

  “Not often, no.”

  “Upfront city girl.”

  “That’s right, lumberjack.” Her eyes twinkled as her playful smile dazzled him. “How about this: I’ll tell you one of my truths, since it’s somewhat related to one of yours.” She took a deep breath and fidgeted with one of her silver hoop earrings. He watched and waited for her to go on, wondering what she’d say. “Remember I told you I’m not drinking these days either?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, I’m no saint. I love a good glass of wine. I’m not drinking now because I’ve been cleansing my body. No drinking, cleaner eating . . . because I’m planning to get pregnant soon.”

  Chapter Seven

  Logan felt his jaw drop in surprise. Pregnant? He stared and stammered, “Uh . . . okay. Wow. Not what I was expecting you to say.” Then another thought hit. “Wait a minute. You have a boyfriend and you’re out with me tonight? I don’t understand.”

  She smiled with obvious bemusement. “I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t have a man in my life at all, actually, which is why I’m planning to . . . well . . . I’m going to do it on my own. Find a sperm donor, and all that entails. Get it now?”

  He couldn’t have been more shocked. She was the most desirable woman he’d ever seen, and getting to know her made her even more so. She was damned likeable, even when he was being an ass. Why would she feel she had to go that route? He was obviously missing something. But all he said was, “Okay.”

  “That’s the real reason I came out here by myself for a few months.” Tess seemed relieved to confess all this, so he stayed quiet and let her continue. “I don’t want to start this process at home. My father and brothers . . . They all mean well, but they’re a little . . . overbearing. We’re very close, my brothers and I. I’d even say they’re some of my best friends. But about this . . . Well, they’d all have something to say, and I don’t need that.”

  Logan only nodded.

  She stretched out one long leg and rolled her ankle as she continued. “This is my decision. They have wives, they have families . . . They’ll start their whole you haven’t given it enough of a chance, yada yada. Like I haven’t given this tons of thought, done my homework. Like I just decided hey! I’ll have a baby just because.”

  He noticed her eyes made a slow canvas around the room, not meeting his, as she admitted, “Sure, I wanted to find the right man, fall in love, have a family . . . but that hasn’t happened for me. I’ll be thirty-eight at the end of February. My clock’s ticking, and all I’ve ever wanted is to have children of my own. So . . . here I am, and I’m not going home until I’m pregnant.” She reached over for her mug, almost empty now, but raised it to Logan in a jaunty toast. “You can be my not-drinking buddy this winter.”

  He grinned at that, but then shook his head in slow wonder. “Well, I . . . I wish you luck. If that’s what you want to do, I hope it works out for you.”

  “Thanks. Just gotta find a healthy sperm sample from someone with great genes, and I’ll be all set.” She seemed jovial about it.

  “And you want to do that here?”

  “Why not? I own a house here, so I don’t have to stay at a hotel for months. I can work remotely. And there’s a clinic right here, outside Aspen, that’s top-notch.” She leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, “See, something like this is where having money definitely does help.” She tossed him an exaggerated wink, and he burst out laughing.

  He reached for his mug and clinked it to hers. “To you and your plans. I wish you success.”

  “Thank you very much.”

  “So no one knows that’s why you’re really here?”

  Her big blue eyes locked on him. “Nope. Just my lifelong best friend at home, and you.”

  “I’m honored you shared that, then. And, uh . . . if you need anything, let me know.”

  Tess giggled. “Know any sperm donors with super great sperm?”

  He almost choked, but turned it into a dry laugh. “Um, no. But if I do, I’ll let you know. I meant if you need anyth
ing . . . I don’t know, you know what I meant.”

  “I do. And I appreciate it. Thank you.”

  They both sipped what was left of their cocoa. His was now empty. “I’ll get us another round of these, if you like.”

  “I would, thanks.”

  He gazed at her as she sat back comfortably, relaxed and beautiful. The colored lights overhead shadowed her in alluring hues. Her long, long curls drifted over her shoulders, down over her arms. The expression on her face was content, but now he knew the truth: The people’s princess didn’t have everything after all. His heart gave a twinge for her. “For what it’s worth, I bet you’ll make a great mother. Because you’re a really good person.”

  She blinked at him. “That’s . . . nice of you to say. Especially since just the other day, I thought you didn’t even like me.”

  “I was wrong,” he said quickly, firmly. “I was an asshole. What you called me on, you were right.” I didn’t want to admit to myself how much I like you, so I grabbed on to whatever I could to convince myself otherwise. He rose and grabbed both empty mugs. “And hey, any woman who’d lie down on a hotel lobby floor to comfort a stranger?” He nodded slowly to punctuate his point. “That’s a caring, compassionate person. Deep in your core, something like that shows who you are. That’s what will make you a great mom.”

  “I hope so.” Tess’s voice dropped, and she looked away. “I worry sometimes. I didn’t have the best role model in that department.”

  He sat again, suddenly curious. “Not close to your mom, huh?”

  “Noooooo.”

  Logan caught the flash in her big blue eyes: resentment. Interesting.

  “You’re close to your mom, though,” Tess said. “And that’s lovely. How was she today? Hope her treatment was okay?”

  He saw right through her attempt to change the subject, but damn, he was liking her more and more. He put the mugs back on the small table and sat down. “She’s all right, thanks. Just wiped out, like usual. I cooked her one of her favorite dinners, and we watched about half a movie before she fell asleep. Which is pretty much what she predicted would happen.”

  “She’s always right, huh?” Tess guessed with a cheeky grin.

  Logan laughed. “She sure thinks she is.”

  “That’s sweet that you cooked for her. Are you any good?”

  “What, at cooking?” He put a hand on his heart as if affronted. “Of course I am!”

  “Well, good. That makes one of us.” She laughed, but said earnestly, “You’re clearly a devoted son. Your mom is lucky to have you.”

  “Well, I’m all she’s got.” Logan briefly explained about how his father had died years ago and his brother lived his own life in the Northwest. “So, the way I see it, she and I are lucky to have each other. Just wish she’d get off my back about getting married.”

  Tess gave him a look. “What?”

  “Ah, hell. She means well. She just . . . She wants me to settle down. I tried that once, and it was a disaster. I’m not cut out for relationships, much less married life.” He sat back. “I do better on my own. But she doesn’t get that. I, uh . . .” He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face and beard as he admitted, “I know she doesn’t want me to be alone after she passes, so she worries. It’s that simple. So I get it, but jeeeez, I wish she’d lay off.”

  Tess chuckled.

  “That’s funny to you?” he asked, unable to hold back his own budding grin.

  “That last part? Yeah, a little,” she admitted. She sat up a bit straighter to gesture over him with her hands. “Look at you! You’re this tremendous, powerful guy. Strong, capable . . . and your mom’s giving you a hard time about dating? That’s kind of funny.”

  “Yeah, if you’re not the one who has to hear about it all the time,” Logan grumbled, but his smile gave him away. “Sounds fucking pathetic, doesn’t it.”

  They laughed together, and Tess set her hand on his forearm. “You know what? I wish my mother gave enough of a crap about me to worry about if I’d end up alone, or if I was okay, or if I was happy. I haven’t seen her in over a year. Before that, I hadn’t seen her in two years, and who knows when I will again. She’s too busy jet-setting around Europe to bother with her children or grandchildren. So your mom may be a little overbearing, but she sounds wonderful to me.”

  “She is,” he said. He looked deeper into Tess’s eyes. “I’m sorry your mom sounds like a real . . . piece of work.”

  “No worries. I’m used to it.” Tess’s gaze softened, turned sad. “I’m sorry your mom is so sick. So deeply sorry.”

  His throat tightened, and he swallowed hard. “Thank you. Me too.”

  They stared into each other’s eyes, connecting silently. She reached over to give his hand a squeeze, and when she did, something like an electric current shot right up his arm.

  Damn, he wanted to draw her in, hold her close. He didn’t, though. That would blow their “no pressure, non-date” sky-high. He’d promised her a friendly evening, and he was a man of his word.

  “Half an hour to midnight!” someone shouted, and people in the place cheered.

  “Night’s flying by,” she murmured, still staring at him even as she withdrew her hand.

  “I know.” He cleared his throat and scrubbed his hands over his face, as if to wake up from whatever spell she’d just put him under. It’d be all too easy to drown in the depths of her marine-blue eyes. But something . . . something had just passed between them. Had she felt it too? “I have to tell you, I’m enjoying this. I’m glad I asked you out, and I’m glad we’re here. Thanks for saying yes.”

  “Thanks for asking me. This is nice.” She nestled back against the cushions. Her red V-neck top shifted, molding itself tighter to her narrow frame, and he tried not to stare. He bet her small breasts would fit perfectly in his hands, and in his greedy, wanting mouth. Shit. He averted his gaze, looking around the room, trying to clear the sizzling images of her naked body from his mind. “Better get those hot cocoas.” He got to his feet.

  * * *

  At a quarter to midnight, Logan and Tess were talking about classic movies when a tall, dark-haired man came over. With an easy smile, he sat himself down on the wooden coffee table beside their mugs of cocoa. “What, you don’t say hello? Some friend you are.”

  “I didn’t think you were here!” Logan cried, and gave the man a quick clap of a hug. “Jesus, have you been here the whole night?”

  “Actually, no. Bustin’ your chops. I was out to dinner, just got here a few minutes ago.” The attractive man turned his dark, assessing gaze to Tess. “Hello there.”

  “Tess,” Logan said, “this is my friend Ford Rafferty. He owns the place. Ford, this is Tess Harrison.”

  “Pleasure to meet you,” she said, shaking Ford’s hand.

  “The pleasure is mine.” Ford’s warm brown eyes drank her in. “Now I know why a hermit like Thor here would go out on New Year’s Eve.”

  “Thor?” Tess asked on a laugh.

  “He calls me that because he’s a jackass,” Logan said dryly.

  “I call him that because duh, look at him,” Ford shot back. “If his hair was a little longer, he’d look just like Thor. God knows he’s as big as him.”

  “Bigger,” Logan joked. “And his eyes are blue. Mine aren’t.”

  “You’re just nitpicking now,” Ford said, and turned his teasing grin Tess’s way. “I got him the hammer for Halloween, but he wasn’t amused. I thought it was perfect.”

  She grinned back and said, “Have to admit, Logan . . . you do look a lot like Hemsworth. I’d have loved to see you with that hammer. The nickname fits.”

  “Not you too,” Logan groaned.

  “This woman is not only beautiful, but smart!” Ford proclaimed.

  Logan rolled his eyes.

  “I like this place,” Tess said to Ford. “You’ve got a good thing going on here.”

  “Thanks!” His smile widened. “Glad you like it. Where are you from, Tess?”


  Logan watched Ford and Tess chat. Ford was always so at ease, smooth, a natural flirt and charmer. He bet if he gave them a few minutes alone, Ford would be asking Tess out himself. And that . . . gave Logan a bit of a burn inside. Something territorial, something like jealousy. Which was ridiculous; Tess wasn’t his. She wasn’t anything but a friendly acquaintance.

  A friendly acquaintance looking for a healthy sperm donor . . . Maybe he should encourage her and Ford to hook up. God knew Ford would never settle down with one woman, so maybe it would be a good arrangement for both of them. But the thought of it agitated him. What the hell was that about?

  Ford rose to his feet. “Gotta get to work. I’m sending champagne around the room in a minute, on the house for everyone . . . sparkling cider over here?” His gaze flicked to his friend.

  “Thanks,” Logan said.

  “That’d be perfect,” Tess agreed. “Thank you.” Her smile was radiant. The strings of lights sparkled around her, making her seem, for a moment, like an angel.

  Logan was suddenly overwhelmed by an urge to kiss her. Hard, long, and deep.

  “It was a serious pleasure meeting you, Tess. You’ll have to come back.” Ford reached for her hand to shake it again and held it just a few seconds too long.

  “Lovely to meet you too,” she said, not seeming to notice the subtle, prolonged contact. “Happy New Year, if we don’t see you on the way out,” she added. “I know what it’s like when you’re the host, how busy it gets.”

  “Yeah, I better get back to it.” He turned to Logan, who stood up. They clasped each other in a quick hug. “She’s fucking stunning,” Ford murmured. “Jesus Christ.”

  “Yup.” Logan pulled back and said, “Happy New Year, brother.”

  “Same! Great to see you. We’ll talk soon.” Ford started to move away as he said, “Send my best to Annmarie, okay?”

  “Will do.”

  Logan took his seat again as Tess asked, “Annmarie is your mom?”

  “Yeah.”

  “He’s known her a long time, then,” Tess remarked.

  “Yeah. He’s a good guy,” Logan said.