Breaking to Breathe

by Lisa N. Paul

  Kyle’s mind spun. Was Ashley correct? Had he shut down last night because of his encounter with the angel? Fuck, he didn’t even know her name. He’d never bothered to ask. Oh well, it didn’t matter, because neither of them wanted more than one night. Yeah right, you don’t ever want another night with her? Lying to yourself is an awesome quality, Marx.

  His head was a mess, cluttered with too many thoughts. No way could he deal with these feelings sober. He wanted to drink, a lot and now. He needed to numb out so that he would be able to work the night without going crazy with want for a woman he would never see again.

  “Jesus, Ash,” he said, trying to direct the conversation away from himself and back to the original target. “All I wanted to know was how Ryan was able to make you such a girl. You used to be one of the toughest chicks I knew, but now,” he huffed. “Now you’re kind of mushy.”

  Leaning over the bar to grab a clean glass and the fountain gun, Ashley grinned while she poured Kyle some water. “You wanna know what Ryan did to me to make me…mushy?” While Kyle thought he may have crossed the line, Ashley just seemed to melt a little more.

  “Ryan and I, we were amazing together, but the timing was off and things got…bad.” Kyle saw the heartbreak in his friend’s eyes. “And then we tried it apart, for years…and years,” She gave him a guilty smile. “Guess what? I learned that life without Ryan as my partner, my lover, and my best friend was worse than anything else could ever be. And you know damn well I’ve experienced some pretty bad shit.”

  One of the reasons Kyle respected and cared for Ashley as much as he did was because of the hell she went through and how she came out of it in one piece. He didn’t know how he would survive if Nixon died the way Ashley’s brother Leo had. Sure, she spent years blaming herself, but she finally let it go and allowed happiness in for the first time since he met her.

  “No one is denying you guys are a great couple, Ash, but doesn’t he ever just piss you off? I mean, I see you fight all the time.” Memories of his parents arguing flooded his vision. Broken vases, thrown glasses, and nasty words, that’s what arguing looked like in his small world. That was until the day the hitting started, and then his mother just packed up and left.

  “Kyle,” her giggle lit up her face, pulling him back from the darkened past. “Ryan and I banter and we disagree over silly shit. But we don’t fight. Yes, there are plenty of times when he does piss me off, and if you ask him, he’d say the same about me. But we love each other fiercely. Disagreeing over little things is perfectly fine as long as both people agree on the fundamentals of the relationship. And we do.” He’d never seen Ashley seem as serious or as certain as she did at that moment.

  “Honey, Ryan is it for me and I for him. We knew it practically from the moment we met.” Her hand squeezed his. “I know you don’t want to believe this, but there is someone out there for you. You already know it, and she’s pretty special. She’d have to be if she’s has you thinking about her.” With another hard squeeze, Ashley lifted off her stool. “Now, let’s start working before I’m forced to kick your ass. I have a reputation as a tough chick I need to earn back.”

  Just like that, the conversation was over. Ashley headed to the back office, and Kyle sat on the stool with red-headed thoughts floating through his mind. It’s done, man. Let it go. Therefore he did…or at least he tried to.

  Nuttier Than A Fruitcake

  “GOOD MORNING.” CATE walked into the office with Starbucks and brownies. “Here, I thought I’d bring you a treat.” Working on Sundays was never fun, but sometimes it was the only day clients could meet with them, sacrificing a weekend for the sake of business was a no brainer.

  “Oh, yay!” Elliot pressed her nose up to the package. “Are these the raspberry ones? They are my favorites.” Cate smiled at her friend’s ability to sip a coffee, open a wrapped brownie, shove half of it in her mouth, and still appear absolutely adorable.

  “It’s just not right.”

  “What’s not right?”

  “You’re just too damn perfect, Ells. How are you not married yet?” Cate asked the question, but she feared the answer. Was Elliot more invested in Cate’s happiness then she was in her own? Or was there something else going on with her friend? Something Cate had been too blind to notice before.

  “Catey, I’m not married because I can’t find a good man. They all suck.” Elliot’s eyes closed and her lips curved up. “Mmm, this brownie is amazing.”

  “Wait a second,” Cate interrupted what resembled carnal bliss. “You had a date last night, right? No wonder you didn’t sleep at my place. How did it go?” Cate had wondered why her friend never came home to sleep. Then she chastised herself for the thought. Technically, the two didn’t live together. However, when Cate was awake baking in the middle of the night, the loneliness all but swallowed her whole. The bell jingled at the front door, alerting them that someone had entered the storefront.

  “Umm, did you not hear the part where I said men suck?” Elliot added an extra sweetener to her coffee before reattaching the lid to the cup. “The guy’s name was Richard, and he was boring, self-involved and boring.”

  “Hey, Jane, I wonder if Elliot’s Richard was the same Dick that you dated.” Cate startled at the sound of Lyla Dalton’s voice, her drink slipping from her grasp.

  “Shit.” Cate stared down at her spilled coffee and then at her business partner.

  “Our new clients are here.” Elliot grinned, handing Cate a roll of paper towels. “Hey, girls, we’re in back. Just give us a minute,” she called out before squatting down to assist Cate with the spill.

  “Jesus, Ells,” Cate hissed. “What the hell are they doing here?” Frustration oozed from Cate’s body as she tried to clean up the coffee puddle with shaky hands. It had been three days since their wild night at Danny’s on Main and two days since she slinked out of Kyle’s apartment like a cat-burglar. And during that time there were only a few hours when the amazing women she met and the sexy man she slept with hadn’t entered her mind. Christ, she’d spent the better part of last night trying, unsuccessfully to forget all of the silly toasts Lyla had thrown together at the bar; and all of the witty come-backs that Ashley made without effort every time her boyfriend told her to stop playing and start working. Even Janie, with her sincere eyes and her kind laugh was difficult to erase from her mind. The three women were the type of people Cate would love to be friends with, that is if she was in the market for friends. Which she was not. And now, they were here in her office, thanks to Elliot.

  “Catey Cat, stop shaking your head and muttering to yourself. You look… freaky,” she whispered quietly, standing up straight and gesturing her thumb toward the door, “Those three women have a ton of business needs, and I know we can meet all of them, perfectly if I do say so myself. And I told them as much when we met here on Friday.” Friday? Cate thought back to when they could have met and realized that the appointment must have taken place when she was napping. A lot tended to happen during a four hour nap. “They wanted to discuss options with their partners and said they’d get back to us. I told them to come in today since we were going to be here anyway for the other job.” Cate tried to interrupt, but Elliot was on a roll, and there was no stopping a rolling Elliot.

  A myriad of emotions played on Elliot’s face. She was clearly excited for the challenge of a new project, especially if it meant big names and big money for Shout It Out, but Cate could tell by the way her friend worried her lip that keeping the new client’s identity a secret until just now didn’t sit well with Elliot. The business meant the world to both women. Ells wasn’t wrong. Had she mentioned who the clients were sooner, Cate may have balked at the job. It would have been the wrong thing to do, but not used to worrying about mixing business with pleasure, Cate would have freaked out. Hell, she was already starting to panic. She thought she could walk away from Thursday night unscathed, but the freaking night wouldn’t let her go.

  “This could be a great thi
ng for our company, Cate. The company that we built together from nothing. You’ve spent years molding Shout It Out into the vision we had way back when, and I am eternally grateful for everything you’ve done. You’ve always said the only two things that have never let you down were me and this business, right?” She continued speaking as Cate nodded her head. “Well, it’s time to dish out a little faith. Trust me to take care of you and our company. Okay?” Elliot turned without waiting for a response and headed for the door to welcome their new clients; she bounced with each step, her excitement contagious…almost.

  “So judging by the deer-in-headlights look on your face, you had no idea we were coming in today, huh?” Janie’s tone was gentle but held just enough humor to not make an already strange situation awkward. Cate took in the appearances of the three women sitting around the table while Elliot grabbed them each some bottled water. Yes, she’d hung out with them at Danny’s, but it had been a bit dark in the crowded bar, and she’d drunk her fill. So she allowed her curiosity to run free with her gander.

  Ashley with her freshly streaked pink hair and facial piercings should have been intimidating, but instead resembled Barbie beautiful with a hint of bad-ass on the side. Cate had noticed on Thursday night that Ashley’s body was toned and well-defined. Obviously, she worked hard to keep that shape. Something they had in common.

  Cate’s gaze moved on to Janie, a petite woman with rich dark brown hair and aqua blue eyes, everything about her screamed kindness and compassion. While she didn’t have the carefree attitude that Elliot possessed, the two were very similar in their ability to make people feel at home with only their presence.

  And then there was Lyla. Lyla was downright tiny. Cate guessed she couldn’t be more than five-one, and her frame was just as small as her stature. But what she lacked her physical body frame she made up for it, with her mere presence. She seemed like the person who owned whatever space she occupied. She didn’t demand attention. No, she wasn’t pompous, arrogant, or rude, but she commanded it. Her existence was a magnet for those around her to pay attention. Yet it didn’t seem as if she cared for the attention, or even noticed it. Lyla was—well, Cate had no idea what Lyla was.

  “So, chickie, you gonna stare at me or are we gonna get down to business?” Okay, maybe Lyla was a bitch. Cate decided to leave her opinion open for the time being.

  Amazed at how much ground they had covered in just a couple of hours and impressed with how five totally different personalities could work so beautifully together, Cate glanced around the table. Elliot had been right. Between organizing a grand re-opening for Danny’s on Main and the product and advertising for Ashley’s charity, Leo’s Lights, the partnership was going to be huge. There was only one issue that weighed on Cate’s mind during the meeting.

  “So I’ve been dying to know,” Lyla’s brows lifted in question, “what happened between you and Kyle after you left the bar on Thursday night?” Water slipping down the wrong pipe caused Cate to cough. Lyla continued, amusement clear on her upturned mouth, “You know what I’ve noticed?” The sing-song quality in Lyla’s voice warned Cate that she wasn’t going to enjoy whatever was coming next. “I’ve noticed that whenever Cate here doesn’t know what to say about a situation, she stalls by choking on her beverage. What?” Cate’s gaze shifted to Lyla’s friends whose eyes were round as saucers. “Don’t give me that look. It’s true. She did it on Thursday when Kyle’s name came up, and she did it again just now.” Lyla shrugged innocently. “I’m only stating the obvious.”

  Cate wanted to slap the smirk off Little-Miss-Know-It-All’s face, but instead she took another long sip of water, swallowing it successfully, and stared directly into the crystal blue eyes focused on her. There was no way she was going to let this little sprite of a woman make her feel insecure, especially in her own place of business. Nope, she needed to be knocked down a peg or two.

  “Well, Lyla, did you ever think that maybe it’s the inappropriateness of your comments and not my ineptness to answer them that causes me to choke?” Two gasps cracked in the quiet air, followed by snickers and then full-fledged laughs.

  “Wow, Ly, she sure told you.” Ashley’s face split with her smile, while Janie looked like she was trying her best to keep her laughter behind closed lips. Guilt immediately washed over Cate’s tense frame. These were paying clients she was speaking to, not friends. What if she’d ruined the opportunity to work with them? She couldn’t bring herself to turn next to her where Elliot sat quietly. All her best friend and business partner asked was for a little bit of trust and now she’d screwed up. The one damn time she opened her mouth, she stuck her whole foot in it. Shit.

  “Umm, look, Lyla. I’m sorry. That was out of line. I…”

  “No, you look, Cate,” Lyla’s voice was stern, though not harsh. “Don’t ruin a perfectly good rib by apologizing for it. I deserved it, and you gave it to me. Message received.” When Lyla smiled, her beauty was overwhelming. Cate had to admire someone who received critique as well as they gave it. Exhaling, calmness ebbed through Cate’s body once again. Finally, she peeked over to Elliot, whose warm smile was glowing bright. If Cate was reading her friend correctly, Ells was proud. Huh, interesting.

  “Okay, hey we have dinner as a group every Sunday night. Since we will be working quite closely for the foreseeable future, why don’t you ladies come by my house and join us tonight. You’ll have the chance to meet the rest of the partners and hang out for a few hours.” Lyla’s invitation was kind and sweet, but there was no way that they were going to accept it.

  “We’d love to join you. Thank you, that’s kind of you.” Elliot squealed with excitement. “My family moved back to Texas after I graduated high school, and I don’t see them often. It’ll be great having a nice noisy dinner. Won’t it, Catey?”

  As the heat from four pair of eyes rested on Cate, she smiled stiffly, “Umm, sure. Sounds great.”

  Once the details for that evening’s dinner were discussed, the three women left in a flurry of quick hugs and see-ya laters, leaving Cate and Elliot standing in the store…quietly.

  Startled by the sharp sound of Elliot’s clap, Cate turned to face her friend. No doubt the murder she felt pulsing in her veins was evident in her glare.

  “Stop right there,” Elliot raised her hands in defeat, not an ounce of fear showing on her innocent face. “Before get your panties in a bunch, remember, they are our clients, and they invited us to dinner. Jeeze, Catey, it’s like you’ve forgotten everything you’ve taught me over the years. You’re the one who always said, ‘Business is about relationships and going the extra mile.’” If there wasn’t so much love and admiration for her friend, Cate would want to smack that smug look off of her pretty little face. However, the fact was, Elliot was right. They needed to go to dinner at Lyla’s house. After all, Elliot had already accepted.

  Nerves coiled through Cate’s belly, squeezing her stomach and leaving her breathless. Would everyone be at dinner tonight? Cold sweat dampened her spine as the coil wrapped even tighter. Would anyone place her face as the young girl who had been splashed all over the media way back when? Maybe not the younger bar owners, but the two older ones, the Marcus’, Cate worried about them. She’d legally changed her first name and moved from West Virginia to Pennsylvania right after high school, but with information easily obtained on the internet, Cate still tried to protect her anonymity, and then there was him. Would Kyle be there? Christ, she wasn’t ready to see him just yet. She still hadn’t recovered from Thursday. Shit.

  “My God, Catey, you look like you’re gonna puke. Here, sit down.” A chair pressed to the back of her legs allowed her to sit back just seconds before her knees buckled. Elliot’s fingers felt soothing as they ran through Cate’s long tresses. The calming touch slowly brought relief to her belly, making deep breaths possible once again. “I know what you’re worried about, and no one is gonna know who you are, honey. It was a lifetime ago.” Cate stared up at her friend, the coil loosening
small bits at a time. “Kyle, on the other hand, will most likely be there. You may wanna wear some cute panties.” Had Cate not felt completely nauseous, she would have swatted at her friend, but the weakness still invaded her body, weighing her down like sandbags.

  “You are not a weak woman and you never were. You’re strong and smart, and you have been since the day I met you.” Elliot crouched down, trying to make eye contact with Cate, who instead chose to stare directly at the Pergo floor. “You’ve been slightly off for a while now, and I’m not exactly sure why…but since Thursday night, you’ve been…” Elliot’s voice faded. Her sentence remained unfinished while sentiment lingered thick in the air. After a brief silence, Cate veered from the floor to her best friend. She had a pretty good idea why things had changed within her. The question was, had astute Elliot figured it out as well?

  Summing her inner fortitude, Cate firmly pushed her fears into the box where she stowed them. Elliot was right. She had been overly emotional the last few months, ever since that night in November. It seemed as if Hurricane Leo shook up more than just trees and buildings.

  “You’re right, Ells.” Cate’s admission was a bit too firm for even her own ears to believe. “I’ve been a disaster. I’m done with all of the whiney shit. Okay? From now on, you have me back in full work mode.” Thinking she was giving her friend exactly what she wanted to hear, Elliot’s furrowed brows and turned down mouth was not the reaction Cate was expecting.

  “Seriously.” She rubbed Elliot’s shoulder in a friendly fashion. “I’m good. No more girly emotional stuff. We are going to do amazing work for Danny’s on Main and Leo’s Lights Foundation. I’ll start working up plans after our next clients leave.”

  Still frowning—a look that seemed almost painful on her friend’s usually gleeful face—Elliot sighed loudly, bringing a halt to Cate’s babbling. “Catey, never in all of the years that we’ve been friends have I asked you to be anything other than who you are.” Elliot’s words didn’t grab Cate’s attention. Her tone, though, was steeped in sadness and disappointment that felt like hot pokers branding Cate’s skin.