“Ms. Sutton, your grandmother has taken a turn for the worse. Her cancer is progressing quicker than we can stop it. She doesn’t have much longer.”
I took a deep breath and hung my head. “How much longer?”
He hesitated to tell me, “Maybe a week. If that.”
Silence flooded the hallway. I heard footsteps walking behind me, and moments later, a hand was placed on my shoulder.
“Hello, Stewart,” the doctor said. “Regrettably, I was just informing your niece about your mother’s situation.”
“Oh?”
“She only has a few more days. I wouldn’t give her more than a week.”
His hand gripped my shoulder unconsciously as he stood there with flowers in his hand. I caught them out of the corner of my eye as they began to fall to the ground, seemingly in slow motion. The flower pot he carried them in shattered when it hit the ground. His grip on my shoulder loosened as he began to lose his balance.
“Uncle Stew!”
I reached out to grab him as the doctor helped me. He called for more help as they led him to one of the chairs in the lobby. Someone checked his pulse and turned towards me.
“He just fainted. He’s going to be alright.”
Moments later, I threw up right next to the shattered flower pot. It was a mess in that hallway. I would’ve never imagined in a million years that Big Mama would be gone, and there would be nobody else left but me and a sane Uncle Stew. It’s funny how things shape up. After they got Uncle Stew back on his feet, we walked into the room. Big Mama was laying in the bed, her cheekbones clearly visible now. Much more than they were before. Her skin hung off of her face like bags as she lay under the covers. I walked over and kissed her on the cheek.
“Uncle Stew, I gotta step out for a minute, ok?” I said.
“Ok, Lyric.”
He gave me a tight hug before I left and kissed me on the cheek. It felt right when he did it. I felt the love behind it all, and if there was any bright spot in what was happening to Big Mama, it was that I found another family member to help me through this time.
I headed over to Nas’s house. He lived on the east side of Milwaukee on 4th and Burleigh. It was right in the heartbeat of the hood, but I was always over in that area when I was growing up, so it was like a second home to me. I walked up the wooden steps to his house that were on the verge of cracking and causing someone to fall right through. He told me where the strongest parts of the levels were so I wouldn’t be the one that fell. When I rang the doorbell, one of the guys he stayed with came to the door with a shotgun leaning on his shoulder. He was tall and stocky. The whites of his eyes were a yellowish color as if he had jaundice. It looked as if he didn’t smile a day in his life.
“Whassup Loc, Nas in?”
He opened the door, “Yeah, he in the back. Come on.”
He looked around the neighborhood when I walked in as if he was making sure nobody followed me. I had only been here a couple times, but when I did, there were always at least four guys there. Tonight was no different.
“What up, Suzie,” one of them said to me as I made my way through the house. I shot the deuces at him and kept walking to the back. Nas sat in his room, counting money and wrapping it up in rubber bands.
He spoke to me before he even looked in my direction. “What good, mama?”
He didn’t even lose his count. Mama? I thought to myself. Did he know I was pregnant? Nah, he couldn’t know. There was no way. I looked down at my stomach, paranoid as if I was already showing. The pamphlets the doctor gave me told me that it could take up to four months for me to start showing, so I knew it wasn’t possible yet. Not in my fourth week. I calmed myself and sat next to him on the bed,
“Whassup, baby?”
“Shit, just countin’ this money. How yo’ granny doin’ and shit?”
I sighed, “She could be better.”
“That’s fucked up, man. I mean, I know shit like that happens, but it’s just fucked up when you see it happen to you or your loved ones.”
He wrapped the last bit of money with a rubber band and called Loc to the back room. He came back with the shotgun still in his hand.
“Fam, put that shit up for me.” He tossed him a brown paper bag with all the money in it. “That’s 54 G’s right there, aight.”
Loc nodded and left the room with the bag in his hand. Nas got up and shut the door behind him, then got on top of me and kissed me on my neck. I melted in his arms. Immediately, it reminded me of what Junie’s mom said to me. I had to know more.
“Baby?”
“Whassup?”
“Do you know who your parents are?”
He stopped kissing me and raised his head up, “What you mean?”
“Do you know who your parents are?”
“Yeah. Eddie and Sheila Macon. Why?”
I looked around the room, hesitating to go further. What if he didn’t know he was adopted, I thought to myself. I didn’t want to open something up that he wasn’t prepared to handle. He sat up on the bed,
“Baby, whassup? Spit that shit out.”
“Ok. I mean like, are they your real parents?”
“Lyric, where you going with this?”
“Fuck it; I’m just ‘bout to ask you. Are you adopted?”
He leaned his head back and sort of smirked at me,
“Yeah. I am. What even made you ask that, though?”
“You remember that lady at the mall the other day that came up to us?”
“Yeah.”
I took a deep breath. “That’s your mother.”
“How you know it’s my mom, Lyric?” He stood up.
“Because, I know her. I used to….” I hesitated, not knowing how he would feel if I told him the truth. Not knowing what he would do. “I used to work for her a little while ago, and she said you were her son. She showed me baby pictures of you and everything.”
“That’s bullshit, Lyric. Just ‘cause a bitch tell you that I’m her fuckin’ son don’t mean I am.” He waved his hands at me in frustration.
“But I’m sayin’, Nas, you look just like the other kids in the pictures. I mean, your brother. Y’all, look just alike. I mean exactly alike… and then your sister.” I stood up.
His eyes lit up as I spoke like he was trying to come to grasp with what I was saying but his mind just couldn’t accept it.
“Nah, fuck that, Lyric. I ain’t got no brothers and sisters. I’m an only child, and my fuckin’ Mama and Pops is in fuckin’ Cleveland right now. They ain’t from no got-damn Milwaukee. So just kill this shit, aight?”
Even as he was snapping, yelling, and pacing the room, I saw Junie. I saw his temperament. I had to stop myself from calling him Junie a couple times as he went off. He was doing the same thing Junie would have done. I backed off,
“Aight, Nas, aight. Damn. Just chill, my bad for bringin’ the shit up.”
He was upset as I walked over to him and grabbed him from behind, putting my hands on his chest. We stood right in front of the mirror while he looked back at me.
“Damn, you got a fat ass.”
I laughed. His arms and chest were covered with tattoos all the way down to his wrists. As much as I wanted to stay away from the thug ass niggas, I was drawn to them. It was just something about them that kept me coming back, and Nas had everything I wanted. He was Junie, but just a little meaner. Just a little harder. He was perfect for me, and I wasn’t going to let him go. He turned around and put his hands on my ass, bringing me closer to him. I kissed him on his lips, and he spoke right after,
“Yo, we getting’ ready to move in on that nigga Big Tuck.”
My eyes lit up, “For real?”
“Yeah. Niggas have been keepin’ an eye on him for a couple weeks now. Watching how he move and shit. He keeps a tight security watch around him, though; you know what I’m sayin’. It’s just a matter of finding a way to break through that shit.”
“You sure you want to do this?”
&n
bsp; “What you mean am I sure? This is why I came here. I came here to fuckin’ run this city and move on to the next. That’s it.”
“Aight.”
He let me go and walked to the window that overlooked the backyard, and I followed right behind him. He had three pit bulls back there tied up to thick ass chains. They wagged their tails when they saw him looking outside at them.
“I just need a plan and shit to get in there. This can't be any fuckin’ shootout. I don’t want it messy like that. I just want to get in, off that nigga, and then move out. Like a fuckin’ ghost and shit, you know what I’m saying?”
The thirst for revenge crept into my blood. It was right in front of me. All I had to do was take it.
“What if I helped?”
He turned to look at me, “Help what?”
“Help you kill that nigga.”
He laughed, “I don’t know, baby. I mean, I know you rap and shit like that but that ain’t gon’ help us right now. The fuck you gon’ do? Beat him to death with bars you spit or somethin’?”
“Ha, ha, ha. Very funny with yo’ lame ass jokes. I’m for real, though. Answer this: What type of nigga would turn down some pussy?”
He stopped laughing.
“Hold up, is this a trick question? I know chicks be tryin’ to catch a nigga up and shit.”
“Nah, I’m askin’ straight up. No bullshittin’. What type of nigga would turn down some pussy? I mean, if you ask me, the quickest way for a nigga’s downfall is pussy.”
He turned around and sat down on the bed. “I’m listening.”
“Aight. Well, let’s say I get friendly with one of his chicks and shit, you know? Like some bisexual ass shit. Then, I get it to where you know; he thinks I’m about to have a threesome with him and the chick. As soon as that happens, you sneak in there and kill him.”
“You know what, that shit might actually work. Damn. I knew you were a thug ass chick but now, you on a whole ‘nother level! Got-damn!” He smiled and nodded his head.
I smiled. I knew he thought I was doing this for him, but this one was for Junie. That boy still had a place in my heart and he would, no matter what.
Pow! Pow! Pow! The gunshots from the night he was murdered rang through my head again as I went into a daze. Nas was talking in the background, but all I heard was noise. I couldn’t make out anything he was saying. He grabbed my arm, regaining my attention,
“Lyric? Fuck, you aight?”
“I’m good, why?”
“I was callin’ yo’ name for like two minutes and shit.”
“My bad, Baby, I’m good. Whassup?”
“We need a backup plan, though. Let’s say I can’t get in there to him.”
Pow! Pow! Pow!
“Then I will kill him.”
“You’ll kill him?”
“Yes. I will fuckin’ murder that nigga myself.”
“Damn. That shit is gangsta’. For real. That’s why you are my bitch, straight up.”
I smiled and walked over to him as he sat on his bed. He put his hands on my ass as I leaned him back and climbed on top of him. He pulled a gun out of his waistband and sat it on the bed as I leaned down, kissing him on his chest. It didn’t take long for him to pull my pants down and flip me over. He fucked me right in front of the mirror as I arched my back into him, damn near pulling the sheets off the bed as he put his dick deep inside of me. I looked up into the mirror as my mind played tricks on me, flashing Junie’s face on him and then morphing back to his own. I licked my lips as he smacked my ass. I didn’t care which one of them it was because, to me, they were the same person. I was becoming his bitch, the down ass bitch that would do anything for him. The one that would do anything for Junie and with them both together in one person, there was no limit to what I would do for them. He fucked me harder as my titties bounced back and forth in the mirror. I was home, and this is where I wanted to be.
Chapter 13
I stopped at the house for a while after I left Nas’s crib. The silence there was so eerie that I almost turned around and left, but I resisted the urge. I went into big Mama’s room and made her bed up the way she always did and cleaned the dust off everything in her room. If she was going to die, I was going to leave her room exactly the way she kept it. Come to think of it; I had no idea how I was going to continue paying for the mortgage when she left. I had no idea what Uncle Stew did for money, but I was sure that it wasn’t enough to maintain the house payments. The rapping I was doing here and there brought in a little money, but that wasn’t enough either. On top of that, I had a baby coming, and I had no idea what to do with it. I didn’t know who the father was, and I wasn’t trying to keep a baby that was the product of rape. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It was late when the doorbell rang. I walked to the curtains and pulled it back. Vincent was standing on the other side, patiently waiting for the door to open.
“Whassup, Lyric”
“What good, Vinny?”
We shook hands as he walked in and somberly asked, “How is Big Mama?”
“Shit, she ain’t good. Doctors say she got a week and shit.” I closed the door behind him.
He shook his head. “Damn, L. Damn. How are you holdin’ up?”
“Shit, the best I can I guess.”
I walked to the kitchen asking over my shoulder, “You want somethin’ to drink?”
“Yeah, I’ll take water if you got it.”
I walked back out with two bottles of water in my hand, tossing one to him as he sat back on the couch almost timidly. There was something on his mind. I couldn’t tell what it was, but I knew it was something that was bothering him.
“The fucks up, nigga? You sittin’ there like somebody just ran over your puppy and shit.”
“Me and my roommate ‘bout to fuckin’ get evicted and shit. I ain’t got no fuckin’ where to go, either.”
“Evicted? Y’all ain’t payin’ y’all rent?”
“Shit, I was. I was givin’ my half to him and shit, but it turns out that he was takin’ my half of the money and spendin’ it on bullshit. Like, the muthafucka would come home with boxes of new shoes and shit, and I’d just be like, damn, this nigga gettin’ paid. I need to work on his job and shit, you know? It turns out, the nigga ain’t paid rent in three months.”
“Damn. That’s fucked up, Vinny.”
“Ain’t it.”
“I woulda’ beat the shit out that nigga.”
“You think I wasn’t? When I got to the crib, the letter was on the floor and shit, and most of his shit was gone. I don’t know where that nigga went.”
“Fuck. Sound like the same shit Quandra did to me.”
“Anyways, I’m just like… fuck dude. I don’t know what to do.”
“How long before you gotta get out?”
“A week. The fuck I’ma do in a week?”
I looked around at the house. I knew with the type of work he did he could support the bills in this house, especially if Uncle Stew and I chipped in. Big Mama had known him for nearly his whole life, and if she was to trust anybody to live here, it would be him. I mean, it just felt like it was lining up correctly for him to step in.
“You know what, Vinny. Let me see what I can do about you stayin’ here for a minute.”
“Nah, Lyric. I can’t have you bring that shit to Big Mama right now. Not in the state she in now.”
“Nigga, shut up. What, you wanna be livin’ on the streets and shit? You know it gets cold as hell up here in the wintertime. Yo’ nuts will freeze the fuck off. You want that shit to happen?”
He laughed, “Hell Naw, I just—”
“You just gon’ shut the fuck up and let me handle this for you, aight? You are my nigga, dude. We been cool for too long to let somethin’ like this happen to you and I’m in a position to do something about it, you know what I’m sayin’? So just shut the fuck up and let me work.”
He stood up, “Aight Lyric. Man, I just umm…”
“Aye, it’s all g
ood, Vinny. It’s all good.”
He shook my hand and left moments later. I knew what he wanted to say, even if he couldn’t get the words out on his own. He was almost like another son to Big Mama. She had a lot of those around here, but I knew that he was special to her. Maybe it was because he replaced Stewart for her the same way Nas is replacing Junie for me. Either way, he was going to live here for a little while. It was for the best.
Big Mama passed away two days later. Me and Uncle Stew were in the hospital when she took her last breath. I remember her turning over to look at both of us as we stood next to her. She smiled and told us that she loved both of us and couldn’t wait to see us again. I kissed her on the forehead and Uncle Stew kissed her on the cheek, and right after that I saw the life leave her body. It was like she took a final gasp of air and that was it. Her eyes closed, and she just laid there, motionless. I had cried so much that by then, it was just time for me to accept the inevitable. We hung our heads and held her hands, taking deep breaths to help us accept what had just happened. The doctors came in soon after and it was official. She passed away at 8:14 pm on July 2nd. A new chapter began.
It seemed like everybody in Milwaukee showed up to her funeral. People I hadn’t seen since I was in elementary school came up to me, hugging and kissing me as if I just saw them yesterday. I let it slide, though. It was a real emotional time, and I understood what was going to come with it. Uncle Stew and I sat in the front of the church as the sanctuary filled behind us quickly. Personally, I just wanted the day to be over with. I wanted to put her to rest so I could grieve away from all these people. There was no way I would do it while they were all here. It was something personal to me.
We made our rounds to the front of the church, looking at her one last time before the casket was sealed. She didn’t have much makeup on, but she was buried with her pearl necklace and pearl earrings. It was the two things she always made sure she had on when she wanted to be fancy. I smiled as I looked at her in the casket. She was peaceful. No longer in pain, and that alone was enough to send comfort into my heart. I sat down next to Uncle Stew as the pastor began the eulogy. He gripped my hand and tapped my leg as the pastor spoke.
Queen of the City Page 10