Camellia

by Diane T. Ashley

  Camellia wanted to yield to him, but she couldn’t form the words to tell him so. “I cannot stop going.”

  “Why? Why is this so important that you will risk my displeasure and my sister’s well-being?”

  Camellia pulled her hand from underneath his. “If you would come by and see what we do, perhaps you could understand.”

  “I don’t have time for sightseeing. I am doing all I can to keep the Confederacy together.” His voice hardened. “I don’t want to forbid you, Camellia. I’d much rather you stopped voluntarily.”

  “Thad! You cannot mean what you’re saying. Camellia and I are not in any danger, nor are we risking our reputations.”

  Jane’s interjection stopped Camellia from answering him directly. But he had chosen the wrong way to win her compliance. No matter what happened, she was determined to continue her work at the hospital. He had no power to force her compliance, and if he tried to stop her, she would simply remove her belongings to one of the hotels in town and continue her work. Her shoulders straightened.

  Thad held up both hands. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I suppose it’s just an effect of the strain I’m under.”

  Camellia kept her hands relaxed in her lap. She would not let him see how angry he had made her. Over the past weeks, she had thought she might actually be falling in love with Thad Watkins. But she had been mistaken. She could never marry a man who did not think her work as important as his own. Nor could she be married to someone with such a strict notion of what was acceptable behavior for a lady.

  It wasn’t as if she wanted to go dancing down the street in her nightclothes. She was trying to provide succor and support for wounded Southern soldiers. One day he might be wounded himself. While she did not wish such an eventuality on him, she thought if it happened, he might finally understand why she would not stop her work.

  Jonah chewed on a piece of hardtack and wondered when the army would move again. They had forced the Confederates to retreat all along their route inland across central Mississippi. Some said they would be going south next, to Port Hudson, where they would join up with General Banks and overrun the stronghold before moving to Vicksburg with a force greater than that of the Confederates.

  After spending more than a week bivouacked in the small village of Port Gibson, Jonah found himself agreeing with the ones who thought Grant would continue forward to Jackson, the capital city of Mississippi, and cut off the railroad supply lines running between there and Vicksburg. If he managed that, the city on the river would be cut off from all hope of success.

  Cage, the man who had first befriended him when they fought side by side in Missouri, limped over to where he sat and lowered himself to the ground. “We’ll be on the march again before the end of day.”

  “Where to?”

  “Edwards Station.” Cage nodded to the north.

  Satisfaction filled him. Grant was not going to wait for Banks. He was going with his bold plan to put a stranglehold on Vicksburg and force its capitulation. “I told you so.”

  Cage bumped him with his elbow. “No one likes a smart aleck.”

  “I can’t help it if I’m smarter than you.” Jonah laughed at his friend.

  “And I can’t help it if someone knocks the stuffing out of you.”

  Jonah sobered. “You’ve been a good friend, Cage. Your friendship is one of the few things I will treasure from this war.”

  “You can try to flatter me all you want, but I’ve seen who you truly are. You’re nothing but a know-all and a pain, besides.” Cage’s grin took the bite out of his complaint. “But I guess I’ve invested this much time in saving your sorry hide, so I may as well continue watching your back for a little while longer.”

  Shouts ended their conversation as the men around them began gathering their meager belongings and wrapping them into their bedrolls. It was time to march.

  Tossing his hardtack into a knapsack, Jonah stood and looked out across the unplanted fields surrounding the army. He wondered what the people in Port Gibson would do for food next winter. How long could they continue fighting against a superior force? When would they realize that they could not, would not win? He hoped it would be soon.

  “Have you gotten any letters from your lady love?” Cage fell in beside him.

  Jonah rolled his eyes. “Just because I kissed a girl doesn’t mean I’m in love with her.”

  “Oh, ho!” Cage’s eyes grew wide. “You kissed her? And she’s an innocent?”

  “Of course she is. She’s a family friend. Her sister and my sister might be kin they are so close.”

  “Then you must be serious about her.”

  “I am not. She’s all wrong for me.” Jonah ran a finger under the collar of his uniform, wishing the wool didn’t sting. Or was that his conscience? Why had he kissed Camellia? And not just once, but two times. As Cage had pointed out, she was an innocent.

  He could close his eyes and still feel the wonder of that first kiss—the way her lips had parted in surprise and the way she had felt in his arms. And when he’d left her in Jacksonport, he’d done it again. And again she had responded to his caress as though there was some connection between them.

  Perhaps he should have kissed her again in Memphis. Maybe that would have halted the harsh words between them. But if he had, he might have lost all control over his senses. He might have asked her to marry him. And he didn’t want to find himself chained to some spoiled beauty for the rest of his life.

  Cage was watching him, his gaze understanding. “Sometimes the heart knows what the head will not admit.”

  “Her faith is nothing more than a sham. She has no ideas in her head except clothes and money and finding a husband. Camellia Anderson is definitely not the type of woman I should marry.”

  “What you should do is not always the best thing.”

  Jonah looked at him. “Would you stop spouting such nonsense? You are not even married yourself. What do you know about it?”

  Cage looked out over the fields, his gaze vacant. Then he shook himself and looked toward Jonah. “I once fell in love with a girl, but I let her get away from me. I thought she was not good enough for me, not serious enough, too focused on worldly matters.”

  It sounded to Jonah that the man must have met Camellia or someone very like her. “What happened?”

  He shrugged. “She married another man and is a wonderful wife to him. I saw that what I had mistaken for materialism was nothing more than immaturity.”

  Later that night when they bedded down, Jonah thought about Cage’s story. Was he making a mistake to resist Camellia? Or was he being careful not to become unequally yoked?

  Jonah wasn’t sure, so he began to pray for an answer from the One who knew exactly what was in Camellia’s heart. He prayed for discernment and wisdom, and he prayed for the patience to wait for God’s answer.

  Chapter Forty

  The sound of marching feet brought Jane and Camellia out onto the front porch. Line after line of gray-coated soldiers passed the house, bayonets resting on their shoulders.

  Jane pulled a handkerchief from the sleeve of her blouse and waved it at them. Grins and salutes answered her gesture. “Aren’t they handsome?”

  Camellia felt sick to her stomach. Yes, these men were clean and well outfitted. They seemed spirited and eager to get to the battlefield. But she couldn’t help thinking about their destination. Fighting, killing, or perhaps meeting death itself. How many of the men now writhing in pain at the hospital across town had marched off in the same manner? “I wish I could tell them to turn back.”

  Jane stopped waving at them and turned to look at Camellia. “What?”

  “Don’t you see? Your own brother is amongst these soldiers. Aren’t you worried about him? How many of these handsome men will return to Vicksburg? How many of them will soon be nothing more than corpses lying on a blood-soaked field?”

  “That’s not something you should be thinking about right now. Think about the v
ictory they will win for us.”

  Camellia shook her head. “Whether the army wins a victory or not, many of these men—perhaps even Thad—will come back to us with grievous wounds … if they return at all.”

  “I knew it!” Jane grinned at her. “You’re in love with Thad.”

  She couldn’t believe her friend had drawn that conclusion from her words. “I am not in love with your brother. I’m only worried about him like I am about all of these men.”

  “I don’t care what you say. I know the truth.” Jane stuffed her handkerchief back into her sleeve. “You’re only angry with him because he doesn’t want us to continue going to the hospital. But don’t worry. You’ll soon change his mind.”

  “I don’t want to change his mind because I’m not in love with him.” Camellia’s temper rose in reaction to Jane’s teasing and her concern about all of the soldiers. She clenched her jaw and pointed a finger at Jane. “And if you make comments like that to him, you’ll be leading him to believe something that is completely, absolutely, totally false.”

  Jane lost her smile. “Are you trying to throw me off by denying your feelings?”

  “No. I am telling you the truth.” Her irritation faded as she saw the hurt look in her friend’s eyes. “Look at me, Jane. You know me better than most. Do I look like I am lying to you?”

  They locked gazes, and Camellia tried to communicate all of the frustration and sadness she felt. A part of her would like to fall in love with Thad, but that was the old Camellia, the girl who wanted nothing more than a pampered lifestyle as the privileged wife of a planter. Now she knew she wanted more from life. She wanted to make a difference. And being married to someone like Thad would prevent her from even trying to reach her goals.

  Jane sniffed. “I suppose not.”

  “Good. Then please respect my feelings.” Camellia put an arm around Jane’s waist. “I care for Thad like a brother, not as the man I want to marry.”

  “Are you in love with someone else?”

  The question caught her completely by surprise. All of a sudden she could see Jonah Thornton’s green eyes, auburn hair, and crooked grin. She could almost hear his distinct New Orleans drawl and feel his hand touching her cheek right before he kissed her. She tried to banish the memory and concentrate on answering Jane, but it was no use. Her cheeks flamed.

  Jane’s gaze sharpened. She stepped back and frowned. “You are! Who is it? You cannot hide it from me. Is it one of the doctors at the hospital? Is that why you are so anxious to keep going there?” Her mouth dropped open. “Or is it one of our patients? It’s that tall, dark-haired, extremely handsome captain. What is his name …? Oh, Luke Talbot.”

  Relieved that her friend had not discerned the truth, Camellia shook her head. “Of course not. He’s married. Didn’t you see the pretty girl who came to the hospital to visit him? I hope he doesn’t have to lose his leg.”

  One of the passing soldiers called out to them, and Jane let the subject drop. As she waved to him, Camellia’s mind whirled. She suspected the interrogation was only postponed, and she would have to do a better job of guarding her heart if she was going to keep her feelings a secret. At least until she sorted them out for herself. She didn’t love Jonah Thornton, did she?

  She couldn’t. It had to be a mistake. Maybe it was because he’d kissed her. That had to be the explanation. She felt connected to him because he’d taken advantage of her … twice. No longer seeing the waves of young men marching past them, Camellia rubbed the back of her hand across her mouth. She would eradicate whatever connection might have been forged between them. It couldn’t be love. Could not. The last time she’d seen Jonah, they had argued like a couple of children. She had barely thought of him since then.

  As the parade of soldiers dwindled, she began to feel a little better. Jane turned back to the front door, and Camellia followed her inside. If her silly heart insisted on maintaining a connection to the wrong man, she would take one of the herbs in her bag for purging impurities. She had no other choice. Because no matter what her feelings might be toward Jonah Thornton, she was certain he felt nothing but disdain for her.

  “Why don’t they surrender?” Lily tossed the newspaper on the table and pushed her chair back. She was so worried about Camellia. Why had she let her sister and Mrs. Watkins convince her that the area would be safe? If she ever got Camellia under her wing again, she would not let her out of her sight until the war was over … if ever.

  Blake shook his head. “The Confederates know that losing Vicksburg will split their forces in two. They will be a house divided.”

  “But they cannot win against Grant’s forces. They may have the upper ground, but he can starve them. And I don’t doubt that he will if he is forced to.”

  Aunt Dahlia, sitting on the opposite side of the table, moaned. “You should have brought the girl back here to me. I always knew your traipsing all over the country with your sisters would come to no good end. And now poor Camellia is paying the price for your stubbornness.”

  The words should not have come as a surprise to her. Aunt Dahlia would never approve of her unconventionality. Uncle Phillip was nodding his agreement with his wife’s condemnation. She supposed they had forgotten how her decision to operate a successful steamship had helped support their lifestyle here at Les Fleurs.

  “You cannot blame Camellia’s situation on Lily.” Grandmother sent a disapproving glance at her daughter and son-in-law. “The girl was determined to stay with the friend she made at that fancy finishing school that you encouraged her to attend.”

  “She’s in love with Thad Watkins.” Lily tried to push herself up from the dining chair, but her protruding abdomen made the maneuver impossible.

  Blake and Papa both saw her difficulty and moved to assist her.

  “Thank you.” She managed a shaky smile for their efforts. Taking a deep breath, she turned her attention back to her aunt. “While Captain Watkins is not the man I would have chosen for my sister, I know he and his family will do everything in their power to keep Camellia safe.”

  Aunt Dahlia’s face was pinched with worry. Lily knew she should be more sympathetic. Camellia had always been her favorite of the sisters. Lily was too plain, and Jasmine’s black hair and violet eyes were too exotic for acceptance into the highest levels of local Natchez society. Camellia’s blond curls, creamy complexion, and cornflower-blue eyes made her the perfect candidate. If the war had not come along, she had no doubt Camellia would have been the most popular girl in the city.

  “I think you should go after her.” Aunt Dahlia’s suggestion was like an arrow through her heart. “Put that boat of yours to good use for once.”

  Blake put an arm around his wife’s shoulders while speaking to Aunt Dahlia. “I think you have lost your mind.”

  Both Aunt Dahlia and Uncle Phillip looked shocked, but Lily could feel a bubble of laughter trying to escape her throat. Trust Blake to support her even though he’d argued against leaving Camellia in Vicksburg. She leaned against his shoulder and sent him a thankful look.

  “The Confederate batteries will shoot at anything that is moving up or down the river right now. When we passed through that area in March, things were already perilous. The only thing we could accomplish by taking the Water Lily to Vicksburg is to get her rammed or shot to pieces.”

  Grandmother cleared her throat to gain their attention. “Maybe her brave Confederate officer would escort her to Natchez if you sent a request.”

  Now Aunt Dahlia looked scandalized. “I hope you’re not suggesting that she travel alone with a man. Her reputation could never survive such scandalous behavior.”

  “I’m not as worried about her reputation as I am her life.” Lily rubbed her belly with a gentle hand as the baby inside shifted. “I would feel much better if she were here with us, but I don’t see how we can accomplish that right now.”

  Papa returned to his place at the table. “We’ll have to leave it in God’s hands.”

 
Lily nodded. “You’re right as always, Papa. God will protect her as He does all of His children.”

  She had spent a great deal of time talking to God about her concerns as the situation worsened over the past two months. He had not answered her prayer with words, but His peace brought her some comfort.

  Still, it was hard not to worry as they followed the progress of the battles taking place to their north. According to the reports of the local newspaper, General Grant had burned a swath through the countryside, isolating Vicksburg from all hope of support. After two unsuccessful assaults, he had decided to lay siege to the city. Lily could not begin to imagine the conditions her sister was experiencing.

  “I think you need to lie down for an hour.” Blake’s voice tickled her ear.

  Wondering how she would ever relax enough to sleep, Lily allowed him to lead her from the dining room. “Do you think we could get word to Captain Watkins?”

  “I doubt it.” His gaze was kind. “But I have thought of someone who might be able to help.”

  Lily stopped walking. “Who?”

  “The Thorntons’ youngest son, Jonah.”

  “Jonah? I doubt he would be any use to us at all.”

  The look in Blake’s eyes told her he knew something she didn’t.

  Lily stomped her right foot. “Tell me.”

  He shrugged. “Eli told me he joined the Union army. He’s currently with Grant’s army and may be in a position to reach Camellia.”

  Excitement and hope coursed through her blood. Lily threw her arms around her husband, hugging him as close as she could with the baby between them.

  A pang caught her by surprise, and Lily tensed.

  “What is it?”

  Blake’s voice seemed to come from a distance as yet another pain struck, stealing her breath with its strength. Lily doubled over and grabbed her abdomen, trying to keep her composure as the truth became apparent to her. “You’d better send for the doctor. I think the baby’s coming.”